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Robert013

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Everything posted by Robert013

  1. Robert013
    Feeling okay today. She is still haunting my dreams. A good sign I am not over her, so NC continues. until I can say truthfully I am over her NC will keep on continuing. I know what happens to me emotionally when I respond to her attempts at contact. I do not like it so I will not keep opening old wounds. They will never heal if you keep picking at them. I understand this is in the getting back together forum but many people here need to realize it will never happen when you actually want them back. This only happens when we have honestly let them go. By then who cares if they come back or not I won't. I want everyone to remember life before there ex. You had some pretty gosh darn good times right? So why can't we do that again just because our ex is not with us anymore. It didn't matter that they were not with us then, so why should it matter if they are with us now? It doesn't we just think it does. Make yourself believe this and you will feal better. Here is a quote that I found some where that makes alot of sense to me. "you do not drowned from being under water, you drowned from staying there" So pick your head up out of the water and breath people. Only you can realize that what you are doing is leading to your own destruction. Stop the patterns that lead to pain, and switch them for patterns that make you smile. Stay NC and you will be fine.
  2. Robert013
    I am not counting days and i think it is actually starting to harm me. So day whatever. If we worry about how many days it has been then we are not focusing on us. We are focusing on our ex's. They are controlling us if we count. Why should it matter if they try to contact us? They left us we didn't ask to be alone. We must remember how we were before we met them. Did we talk to them then? No. Did it matter if they called then? No. So why does it matter now? Truthfully it doesn't just our ego's are telling us it does. I still get sad. I still get angry. I still think about her. I just don't dwell on it and replace the thoughts of her with other positive thoughts. I read. I work out. I have made new friends. I am more compasionate, and more understanding. I have goals. I know who I am and the kind of person I want to be. I know the kind of women I want to be with. My ex is not this kind of women. My ex lacks some qualities that I desire. She is selfish, she is needy, and most of all she is not honest. What qualities does your ex lack that you desire? I am sure the list is long for us all. I am growing everday for the better. I will find what i am looking for because I am determined. Being alone is not bad when we are focused on what we want in life. Most of our ex's are the same people as when they left. Most have not grown and will not change for the better in any way. They are our ex's for a reason they could not grow. Stop counting days you will know when you can contact your ex again if you ever desire to. The number of days doesn't matter it is how they affect you emotionally. Once anything they say or do doesn't affect you emotionally then go ahead call or don't it doesn't matter. Stop wanting them back! Stop wanting them to be your friend! NO.. NOT NOW.. Focus on you and take back control do not count.
  3. Robert013
    This is not due to your ex. We all had bad days before we met them now we just blame a bad day on them. Just say to yourself it is just a normal bad day and has nothing to do with your ex. We all need to start realizing that these emotions are not caused by our exes and are caused by ourselves. We are letting our emotions control us not our exes. It is your thoughts that are making you feal bad. When you think bad your brain makes your body feel bad. When you think positive your brain makes your body feal good. So whenever you get a bad thought replace it with a positive thought. Your brain will soon catch on and you will start feeling better. You are AWESOME! I am AWESOME! It is a mind over matter thing i took from somewhere but it helps.
  4. Robert013
    Day 2 Ran into her Dad yesterday. i talked for a while told him how I was told him what I have been doing and so forth. It will get back to her so I am counting it as contact. It is just like sending a message. When i was walking away he calls for me to come back and then he starts spilling his guts. he said he doesn't know what is going on with her he said she sleeps until like noon everyday. Sits in her room until like 9 o'clock at night then goes to her new boyfriends house every night. He said he has been trying to ask her questions about what is going on and she will not answer him at all. He said she quit her job but didn't tell him about it. he said she has not been doing her school work. He said she has not been paying any of her bills. He said he is going to kick her out if she doesn't start talking and paying her bills. He thinks she is having a harder time with this then she lets on. Givin what he said I think she is just putting on a happy face and using this guy to get over loosing my son and I. I told him she has been trying to text message me every week. I told him about the last one she sent that had to do with him and he said he never mentioned that to her. She told me her family has met him but he said he did not. Her mother might have but I haven't talked to her yet. he asked me to keep in touch and I told him i wanted to but it wasn't a good idea right now. He understood. I told him when its over its over. I told him I haven't talked to her in a month. i told him that she is not allowed to see my son and do not bother to send any presents because it will just give him the wrong idea. She doesn't talk to her friends anymore and never hangs out with them. She just sits at the new guy's house with his roommate. Well I have been doing fine but I am now concerned that her life is falling apart. She made her choice now she has to live with the consequences. Back to NC it is for me.
