She has contacted me.

[friscodj]

I've seen and lived many, many, many situations like this. The ingredients are all the same: you don't want to "lose" her, you feel the consolation prize of contact and a friendship is better than nothing in your mind, you just want to be in her life so bad, you just can't accept truly "losing" her. Because of all this you plan, strategize, read waaaaaaay more into the situation than she is, you get wrapped up in this, making all the "right moves" to "keep" her in your life, where you have an opportunity to "win" her back.

 

I've done this, seen this, a lot. Your situation is very common.

 

With that said, in light of what everyone has said and your persistence with your feelings, keep going. I believe you need to live and see this yourself, and you need the frustration, the exhaustion, the turmoil of such a situation to supersede your desire to with her. She is very much gone already, but your denial is so powerful right now, it is generating these oases in your emotional desert right now that contact with her will ease your pain.

 

Essentially, you are stuck in denial without question, I am 100% sure of this. Your first choice of action is to see what's going on and know how these situations play out and affect you. If you don't have that basis of knowledge from firsthand experience, you have no other option but to get that experience.

 

So keep going. Keep chasing, waiting, hoping, strategizing. You'll hurt, but you'll heal and you'll learn. The wisdom you will gain, the depth of such made more so by living this yourself, will be invaluable experience and knowledge base for you for the future.

[CP4Life]

I understand what your trying to tell me. I need to experience these feelings for my future to learn the mistakes and become a better person. One other reason why I still have faith, trust in God, believe in myself, believe the relationship isn't over because I have enough strength to carry on no matter what happens.

 

With no contact, no interest...I do believe a chance is given for everyone to hold and to believe first love is never gone so quickly. If she knows she has a chance to lose me, maybe things will turn around because she knows right now I could wait forever but she needs to know that won't happen as much as I like that to happen. She needs to know she has a chance to lose me so she can realize what she might lose.

 

I do believe by any means, I'll have another opportunity to be with her or to get close again to share feelings. Being positive and faithful can lead anyone to good deeds and opportunities. Many people might say its over but I believe its not, as time goes by and first love last a lifetime...as long as she is hear for my eyes to see, anything is possible. Feelings do come back often and realizing what happen just takes that one little thing to pop in her head or heart to know she had made a mistake letting go something she truly loved. But until then, I do wish her the best and a happy life.

 

I don't know if its just me but I think being positive is the way to go. Having faith, trusting God, and believing in yourself leads to many great things. I believe opportunities are given for ones who ask for them.

 

As I go on in my life, there will always be faith/hope in the back of my mind that one day, she'll be mine to hold but if that never happens, I'll still go on with my life.

 

Thanks to everyone here who has given me so much knowledge that I never had before. Wishes and Dreams aren't crazy...keep believing in your wishes and dreams and maybe one day, you'll get an opportunity to make it come true.

[friscodj]

The only thing I have to say is keep going with this.

 

You sound a lot like me my friend when I went through my first serious break up. I thought and did everything you said here, everything. It is shocking.

 

Keep going. No one could talk me out of doing everything I could to get her back and I can see you are the same way. Keep going. I did and I learned so much about life, love, relationships, women, and maybe more importantly myself. This is such a valuable education you can't get from a classroom, books, websites, other people. Words can't convey what you will go through, what you will see, what you will realize.

 

Keep going. And you are right, there is a chance. It is possible but certainly not probable. But regardless of that, you are going to get one of the most important educations in your life here. Don't cheat yourself out of that gift of self-discovery, regardless of the outcome of this. There is no abuse here, no violence, nothing really restrictively and permanently dangerous. Keep going.

[CP4Life]

Alright thanks. Kind of like, "fight for what you believe in"

 

Well, I hope it turns out to be good.

[friscodj]

Well, I hope it turns out to be good.

 

It will, I guarantee it. It might be in the way you desire, or it may be in another way you may not realize as a benefit until some time later. Regardless, you're going to come out of this better than how you went into it in some way.

[blender]

Do whatever feels best for you... I certainly understand your "fears" about losing her alltogether..that is understandable.. but remember that she also runs the risk of losing a great guy like you too... and friscod is right.. you have to do what you do, and you will learn so much about yourself through this process.. remember to try to include the "facts" with the "feelings" when making your decisions.. best of luck, blender

[CP4Life]

It will, I guarantee it. It might be in the way you desire, or it may be in another way you may not realize as a benefit until some time later. Regardless, you're going to come out of this better than how you went into it in some way.

 

Thank you guys!

 

I'm actually talking to her right now about the relationship. I told her something she wrote to me awhile back to remember the way she felt about me because I was wondering and I think she still loves me but won't admit it. She is confused right now, probably because she is young.

 

But its helping! Thank you!

[CP4Life]

She got a little mad talking about the relationship so I back down. I don't want to ruin anything anymore, I already talked about the relationship before. She just a little confused right now I guess.

