lizzie

I really appreciate your help. I'm a little confused how to detach. We live near each other and I am very close with his family. You said don't get back together even if he wants to and then went on to say that I should regain myself as that is the only way it may work out. When would it be time to get back together? I told him it wasn't fair for all 3 of us and he agreed. We are still friends. Do I need to tell him to leave me alone? We are friends now. Do we keep that going? In my opinion, it is a fine line between good friend and relationship. My gut feeling is that he gets things from me that he doesn't get from her. We both have businesses and discuss that alot. He says I am the only one that he can talk openly to. Do I take that away from him?

I appreciate the info. A little clarification. We have been on friendly terms for two years. The sex just started in August. I thought he was broken up with his girlfriend. It was the first time he said that their relationship was not "committed". It was around Christmas when I gave him the ultimatim. However, we did sleep together (after hours of discussion....). Since then we have just been "friends". For example,he took me hunting Tuesday. All this does not make it right. I know there are feelings there on both parts. Do you think it is even possible to get back together after all we've been through?

I have been broken up from the ex for 2 years. We have remained friendly and have had contact at least once a week since the breakup. It was a little hard at first, but now it is comfortable. He is still with the girl he got together with right after we broke up. I'm not sure what kind of a relationship they have, but everyone says it's nothing like what we had. About 6 months ago we became intimate again. Prior to that time we were not. I tried, but he always said no, because he was with someone else. Now, when we became intimate - he initiated it. We see each other "dating" in addition to sex, so I don't believe it is just a booty call. We are intimate about every 2 weeks and he stays all night and holds me tight all night. He is still with the girlfriend. It has been bothering me so I had a talk with him right before christmas. Told him it bothered me and wasn't fair to any of us. (I do not believe his girlfriend knows that we see each other. They have a rather casual relationship from what I gather) He agreed and said it bothered him too. We talked aboout it for 3 or 4 hours and then about 2:00 ended up in bed. That has been the last time we've been intimate, but we have seen each other just like before. Just the sex is missing and I'm not sure that it won't start again. I'm totally confused. I think he really cares for me, but maybe is afraid of commitment? I would love to be back together. I'm not sure where he is at. Any ideas?

I'm beginning to think we're talking about the same person!!! I went out of town yesterday and lo and behold - 3 phone calls!!! I think he keeps pretty good tabs on me and it drove him crazy yesterday to not know what was going on. I guess I have to use the mystery technique. Do you have contact with your ex? Do you contact him or does he contact you? Just curious. lizzie

It's really hard to sit back and be patient. I'm not sure what type of relationship he is in now - everyone says it's nothing like what we had. It is with someone he hsa known since she was a child. Even he says they have nothing in common. My personal opinion is that he is scared because he has strong feelings for me and keeps her there as a wedge so as not to get too close to me. Does that sould like your situation. I'm sure mine has some major commitment problems. It's never easy, is it? I'm hanging in there and hope you do too. lizzie

i'm in the exact same place as you. It's been 2 years for me too. I've dated some, but no one has really done anything special for me. The ex and I are friends. He went right into another relationship with a rather undesirable person. They are still together. I see or hear from him at least once a week and he is always doing nice things for me. About 2 months ago we became intimate again. Talk about throwing in the monkey wrench. Up until that time he would always say no because he was faithful to the new woman. When I'm honest with myself, I know that I stayed friends - thinking that things would work out between us. Two years is a long time. I don't know what is going now or if there is any hope. But, it's my life and I'm going to stay with it. I still think it is meant to be and I know he still has strong feelings for me. Who knows. I think you should not give up - but quit asking the questions.....maybe even back off a little and let him do a little wondering.....

I'm curious too. I agree that the rebound relationship starts before we think it did. Mine fell into a relationship right away, but admitted to having drinks with her prior to our breakup. Well, that was a year and a half ago. So, is it still a rebound relationship? I still see him at least once a week and we are "best of friends". He admitted that he can't talk to her but can talk to me. His family is sick about the relationship, as she is not from the "same side of the tracks". I just came from his nieces' wedding - yes, I'm still included in all family functions. He had her there and I could tell was a little nervous when he saw me. It hurt - I still think our relationship was meant to be. I crumbled inside - but now squared my sholders and am off to the reception to have a great time!!! What do you think? is there still a chance? Or would I just be the next rebound?

