Having feelings for a best friend who is straight...

[theoneandonly0708]

In short, this is about my best friend. My brother basically, who is always there for me and I hang out with the most. He was the first person I came out too, and is really the only true straight guy that is one of my close friends. I never had feelings for him, ever...

 

...At least not until this past weekend when my family and I brought him with us to Virginia. It actually had kind of "ignited", if you will, a couple weeks ago when one of my other friends had said some people think he may be bisexual or gay. I doubted it, because the whole other issue is that he is deeply in love with my sister, but my sister only sees him as a friend, and he has always clarified that he is completely heterosexual, which I knew...

 

But, on top of that, I noticed he had started to become more touchy-feely with me than usual. He also had talked about what doing it with a guy would feel like and that it would probably hurt. Another thing that he said was that straight guys sometimes get head from gay guys. But, at the time, I never really payed any attention to it.

 

So the touchy-feely thing kept going on and on. Then one night when he slept over, he was on the top bunk and I was on the bottom. He was sort of talking but I was starting to fall asleep and not really responding to him. Then he called out my name like twice and I didn't answer and he stopped. Then, all of a sudden, I started hearing my bed making this repetitive noise, and he was breathing pretty heavily. It then hit me that he was masturbating. Of course, I heard the whole thing go on, and the end. I was actually really nervous and couldn't calm down, my heart was beating like a mile a minute.

 

From that point on I had trouble sleeping whenver he slept over because I could always notice and listen for it, which most of the time, you would hear him doing it again. I thought it was kind of odd, but I pretended like I never knew about it. That is until Virginia, when we were sleeping in the living room downstairs, he had a blow-up matress, I had the couch right next to him. And I seriously heard him doing it again and like when I walked in the light was on, I could see the placement of his hand through the blanket and he was "moving it". The weird thing is that I didn't really get turned on about it, I was more getting this weird nervous, non-relaxed, uneasy feeling. So, the next night I had to bring it up, it took a while but he basically said he does it every night, that it helps him fall asleep. He informed me that he started to the night before but had not actually done it fully while down there yet. And he started asking weird things, jokingly, like why do you want to watch me? That would be just creepy. Or like want to do it together? That would really creep me out. And then like want to compare sizes? And stuff, but he would like end it with it being creepy. I didn't really say yes or no to any of those of course. He also shaved that hair thing under the belly button that he had, he is virtually hairless besides that one part. After shaving it, he wanted me to feel it like a bunch of times throughout the day. He has also like laid on top of me sort of, not fully, while having talks in my room. Sometimes, when I'm on the computer he will come up behind me and hug me and like kiss my forehead, which he did again in Virginia too. And would say I love you once in a while.

 

Anyways, aside from the sexual references, I don't know how or why, but I started to have feelings for him. I would get jealous when he was always around my sister and not me. So, this past weekend was extremely stressful. Especially because I never cared if he was touchy-feely with me, but the second I was he would be like stop your freaking me out.

 

However, he really cares for my sister. About 75-85% of our conversations are how he feels about her and stuff. But, I guess the last night we were down in Virginia, he told her how he felt, but she said he only viewed him as a friend, nothing more. I guess that made him really depressed and he cried that night. That was the same night I was fed up with him, because he was my sister practically the whole day and night and I felt like I was being used so he could just be with my sister, not me. The weird thing is, he usually talks with her a lot when he comes over, but, it never really bothered me until we were down there. I'm not exactly sure why. I also never had feelings for him, until I was down there. It's weird.

 

So, last night I IM'd him and had to tell him how I felt because he is my best friend and he kind of had an idea. He made it clear that he was not bisexual or gay and that he never would be. I told him that I want him to stop being so touchy-feely with me, because I take in a different way than you may think of it. I know he's straight, but I want my feelings to fade away from him so I don't feel that way and see him as my best friend, nothing more.

 

Any advice would surely be appreciated.

[Tigris]

I think you handled the situation very well.

 

Now you both know how each other feels.

[shorty4ever2]

Hey,

 

I agree that you handled it very well. It is also great to hear how supportive he is and how great friends you two are. First off, that is wonderful that you have separated your sexuality and your friendship when your with him, that is the best thing in the world. You said that you did start having feelings for him recently though, please please please try not to let these feelings get the best of you, you were doing so well. Whatever his whole idea on whether he is truly straight or not is not so clear cut, he prolly is heterosexual, but it really sounds like he may be questioning. I mean some of the things you mentioned he said and did around you is kinda funny. And, the reason you prolly felt so weird and akward about it is because you have tried to keep distanced from him that way, and he was trying to push you into something you were trying to avoid. Whether subconsciously or not, your akward feelings really goes to show that you really dont want anything more then just friends with him. All you are doing by allowing yourself to get feelings for him is just setting yourself up for a huge, huge letdown--trust me.

 

Anyway, just try to keep those newfound feelings aside, and just be friends. It sounds like you really have something great with this friend, and i'd hate to see anything happen to it.

 

Hope something here helps, if you need anything, feel free to PM me....Best of Luck!!

 

~shorty