upthecreek

maxmaster i read all that advice and it made me feel so much better until the end part.....so can you give me your thoughts on this please... you said let them know about "im ready to move on and ill aways be there as a friend "etc and i agree it would be a good thing but i called her probably to much in the ten months that followed our breakup (one day a good conversation next she was bitchy) then she cut me off as you read before.... you know i tried calling her a couple of times after she cut me off and she wouldnt speak to me even after leaving it for six months then a year and both times just leaving messages with her parents that i would just like to talk as friends (now its three years later) ...the last time i called her dad who i get on with he advised me she had moved out to live with her new boyfriend last year and that even they were shocked at the fact as she didnt have a lot of self confidence ...ever...but now im wondering if i should write her a letter saying what you said or wether it would do more harm than good... im sure she doesnt want me as a friend because she has said by being so i would always want more but i said to her that i never even got a chance to try... the other point you made was not making her feel that she didnt know how i felt in the future and because of this she might feel awkward of ringing me after all the crap that has happenned...if like you said on my thread maxmaster not to send this birthday card next month for her 30th...if she ever needed a friend in the future would she feel then that i dont care any more.... i think it may be my final chance to write a letter in the vein you imply....at least on my part it shows ive grown from my experience and can show a mature attitude to life now....at least i know IVE left it on a good note and if she wants to hate me ...well it will be her loss....damn that post was the best ive read ....i just hope i don't come accross as sad writing it three years later....i was with her for 6 though... it may have no effect writing this however i think if i wrote it now it may seem more thought out and genuine your thought would be appreciated lol

this is all good advice but im my situation i did the opposite and got what i deserved "cut me off" i now regret the actions i took and am working hard to change things about myself that needed to be worked on. one was my weight and i have lost over 3 stone 5 more to go for my goal another was not always listening but i think overall i was not happy with myself and i ended up taking it out on the one person i loved the most.... i have split over 2 and a half years ago and have wanted her to see the difference in me lately as i still love her with all my heart and i live with guilt everyday, because i made this situation for myself, i cannot bring myself to meeting anyone else but i dont know what to do as far as making her see the changes - as she now lives 30 miles away and not much chance of bumping into her. i feel she will always have in the back of her mind the way i was and will believe comments her mum made ie "he will never change". i resent that comment and will prove to her mum and myself that this is crap....my friends say that eventually i will bump into someone who knows her and they will see me the way i look now etc and will tell her but i just cant see this happening to be honest! i think now she is 30 and we had been together for 6 yrs during our relationship that the next thing i will find out is that she is having a baby or is getting married this will kill me inside which is why it is making me panick as to not leave it too long before the inevitable happens... i know she was one of these women who wanted to settle down by the time she was 30, she told me that, and i think i have lost any chance of ever talking to her again. i feel like she hates me! i miss her so damn much and there is nothing i can do but hope but i am also afraid that being 37 now if i wait to long i might miss out on other relationships. i suppose i dont know wether to move on with someone else at my age or wait it out another year to see what happens which would make it three and a half.... the last time i called her she hung up on me on her birthday last year and i havent tried since but she is so stubborn and i think with the abuse and things she said to me after we split on the phone she would find it very difficult to talk to me by way of picking the phone up as shes not one to say sorry and probably thinks its all my fault anyway! what do you guys think....?

thanks gee cee please see my new post which is bothering me at the moment i could do with your imput on this and thanks for replying to the last one and anyone who would like to comment its called "birthday card and no contact rule need advise" lol

i broke with my ex 3 yrs ago she met new guy straight away split with him a yr later met someone else a week later again and as far as i know is still with him. when we split i tried to talk to her and get her to reconsider and try to sort our problems out but she was just nasty to me every time i tried i think she was just angry at me ... and blamed me for all the arguments etc ... because of this i found out after we split she had been with another guy and was setting up another with help of friends for confidence and was seeing him behind my back in the last few weeks (the second guy) we were together for six years.. i feel like i lost my best friend when she met the second guy she cut all contact with me and i have been heartbroken ever since! i have tried to call her 3 times since the last time on her b day last year and she just hung up again even though i hadnt tried at that point for 6 months.... i have left it alone now for a year but her 30th birthday is coming soon and i don't know wether i should just send a simple card...my family think not as she never bothers and they think she would take it in the vein that i was still chasing her for more...i wont lie to you guys i would like to at least talk to her as a friend and i still hold feelings for her but i would rather have her as a friend rather than nothing but im afraid it would make the situation worse... some friends think eventually she would realise what she had done and return when she gets dumped but i dont know...should i leave this card or stick to the now "no contact" in the hope she may think ive finally gone ...i have changed a lot since we have been together for the better everyone keeps telling me but she doesnt know and probably will not get to know as she lives miles away i just wish we could talk now three years later... the other thing is if she ever changed her mind in the future and wanted to contact me even as a friend would she be frightened to thinking i don't care anymore as i didnt send her this bloody card got its so confusing please help me decide only a couple of weeks any thoughts would be appreciated!

