luminousone

Ack! My cat brought in a mostly alive rat through the cat door. I shoved him outside three times and he brought it back in 3 times. I finally chased him down the driveway so I hope that’s it.

So my last piece of news - my friend J texted me yesterday to tell me that her brother took his life on Wednesday. She was in shock. It was premeditated, as there was a note and he had planned what they should do with his ashes, and then he drove a ways out of town and gave up on life. So now both her parents and 2 younger brothers have died in the last 5 years and she is devastated. She is the last one, except her nephews. Surprisingly she is taking it better than when her other brother died from a heart attack unexpectedly. But of course she is in grief and shock. The one that took his life had some sort of undiagnosed mental illness (likely bipolar) and was quite angry and abusive to everyone around him. So really he had alienated family and friends. So very sad and tragic.

Last week I went on a hike through a park, and somehow we saw a cat way up in a tree. It was in the crotch of the tree at a very strange angle. At first we thought it was stalking something below, because it was very still. But then as we stood watching it for a few minutes we realized it was likely stuck. In fact, it never moved its tail or ears or head. I thought I saw it blink it’s eyes, though. My friend called the non emergency police number, and they said they would only send someone if it was injured. By then it had been ten minutes and I thought maybe it was dead or paralyzed. I took pictures and did a screenshot of the map where we were, pictures of the cat, pictures of junctions of the trail. And then we moved on. On our way out of the park we saw the park host moving out of his cabin, as he had found a new job and place to live. But I showed him the pictures and he had me text them to him so he could text the group of volunteers that feed the feral cats and maybe they could do something. My friend C went hiking through there this week and she said it was gone and there was evidence that someone had cut a trail into the ravine to get to the tree. I’m thinking it was dead, and I’m glad it was taken care of. Likely it was dropped into the tree by an eagle, as eagles live in that park. Poor cat.

Good week at work. I also found out today that I will have a fill time helper next year so that will be huge. I am happy to have a 3 day weekend ahead of me. My oldest son flew in today with his gf. I haven’t seen them yet - they are staying at my sons’ dad’s place. My in-laws live there too, so I’m glad they are able to catch up. At some point the two will spend a night or two here. I need to get up off of my rear and finish cleaning up the house. I’m excited to see at least one of my sons. My other son is at University and can’t make it.

I think what is hard, is not being able to talk with her. I miss those talks, as she has lost the ability to speak and reason due to her dementia. It is definitely a long goodbye. With the dementia diagnosis, the progression is expected. So I expect to see her the way she is. She is mostly well cared for. She has lived a very long life - she will be 99 years old next month!

Well, I’m home now and on a different time zone so I was asleep by 8:30 last night. But I did wake up at midnight to the sound of fireworks and big bangs. It startled my cat! Happy New Year! Went for a long walk today with my friend C and her dog. We saw blue skies and cloudy skies, sunshine and rain showers. And a rainbow. It was a beautiful walk and we also saw a bald eagle and several herons.

I’m so sorry, Sera. It is heart wrenching to go through.

They may be. But also, my mom has good days and then the next one she might be out of it. We had a nice conversation with one of the residents at lunch one day while she fed herself. The next day she was completely out of it and hardly ate a thing. Honestly, it sounds as if he may not last more than 3-6 months, unless he was just having a bad day when you saw him. Dear Lord, we are at that age and stage now with our parents... I’m about 10 years older than you, but that is where I’m at these days.

Prayers for all of you, and peace for him.

I am glad my boys saw what it is like to have dementia, and the kind of care needed for that. I really hate to envision myself at that level when I am that age (if I am blessed to live that long). But my sons need to know what to do and what to expect.

I’m not sure my mom knew who I was, but I think she enjoyed the attention.