[friscodj]

Keep going CP. Just remember what you are seeing here and what is happening, what you are doing, what she is doing, the direction of the situation, her feelings, and your feelings. Soak it all in, make the most of this.

[CP4Life]

Keep going CP. Just remember what you are seeing here and what is happening, what you are doing, what she is doing, the direction of the situation, her feelings, and your feelings. Soak it all in, make the most of this.

 

False alarm, I thought she was mad because she texted a "!". She said she wasn't mad, she was confused about her feelings.

[CP4Life]

Well...we had a good hour talk. Talk about memories and old stuff and whats happening now. Didn't talk too much about the relationship because she said she is confuse right now. We are going to hang out either wednesday or thursday. I think then if we go back to my place, I might talk about it if its the right time but if not, then we'll talk about it later.

 

Thanks guys...

[CP4Life]

Hi there,

 

I understand your urge to keep in contact but please do consider keeping to a minimum these "trips down memory lane" convos with an ex.

 

I only say this bc while such conversations give us *temporary* satisfaction, they can aggravate our frustration over the breakup and keep us from moving on.

 

Convos with an ex can only help when they have a clear direction; reminiscing about the past, while sweet, can actually create more pain due to its futility.

 

Just a thought.

 

Take care.

 

Thank you, I'll actually keep that in mind. I guess this break up of ours has to go back to when we first met. Meaning, how we started to date. Bonding and talking about whatever, getting to know each other better.

 

She did ask me this, "So has any girls been talking to you?" I said no. She goes, "Thats weird." I go why is that weird? She says, "Because you are a cute guy." I go oh really, thanks. She says I'm an attractive person. So I ask from 1-10, how attractive I am? She says 10 including who you are. So the whole me was 10 she says. I struggle to say this but never said this, I really wanted to say, "So can this attractive person go out with this very beautiful girl?" I couldn't say it because I didn't want to ruin anything or something. Why would she ask me this? She just curious or wants to make sure no other girl is trying to put a move on me?

 

She confuse but I could tell even though she won't admit it, she still loves me.

[tray25]

She is asking you that because she feels excited when she is jealous. It invokes a feeling in her she can't stop, and you go and say "no". So that knocks that down. She is playing games with you. She has you wrapped. This reminds me of my youth. I wish you guys would know what I know now. The more you treat her bad, the more she will like you. Stop this emotional play by play. Be a man and tell her "If you don't want to be with me, peace out". Jesus christ, will somebody give this kid some real advice?

[CP4Life]

She is asking you that because she feels excited when she is jealous. It invokes a feeling in her she can't stop, and you go and say "no". So that knocks that down. She is playing games with you. She has you wrapped. This reminds me of my youth. I wish you guys would know what I know now. The more you treat her bad, the more she will like you. Stop this emotional play by play. Be a man and tell her "If you don't want to be with me, peace out". Jesus christ, will somebody give this kid some real advice?

 

I know what you mean and I would do that in a second but I fear of losing her altogether and sorry, I can't take that risk. Probably because she is my first love, first everything. I would say that if I know I still had a chance at the end or I wouldn't lose her altogether. I also know that if she has me wrapped around her fingers, she would take a long time. But for some reason, she seems different. She is young and I don't think she is doing that but I'm not sure. It seems like she isn't because she doesn't really have that experience to begin with.

[blender]

She could be saying things about you and other girls to make it clear to you that you are free to date others, as she is as well. She obviously thinks you're a great attractive guy, but she is not willing to work on the relationship as a couple, and as long as you are honest with yourself about all this then you have to keep asking yourself some self reflecting questions:

 

"why am I choosing to stay involved as her "buddy" when it causes me frustration and resentment?"

 

"why am I willing to walk on eggshells and not express my true feelings because out of fear, I think it would push her away or might make her mad, what kind of real relationship am I putting my energy into here?"

 

"Am I making choices that are self respecting of my own feelings, and am I honestly okay with this "just friends" scenario?"

 

Do the answers you come up lead to an honest conclusion about an alternative way to handle this so you can heal your heart, and regain your strong sense of self.. doing so is the most empowering, attractive and healing choice..although it's the toughest one, sometimes the "right" thing to do for ourselves is the most difficult at times...but so worth it in the long run... so ask yourself this instead:

 

"Should I start dating other girls, so that I might explore and find I can be my true self with someone who IS willing to put as much energy into me as I am into them?"

[l9grl]

I just read through the thread.

 

This is how a lot of us sound/write when we're deeeeep in denial...especially after that 'first' relationship ends. *sigh*

 

It's sobering to read it...

[CP4Life]

Ok, I need just a little help. With all the faith, hope, and what I believe in, I still cryed some today. Its hurt and there was a point where my whole body started to feel weird, I never felt that before...it was weird.

 

Anyways, for some reason my friend wanted to text my ex because he wanted to help me out which I said no but he still did.