i was dating a girl for 6yrs she was very shy and no friends ,very little confidence and self worth but in all that she was sweet and just needed a friend. i grew to love her very much and things were great for the first few yrs but she had problems which took its toll on our relationship! needless to say it was hard but i was determined it would get better and that i would need to stick by her no matter what. she eventually made a girl friend at work of the same age (29) and i was really happy for her as i felt it was a part of her life she needed. i was 30. however in the 5th yr my ex after knowing this person for about 1 yr herself things became weird! she stopped caling her and i found out my ex was getting grief from a teenager at work who picked on her and bullied her. and the teenager didnt like her friend as she always stuck up for my ex. to cut a long story short the nice friend left her company my ex made friends with the not so nice teenager and she never rang her good friend again! you will have to take my word for the fact that i knew for a fact what the two people were like! i didnt find out all this till months after it happenned when the nice friend called me to ask how my ex was! the teenager set her up with another teenager at work and we split up seven months after she dumped her good friend! i was gutted! even her mum admitted to me that she was bad news but they just let her get on with it... needless to say our relationship became **** in the last seven months we always argued and the more i tried the more she rebelled, she started to lie to me, and when we split a few months later i found out she slept with 2 people in the previous 7 months! this was someone who wouldnt say boo to a goose! the crazy bit was i still wanted her back - to me she had just been easily led and sooner or later she would realise that i was the only real friend she ever had....after all the things i helped her with, put up with for the greater good and then that! we talked on the phone once a fornight on average for about ten months but most occasions she would add a bitchy comment i was so determined to be nice and have a nice conversation but it never happenned however when i said i wouldnt call her any more because of this she said "dont be silly i dont mind you calling!" etc - this was doing my head in! it was a total character change from the day we split up!*she didnt send xmas cards or b day cards (we started dating on my birthday which didnt help) i did a lot of things just purely out of kindness for her family and her over the years but she would always say i suppose we will have to say thank you now! i explained to her i didnt do these things for points , but just because i wanted too for them and her as i loved her, but she never believed me! so i was a bit upset not to get a card from her family at least at xmas! she even told me she was deliberately nasty to me so i would tell her to sling her hook first! so i gave up! a month later she calls me to say she didnt want to lose me as friend! mmm i gave her the benefit of the doubt and called her a month later to see how she was getting on - to which i basically got "ive got more important things on my mind i have a long list of friends and they are all weird and i was bottom of the list i dont want you as a friend anymore bye!" for that month before i finally believed we would keep our friendship and i was really happy and was starting to move on and then that! months later i found out her tennage b/f and g/f went off together! and she then went out with a guy of 40 who was sleeping with the 18 yr old g/f ! she was my best friend then all this! one of my family died a couple of months later and i just needed a friend so i called her and she wouldlnt talk to me even after her dad "had a go" at her saying we had been friends for yrs...i was heartbroken, all relationships have probs but no matter what ....if one of my exes called me and said their family had died i couldnt just blank em...the past doesnt exist from that point you have to forgive and forget especially if the problems you had were never major and was just a breakdown over all!!..i was willing to forgive her after she slept with 2 people. but im finding it tough too now... 3 months later her family asked me for a favour to which i politely said i couldnt...my family couldnt believe the cheek. 1 yr later i called on her birthday but she hung up before i could get the words out and i never rung again! but i thought after leaving it and being over a 2yrs since we split surely enough time had passed to at least talk i suppose i just wanted to know why she was so uncaring... i mean she hangs up on me and yet she was the one the messed up mostly! my question to you guys after reading this is this...3 yrs later i have forgiven her and still miss her am i mad! i must say as far as the relationship was concerned i had faults as we all do but i really tried my family and friends think im better off without her and that she was selfish...i couldnt tell many people this story at the time as i was too gutted to be honest but i still find myself hoping she is ok and that one day she will be my friend and we can forgive each others faults and start again as friends! i know im gonna get a bashing now as i did from my family but i need some outside opinions. thanks for listening!