notalady
-
Posts
3,928 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by notalady
-
It helps to remember that it didn't happen to you, you made the choices to date him and remember the red flags you did see but ignored (much like I did with Z). And again remember you made choices to unblock him and engaged in conversations again, even suggesting to meet face to face, therefore subjecting yourself to more nonsense from M. Remembering these not to feel bad about your choices, but to realise it happened not because it keeps happening to you, you keep making wrong choices, but if you know that, next time you can make the right choices and it won't happen anymore
-
When this happened with Z, he only really got the message when he saw me in person and I was angry (that he showed up unannounced) and told him he's scaring me and that it's over. I had to say many times in text that I don't want a relationship with him anymore for that message to get through. Not saying that's what has to happen here for him to go away and continuing to block and ignore might work just as well. But alternatively perhaps if you can communicate whichever way one last time that he is scaring you by doing all this and that it is truly over, you don't want a relationship with him anymore and there is nothing he can say or do that will change that, he might, just might listen. Right now I think he's still delusional that you're just mad and he can win you back. I understand if you feel uncomfortable communicating that though and I know many that would advise against it, but that's what I would do, one last communication, be as blunt and straight as you can and get the message through his head. I hope he doesn't show up unannounced like Z did to me...
-
His whole approach throughout this eerily reminds me of Z.. Hang in there reinventmyself! I hope he doesn't show up at your place like Z did at mine... Stay safe!!
-
Good on you girl!!! Teach you a lesson? Good god, I can't even think of words to describe how I feel about that statement.
-
Aww thank you reinventmyself! I hope that image continues to help you! See what M is doing now is just pissing me off. It's more passive aggression. If he wants something (presumably another chance with you), then be direct and say it, sending little stickers to invoke sympathy from you is childish, it's what kids do. In any case, enjoy dinner with your sons!!
-
I'm afraid he won't do that and you do in fact have to make yourself clear.
-
Haha funny we used such similar analogies
-
Breaking up feels like jumping into a dark abyss, it's the unknown that is scary. What if I hate being single, what if I get lonely, what if I never find someone again? What I have now isn't so bad in comparison to those things. But once you jump and fall through that darkness, and it might take days or weeks, but then you come out the other end and it's not dark, it's bright and warm. And you never look back.
-
Breaking up is always always hard no matter how bad things are. It will be painful and there will be tears. But trust me you will feel 100% better than where you are now (or before) once you take the leap. There's never a good time and you'll never be sufficiently detached / ready to walk. You just need to stop thinking and analysing and just do it. This is completely dysfunctional and I've been there, you don't need that. Nobody does.
-
Glad you had a good birthday regardless! But yes maybe best to put it to rest once and for all so you can move on. Speaking from the other side of the fence, life is 100% better without a guy/relationship like that and meeting new potentials who have a much much better chance at turning into a LTR than the last one is even better. You won't regret it reinventmyself!
-
Yea I also thought you had broken up with him, why is he asking about getting together?
-
He sounds exactly like Z. They may not say the exact same things but it's the same approach, ie he tried to push me to break up then when I actually follow through he doesn't want to break up, and hassling me after we broke up trying to make me feel guilty, it's all manipulation tactics and it's really low. So I'm glad you ended it, I think you absolutely made the right decision. Big hug for you!
-
This sums it up nicely!
-
Having recently been through the same thing, I know how you feel and how hard it is to walk away. Surely at some point you just think to yourself, this is getting ridiculous and I've had enough? For me it's more about ignoring the emotional side and think logically can I spend the rest of my life with this person given his bad behaviour? The answer is no, so the decision is made. I'll take the plunge and feel sad about it later. Of course I did take several days alone with NC to make that decision, NC made it easier. Perhaps you can suggest taking a break to start with and give yourself a little bit of time to think.
-
It is, but I know you can do it!
-
He's being really passive aggressive, including with the stickers. It's childish. Seriously you don't need any more of this. I'd suggest making up your mind very soon, I think you've seen enough to decide?
-
I also lean towards he's not capable of connecting at a deeper level, emotionally and also intellectually (as you observed early on in dating). I don't think it's a good idea to meet tomorrow, but that may very well push you towards making up your mind about breaking up if he demonstrates once again his incapability to connect. So it's up to you. Having been with someone who I couldn't connect with, I think it's lonelier (and frustrating) being in the relationship than being alone, and I think you see that too. I'm sure you'll end up making the right decision!
-
So sorry to hear about all this reinventmyself. I think the writing is on the wall and has been for a while. This essentially sums it up. I think there's nothing I can tell you that you didn't already know. I'd say just take your time to gather your thoughts alone and keep contact to a minimum during this time. Then follow through with whatever you decide on (I think we all know what that will be!). Lots of hugs!
-
Sometimes I feel the same in "what do I know". Maybe I'm being blindly optimistic haha, but I think there is a happy middle between controlling and passive. I don't think your views of M being passive is wrong. You shouldn't date men like your ex but maybe men like M are also not suited for you. Somewhere out there, there's that "happy middle" guy and I think if you want that you should go find it rather than settling for "good enough".
-
Agree with this. Not a whole lot to add, but I hope M will step up on Friday and discuss the issue with openness and honesty rather than avoidance or brushing it off.
-
Mark certainly seems lacking in his conflict handling skills. I think he's overly sensitive and perhaps a little insecure and that makes him less communicative when he feels inadequate or generally not being able to meet your needs. It reminds me of two of my friends, both newly (and happily) married, both guys are lovely and nice decent guys. One of them is very passive and conflict avoidant, he would just agree with everything she says but not actually do what is agreed on. The other one isn't very good with his words and find it hard to express himself when he's frustrated, he'd rather punch something (not people!), she had to coach him to express himself and communicate better. Both couples made it work because by and large their personalities and values do fit. What I'm saying is that a lot of people, guys in particular, aren't good with communication and conflict resolution, whether Mark's someone you can work with in that area is the question.
-
Haha want what you had in the beginning and not what you got in the end, how true. Sadly I do understand. I think you made it clear enough that he can't be who he's not and who he is is not someone you want to be with. Or at some point, you may just have to say...don't talk to me anymore, go away. Hehe Yes definitely calm down and think about it first before acting on anything with M.
-
Hmm he still wants to get back together hey...why don't you just tell him outright that you never want to get back together? Or..do you?
-
So what are you going to do about M?
-
Sounds like our relationships have followed somewhat similar paths lol, I wonder if relationships that start out with one party more interested than the other just goes through this "balancing out" phase, but that doesn't mean that he is now less interested. I think it's natural that you feel a bit insecure - because you care and that makes you feel vulnerable, and that's perfectly ok. Has his behaviour changed at all other than less texting?