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Robert013

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  1. Robert013
    Day 5 I am feeling a little stronger today, but the mornings are the hardest for me. The longer I stay in NC the less dreaming of her ocurs when I sleep. I am getting used to waking up alone, but I don't have to like it. It has been 2 months now since the breakup and let me tell you time just does not move fast enouph in these types of situations. We all can remember a time when we wanted a moment to last forever but it flew by with the bloink of an eye. Why do the best of times seem top fly by but the worst of times just drag on and on? I wish I could just magically move forward in time till the day I have no emotional attachement to her, and all that i want for her is her happiness. She tried to contact me on Friday in a text message asking me if I was going to drop off the rabbit. She then tried to call me an hour later. I already told her I would not if she didn't have a place for it. She ended the message with "Please respond to me." I ignored it of course. She also tried contacting me yesterday. This text message said "Thank you for not droping off peta (rabbit). I will try to find a home for her if H doesn't want her." That was it. I have noticed a significant change in the last week in her. She is starting to be nicer to me. No insults, or blame, but some are still selfish. I think she is starting to respond to my kindness torward her before I went back to NC. This is a step in the right direction for her.
  2. Robert013
    Day 4 I went out of town last night to a concert. I missed her being there. I wanted to call her and tell her about it, but I knew it didn't matter to her. I would have just looked weak and regreted it later. She loved going to concerts with me. I am shure she will miss this about me also. I don't think her new rebound boyfriend is in to the same type of things that she is. This is another problem about jumping into a new relationship just to fill the void. You usually make a poor choice for a partner that you really don't have much in common with. They don't realize it at the time, but it becomes aparent after the initial excitement fades. I think about these things just because I am hurt, and feeling rejected. Like I am not good enouph anymore. I am a bit sad today because of the her not being at the concert with me last night. It just didn't feel the same. Why are Sunday's so hard? I need to stop wondering how things might be going with her, and start focusing on my self. Somedays I can block it out and not worry, but other days I cannot.
  3. Robert013
    Day 3 I did not see her last night. This was both good and bad. Bad because i wanted to see her but not talk to her. good because I didn't have to break NC. I just miss her company. She never tries to contact me on the weekends. i know it is because she is with him. She doesn't miss or think about my son and i when she is with him. He blocks her from feeling anything. Like a bandaid. Once the band aid is not there she can see the wound again and the pain comes back. she always makes tries to make contact when she is at work or during the week when she is not with him. This is why it takes longer for people in rebound relationships to heal. they are only experiencing what we are experiencing for a fraction of the time. We feel it all the time. it slows the healing process down for them. Once we finally go NC they start to miss us and this can and usually does lead to the demise of the rebound relationship. In the meantime I am trying to heal myself and keep as much distance as possible between me and the source of my pain.
  4. Robert013
    Day 2 still Going out in a little while just posting to get some stuff off my mind. I am going to a local pub to watch a regea band. She might be there if I feel out of control I plan on leaving but if I am keeping my distance and feeling fine I will stay. I hope that I can remain calm and happy so that she can see this if she is there. i am going with two single women so this should help me at least apear in my element. if this does happen then i will gain alot of personal power and this will at least make her think. i just need to release some stress here so that i do not apear to be anxouse or fake. This is one of the steps to gaining control and yourself back. The more you are yourself the the more power you have. I have been gaining in this area in the past few weeks also. This is not an atempt to make her jelous I only want her to see that I am fine without her in my life if she shows up. I am not seeking her out in any way. There are only a few decent bars in my town and I am good friends with the owner of this one. they asked me to come to the show tonight. I am not going to avoid it because of her. Witch I have been for the past 3 weeks. Even though she has basically forced me to have contact with her. i will not speak to her and if she does attempt to speak to me then I have to be me. I also have to be confident, kind, and calm witch is how I was before the breakup. If it does happen then I have to make sure it is brief. I really don't want to have to talk to her, so I can remain in NC. It is going to be no different than seeing your ex walk by on the other side of the street.
