IAmFCA
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Everything posted by IAmFCA
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
IAmFCA replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Dear you, When I read what a good relationship feels like, it feels like it is with you. I use the present tense because this dynamic between us is a constant. We can talk about anything, hours go by that feel like 15 minutes a piece. Yet, I am very glad to be rid of someone who is in such a difficult place. No money, no stability, no clarity. And smarter than most. Some things left undone, other things slowly getting addressed. Do I want to talk to you, ever? I wish I knew. If that hard lesson hasn't happened, then we won't last. If he has, that would be amazing, magical. He called me, he texted me this week. Do I want to talk to him? No, not Yale. -
He called me, and I dialed him.back. He never calls, so I made it a priority. We might talk tomorrow morning, but I doubt it. I've no idea why he called, probably wasn't as high a priority as I assumed. Oh well. We've still never made it 14 days even.
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Adding, Day 5.
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Was just on fb. Asked myself if I wanted to look at his page. No. It feels like yesterday's news. Now that's a watershed moment.
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Today is ending. He's come up today in a couple of contexts. I didn't even use his name though it would have made sense. "I have a friend who. .." It's not odd, anymore. It's... a chemical attraction, a smart soul, a wandering self. Not suitable.
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Day 4. I'm strong. Changing how I talk to myself.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
IAmFCA replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I don't normally post here but lately I've wanted to use you for an ego boost, an energy shot. I've nothing to say to you, though. I don't want to invest in you, you are a high risk investment. You chose a woman who keeps you under her thumb. Why would you do that? I know why. Yuck. Grow up and manage yourself? Once the craziness is over, I wonder if you will want to spread your wings. I did. But you will be tied in to her sons, her money. I think you will never again be single, my dear, and that is scary. Never learned to be alone, never learned to fill that hole you are using other people to fill for you. You would be wise to never see me again. Yet, you will wonder, in your future, What if. I know you will. You and J already were. I am glad I am freed of you and I have you to thank for that. -
Day 3. Again, it seemed like two days since I counted day 2. I don't know why- Maybe that's how much life I'm living that I would normally have shared? Read something recently about giving away my emotional support for free. I definitely was doing that. Am not doing it anymore, it will be tested the next time I fall for someone. He felt like my capstone project when I was with him. I didn't know why, then. I didn't know what my lesson was. Now I do.
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Day 2 lol I thought it was like, day 5 No wonder I've been missing interaction with him. That fun is freshly absent.
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Not counting. Starting over, but feel in a new place. Not counting.
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I goofed. For some entirely unknown reason, I just let him know that my father asked after him. Sent along a pic of me and the baby, threw in some other family news. No idea why I was so chatty and unfiltered. It was unsolicited and unnecessary. It's like a rebound from the cold chill of yesterday. It's like, ok, you are solid with your gf so I can relax now? I have no idea. Whatevs. This too shall pass.
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Day 1. Decided to open up a bit to my new guy. This nun like living is not meant for me and is particularly difficult after giving up the mind blowing physicality I've left behind.
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He answered that nothing is posted. I'm not bothering to respond after he answered, but probably I should say thank you. I'm feeling not so charitable about him right now, and am putting myself to bed.
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Oh well. Messaged him to find out what is posted on instagram, after my brother called to say pics of him with new chick are "splashed all over fb". Our daughters are instagram linked, and I'd rather mine hear of his new relationship from me before seeing pics on instagram. He hasn't answered, so I guess tomorrow will be day 0, presuming I hear from him then. Pain in the butt. My brother was pissed too, like Some kind of bf, here you are being all chill and he can't even manage that. Lol. Poor bro hadn't remembered that we irreversibly let him go. So, too bad big guy. I didn't throw you under the bus. You did that to yourself. Regrettably, you were still like my own skin, more fun than any, and I'm not quite done shedding you yet.
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Day 6 Kids asked about him yesterday. Also I miss having something so comfortable.
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Heard mention of him being away, didn't like hearing it. The minute passed but that tells me there still is leftover effects and NC is essential. Day 5 coming to a close.
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Day 5 Feels like much longer than that so it is good that I am counting
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Day 4 Missed being able to use him for attention, but not that much. Enjoyed ability to draw on others.
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Day 3 No impulses to make contact
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Day 2 feels like 3 having a date is useful, not sure I am going to keep him though & glad I am busy
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Ambivalent about counting again day 1
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Duplicate post
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So,a couple of harmless texts today stemming from that text yesterday. The smallest exchange is like an invitation, which tells me I still need NC to get past faster.
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I suggest NC, real NC where you focus on yourself and not on what he wants, for the whole time between now and when school starts. The distance will help ground you so you can be more stable and less reactive to his words and actions. Seems like you are already well down this path - keep going.
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I've written almost the same postime in my own past. No contact would have been right though I couldn't tell at the time.