idesofmarch

We've been dating since October. He's quiet but I like his company and I like his dating ideas. He's been single for quite some time after his divorce. He hasn't been with anyone other than his ex-wife in 13 years. He's very green in the dating department. The only problem I'm having is that he's very shy sexually. He shakes and get nervous. I've never seen anything like it. We've been together 3 times sexually and 2 times he wasn't able to perform. The third time we had been drinking wine and were pretty buzzed. He just can't seem to relax. This whole nervous thing is really turning me off. Is this common at all? Will he get over this? He's got a successful career, he's handsome and physically fit and he's got alot of nice qualities. I'm just dumbfounded by this sexual issue. I wish it was different and more natural between us. Any advice? I would truly appreciate it.

Hi, Thanks for the input. We're both in our late thirties. That's why I'm worried. I'm hoping this isn't an issue for him that's been going on throughout his life. I certainly don't dare ask. I did not let him know what I was feeling. I just let him know that I understand that it's awkward at first and that it's no big deal. I'm sure he is putting too much pressure on himself. If it had been me in his shoes, I would have done oral to make up for it, but he made no attempt to do that either. It was very weird, awkward and disappointing. I know he wants me to be patient and I still want to see him but if we're not sexually compatible, that would be the worst situation because then I'd have to decide what to do. I think because of our ages, I am expecting more experience in bed from him. Maybe I'm putting too much into one encounter and should give it time which is what I plan on doing.

I'm dating a wonderful guy. We've been dating about 2 months and I've been waiting to get intimate. Each time we have been together, he had talked about intimacy with me and can't wait...etc. So, finally he came over and one thing led to another and I was more than ready for this to happen. He, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. He couldn't get hard. At one point, I got him hard and then thought we could go from there and it was limp a second later. We never did have sex. He's been divorced for quite some time and I know it's been a while since he's been intimate with anyone. I'm worried this is an ongoing thing. I'm hoping it's just a case of the jitters. I've never had this happen before. So, I'm not sure what to think. I'm also worried that he will fear this will happen again and won't be able to get his act together. I'm thinking that maybe we should wait a while to have sex again until he feels more comfortable or something. I don't want to try again for a while because now I'm paranoid it will happen again and I don't want to go through that with him. Has this happened to any of you? I would truly appreciate hearing opinions from both men and women.

Hi, I went through the same thing. To make a long story short, He chased me relentlessly and then when he finally realized I loved him and would be there for him, he changed. He said, I love you but I can't make you happy. Finally, I said...whatever...you weren't right for me afterall. Then I stopped contact. He then continued to email me and couldn't figure out why I wouldn't have anything more to do with him. I think in his twisted mind, he thought I would be there for him no matter what because I loved him. I think he wanted to keep that door open for whatever reason. He emailed me a month later and still wanted contact with me. He told me I was the love of his life and he didn't want to lose contact with me. I said, how could you throw away the love of your life? No, I don't want contact with you. After everything he had put me through, I wasn't about to go down that road again. By saying No to him, I liberated myself from him and was able to accept that I'm ready to move on. I think he was realizing that what we had was special and he threw it away because of his own self-esteem, insecurities and whatever else is going on in his head. In the end, he will suffer over it more than me because he's the one that made that decision. I can move on without regrets. All I can say to you is, let it go because he's got issues.... You'll be better off in the long run. I have a good ending....a month ago, I met a great guy and I can't believe how much better things are now and how much more compatible my new guy is for me. You will find love again.

Thanks, Ash, for your wise input. I really appreciate that. I know he's confused but it helps to hear someone else's opinion. When I read his letters, I only hear the parts that piss me off. Even though he's being so nice in the letter, it's pushing my buttons. The three weeks we tried to work things out, he had a personal ad up in yahoo the entire time. I tried really hard to work things out and he blew it off. The reason I don't want contact with him is because he hurt me so bad. When he contacts me, it puts me in a tailspin and I can't sleep or function for 3 days. He's not doing anything about these problems of his...most of which are self-imposed. I feel at this point, he's not giving me anything to work with so why bother. Also, I feel it's too late to salvage anything and I'm still very angry. So, I'm trying to heal and take care of me. The thing that pisses me off the most is that he's had this personal ad up this whole time. I think he's hoping to meet someone new that will take all his pain away and give him something to focus on other than his problems and his feelings for me. In the meantime, he wants to keep contact with me just to keep his options open. He's one messed up guy!! Thanks again!!

Hi all, This is the deal. We started dating last October. 6 months later, he had me pick out an engagement ring and we had plans of marriage and all that in the works. We had an awesome relationship and we were best friends. He lost his job in March and that was the beginning of the end. He now works this dead-end job at a church (there were religious issues with this decision) with no benefits but the money was okay so he took it. That decision really made our relationship fold in July because I felt like I was losing him to this church. We are not of the same religion and it really put a wedge between us. He called me every week but I didn't return his calls. About 5 weeks later, I talked to him and we got back together and we both felt these strong emotions. I told him I would accept whatever he does for work and I would stand behind him through all these problems that he's having. For three weeks he played these games with me because he wasn't sure if he wanted to get back together with me or not. We officially broke up on September 22nd and he initiated the break up but I was pretty miserable at that point anyway because of the way he had been treating me. He wasn't sure about anything. He's got an ex-wife that is taking him back to court for more money for their son which he has joint custody of...blah,blah, blah. So, 3 weeks later, I get these two emails.....please tell me what you make you make of this. I am really trying to get on with my life. This is the first email: Listen please do not erase this with out reading this first. I want you to know how much you mean to me. Yes it is too late I understand this, however I want to say that you were truly the love of my life. You might not ever understand my reasons for my actions. You always seem to understand me and I must say you were one step ahead of me in most cases. I wish you nothing put success. I'm very proud of you for going to school and all that you will and have done with your's and Micheal's life you are a good Mom. I hope someday we will meet again and can share with each other the path that our lives has taken us. If I can ever help you with anything or you need a friend to talk too please call or write me. I must say I miss you but know that I would never make you happy. This is the second email: I had asked why a man would throw away the love of his life and this is his reply: I know. I am in love with you, I've tried to tell you that. But with all the crap in my life how good is of me to keep all in our lives. I wanted to give you the best. I think you deserve the best things in life I wanted to be the guy to give you the best. How can I do that when I am tring to deal with this stuff. I do not want to lose contact with you. I enjoyed all of our intimate times together and I enjoy our talks and the way you handle me.. O.K. I replied that someday I will thank him when I meet a man who loves me unconditionally and he said: That's what I have been saying. Someday you will find your prince. I agree. Best of luck and I'll stay intouch. John I told him that I don't want to stay in contact and I know that hurt him. I just don't know what to make of all this. I think he feels guilty. Or maybe his personal ad isn't working out for him. I don't know if he was trying to reel me in and wants to hear that I want him back. I do still love him but I'm not stupid.... I have a feeling I will be hearing from him again. Any thoughts?