kvb10
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NC is getting harder. I thought it was supposed to be easier. It was easier for the first days. But now it's like, this is really how it is. This is it. We are no longer in contact. Just like that my lover and best friend is completely gone from my life. I am considering going to LC.
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Hey FoundYet.. I know exactly what you mean. It's part of the process. After my first ex, I actually occasionally would even dream about her years later and wake up feeling lonely and nostalgic. That all stopped once I met my most recent ex. But now she is an ex too and now I am back at square one. I've thought about it a lot and I am fully aware of why this happened. I know that I couldn't have changed it though. I just wish I knew then what I know now. I wish we had communicated more. But you're right... we can do this. Right now the days are dragging by. But flash forward to the future and we're happy and fine and everything is okay.
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Day 5 begins.. dreamt about wanting to get back together and woke up with a love song in my head. sigh. i was really angry with her last night knowing she pursued (but didnt chea) someone else behind my back. but i also know that we had a hard couple of months and i was not affectionate and loving enough at the time so i kind of feel like i pushed her away. i feel like we both gave up on our relationship because we were in a rut. that makes me sad.
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Day 4 ended up crappy.. after a great training session at the gym i had to deal with my roommate telling me the break up was my fault and that he would have broken up with me too. What a jerk! Why is life so challenging right now? Really looking forward to therapy tomorrow so I can start working on ME. Tanks bitebenot.. Going to stick to NC! Congrats mwh67... I am looking forward to being that far. I think considering the time elapsed, you are doing great.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
kvb10 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Leave me alone A. You have done enough. We will never be friends and we will never get back together. I don't ever want to see you again. You are so selfish. You think you can have everything you want. After 2 and a half years, you think you can dump me for some unsure ugly teenager, but keep me as a friend, get one last hug, give me the stupid scarf that you never finished knitting for me for Christmas. What about what I want? You can keep the scarf and you can stay out of my life. I would have done anything for you, but now it's too late and you will never have my love again. -
(Dey 4 continued) Today I called a mutual friend and she was with my ex at that moment. Then she called back later and I felt like I was cheating on NC because I asked about everything. My friend said my ex wasn't doing so great and my friend told my ex how much fun I had with her at the movies on Tuesday and that I was happy and laughing a lot. (My ex was surprised.) But I am the dumpee so I am allowed to go have fun and not feel bad about it. I still miss her but I'm glad she got news of one of my high moments.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
kvb10 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
i love this!! cant wait til i get to this place. -
Post here instead of contacting your ex!
kvb10 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Hope you understand why I removed you from my FB friends. It's not that I am mad at you, but I just think we need to cut our ties for a little while so that we can heal. One day when time has past, maybe we'll be friends and can reconnect. -
Day 4 has begun... Yesterday and the day before I was doing a little better (was able to eat) but now I am finally back at work and can't eat for some weird reason. That feeling is back in my stomach... maybe because I have started to pick back up with my life and am facing the world for the first time since it happened? Who knows.. I've lost about 4 pounds which puts me at a weight I havent been at since I was a teen.. which is kinda cool, lol. But I shouldnt lose anymore weight cause that wouldnt be healthy. Anyways... I still miss her, of course. But I just keep telling myself, "It's over. It's over. There's no chance. Let it go." Sometimes I feel better, sometimes worse. But life is going on.
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Day 9 of no contact is great! I think its normal that you still miss him and dont be too hard on yourself about looking at the pics. Maybe soon you can start a -no looking at him- challenge. Have a great day.
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wow 3 years... how was the journey?
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wow congrats klafeoj
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day 3... thinking about her but havent cried!!! (still early though) working on my studies for the first time since the break up. being productive. looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and starting therapy on friday. its still the first week since the break up and i have already experienced much personal growth. i came out to my parents, have an appointment for therapy on friday and have started letting go (although i do still miss her). edit: by now I'm feeling pretty sad again. oh, the rollercoaster.
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Tonight I made a small advancement. I went to the movies with a friend and actually laughed and had fun and didn't think about my other worries. It was kind of shocking and very pleasant. I was telling her all of these funny stories from back when I lived in Atlanta and she was dying laughing at how crazy i was and then all the sudden i realized how much fun i used to be. I also realized how happy i was then. that made me realize that i can be happy again. there IS a me without the ex. a really FUN me. my ex was easily embarrassed and for example if i tried to bust out the robot or do the moonwalk in public, she would tell me to stop or she would walk away. i got to be very calm around her. but before that i was actually the life of the party. anyways.. im not saying our relationship wasnt fun or happy because of course it was, but i just realized that i also had fun and was happy before i met her which means i can be that way again. i am not sure how long this period of okayness will last but i am enjoying it and i will try to remember it the next time i am at a low point. day 2 complete.