  5. Robert013
    I really don't think the dumpers hit 10 in the pain scale but maybe 10 in some other scale that causes the breakup.
  6. Robert013
    Yes rejection stinks. Yea there is no nead to rush anything. We all seem to think that we need to find someone as soon as we are healed. Well this could just lead to accepting less than we deserve. Dating and finding someone we truly cherish is not easy and should never be ruched as you said someday. We here are all stuck on what was what has been what will be. We ask will I ever find someone better? Will I ever love that deeply again? Will our exes see the light and come running back? Here is our answer. Possibly, but we have to cause it to happen and not force it. I have realized pining over what is lost and daydreaming on what might be does no good. You will not get anywhere. When we are in this state we are unatractive and undatable. Lets start living for the day and see what happens.
  7. Robert013
    Day 22 It always goes easier when she doesn't try to contact me. I am sure Monday was her last time for a while possibly forever. Yea right..lol.. I know the girl loves my son and I she just couldn't stand to be with me anymore and I with her we were destroying eachother. Arguing over the smallest of things. It was all due to a lack of comunication and solving the real problems. For those people who think that the only reason people break up because they are not in love anymore, or they are not sexually atracted to eachother anymore well they are wrong. The sex was still great.. She loved me and I loved her we just were not getting to the issue. Comunication is a large part of a relationship and if you cannot do it properly then it will end your relationship. This is what I have learned from being in NC. I also understand why she jumped into a relationship so quickly. She can not be alone. She is not emotionally strong enouph to get through a heartbreak. We broke up once before for a few weeks about two years before the final breakup. She later told me she wanted to hurt herself and possibly kill herself during those two weeks. We tried to work out our differences and it worked for about 1.5 years then the same patterns started and ultimately ended the relationship. So 2 weeks apart was not long enouph. It is okay that she went into another relationship if it means she is not going to hurt herself or worse. It still killed me but I am dealing with it because I am strong. I am not supporting it and think rebounding after a week is a cowardly action so I plan on staying NC. She will keep trying to make contact. She doesn't want me to find someone new she told me it would hurt her to much. She thinks I will forget about her if I do. She wants to stay friends..Blah..blah.. She is having doubts about what she wants and her new boytoy. She wants to grow up and do all the things she didn't get to do when we were together. This one I love because all she did was get into a new relationship with a guy who just sits around his apartment with his roommate. These are all of the things she told me when we were in LC for 3 weeks after the breakup. Then I realized what was going on and went NC. The funny thing is she has not done any of the things yet she said she wanted to do.. I have taken 2 trips since the breakup. I have gone to 3 concerts. I have made a number of new friends. I have started reading again. I have lost 25 pounds and look better than ever because I hit the gym. I have spent more time with my son. I live on my own in my own apartment with my son. It looks like I am the one who did the growing up. She took a step backwards and now stays with her new boyfriend and his roomate. At least when we were together we had our own place and did not need a roomate to feel whole. The grass is not always greener. I am happy to move on. I will find someone new. I will find someone that I do not have to bend over backwards to please. I will find someone who I deserve and deserves me. This is her loss not mine.
  8. Robert013
    Day 21 I am okay today. I still miss my ex. I still love her, but I need to move on. I am starting to read a new book tonight. That will help me pass some time. I also have a date with my friend. We are taking my son to a movie tonight. This will be fun. The more I get out with people the better I will be. I invited a women over last night that I just met to watch a DVD. It felt like a date the whole time. It went well we didn't get to see to much of the movie because we were talking the whole time. She said she was worried because the only other 2 times we talked was in the bar so she thought the alcohol is what made me so sociable. She was worried that their wasn't going to be any conversation. She was pleased to find out that this was not the case. I am not a different person when I have a few drinks. I am who I am. I do not need alcohol to have a good time. I use it as a means to go to a bar and socialize. The goodbye was awkward. I told her I just wanted to be friends and we left it at that. We made plans to do it again some night. So it went well.
