silly NC question!

[frances]

concerning NC, LC and the whole "making your dumper to miss you" thing:

 

does it matter if you are online at MSN, myspace etc etc even if you don't contact your ex? i mean, is it more effectful not to be online at all than just not to contact your ex? does the dumper react more on that you are online without making contact than the fact that you are not online at all and are busy enough to not sit in front of the computer

 

yeah i know it's a silly question but hey, we all want to make our NC process as effectful as possible!

[SuperDave71]

Hey there,

 

First let me say...NC and LC is not JUST to make your ex miss you. NC is for you NOT them.

 

Frances...after reading your post....it seems as if you are missing the point. I oculd be wrong and I am sorry I didn;t mean to jump to conclusion if I did.

 

NC means EXACTLY that....NO CONTACT. Why on earth would you want to see them on line...pop on and pop off....wouldn;t be easier if you DIDN'T see them in ANYWAY?

 

When I was in yoru shoes years ago...I found it hard to even look at pictures of my ex...let alone anything else.

 

 

I wish you the best no matter what but I would personally delete them from your IM, NOT go to myspace..etc etc...you only making it harder on yourself.

 

Work on you.....if they come back WONDERFUL!!! if they don't..you will come out better on the other side regardless!!

 

 

Take care,

 

 

SuperDave71

[ranman]

dont think the point of nc is to make your ex miss you . but no you still have to have a life so go ahead and do your myspace thing and whatever you want . but if you do the nc thing you shoudnt go to his or her page it only makes it hard on you. and back to the missing you thing unless you where a complete jerk they miss you .

[jul-els]

I couldn't agree more. This is all about you being good to you. Take this time as an opportunity to move on with grace and dignity. Stay strong. Give it time. You will come through it a stronger, wiser, and better person!

[renaissancewoman101]

I can see why you are doing what you are doing. Contrary to what the others say, although NC is to heal yourself, a lot of people also do it as a way to entice the attention of the dumper. No one will really admit this, but deep down in one's heart, that has to be one of the goals/wishes when doing NC. Nobody is THAT altruistic NOT to have that also be a wish somewhere in the back of their minds.

 

HOnestly, I am not sure which way is better, to be online and ignore them, or NOT online at all. Maybe a mixture of both? I dunno. You should probably ask some of the dumpers that hang on here, they would probably have a better idea, but then dumpers dont usually hang on here either.

[Fineberg]

No one will really admit this, but deep down in one's heart, that has to be one of the goals/wishes when doing NC. Nobody is THAT altruistic NOT to have that also be a wish somewhere in the back of their minds.

 

I'd have to agree with that. I think I get scared every few days that go by without me hearing from her, but then I realize that I am holding onto a relationship that isn't there at the moment. I know she still feels something for me and that there is a possible future again for us, but there are still things to be sorted out on her and that will only happen with time and understanding. It doesn't mean that in the meantime I don't look forward to her making contact. Nice for her to SHOW she still cares, even if she knows I know she does. Get it?

[Vanilla Swiss Roll]

If you have an X on myspace, facebook, MSN messenger, AIM, or Yahoo Messenger or anything else online.....DELETE HIM/HER. ASAP! It's part of the NC healing process! If not....you're just going to be tempted to talk to that person again.

 

Maybe ask a friend of yours to change your password so that way you can't log into your messenger!

[WorkoutAddict]

but then I realize that I am holding onto a relationship that isn't there at the moment.

 

I am very curious, Fineberg. Are you on a temporary break? You seem to have the certainty that you two will be back together.

[Fineberg]

I am very curious, Fineberg. Are you on a temporary break? You seem to have the certainty that you two will be back together.

 

We were on a break, which evolved into a break-up about 2 months ago. BUT...I am confident my ex and I will have a go at another relationship together. Her and I are on great terms, I'm giving her plenty of time of NC to sort out her feelings. I will let her figure out for herself that her rebound is exactly that, a REBOUND. In the meantime, I have plenty of things about myself that I am improving in regards to school, work, a car, and eating better and losing weight. I've actually lost 9lbs in the last 2 weeks since she last saw me.

 

Now, I have faith in not only myself, but also in her to see me for who I am and what I am becoming, to open up her heart again after enough trust and healing, and realize that we've both come out of our past relationship as better people, that we still love one another, and it would be stupid NOT TO give us another chance.

[WorkoutAddict]

I wish what is best for you two. And if you give yourselves another chance, I hope that it works exactly the way you want it to, having learned from past mistakes and applying that knowledge to the renewed relationship.

[Fineberg]

Thank you for the kind words! I'll do my best.