  5. Robert013
    My breakup was kind of mutual. I say kind of because I knew we needed a break but i wasn't ready. When she jumped into a new relationship after only a week I felt that I was now the dumpee. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now that I am trying to move on she is sensing it and digging at me. I know she still loves me and cares, but who can just say whatever to 7 years and jump right into another relationship? If you both really loved eachother thier is going to be pain on both sides wheather you are the dumper or dumpee. It is how we deal with the pain that shows the type of people we are.
  6. Robert013
    Day 2 I always start the day out feeling a bit down after I had contact with her. You always end up feeling worse when you do. It is a step back in my healing, but the weekend is almost here so that will lift my spirits. I am going to watch a reggea band tonight with two single women. That will make me feel good. If my ex shows up I was planning on leaving unless I am having a real good time. In that case I will avoid any conversation with her.
  7. Robert013
    Babes23 Yes you are doing the right thing. Be strong. Feel your feelings. Tell him off but do it on here. Let it out!
  8. Robert013
    She has done many hurtfull and even detructive things to spite me when she was angry so possibly hurt me yes. I know she still cares she has even made it a point to tell me. "Grass is greener" i can't sit around and wait for her to decide what she wants. i also cannot support her new relationship. I don't want to interfear with its natural progresion. This is about me feeling like myself again. i am getting there but it is a slow process we all know that. I don't want her back the way she is now. if she could somehow transform back into the women i fell in love with then there is a small possability I would want her back but very small. I am sick of not having a smile on my face. When i am in NC I smile more than when I am LC. So I chose my path to healing for me not for her.
  9. Robert013
    He is almost 8. We were together for 7 years. My sons mother and I split soon after my sons birth. i have had joint custody the entire time. I have him three day's a week. I went with her 6 months later after I had healed. She was just calling him a friend at that time, but still she was there to visit my son and ignoring him to tell me all of this BS.
  10. Robert013
    Well thank you I am feeling strong. Something changed in me a few weeks back and ever since then I feel more in control every day. Granted I still have my moments but they are at home or on here where they belong. My son and I had dinner together with her about three weeks after the split. She was not being honest otherwise we would not have gone. She could not stop telling us about her new rebound guy and how great he was. At this time she said he was just a friend and she wasn't staying with him. This was a lie i later found out from a mutual friend. So I asked her why she was talking about him so much and not focusing on the real reason for the dinner? A visit with my son. This pissed her off when i didn't have a stronger reaction to her comments on this guy. I have always had the ability to stay focused and be patient with my responses. i think she is mad because I really do not try to pry into her business. I didn't ask her where she was staying. i had no reaction to her other rude coments and just changed the subject. She is digging but I am not giving her any ground. I have been wondering why she wants me to know everthing that is going on with her also? even when we were in LC I never disclosed any of my plans that she did not know about before the split, or what i have been doing. She tells me i was supposed to go out of town this weekend with her new guy. Who she's been hanging out with. What her plans are for thankgiving. What she is going to be for Halloween, etc, etc. Why does she think that I care? And then tries to contact me over the littlest things. When i don't respond she shows up at my house. CRAZY Like I said before it is not a competition.
  11. Robert013
    I think she was a little upset that either of her rude coments had no visable affect on me. I don't think so he sure talked alot to me at the bar when we confronted eachother the first time.. Or should I say when he talked to me and I ignored him. The other time we confronted eachother he didn't have anything to say accept i will leave now then.. i was not proud of that moment afterwords but watching him run with his tail between his legs made me feel good at the time. i wasn't going to do anything but he doesn't have to know that. She probaly can't even get a word in with this guy..lol He is full of it and of himself.
  12. Robert013
    I figured hell I am back to day one anyhow I might as well respond to it. So a half hour later I said in my text message " I will look in my car. If i find it I will drop it of in a day or two. If it is not at your dads in a day or two I could not find it. That is real nice of your brother and family for inviting his friend to thanksgiving. You are good people. i need a break from you and you need a break from me. I have mentioned this before. Have a nice day and a happy thanksgiving." A few minutes later she sends another text saying, "please don't drop off the rabbit." i already told her that I would not but it is still funny. I did not and will not respond to that one back to NC for the third time. I haven't initiated contact in over 3 weeks so I am sure she will try again soon. Let the healing move forward. I don't know if responding to the last one was right but it felt good to let her know again that i am seriouse about not talking to or seeing one another. I feel if I don't say that in my final message she will think that it is okay to contact me.