  9. Robert013
    Day 20 Mornings are hard for me. Today it is even harder because she tried to contact me again yesterday by sending me a text message witch I ignored. She wanted to know if her family and herself could get my son christmas gifts. I know she cares about him but IT'S OVER. She is not the mother. It just makes me so mad that she thinks she can still be apart of his life. No, she walked out on us and was dating another guy within a week. When you break up you loose the family as well. She should have thought about that before she jumped into another relationship so quickly. We had planned on being friends but then her actions and the fact that she lied to my son and I numerous times made that impossible. It hurt to much. I do not want to be friends with someone who is willing to lie to my 7.5 year old son right in front of me. NO WAY. She needs to realize what she has lost. She has not fully felt the loss because she is in a rebound. You are supposed to mourn the loss of a long term intimate relationship. Starting a new relationship in a week is not healthy after just breaking up with someone you spent 7 years with. It does not give you any time to mourn the loss of the previouse relationship. I am sure someday she will realize just what it is that she has done. I know she misses my son, but that is not my problem. It is me time now. Well I have a movie date tonight with a friend I just met. I am getting the feeling that she wants more than just a friendship. I do not so I will make my intensions clear tonight. I just need a new friend right now.
  10. Robert013
    Yea it sucks. We learn from our mistakes, so just take it as a learning experience and let it go. 18 days is not long enouph. I know this because I am on day 19 of NC and I know what will happen if I make contact. She will respond and I will feal bad the next day. Just forget it happened and start from day 1 again. It is only a small step back. Just a little bump in the road you will be fine.
  11. Robert013
    I hear ya I would love to take you out on a casual date, to bad we are five hours away. You know I still think about her and I still love the person she was, but it is easier to let that go when they are no longer that person. My only emotion lately is anger towards her. I think this is one of the later emotions in the healing process. This is easily disapated when you surround yourself with positive activities and people. I can't wait until I can truly forgive her because then I will be over this. For now the anger is just fine it is motivational. It helps me push through some of my daily tasks with verosity.
  12. Robert013
    Day 19 I just realized that this place is becoming an adiction for me. I think I need to start weening myself of this site gradually. I still like it for the venting, but I think it is making me dwell on the breakup a little to much. I am getting stronger. I have two dates lined up for this week both with friends but it is building my confidence and ego. The one girl I just met she is coming over to watch a movie this week. I think she wants more than a friendship but i don't. I will let her politly know my intensions. Oh shoot I have to get my house straight. lol. I have been trying to do so much with friends and family that I have neglected my home. An hour tonight and maybe tom. should be enouph. I just realized I met 7 different women in the past week. Just conversation and flirting, but they were all atracted to me and gave me compliments. All enjoyed my company and didn't want me to go. I didn't take it any further than conversation and flirting because I am not ready to date for real just casual friendly dates for now. But soon very soon. I also saw some friends that I haven't seen in many months. My women friends all were amazed at my apearance. Dropping 25 pounds and hitting the weights does wonders. Some of my old high school friends said that I look like I did in hight school just more mature of course. All this positive attension does great for my confidence and ego. My first girlfriend from middle school and very close friend also told me that she thought I was settling with my ex. She was sad for me that we broke up but she thought that I could do much better and deserved a nicer person. She said that I was a good catch, and to believe her because I should not worry. She said that she had always thought that and so did many of my other friends that she knows. This is not the first time I have heard this from some very close people. It is weird that you do not hear this stuff until the breakup. Some of the people I have heard this from I thought were better friends with my ex. Come to find out the reason why they were friends wiith us was because of me. I see now why my ex doesn't have to many friends. She is not a complete person and is not very sociable. She is defined by the person she is with and can't be alone. The problem is her new flame is a jerk therefore she will most likely end up loosing some of her good friends. Oh well not my problem now. Overall I am starting to see a glimmer of light. Attractive women seem to like me around them. I have so much support from friends who I would not think cared so much for my well being. I am becoming more confident everyday.
