Adulthood_Not_Quite_Ready

Yeah, I guess whatever floats your boat. IF you wanna share with someone you are dating who you are perving on. I think that is the word you used. What a gross word anyways. I mean, maybe it is healthy for some ppl to have it out in the open who they are attracted to or w/e, but aren't you in a relationship, concentrated on two ppl? Why spend that time "perving" on other ppl when you have eachother? My point of view, that's all. Tashley Jade

Hey Sweetypie- I think you got a point there! You're not gawking, only glancing at his hiney. No harm in that, right? LOL! And to Fenstrt- I'm glad that you just don't go with the flow. Tashley Jade

WEll, I guess it is a good thing that you quit then, esp. if you love her. You know? The thing is, I mean maybe you find ppl attractive, but if you love someone and are fulfilled by them,then why do you feel the need to check out other girls? You know what I mean? And when I asked that question, I mean not you but men or ppl in general. Tashley Jade

Maybe you're right. Maybe it does go back to when there were tribes or w/e, but you know men always have an excuse. They always think that just because they are men, that that is an excuse. Of course, I don't think that every male is like that. Thank goodness, huh? But, I bet I wouldn't like it if I was someone's partner and they made piggish comments about someone else, even if it was only for a laugh. That is just me, but oh well. Tashley Jade

Hey there! I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you mean. Everything that you said is so true, even though it might not go for every guy or might be opposite with some females. I always wonder why men are like this, but I still cannot come up with an answer. It's got me baffled. Tashley Jade

Hey. I totally understand what you are saying, and it is the situation, in a way. I mean you just now helped me realize that maybe one reason she had to get away is so that she can have some control over her own life. Which I can fully understand. And that is what she has done. Also, perhaps you are right when you say that I might still have a lot of that anger or whatever but have cooled off when it came to venting it in a physical manner. I believe that you are right there. But I do know that I have changed in small ways, tried to better myself, because I want and need to and because I love her. She knows this too. and another good thing is that I am taking up counseling again. Now,when it comes to our living situation, she lives me and my family. There are also reasons behind that. We still share a room, but she has a separate bed now. Which is good. I guess what she wants is for us to be friends, and it is hard for me, because I want her in another way. But then I come to my senses and realize that this is good. We have to learn how to be friends first;establish a relationship and try to better ourselves and stuff. She set real reasonable boundaries, healthy ones, and I mean that, but sometimes it is hard to not be able to touch her or kiss her, because that was what we have done for two years. And so what it all comes down to is that she told me that she wants my friendship always and she will always love me (even in that way), but she does not want a girlfriend right now, and she doesn't know if we will be together in the future. That is the scary part!!!!! I mean, it is just that this whole breakup has opened my eyes to how much I want her. How much I wanna make her happy. How much I wanna better myself to prove to her and myself that I can and am a better person. She knows I love her. I think she knows that I can change. But then she told me the big reason why she probably won't be able to be with me is because she hurt someone that she love and she cannot face that. She says she absolutely cannot face that! I know that she is afraid she will hurt me again if she is back with me, but in a way I feel as if she is running. I just don't want that to be a reason why we might never be together again. I know that I did a lot more damage, but I have given myself credit for being able to pick myself up, admit to my mistakes, and learn and grow from them. And that is because I wanna better myself. It is also because I love her enough to want to show her that I am a better person. Yes, I know that she is a different person, but she has to face her wrong-doings. She is even going to be taken anger-management courses, but she still said that she does not want face hre mistakes. And one reason for that is because she feels like her mother, because she was abused by her mother while growing up. Okay. So ,I don't know if you followed me at all. I dunno really what my question is I guess. I just want someone's perspective. Someone's input. I am realizing more and more that we need our space to grown and better ourselves, because for onw thing we would definitely not be suitable for a relationship right now. Trust me. It would just turn out disastorous again!!!! I know that I cannot force her to be in a relationship with me, nor would I ever do that. But the thing is, I know that I will definitely regret not having a relationship (as in gf/gf). I know that we have potential. I'm afraid that she will not be with me because of hurting me. Can you understand? Thanks for everything. I truly appreciate it. Oh, and she must still care for me lots if she is selling off her stuff to get me a bus ticket to Montana so I can see my very ill friend. Sincerely, Tashley Jade

Netman- Hey, I have been in the same situation as you. I think that if you can get over it on your own,then good. But I also think that you could try some counseling. It is just a suggestion, but I think that it might help you get over or face your insecurities. You might be able to confront your insecurities and rid of them once and for all. It might do you good. Sincerely, Tashley Jade

Ok. I know that it is the first day that my post has been posted, but 23 ppl have read it and only one has replied, which I appreciate greatly. I hope that some more ppl will share their advice with me. Thanks. Sincerely, Tashley Jade

Hey Everyone! I am new to this site. I came here in desperation I guess you could say. Although I am seeking counseling help, I want the help of others as well. So here is my prob: Ok, first things first. I am a lesbian. I have been with my now ex-girlfriend for nearly two years. She walked into my life when I needed someone most. She was perfect and always helped me with everything. I was so depressed at that time in my life, that I sort-of came to depend on her. And soon, I became overjealous and even abusive! I know that that is not who I am, and it made me upset that I was acting like that, but the abuse went on. And what makes things worse is that she was abused as a child and even in a previous relationship. Still, she took this abuse and loved me. She was always there. Perfect. But after about a year and five moths, she began to act out and rebel. We would break up a lot,on my part, and she would always allow me to come back or whatever. WE both took counseling, even together, and things sometimes improved, but they would always turn back to the way that they were before. She always gave me another chance. I would still hit and/or hurt her every now and then and a few times she shoved me or smacked me, but i knew that she didn't want to. She grew a little distant and one day broke it off with me. By that time, I had changed quite a bit in ways. I don't hit her anymore. And the breakup has opened my eyes considerably!!!! She needs her space now to grow as a person and figure things out with her life. I need the same kind of help. She said that she doesn't want to be in any relationship right now. And she doesn't know if she will want to be with me in the future. WE live together still ,as my family is hers after two years and we try at a friendship, but sometimes it is so hard for me because I want her as more than a friend. I have changed in some ways, as I said before and when she sees that she pushes away. Then she tol me that the biggest reason that she will probably not be able to be with me in the future is this: She has hurt someone she loves (meaning physically as well) and cannot go back with me because of that. I told her that I know that I have hurt her in worse ways, but I am a good enough person to better myself and learn from my mistakes. I love her enough to better myself and leanr from my mistakes. I want to make her happy again and prove that to her. She says that she cannot face the fact that she has hurt me physically and one reason is is because she feels like her mother in which she hates to death. My mistake is sometimes saying in the past that she was like her mother. Big mistake. I know. I am ont as bad as a person as you might think I am. I want to admit my mistakes, and I know that I was depressed at the time I became abusive. It is not so much an excuse. But that is not me to be like that. She still loves me and always will. She said that, but one reason she might not be with me is because of hurting the person she loves. What do I do? Sincerely, Tashley Jade