So, I went to the care center each day to see my mom. Last time I saw her was in March, at my dad’s memorial, so I expected to see changes. And I did. The best time to see her was at mealtime, because she tends to sleep much of the day. Her motor movements are not much coordinated and have gone down since last March. But she is still mostly feeding herself. Because of aspiration pneumonia recently, they have her on a blended food diet now. Liquids have to be thickened and all solid foods have to be baby good consistency. But she seemed to be hungry - and perhaps even unaware of the difference at this point. Usually my visits were with siblings or with my son(s) and nephew. Since my mom cannot carry a conversation, it is helpful to have a conversation with someone else and my mom listens in. My brothers are frequent enough visitors so they know many of the residents’ names, and they often converse with them too. And they have gotten to know family members of other residents in the wing. They also know the likely escape artists. The first day I was there last week, my brothers pushed in the code for the entrance to the wing and held the door open for me. But a resident must have been standing right there by the door and she started to walk out. Fortunately my brother corralled her back in, telling her that her husband was in there looking for her. She sarcastically replied, “I don’t think so”. But we got her back inside. Last year one woman became close with another resident in the wing. I thought they were a married couple visiting. They seemed to have very coherent conversations. Turns out they were both residents. The big problem was that she was married, but she had forgotten. So they moved him to another wing.

Oh my goodness! I had packed extra layers in my suitcase but didn’t need them! I did enjoy the mild weather though. I guess you and your family have not had to do much snow removal this year... Wishing you a very restful time off with your family, Sera.

Hope your back heals up fast.

Yes, of course, I am happy to have had what moments I could. Older son lives in another state now and has a job and a girlfriend, so I am adjusting to the changes that come with that. I will see him in January (with girlfriend too) for a long weekend, but I urged my son to focus his stay mostly on his dad and grandparents, because they have not seen him for 1 1/2 years. Nor have they met his lovely gf. Younger son is in school elsewhere in the state, but I saw him for half of last summer and all last week. He went off to his dad’s today. Of course you are welcome to respond in my journal, as is anyone, as long as it is respectful. I am often surprised that anyone comes to my corner, because my life is rather mundane and quiet these days, and not the most interesting read. (Aside from my stories of the occasional dead animals my cat brings in the cat door to gift me.) And Camber, sorry to hear about your family dynamics. I just read through your thread on that. My advice to you - you will not be able to change your relatives, but you can change how you respond to their dysfunctional interactions. Head high and go the high road. If they never call you first, then you be the one to call. When they omit your partner from greetings and interactions, simply respond by including her in your response as if they had included her. Example: “Camber, hope you had a nice Xmas”. Your response will include your partner’s name- “Oh, thank you! Annie and son and I had a wonderful time together. Annie and I wish you a very Happy New Year too “ Don’t try to change them because that is wasted effort - they will just twist it around on you somehow. And being the youngest somehow gives older siblings license for bossing you around or not taking you seriously. When they try to lay guilt on you, use active listening techniques and paraphrase their feelings back with great “empathy”, but not taking responsibility for their feelings. But also not judging them for feeling that way. Just know that parents don’t live forever. My sweet dad passed away last spring at nearly 101, which was a crazy long life! I do miss him, but am grateful for the time we had with him. My mom will be 99 in a few months. She has dementia and very few words with which to communicate, so it is almost like she is gone. I miss talking with her and all of her wisdom. Years ago I would never have said that, as she was the master at doling out guilt and trying to interfere. Once I changed how I reacted to her - basically I respectfully thanked her but did things my way - then she started treating me in a better way. I was as even keel as I could be, which took the power away from her negative interactions with me. A good book for you to read to explore how to work toward your own self strength while being bombarded with criticism is: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

Had a quiet Christmas in Michigan with various family members. My oldest son popped in for 4 days, but worked remotely for 2 of those days, so I really didn’t get to see him much. Younger son and I had a nice visit, and I was able to spend time with my nephew too. Crazy mild weather in Michigan - in the 50s F during the day! So strange. Glad to be home now with another week off.

