flower99 Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Hi there, So I was tucking my 4 year old son in tonight we were talking having fun...than as I kissed him good night,he asked me almost in tears. 'Mommy, why when daddy asked to have me more did you say no???' I was shocked, I wanted to cry, I've done everything I can to work with his dad and can't believe he's involving our son in our problems.... I asked "where did you hear that?" he said that daddy told him that when they went fishing. I didn't know what to say. Everything I wanted to say, was he's a liar...but of course I don't want to bad mouth his dad. and especial don't want to involve him in our problem. I didn't know what to say?? i started to try to answer, but kept stopping myself, cause i just didn't know what the right answer what?? How am I to answer this. Court gave his father 2 days. his work takes him out of town 1 of his 2 days. I offered to work another contract out with to see him another day...he says we'll deal with it later. probably in court...but who knows when. So he's only been seeing him 1 day a week now & he's telling our son it's because I won't let him. How do i answer his question properly?? or do i? Link to comment
Diablo7000 Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 it is a lie tho if he's telling your son that YOU wont let him have him more, as for answering, thats a tough one.. especially on how to put it in terms for a 4 year old to understand, sorry on this one, i hope everything works out, but i say you should really just try to keep your son univolved like you're doing, probably for the best i would think.. sorry i don't have more, i even tried to put myself in his position and idk how i could possibly understand what your answer would be... Link to comment
musicguy Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 that's crap, your ex shouldn't be putting words into his head like that. Hopefully it passes and he won't remember what his dad said, but it's hard to talk to a 4 yr old about such adult things that are happening. Link to comment
flower99 Posted June 3, 2007 Author Share Posted June 3, 2007 thanks Diablo & musicguy, The thought of my son blaming me for this, scares me....but I don't want to call his dad a f** liar......though he totally is..... he blames everything on someone else...and this one is my fault.... I've asked his dad in the past to leave our boy out of it...but he doesn't see a problem with it, neither does his family. being a mom is hard.... this sucks...I don't know how to handle it...i just want to cry Link to comment
Diablo7000 Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 i can only imagin... lol sorry.. must b really tough on u, i'll keep u n prayers, and the situation, if he brings it up anymore, change subjects? if continues, i would let your lawyer no, but i wouldnt confront ur x, it'll look bad on your behalf... Link to comment
musicguy Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 the thing about this, is that your child, no matter if you guys are together or not, should not be taught or learn that one of the parents should be blamed for this or that. The child should learn that he/she is loved by both parents Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 I have a 4 yr old grandson and I was sitting here trying to think of how I would tell him if I was in your shoes. Probably the best way is to just explain that maybe daddy made a mistake, and that no matter what daddy loves him and mommy will talk it over to make sure that everything works out. Then you talk to daddy in private and you ream him for being such a jack@ass and just ask him nicely to please think of the baby and stop involving him. Sorry, getting a little pissed here. I hate when kids suffer at the hands of a bad parent. Link to comment
Diablo7000 Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 ya, thats good music, he's not gunna be able to choose at 4 whos better Link to comment
flower99 Posted June 3, 2007 Author Share Posted June 3, 2007 the thing about this, is that your child, no matter if you guys are together or not, should not be taught or learn that one of the parents should be blamed for this or that. The child should learn that he/she is loved by both parents, even though they aren't together I totally agree, that's why I bit my tongue and didn't say what I felt. I don't want my son to blame anyone or feel in the middle of this, I just want him to know he's safe & loved by so many people. Link to comment
flower99 Posted June 3, 2007 Author Share Posted June 3, 2007 I have a 4 yr old grandson and I was sitting here trying to think of how I would tell him if I was in your shoes. Probably the best way is to just explain that maybe daddy made a mistake, and that no matter what daddy loves him and mommy will talk it over to make sure that everything works out. Then you talk to daddy in private and you ream him for being such a jack@ass and just ask him nicely to please think of the baby and stop involving him. Sorry, getting a little pissed here. I hate when kids suffer at the hands of a bad parent. don't apologize I felt like that too...I only wish a ream out would work, but last time I tried to talk to his dad about talking to our boy about court stuff & related issues. he yelled, justified it & hung up on me. we've never agreed on what was healthy for our boy...big reason why we didn't stay together. I like that answer, thank you very much. it's very brief yet loving(not negative in any way) & gives an answer, that it will be work out. Thank you everyone, you guys are all a great deal of help.... I'm feeling better. Link to comment
Diablo7000 Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 lol sorry not much can come from an 18 y/o on this issue except sympathy Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Thanks.. I really hope things work out for you. Ur son is very lucky to have such a loving and thoughtful mom. Link to comment
flower99 Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 lol sorry not much can come from an 18 y/o on this issue except sympathy thanks diablo, you're a wise 18yr old, I appreciate your words & your sympathy Link to comment
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