  13. Robert013
    Day 18 I am doing fine just a little angry. I talked to her step cousin today who has been my friend since before high school. He does not contact her directly ever. I was at his house watching football. He said he saw her father and step mother and they asked about me. He said " well I know he isn't talking to her" they said they knew that. Then he said "well they are not together and she is with another guy." They said "I know" and then he said they both shook thier heads in disgust. I know that they are not to happy with her for jumping into a relationship with the new guy so quick. This made me feal better. I told him to tell them I said hello the next time he sees them. I told him I want to call them but I can't because I am not talking with her. They are like family and my ex, my son, and I even lived with them for a year. I am sure they miss my son and I. They used to love it when I asked them to babysit. Breakups suck because you also loose the family. She lost my son and I lost her family. It is a two way street we both lost something dear to us besides eachother. On the bright side i met a beautiful women this weekend and her bestfriend told me that she thought I was cute after our conversation. She is 25 and an administrator at the student affairs department at a college. Sexy and smart.
  14. Robert013
    Day 16 For some reason I thought she might send me a text message yesterday. She did not but I am not that disapointed. I was with family and friends all day yesterday so it wasn't that bad. I wanted to send her a text message to tell her and her family happy thanksgiving but then i realized she doesn't care. I am starting to doubt if she ever did. I was a little down this morning but then went to a friends house for lunch and we made plans for tonight. We are going to have a few drinks at there house then go out to watch a band. It is going to be fun. Well see ya later I am heading to the gym. Goodluck everyone. Just remember everyone even on the darkest days the sun is still shining. One day we all will be with the one we deserve.
  15. Robert013
    Day 15 Happy thanksgiving. I am feeling a bit low today most likely because it is a holiday and she is not with me. It definatly sucks to be alone on the holiday. Thiws is the first time I have been alone on a holiday in 10 years. Family and friends are just not the same as sharing the time with a SO. I went out last night in town and saw many friends from out of town and also met some new people. I met a few girls but of course they are not from here. I hate where I live there aren't to many women that I would date. It seems as though all the good ones are taken. Small towns suck. I live in a town with only 10,000 people. I am going to try and enjoy myself today, but she is on my mind. Today will be hard. Today I miss her. I haven't cried in a month but I am now.
  16. Robert013
    Day 14 Feeling good today. i was thinking a bit about her last night but it went away quickly. I am going out with friends tonight it is the busiest bar night in my hometown all my old highschool friends will be in town. It will be good to catch up. She has not tried to contact me since last thursday. It is the longest she has gone without trying to contact me. It is weird how you hate it when they do try to contact you and when they don't. Oh well. I am starting to get more and more comfortable on my own. I can deal with all of the emotions. NC is getting easier everyday. My friend and I were talking last night about our situations. He is going through a divorce. He said his ex asked to come back but he told her no way. She wronged him in the way my ex wronged me. She didn't like him playing golf all the time and going out with his friends. He said if she can't deal with that there is someone out there for me that can. He is further along in the healing process but he denied her a month after she moved out. I told him about my situation and how she still is trying to make contact and still wants to see my son. He said why does she think she has any right to see your son. He also said that she should have thought about that before she did what she did. He said she will realize soon enouph what she has lost just like his ex. I agreed with him. If she does happen to want to reconcile my answer will be the same as his. NO!
  17. Robert013
    Day 13 new record I would be on almost a month if she did noy show up at my house unexspected. It was a setback though. Thats why it makes me so mad that she did that. I am feeling angry alot lately but I am trying to manage it in cunstructive ways. I hit the gym for an extra 1/2 hour last night to try and run it out. Some was left over. I guess it is good because it shows that I am moving in a different direction. This is the direction to healing. I just have to push through this anger and hopefully soon it will subside. Still cannot stop thinking about the future it is hard to block future exspectations. I know this is bad because many of them will not come true. None of these thoughts have to do with getting back with her just future encounters and how I might react. I need to really push that aside. I think this is my biggest setback at the moment.
  18. Robert013
    Good job. i try not to overload my schedule becaue then as you said the thoughts all rush in at once. That is the problem with having to much distraction from the pain. it all will jump out once the destractions are gone. i give myself some time everyday for emotions and to process them. This way I am not overwhelmed at any one moment.