I just read through this thread - I can identify with both Majord and Determined. We have been broken up for 15 months - however he keeps contacting me - at least weekly. He has another girlfriend - and has since he broke up with me. He says he is in a commited relationship with her - but does not see her ofter. (Usually just at the bar she works at) - He keeps contact with me and states he has feelings for me. Can things still work out after this long? Also - I'm like Determined - I've held on because I feel he is the one in my heart. I've never held on like this before. Any suggestions or comments?

The does and don'ts are really helpful - how about some help for when they are with another person....including info about rebounds, contact or no-contact, be friends? etc.

Getstrong, I couldn't get logged on for a few days - so here's my update. I ran into the ex on Wednesday. I must say, I played my part very well - just like TOSG said. We had a 1/2 hour talk - he said he had been calling me and leaving messages - like 10 messages and I had not replied and that he was going to come over uninvited.... Well, like you - I thought things were looking up....but here it is Friday and I have not heard another thing. I did see the new girlfriends car at his house early this AM. Needless to say, my stomach is in knots and I don't know what to think. I am telling myself just to chill and continue with No Contact and not get upset......But I'm with you...how can they show feelings to two women? I know when I'm involved with someone thats it and I'm not interested in anything else. Or are they CPs?

I know just how you feel right now....excited, but scared....but more excited!! We must be twins. Prior to this no contact mine was coming over and it started with a quick kiss, then more passion. Although nothing has actually happened, he always brings up the subject.....like he wouldn't be opposed to it. I ask the same question...how can he be with "her" and act like this to me? What are you going to do now? I'm kinda nervous - this is the longest we have gone with no contact. It is odd. I know he is involved in a business venture with his girlfriend (he just bought a business and she is managing it) and they are probably spending a lot of time together. Of course, I should look at it that that might be just what it takes to kill the relationship. I'm just concerned, because he had come "so far back to me and now nothing.....What do you think, Getstrong? I think you're on your way back to a relationship. Keep it slow - and boy is that hard!!!

Hey Getstrong, How are you doing? Today was a really tough day for me - not sure why - I really miss him. No, he has not tried to contact me again since Friday. We have a year of history since the breakup and maybe he's just moving on. This is so unlike him. I also think it's going to be a hard week for me because it's valentines day next Sat. Knowing he has a girlfriend, I think a little of the friends thing might be good. I don't know. We really have not gone more than a week without him contacting me. By april we will have some unavoidable contact - think I should wait till then? He's been with the new girl for a year - I'm afraid that is getting too cozy. Can a rebound relationship last that long? Lizzie

I have tried no contact, half heartedly before. Remember, we've been broken up for a year, but he still keeps the contact. I think he may have a CP problem or insecurity - not good enough for me thus it couldn't last, because I really think he still has feelings. I finally got strong and won't play the game - I'm not going to be second fiddle and I'm not going to accept anything but a full blown relationship. I agree that no contact is the only way to go. I figure by the middle of the week he'll step up the contact attempts...and I only have to make it to the weekend as I'm leaving town for 2 weeks. It's great to have our little support group!

Well he called twice on Friday. I didn't take either call. I'd love to be a little bird and see what he is thinking.... It actually made me feel good to look at the phone - see who it was and not answer!!

You don't know how much help you all have been. Although we have been split up for a year - I have moved forward so much reading these posts. It's been 8 days since any contact - I feel great. Every thing that has been said is so true. In a way our individual relationships that we think are different than everyone elses are all cut with the same cookie cutter! It's all in attitude. I've had a great week. By the way.....my relationship with the ex is totally non-sexual since May.

I'm kind of in the same situation except that I am the Ex. He spends more time with me than he does with the current girl friend (especially on traditional date nights), but always reminds me that he has a girl friend. I do not contact him - it is always him calling or stopping over....I don't get it and it's been almost a year. I have been playing the good friend, but am considering making myself more unavailable and mysterious.....who knows.