Key administrators read all together. RIGHT

My friend C cancelled for our walk tomorrow. Her dog is sick and they're going to the vet. I obviously would have cancelled anyway, since I'm sick. Had another task scheduled for tonight and tomorrow night, but I asked someone to cover for me and she will. Otherwise I would have had to go help a friend after 9 tonight. Fortunately some one else will help her.

I know. Sigh. I was so hopeful. At least she is competent. Last year was such a disaster. We don't have to keep her on after the contract ends. But it could be so much worse - we know that, first-hand. So we will probably keep her. We were so spoiled by the guy that retired. He is enjoying his grandson and fishing, I hear.

Yes indeed, go to the one that has common sense and makes good decisions. I bet, in time, she will come to respect you. In the meantime, simply brace yourself and go with it.

I just hate "office politics". I had such a great run until last year - my former boss was great. Until last year. I used to love getting up and coming to my job - it was so much joy for me. It is better this year than last. My new boss is figuring out her new position, and I do like her. She is likely unaware of the cattiness happening.

Yesterday I ran a meeting all afternoon. A few major people couldn't come, because they were at a conference. No matter, I held it anyway. I have to schedule them months ahead of time, due to people's schedules. And reserving facilities. Anyhow, there is a new participant in the meeting. She is a replacement for the contract employee we had last year - the one that was so bad and incompetent. The replacement is a professional and while she has some learning to do with regard to our position, she is organized and competent. I am so happy to have her working with us and so relieved that she knows her stuff (for the most part). When she first started, she came to me for support and advice, and I was glad to give it to her. I have respect for her training and knowledge, knowing that she will learn what she needs to learn for our unique position. However, now that she is more comfortable in her position, I have begun to see a catty side to her. My first indication was the day after some scheduled days off for me. My administration scheduled some contract days off while others were scheduled to work. It was during a time that the others might need to consult with me about some data. I emailed everyone ahead of time to let them know I would be gone, and to consult with me ahead of time. As it turned out, one person had questions about my data while I was gone, so they asked the contract employee to interpret it. I got the sense that it was a session where the contract employee convinced my colleague that I was doing things all wrong, because when I returned, my colleague practically accused me of this with a strong tone. I explained my approach and urged my colleague not to panic. She was looking at one data point and that was what they were basing their panic on. I showed the trends through time, and reassured my colleague that I was on the right track. And my colleague relaxed and acknowledged that I was correct. She didn't outright say that it was a criticism fest, but the tone and panic tell me it was. And since that week, the new contract employee has been flippant and almost rude to me. She was at the meeting yesterday and when we were waiting for a participant, she and another employee were making fun of someone that they work with at another building. They were Googling him, and saying how he talks like a robot, and laughing. So high schoolish and cliquish. Sigh. I really don't need that kind of drama, especially after last year's disasters. I am trying to be unflappable, and not take it personally. Essentially, when someone is like that, it tells me they are very insecure. I'm not perfect, by any means. But honestly, I prefer someone to come talk with me rather than talk behind my back to stir up things against me. Given the above, it is still way way better than the incompetence of last year. Hope it works out in the long run, though.

Yesterday I came home from work and the house was dark. I said hi to my cat, thinking he was nearby (he is black, so I wanted to make sure I didn't step on him in the dark ). He didn't answer me, but I heard a "crunch" sound and boy did I run to turn on the light, because I know that sound means he brought a dead animal in! And he did! Yuck! It was a dead squirrel! So tired of cleaning that rug. I may buy a Ruggable brand rug, as they are supposedly washable in your washing machine.

Urgh. Another virus. I have felt it come on since this morning. Sore throat, very tired, back is sore. I left work an hour early, then stopped by Costco for their chicken noodle soup. I have been almost vegetarian these days, but this sounded good to me so I got it. I added some spinach to it, more garlic, and black pepper.

As far as fighting the boys - that was my sister. And she usually won. We had lots of practice with three older brothers. And oh my goodness, that Andrea. It does remind me if the movie, the Heathers. Good for you for not buying into it!