  13. Robert013
    Well back to day 1 I am not worried because I am in control of my emotions now. i know how to deal with all of them saddness, anger, jealousy, you name it I am starting to be able to master this. I responded to her text message about the charger. I said "It's Okay. Sorry I didn't respond sooner I was busy. I looked for the charger and could not find it. I will look again. If I find it I will drop it off at your dads. If it is not there in a day or two that means I could not find it. Is there anything else that you needed before we take time away from eachother? I will drop that stuff off if I have it. Have a nice day." She instantly sent me another text after I sent it. She said " It might be in your car. It is just that my brothers apartment is really small and his friend has no family, so we wanted her to have a place to go for thanksgiving." Why is she opening up about this? This is none of my business and why would I care what she needed the charger for? This is new for her she has been nothing but cold to me for the past 4 weeks. After I caught her in her lies, and decided to go NC. I am not responding to this I am back on NC.
  14. Robert013
    No she is not my sons mother. I have already asked her to do that 3 or 4 weeks ago that is why I thought i was done with all this BS. She didn't start asking for random things until I went NC I was on day 12.
  15. Robert013
    WOW.. I just received a text from her and she did not insult me, she was not rude, and actually it was quite normal. It said "Sorry to bother you but i did not see the charger for the air mattress pump." This is the first time she has said sorry to me since the split about anything. I think my kindness is starting to catch on here, but I could just be jumping the gun..lol I looked for the charger cord but I could not find it. I think it is in her dads garage I am only on the start of day 2 so I will respond in an hour or two and tell her that. Then this will not drag out like the air mattress thing. I will not have to worry about unounced visits to my house.
  16. Robert013
    Day 2 I show up at my house last night after work to meet my ex-ex and my son. My ex was in the parking lot waiting for me. She showed up at my house unanounced. She said you know what I am here for. I told her that I had already dropped off the air mattress at her dads house earlier. She said "Why didn't you call and tell me that?" I said because I did not really want to talk to you. Then she said "Don't flatter yourself." She showed up at my house, not the other way around. What the heck was that all about? She has been trying to contact me for day's about random BS. I was on day 12 of NC. So I asked her when I could drop off her rabbit. She said " I don't have a place for her." So I said what about your room, she said "I am never there. I hardly even live there anymore." Why does she have to say that? Does she think it is a competition who can start another relationship first? Who can hurt the other one more? Well she won and It doesn't matter because anything she did, does, or says is not personal. It just comes from the kind of person she is (imature, rude, needy). Just remember that what you say is also not personal. It just comes from the kind of person you are. So when responding to an ex always respond with kindness, confidence, and compassion. Because this is the type of person we all want to be. I read that some where but it is so true. I am actually starting to be happy being alone. That was one of my goals. I know she is staying with her new boyfriend and has been for almost 2 months now. So I said " Well why don't you just take it wherever you are staying?" She said "I can't". So then I said "I do not want to talk to her, or see her anymore. This is for the both of us. I do not want to be friends, but I don't know what the future holds. I wish you the best, goodluck, and goodbye." I reanitiated NC. The good part about this whole encounter was that I remained calm, and I stayed in control. I showed her and did not tell that no matter what she says to me it doesn't matter or affect me anymore. And it really didn't I was more mad at her for breaking my 12 day streak then anything else.
  17. Robert013
    Back to day 1 was on 12 She showed up at my house unanounced. When my son was supposed to get dropped off. She knew I had to be there. I had no choice. i will tell all tomarrow
  18. Robert013
    Thanks for all the advice by the way. I think it is good that you are ready to let go. I can't wait until I am there. Keep up the good work.