 

She said, "how is he doing, is he over me?". My friend says, "hes doing alright I guess, he doesn't talk much anymore and I don't know if he is over you. Do you want me to ask?" She says, "No, he'll probably get emotional."

 

So does anyone have any clue what that might mean? I'm not sure but I can't handle this pain anymore and want to stop playing these games. She was crazy about me and I didn't do anything to end our relationship. I don't deserve this pain and I seriously don't want to move on and let her go because I guess I'm just in deeeep love. But what is she trying to say? Or it doesn't mean anything...

[tray25]

Okay, I want you to listen to me. Stop listening to feminist BS. Now listen.

 

"no, he'll probably get emotional". This is the killer. She is gone. She sees you as weak, crying, and wussy. She has no respect for you as a man. Women are NOT attracted to emotional men. Do you understand that? They pity and spit on emotional men. They want strength, determination, courage, and character. If you don't change soon, she is gone for good. Are you not seeing this? She wants a man, not a boy. You are being a boy. You CAN change this. You can sack up and man up. I know what you are going through. I know it hurts. But listen to me, the only way to get her back is to move on and tell her good bye. Her statement is a killer. I need you to understand that women are not attracted to this at all. No matter what they say, they don't want nice doormats. They want kind men who can move on with their lives and get other women WHENEVER he wants. No matter what age, women want this. Don't listen to feminist version of dating. Be strong, move on, she will come back.

[CP4Life]

Thanks, but I haven't shown her my emotional side anymore which is why she says that because the last time she saw me I showed it but I learned not to show it anymore. We are supposed to hang out on thursday so I do need to show I'm stonger, happy, and ready to move on if she don't want me anymore. It is hard and will be hard.

[tray25]

Your friend just showed her your emotional side. He should say "He is having a blast, the guy is happier than I have ever seen". This will make her go "what the hell?". Stay strong little brother. As long as she knows you can move on, or get some other girl, she WILL come back.

[CP4Life]

Your friend just showed her your emotional side. He should say "He is having a blast, the guy is happier than I have ever seen". This will make her go "what the hell?". Stay strong little brother. As long as she knows you can move on, or get some other girl, she WILL come back.

 

Thanks, I'll tell my friend that because he is trying to help me which I said no but he is trying to talk to her. Maybe because he is a little reason why we broke up.

 

Is that why she ask me on the phone if any girl has came on to me yet? Was she curious and hoping I was still free for her or just wanted to know whats happening in my life?

[tray25]

She asked you that to see if anyone swooped you up yet. If you see someone else, she will get worried, upset, and think twice about what she did. If you wait around, she never will. Here is the bottom line;

 

Women place a very high value on something they can't have or are afraid of losing.

 

If she knows you will always be there depressed about this, she will never come back. If you move on you have 90% chance. But remember, she may never come back, but do you want something that wants another man? Hell no. She asked you that question because she WANTS to feel jealous, she wants to think that the guy she broke up with may have been the one. The only way she will know that is if she feels like she screwed this one up. Complete change of character. From here on end, you have the attitude of "Hey it wasn't meant to be, I'll see you on the other side", "I tried, didn't work, good bye".

[CP4Life]

Alright, I do agree. Strength, Happiness, and showing her she might lose something she'll regret and wish back. I think your right about if she sees that, she'll wonder and realize she made a mistake and might come back. All I know is that this Thursday and her family party, I'm having me a good time being really happy like never be for.

 

Alright thank you, anything else you know that could help some more? I just gotta tell my friend if he ever talks to her again, say I'm great and happy.

[tray25]

But remember to show your friend that too. You can't fake this. You have to have this thought in your head like "Listen, I tried my ass off with this girl, it just didn't work". Sometimes, the best thing to say to a girl, is nothing at all. So tell him thank you but no thanks. If you want something done right, do it yourself. I went through hell with my ex. I was tripping like you. But then I realized, no matter how hard I try nothing worked. When I didn't try, she came back and wanted contact. Always think of yourself as a strong man who can accomplish anything with or without a woman. When they see this, they are attracted to it. They want to be a part of that. You have a lot of work to do. You have to become a strong man so that you can take care of yourself and everyone around you. Do you think successfull men sit around and cry about girls? Hell no. Its natural but you are young. The sooner you stop this, the more you will be happy for the rest of your life. People will say, "he is young, so let him go through a couple of these". You should say "One is enough, lets not get hurt again". If you really want this girl, do what I say. If she comes back, great. If not, did you really lose something that was yours?

[CP4Life]

Thank you. This might be hard to do but I think I can do this, I think this is the best way. I sure don't want to feel this pain again so this experience is teaching me a lot for future and what to do. I was a great guy to her, I know I'm a great guy so if she comes back, she'll be lucky and happy. If she doesn't, she'll regret it and its her lose. Thank you!

 

Strong man! Happy man! = Wanted man!