redrose85 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 okay so my good friend asked me to write a letter of reference for her, she's trying to win a $5000 scholarship, and I really hope that my letter can make the difference so she wins it. The award is for people demonstrating perseverance, empowering others, and overcoming illness. Please please read and let me know what you think, how it can be improved, etc... thanks so much! I have known *** for three years now, and right away she demonstrated her humility and generousity by inviting me in when I was locked out in the rain. She gave me dry clothing, and a friendship grew from there. She is a prime example of someone going above and beyond their disease and illness, and is one of those rare people who take whatever life throws at them, to do their best to overcome it, and adapt to it. She is working with medical professionals to reach a solution, and despite delays with medical treatments, she remains optimistic. In the years that I have known her, she has gone from being healthy to being diagnosed with Chrohn's disease, and is now dealing with the myriad of other ailments that come along with her body and health being unbalanced. Despite this, she is as determined as ever to get a post-secondary education, to create a better life for her and her children. She is very intelligent and quick-witted, and continues to strive in University, excelling in her courses. Although her health has declined, she continues to push herself and do what needs to be done, even on days when anyone else would have given up. Watching her, makes me realize that you can get through anything, you just have to keep a positive mindset and deal with illness and setbacks one day at a time. Over the years, *** has overcome so many obstacles, and has been attending Malaspina University-College through winter, spring and summer since September 2005. The summer of 2007 will be the first season where she is not attending school or working. Her grades have barely wavered, despite the fact that she is a single mother of two small children, a precocious daughter and a son with some developmental delay. With this, she shows amazing perseverance and watching her me to go above and beyond as well. As I mentioned, she has attended University for years without a break until this summer, and she certainly deserves this award to put towards further funding her education, so when she asked me to write this letter of reference for her, I was glad to help, and I highly recommend *** for consideration for this award. sincerely, ***** (contact info here) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hi there. From the experience I have working for a college that gives out merit-based scholarships, I can tell you that it is usually wise if a letter of reference comes from a person that knows the applicant, not only on personal, but also on a professional level (such as an employer, a professor/teacher, an advisor, a mentor, community leader, or supervisor from an agency where a person has done volunteer work or community service, etc.) I'm sure you know your friend best and can speak to her character, but a letter of reference should be more professional and less personal. (Unless of course the scholarship application specifies that letter should come from a friend) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 it's supposed to be from a friend, her prof is doing the second letter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 it's supposed to be from a friend, her prof is doing the second letter Ok. (just checking) Then that makes sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zackinlaw Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Is it possible that you are giving them more information about her than she cares to share with them??? Zack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hey there, Wonderful letter, however, something is missing. I cannot place my finger on it. You mentioned she has been working with medical professionals. What kind of work is doing and what are her accomplishments? Also, I think the letter is tad bit personal. Perhaps just scrape just the surface of her personal life and focus more on her professional accomplishments and her character overall (which you have done beautifully). Other than that, I really do not see anything else to change. Good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zackinlaw Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Kellbell ... he is talking about her medical problems. That's why I am concerned that the letter provides too much information ... same with her marital/family status. Zack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Oh duh...I see that now. LOL:splat: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 These are edits that I would recommend, otherwise I think it's good It is with great enthusiasm that I recommened *** for (give specific name of scholarship and agency) I have known *** for three years now, and right away (replace "right away" with " from the moment I met her") she demonstrated her humility and generousity by inviting me in when I was locked out in the rain. She gave me dry clothing, and a (replace "a" with "our" ) friendship grew from there. She is a prime example of someone going above and beyond their disease and illness, and is one of those rare people who take whatever life throws at them, to do their best to overcome it, and adapt to it. She is working with medical professionals to reach a solution, and despite delays with medical treatments, she remains optimistic. (This sentence is confusing....and needs context. You should either lead into it with your sentence about the Chrohn's disease in the next paragraph, or add this sentence to the next paragraph somewhere) In the years that I have known her, she has gone from being healthy to being diagnosed with Chrohn's disease, and is now dealing with the myriad of other ailments that come along with her body and health being unbalanced. Despite this, she is as determined as ever to get a post-secondary education, to create a better life for her and her children. She is very intelligent and quick-witted, and continues to strive in University, excelling in her courses. Although her health has declined, she continues to push herself and do what needs to be done, even on days when anyone else would have given up. Watching her, makes me realize that you can get through anything, you just have to keep a positive mindset and deal with illness and setbacks one day at a time. Over the years, *** has overcome so many obstacles, and has been attending Malaspina University-College through winter, spring and summer since September 2005. The summer of 2007 will be the first season where she is not attending school or working. Her grades have barely wavered, despite the fact that she is a single mother of two small children, a precocious daughter and a son with some developmental delay. With this, she shows amazing perseverance and watching her me (it seems a piece of a sentence is miss here?)- to go above and beyond (you already used the phrase "above and beyond" once- try substituting something else like "transcend bla bla" etc) as well. As I mentioned, she has attended University for years without a break until this summer, and she certainly deserves this award to put towards further funding her education . so when she asked me to write this letter of reference for her, I was glad to help, and (I would omit that piece of the sentence) I highly recommend *** for consideration for this award. sincerely, ***** (contact info here) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I am concerned that the letter provides too much information ... same with her marital/family status. Zack has a point. You should have your friend see the letter before you send it to be sure that she is "okay" with the info. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tylercdurden2004 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Personally it sounds a little too much. Tone it down a bit. You want to sell her excellence but make it seem like its a normal everyday thing. The letter tries to hard i think. Constantly referring to her diability in great detail makes that the selling point when it should be her. Slip the disability in as a side note and those reading will take note of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 thank you SO much for your help guys. I'm a bit rusty and prefer writing fiction lol. okay here is the new letter: It is with great enthusiasm that I recommend ** for (insert specific name name scholarship and agency here). I have known **for three years now, and from the moment I met her she demonstrated her humility and generousity by inviting me in when I was locked out in the rain. She gave me dry clothing, and our friendship grew from there. She is a prime example of someone going above and beyond their disease and illness, and she is very optimistic and motivated. In the past year, ** has been diagnosed with Chrohn's disease, and is now dealing with the myriad of other ailments that come along with her body and health being unbalanced. Despite this, she is as determined as ever to get a post-secondary education, to create a better life for her and her children. She is very intelligent and quick-witted, and continues to strive in University, excelling in her courses. She continues to push herself, and watching her is inspiring. She is the kind of person who reminds you that you just have to keep a positive mindset and deal with life's bumps and setbacks one day at a time. ** has been attending Malaspina University-College with full course loads through not only fall and spring semesters, but also the summer semesters.The summer of 2007 will be the first season where she is not attending school or working, and with this alone, she shows great perseverance. I highly recommend ** for consideration for this award to further her education. Sincerely, Sherry.* (contact info) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 I like this version MUCH better. I think it is great as is! Great job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 Aww she loves it, said it's PERFECT lol and cried. I made her cry (happy tears) lol Thanks again for all your help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Wish her luck for me. *crossing fingers* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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