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oh yea and i have a problem when i go into my kitchen and see food items she bought.. is that weird? At the moment i feel like I can never eat couscous again. And I had to throw out some pepper cheese. Seeing both of those items gave me a slight and brief feeling of anger. But I know that the anger comes from the hurt. Anyways... I'll check back in tomorrow. Good job everyone!!
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day 2... the old me would have never made it this long. cant believe we broke up 4 days ago and i am already able to do NC. I am proud of myself for that. As for my feelings.. I cried most of the morning and then decided to find a therapist to help me get through this break up the healthiest way and really focus on myself. Made an appointment for Friday. Since making the appointment.. I"ve been feeling a little bit optimistic. I also have not been in my bedroom all day, that helps. I realize that when I do think of my ex, I am not really wondering what she is doing, I am just analyzing the break up mostly. I wonder if that's weird. Most people say they wonder what he or she is doing. Shortly Im going to meet a friend (one of her friends) to see a movie and then will come home and sleep. I think I might have to try to cut some of the contact with her friends soon. One thing that bothered her was feeling pressure because I didn't have my own support system here in Germany (I am from america). So I also need to take this time to meet my own circle of friends instead of just hang out with hers, although some of them I am really fond of.
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Okay... I think that I will focus on making it through the first week of NC... then if she does write to me afterward.. i'll wait and see what it says and face that then. I'll let you know what happens.
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I guess it will be hard because I told her that she could contact me. And then she said, "so i'll hear from you in a week?" and i said yea. We didn't end with a fight so I'll feel somehow bad and like it's missing closure if I don't reply at least shortly to say everything's okay and good luck in her new life. Guess I'm afraid that if I don't reply, she might think I'm mad at her or something. I'd rather her think that I'm getting better and moving on. Plus I know her.. I know that she holds her feelings inside a lot more. I think she is the type that would not write anymore if she wrote once and I didn't answer. I dont think she wants to get back together.. I think she just wants to make sure I am okay. Or maybe I am too naive with her. Maybe she needed to hear that we would talk in a week to help her get through the tough part. She also cried and asked me to give her one last hug after she dumped me.
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Thanks... tonight I am feeling steady for a couple of hours. Visited a friend and did a lot of talking and listening and feel like I am finally starting to think about accepting it.. that might not sound like much but it is an improvement. I know this moment of feeling -ok- will not last forever though (it's still too soon) and am prepared for the sadness to come back. Going to keep trucking. Day 1 almost over. Yes... Bitebenot, my ex broke up with me after 2.5 years but we didnt end in a fight.. it was more because of wanting to take a different path, be free and experience new things (she is almost finished with college and I was her first relationship and first love). Anyways.. we started NC yesterday but she says that we should do just a week and that she would write me after a week. I wonder why she wants to touch bases again? I told her that if she needs to contact me after a week she could, but that after that we were going to need to take a longer NC period to make sure that we both heal fully. What do you think?
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Thanks for the great advice.
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Sometimes I get a hunger pain for a moment because of not eating... but I like the feeling because it destracts me briefly from the pain and depression that is starting to consume me. THe first two days I was more frantic and here and there... now it seems like I am settling into a deep sadness.
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Day 1... ate twice today, small portions, but better than on the weekend. Also drinking more water. Came into work 4 hours late, but that's okay I said I was sick. Think I'll go to the doctor tomorrow morning before work and get some therapy prescribed (in Germany insurance will pay for it if it's prescribed). Just feel like I have to. NC was supposed to have started yesterday after we talked on the phone the last time... but I called that evening one last time and we agreed to begin NC on Monday. I did a really stupid thing and looked at our chat history on skype today when I got to work. I was able to look back at the way she was chatting to me on the same day that she broke up with me. Now I notice.. there were no hearts, no i love yous and no kissie faces. She always sends those though.. even the day before she broke up with me. Sigh... At the end of our conversation last night she said, "we're going to be okay". I would understand that to be like we - together - but since english is not her native tongue maybe she meant that she is gonig to be okay and that i am going to be okay... But I can't think about it. I guess I still just have hope because she said also that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants and hopes that in the future we can be involved in each others lives in whatever way that may be. And when I got desperate for a moment and asked her to come back she said "I cant right now". So.. I am going to try to move on and try not to hope too much... I have to put my hope in a little box and put it up on the shelf. She wants us to get back in touch after 1 week of NC.. not sure why.. guess just to check in. I told her that after that we would need to go back on NC because it's going to take some months before we heal enough to start casually talking again...
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Getting back together really does happen!
kvb10 replied to wishingonastar's topic in Getting Back Together
I hope I have one of these success stories... If it ever happens I promise to come back and post it. -
Okay I am in. She broke up with me on Friday because she likes someone else and wants to experience other things (i am her first relationship). We telephoned a little on Saturday and today. I just called her back though to tell her that we have to stop talking because it is not going to help us heal. So we just said our goodbyes and so begins the challenge. Minute one.. hopeful, scared, sad.
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