Belle Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I opened my email this morning to a surprise email from the ex. I opened it without even thinking. It's been a long time, I saw a familiar name and I simply opened it. And there he was again. Saying pretty much teh same things he said the last time we spoke. The only difference is that he's now moved twice since we broke up, and he's actually apologized for hurting me, admitted he was immature and irresponsible, and said I deserved better. It was a short relationship, but pretty intense from teh get go. Because he was deceitful, I have had a hard time trusting the guy I'm dating now. Not because of one person. Because he was a good guy, and if I can't trust my gut with what's supposed to be a good guy, who can I trust? He's still the sweet, self effacing, unstable guy I dated. I know he still has feelings for me. I knew he would contact me again. We shared more intimacy in the few months we knew each other than I've had in lengthy relationships. The surprise was that halfway through the email, the emotions came back and I starting crying. I thought I was completely over him. Maybe I am. But I realized I haven't forgiven him for lying. I take it out on teh guy I'm seeing now to a certain extent, and I'm testing him a lot. I want to forgive my ex. I feel the only way I can move forward and have anything healthy is if I do this, I just don't know how. I'm not sure if he just selfishly wanted to relieve himself from his guilt or if he's trying to reach out to me again. If he is doing the second, why now? It makes no sense. We live on two sides of the country now. He moved to one of two places that I told him I'd consider moving with him to. But that time is over. I'm giving my consideration to the guy who's hanging in there, even though I try to push him away to see if he has any staying power. Even though I'm not sure if it'll work out. He and I didn't click as quickly as my ex and I did, but that didn't work out so I'm not trusting the immediate connection anymore. It's funny how it's been over a year and he writes when I start dating someone else. Seems to always happen that way. Link to comment
jettison Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Belle, I think that our ex's always seem to reach out to us when they sense that we may not need them anymore. My ex did that like clockwork. On the other hand, I dated this woman once, and I didn't treat her very well in hindsight. I definitely took her for granted. She said "I'm in love with you." I responded with "No you're not... you're just in lust." We broke up. It was a short but intense relationship. About 5 months went by, I had already been through another relationship, and I just decided to call her out of the blue. She seemed so happy and at peace, and I was so excited to talk to her. I think we probably talked for a half an hour. The entire time I was thinking "Wow, how did I ever let her go?". At the same time, I was excited for the prospect to see her again. At some point, I heard a voice in the background. I asked "Who's that?" She answered with "Oh, that's my boyfriend." After I hung up the phone, I was a complete and total wreck. Now that I imagined I could no longer have her, and that she was no longer hung up on me, I wanted her soooo bad. Sometimes, human nature is like that. I was pretty young when this happened, but I remember learning that lesson pretty vividly. You never really know what might be going on inside an ex's head. Link to comment
Belle Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hi Jettison, Loved your avatar. Feels vaguely familiar. Yeah, I don't know what's going on inside his head. When I consider whether I'd want to give it a shot if it didn't work out with the current guy, I still dont' want it. However, I do want to talk to him again. I do want to forgive him. It won't be easy. I'm going to sit on it for a while. He hurt me, but it feels good that he doesn't have a hold over me anymore. He actually called me an "option". And yeah, what you experienced I've done to other guys. They see that I'm doing fine without them and am happy and they want to try again but it's always too late. It seems the very fact that you dont' want them back makes them want you more. People are strange. Link to comment
jettison Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I know how much that sentiment is true. It is so easy to take someone for granted, and it's so easy to convince the one you're into that they need to be taking your for granted. Cruel, cruel world. Link to comment
devast Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 This really is a crazy world as it seems... I am not sure if it is human nature... "we want someone who is not into us"... During attraction stage: many nice woman fall for a jerk, so as nice guys fall for superficial girls... After break-up: dumpee begs, plead etc for the dumper... After moving on: Dumpee moves on seems like most dumpers sense this and panics start disturbing the dumpee, trying to make connections... HAHAHA... ironic Link to comment
laugher Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I happen to like ironic..it allows me to wake up with a smile on my face Link to comment
Belle Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 "we want someone who is not into us"... your whole scenario is a lesson that people should really think about what they want before they make a decision to break up. I did the breaking up when I found I was being taken for granted. I could see the writing on teh wall. In my experience, it was always the best thing and looking back I don't regret a single breakup. Some of the dumpees have regretted taking me for granted, others haven't. For me, the right person isn't going to take it for granted and will fight for it. Not come back after a month or two, realizing that he can't find someone better. The guy I'm dating currently has pulled Jettison's "I liked you until you liked me" and I tried to move on. He's fighting for it even though he's not exactly where he was when he was trying to court me early on. But he's not giving up so we'll see... I happen to like ironic..it allows me to wake up with a smile on my face I like ironic too. As long as I'm on the laughing end of the irony. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 belle...im in same boat as you today and i hold the same views on why ex could have possibly contacted suddnely this am. it seems the grass aint as green and he wants to be friends but im sorry im not gunna be his plan B because even as i read his message, i know of a profile of his under a false name on the lookout for women.... i didnt respond and i hope you dont to. it will prove nothing but the fact that they still have us on the end of a string should they grace us with their 'contact' ...let them get on with it. Link to comment
Belle Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 hi 1guy, Thanks for your post. I hear you about being plan B. He was right when he typed that I deserved better. He treated me like a backup plan and if you read my posts from a year ago, it was painful because he was soooo persistent in the beginning. Going from being treated like a princess to backup plan killed my ego. I may actually write him back. I've moved on and am a little curious to see what he's up to. I don't want to extend open communication with him but a light email letting him know things are good and happy to hear that he's happy is ok. He can't string me along. I realized that I cried yesterday because of its current day affect on me, not because I want him back. I don't. If I still had strong feelings for him, I wouldn't respond to his email because he's still the same person and nothing's changed. People just don't change. But realistically, I know that he's just not the one for me and whatever I thought we had was a fantasy. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 He was right when he typed that I deserved better. It has always been my opinion that when a man tells us we deserve better they know what they are talking about and we should listen to it. Link to comment
Belle Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 I couldn't agree with you more. Link to comment
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