fnlyfrei Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Should it be discarded when you marry? Or is it okay for your partner to keep it? Is it a red flag if your partner refuses to give it up or he/she hides it from you purposefully? Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 Not to go off-topic ellie..but is that a real bunny in your avatar? If so...I want one.... Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Let them keep it. But if they start calling numbers, then it's time to throw THEM away. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Should it be discarded when you marry? Or is it okay for your partner to keep it? Is it a red flag if your partner refuses to give it up or he/she hides it from you purposefully? Hmm, interesting. I certainly would not be entirely comfortable with it, but I would be more uncomfortable if they "refused" to give it up or was purposely trying to hide it from me. My partner and I have of course both retained things from previous relationships (photographs, cards, etcetera) and while I am sure neither would want to exactly delight in seeing them (though we know they aer there!), I would be more disturbed by a black book of MANY women (not as in previous example of mementos from long term relationships) that he was refusing to give up (as opposed to forgot about as in Ellie's example). On another note, I did not know people kept those anymore with the advent of cellphones! Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Hi Fnlyfrei, I think one's partner should have discarded it when they got engaged ... but that could be just me . I agree, completely. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 Umm...actually that's why called it "proverbial"....it is his cell. He got a new one, and was transferring his numbers from the old one onto the new one. I casually asked if had gotten around to deleting all his old girlfriends numbers yet...he first said nope, he still had some, then he caught himself and said that he had deleted them a few months ago. I know they are there...and I don't know why he would need them still. Am I a jerk? Link to comment
lunatic Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Well I think when it comes to getting engaged to be married that book should go in the shredder. There is no reason to keep a book of phone numbers of different females/males(depends on gender) while engaged. I would sit down with my SO and talk about the book and why it should be destroyed. If they blatantly refuse to do so then I would have a HUGE RED FLAG go up. That would make me rethink the engagement and marriage plans. To be honest I too thought the little black book went the way of the typewriter when Cell phones came about. lol Link to comment
lunatic Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Hahaha, here you go image removed HAHA TOO cute ellie! Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Umm...actually that's why called it "proverbial"....it is his cell. He got a new one, and was transferring his numbers from the old one onto the new one. I casually asked if had gotten around to deleting all his old girlfriends numbers yet...he first said nope, he still had some, then he caught himself and said that he had deleted them a few months ago. I know they are there...and I don't know why he would need them still. Am I a jerk? Ah okay, sorry I misread that then! Now that one...I don't know. I tend to keep numbers too...though I think I would save the time and discard those of people I did not talk to anymore! But there are some older ex's I may talk to again that I would keep. I don't think you are a jerk, I think you just feel strange about it...maybe more so as he lied about it? Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 You would think that by the time you were engaged..that you wouldn't have to have a talk about keeping/getting rid of the "black book" ..that that person would have already chosen to get rid of it on their own- no need.. my search is over..i found who i was searching for ..kind of thing. i would be concerned and it would bother me... i can understand what Raykay was saying about mementos...but actually ... programming the numbers from one phone to another phone.. is a lot of effort for nostalgia. or maybe i'm just lazy when it comes to programming things..lol Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 He probably lied about it because he knows I am on a razor-edge right now. I guess I don't blame him. But we do have some different veiws on friendships with exes. I just hope if he insists on those friendships, he can handle it if I do the same. He says it's a matter of trust. True. Link to comment
curbie Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 What's a little black book? "little black book" meaning - a book, cell phone or even pieces of paper, or files saved on your computer.....with phone numbers of girls or guys that are willing to "have some fun" or that you can "hook up with" on the side during a relationship. Of course you dont even have to be in a relationship either...this is called friends with benefits. (FWB) Or...as link removed calls it link removed Archaic term for the proper word: link removed . Name for a man's pocket directory of (hopefully) promiscuous women (i.e. link removed ). Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 Thanks for helping the young people out here curbie...by translating. Link to comment
curbie Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Thanks for helping the young people out here curbie...by translating. It's what I do best! The internet is full of information. You just gotta know where to look! Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Ya know..i didn't know the black book was just for errr umm booty calls... i thought it was for anyone you have dated.. or are interested in dating... well i guess i had the 1955 definition..lol Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Well I think when it comes to getting engaged to be married that book should go in the shredder. There is no reason to keep a book of phone numbers of different females/males(depends on gender) while engaged. I agree with hubman01. I'd want that thing in the shredder- or if it was a cell phone- I would want the #'s deleted. I just don't see a need for it. Even if a person is legitimately platonic friends with an ex- I feel that they do not need the ex's phone number programmed into their personal phone. Why not just put it in the main phone book that they share with their spouse? And if the numbers were of causal dates then I'd definitely not like my guy holding on to it. I would find it disrespectful more than anything else, even if I knew 100% that he'd never talk to those women again. I guess I'm a bit territorial. I would not want any of those #'s on my turf Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 He probably lied about it because he knows I am on a razor-edge right now. I guess I don't blame him. But we do have some different veiws on friendships with exes. I just hope if he insists on those friendships, he can handle it if I do the same. He says it's a matter of trust. True. Hey girl.... an eye for an eye. Sometimes thats the only way to get our SOs to understand, putting them in our shoes. Link to comment
StarLily Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Thanks curbie Haha I'm not that young, am I? I'm just not from the U.S. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 Thanks curbie Haha I'm not that young, am I? I'm just not from the U.S. It says you are 21. The same age as my oldest son. You are a baby ! Ahh the black book went paperless already...what's next !? Link to comment
dawn515 Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 Hey fnlyfrei, I don't know if I have any advice for you, but I felt compelled to reply to your post because I posted about this same thing some months ago. As with you, it only really bothered me when he got a new phone, yet felt the need to transfer numbers of exes, etc, (people he no longer even talks to) into the new phone. I mean, why? I've never outright asked him to delete them. You know, the whole thing about seeming jealous, insecure, or controlling? So, I don't know what he would say if I asked. Link to comment
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