  19. Robert013
    Day 12 It is getting easier by the day. I went out on Saturday night and met two very attractive young ladies. This was a good ego boost. It did not go further than conversation but they were in to me so it felt good. I think it is safe to say that I am about 30% healed at this point it has been a little over 2 months. I have been in NC for a month eccept for the day that she showed up at my house unanounced. I don't dwell on any thoughts of her and do not think of ways of reconciling. I have let that go. I am not thinking about the past as much and am trying not to fantisize about the future with anyone. The hardest part is still waking up alone. I have not really been alone in over 7 years. This is a hard ajustment. I am starting to get used to it and soon I am sure I will even start to enjoy it.
  20. Robert013
  21. Robert013
    Day 9 This is really starting to get under my skin. She sent me a text message last night. It said " You accidentally gave me some of your sons things. I just found them." This is BS I didn't give her any of my sons things when I dropped her stuff off. She still has some of his toys and books at her dads but I have let them go. It has been three weeks since I last dropped anything off at her fathers. This could go on forever. Oh I just found this or you have this of mine BS. I told gathered all of the stuff up that I thought I had of hers and gave it to her. She did the same for me. There might be a few things lingering on both sides, but just let that crud go. These worthless possesions make no difference to me anymore. It seems now she is just trying to find excuses to contact me. I just want to be left alone. It is something new every 4 or 5 days now. Before I started NC she would never contact me. I cannot let her hurt my son or I anymore! She is not respecting my request for NC. I would be on something like day 21 if she didn't show up at my house. I will not be a backup boyfriend. If my son and I were not good enouph then let us go. The good thing about all of this is that she is pushing me away now, so it is helping me to let her go.
  22. Robert013
    Day 8 Feeling a bit down this morning but that tends to to be how most of my days have been starting out. I found that trying to not live in the past has made me start fantisizing about the future. Now I need to tackle this problem so that I can live for today. I think this is what is meant by taking it one day at a time. Don't live in the past or expect anything in the future. Because if it doesn't happen as you had imagined in the future then this will lead to more pain. I am strong. I am a good person. There are other women out there that I can love just as much if not more. I will not let her hurt my son or I anymore. I owe her nothing.
  23. Robert013
    Day 7 Another day to get myself back. Another day to look better. Another day for me to realize she is not as great as my heart thinks she is. Another day to focus on my son and I. Another day I do not have to put up with all of her BS. Another day I am not the fall back BF. Another day I owe her NOTHING! Not even a friendship. Another day that she cannot hurt me. Another day to stop living in the past and live for the moment. Another day for her to see what she has lost. Another day closer to being healed. I am sick of the way I have been feeling for the past 2 months so I am taking action. I have made a concouse decision to stop pining over an illusion. I have made the decision to let go of the past, and only worry about my actions in the future. It is time for me to take her down a couple notches and see her for who she really is. We all need to stop wondering if they are coming back or if they are going to try to make contact. We all need to start living again. Her cowardly actions a week after the breakup have caused this pain inside of me. It is my actions alone that are going to end the pain. You will not be allowed to hurt me anymore KGS. I deserve better!
  24. Robert013
    Day 6 I amfeeling stronger noe that I didn't respond to her text message from yesterday. I see no reason to respond to her anymore. This is something she will have to live with. She knew that she would loose my son as well as me if we broke up. The only way for me to get better is for her to be out of our lives completely. I have to stick to NC this is when it will have the best affect on me. It will also affect her now also I can tell she is starting to miss us. Otherwise why would she want to try to make contact with us over the smallest things? I have to let her go so that I can heal and her new relationship can run its natural course. I must convince myself that I do not want her back. I seem to just miss having someone to sleep next to and wake up next to in the morning.
  25. Robert013
    Well she is at it again. She sent me a text message this morning. This said " I want to get H (my son) a camera for christmas. Is this okay you can mark it from santa if you want?" I know it sounds like she cares, and she does. I cannot just reply to every message she sends me. I don't really want her to get him anything right now. I am going to ignore it. I am sick of this all together I just want to let her go, and I want her to do the same for my son and I. I have explained this to her. She is with another guy and has been since a week after the breakup i don't want her to have anything to do with my son and I right now and possibly forever. Should I send a message back and say "You do not have to bother getting him a present. Best wishes and have a nice day."
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