  19. Robert013
    I just decided to drop of the air mattress at her Dads house during my lunch hour because I knew that no one would be there. It is worth geting rid of that so that she will not try to contact me anymore. It still feels weird going there though because I am worried I will see her father, step mother, or her. I did not thank god. Now she has no reason to try to contact me. It should be done with now. She just tried calling me again. I listened to the voicemail and she said "Hello Bob this is . Could you please just call me about the air mattress. I need it to go to Boston." Well she will get it tonight. I am still on day 12 of NC. I am not going to worry about getting it back.
  20. Robert013
    Thanks for your support thedude27. I know there is nothing I could have done if I didn't see it. This is part of the healing process. Feeling the emotions, realizing your part in the breakup, and learning from your mistakes. I haven't been able to do this until I went NC. She just text messaged me again this morning. All it said was "Air mattress?" She really needs to just let me go now. I know she is just reaching out because a cheap air matress that is not even hers is not a reason to keep trying to contact me. If her mother, or brother really needed it they would contact me and ask to borrow it.
  21. Robert013
    Day 12 Last night I found a letter that she wrote me about four months before we broke up. It said that she was so in love with me. It said that I deserved better. It said that she would change. It said that I was the best friend that she has ever had. It said that she wanted to be with me forever. It said that she is trying to find a way to repay me for all of the support, encouragement, advise, and motivation that I gave her. It also said that I was the one who brought her back to life when she was ready to give it all up. She said she missed me so much. She said that I will see the changes she was going to make. I never did see them because it never happened. You never know what you had until it is gone. I lost a great person and the women I love because I was to blind to see the good in her. I am crushed. Where did that love and friendship go how can she loose those feelings for me in a matter of months? I think I pushed her away because she never did even attempt to change. I ****ed up. This is mostly my fault for not seeing the warning signs and giving her more support. Now I have to live with and learn from my mistake. She tried to call me last night I ignored it, she did not leave a voicemail. Then about two hours later she sent a text message and all it said was "air mattress?" I think she is starting to get the point. She is trying to reach out to see because she believes now I have really given up, and decided to let her go. It is not about the air mattress. This would be so much easier if she did not have a rebound.
  22. Robert013
    The best you can do is limited contact if you have kids. Only talk about the kids when you make contact. Don't call unless it is about the kids. Do not do anything unless it is about the kids.
  23. Robert013
    I do not see it going long term unless I stick around. The holidays are going to be hard for her. My son and I were always a big part of her family during the holidays. We were always there during thankgiving and christmas. I was asked to be in her brothers wedding this summer before the break. My son cannot be replaced, and I don't think I can be replaced as easily as she thinks I can be. She will be getting alot of questions about us from her family. When she doesn't have the answers it will make her think. Her family really liked my son and I. I wanted to keep in touch with them but it is to soon for that. I have noticed that the day after she tries to make contact with me it is really hard. The urge to contact is somehow amplified. I will not contact her though. I am going to just stay strong and resist the urges.
  24. Robert013
    I have read about the grass is greener syndrome and it is starting to fit the profile. I was her first real adult relationship. She is 25 we were talking about future plans wedding, kids,etc. She jumped right into another relationship after the break. Said she didn't know what she wanted. Said she wanted to stay in touch. Wanted to be friends but didn't know about the future. My friend said to me last night maybe she just needed another adult relationship to compare yours to? I would agree with this. I then told him but it doesn't matter now and it is over. He said he knows that her new relationship won't last, he is a mutual friend and his wife is my ex's best friend. He then said people get divorced and then remarry all the time. I would have to think long and hard about reconciliation if she were to come back. I just don't think I could ever trust her again. I just need to let that thought go. I would agree that now she is actually is starting to realize that she has no control over me and I am strong enouph to live without her. I cannot be there anymore for her to take her frustrations out on. Let the new guy do it he is the one getting paid for it. I am maintaining NC I am now on Day 11.
  25. Robert013
    I really don't want to hurt her but i will just be the one getting hurt if I give in. She needs to realize that i am seriouse about NC and strong enouph not to give in to this. She needs to also realize that she has lost my son and I.
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