thekid55
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Hi all, popping in for an update. Happy New Year! I'm here to reflect on 2018. In short, 2018 was a roller coaster ride. Relationship-wise, my wife and I went through a rough patch in the fall, but things have improved. Our sex life is off-the-charts good. She craves me constantly. (Hat tip to my gym sessions, which I'm doing 5x a week.) Our communication still needs some work, but that may be a lifelong task. I love her and see my life with her. We went on some fun vacations together and she planned a fun surprise party for my 30th brithday. Some of my longtime friends attended, which was great. With my immediate family, I don't have much of a relationship w/ my Mom. She wants to constantly argue and fight with me about the past. I can't tell whether it's just who she is or if it's her medical condition affecting her. My Dad and I have a solid relationship while my sister is going through a tough time (Rehab, may get divorced). With work, things are still unsettled. I'll have options, but it's unsettling not knowing what the next few months look like. In terms of side hustles, I started making a lot of money. This has given me confidence that I don't need to totally rely on a salaried-job. Going into 2019, I want to continue my excellent workout schedule in the gym, be a better communicator/listener, add more side hustles and just be a better man for all parties in my life.
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Hi all, popping in for an update. I'm turning 30 soon. It's crazy that I started this journal back when I was 21. Time flies. I wanted to do a quick post on things I'm proud of/not proud of. This list solely applies to my 20s. Proud of: Pulling myself out of the turmoil I was in when I started this thread. The breakup forced me to self-reflect and improve myself. I sought out new opportunities, new friendships, and new experiences. I went on Spring Break, re-connected with old friends, dated girls outside of my social circle, etc. Graduating college w/ a double major and honors. I worked so hard in college. Getting my first job while I was still in college. We were coming out of difficult economic times, so I proud of myself for pushing myself to do numerous internships to set myself up for that opportunity. I worked hard for 5 years at my first job and learn a lot of valuable lessons. I learned how people should be treated (and also shouldn't be treated). I also learned that I don't want to be a slave to my job. Money isn't the only thing. Getting my second job was a big 'step up' for me. I joined one of the biggest, most popular companies in the U.S. and made a lot more money. I work with some amazing people and I saw how great management works. I built my network up and learned a lot of great skills. As of now, there's some job uncertainty, but I will embrace it. Self improvement and development. I've read so many books on business, psychology, finance, etc. I've also sought out mentors online that I've learned a lot from. I'm operating at a much higher level than I ever have. The world makes more sense to me now since I spent so much time learning. Learning never stops, either. I ran a half marathon at 28. I'm currently getting very muscular. My parents divorce was devastating; there were a lot of sleepless night, a lot of stressful nights. However, it made me a stronger man. I learned that I can't be everything to everyone. I can only do my best and I learned to set better boundaries with people. I allowed my Mom to push my boundaries---I'll never let someone do that again. Getting married to my college sweetheart. In our 20s, we did a long distance relationship, moved in together, built up our first 'home', supported each others' career and went a lot of great vacations together. We're ready to take the next step (buying a home, having children shortly thereafter). However, the game never stops and I have to keep improving myself on a daily basis. I wouldn't expect anything less from her, either. I learned to embrace uncertainty when it comes to investing. I made some "risky" investments. Some worked out, others didn't, but each was a learning process. I improved my style. I dress much better now. Not Proud Of: I'm not proud of how I let my 'frame' get scrambled on multiple occasions. When I say "frame", I mean my identity, worldview, etc. My break-up in 2010 scrambled my frame, my parents' divorce scrambled it too. I'm not proud of how I became short-tempered with my wife and close friends. It's something I'm addressing in counselling. I want to be more open. I'm not proud of how some of my friendships dissolved. Maybe that's just life, but I miss some of my friends. I should call them.
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Hello. Dropping in for an update. Over the last month, I've started counselling and attended two sessions. The sessions have been very good. My counselor is a good listener and allows me to talk. She offers comments when the moment is right, but she doesn't try to control me or the conversation. We've discussed issues with my wife, my family issues, etc. I'm feeling better, but I'm also do a ton of self improvement on my own. The counselling is just a part of my process. In terms of self improvement, I've been in the gym 5x a week. I've been lifting heavy weights and my body is starting changing for the better. More importantly, mentally, I feel grower and more confident. For the last year or so, I've been down about my family situation, but lifting makes me feel great. I also running on 'rest days'. With my wife, things are much better. I took 100% accountability for my actions that led to this point (e.g., I got too caught up in the drama with my Mom, I took too much responsibility with her move). Quite simply, I wasn't acting very manly. All of this has changed in the last month---and my wife is reacting much more positively. I'm being strong, more assertive, and having fun with her. Our sex life has been wild (in a good way). Women at work flirt with me constantly, which helps with things at home. With work, my company was acquired last December--and the transaction is expected to close in late January. The Company has offered an attractive severance package, but the acquiring company is one of the largest companies in the U.S. Nearly all of the people I work with are going to the acquiring company. Some uncertainty there, which isn't fun, but we'll see. I'm going to see some friends this weekend, solo, which should be fun. The holidays and my birthday are coming up, so we will see happens.
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I sat down tonight and made a list of things that (i) I like about her and (ii) Dislike about her. I did this in preparation for counselling on Thursday. I haven't written about all of these issues in the journal, but here is my list. Things I Do Like 1. Her smile/passion for life 2. Her happiness/passion for helping others 3. Her positive attitude 4. I think she'll be a great Mom. I don't have much experience, but she could do a great job in this area. 5. Our sex life. Things I don't like. 1. In June, I expressed that I wanted to go to counselling because I didn't like where my head was at. She freaked out and was worried about "What might account". Instead of me following through it, I agreed to work on it with her. We've had some discussions, but no major breakthroughs. 2. Her low self-esteem 3. How we’ve struggled to have mutual friends (Over the last few years, I have sacrificed a lot of long-term friendship/making new friends to work very hard and climb the corporate ladder) 4. How I told her that I was feeling depressed over some of my family issues---and she reacted by spending time w/ new girlfriends. She ran away. 5. How I get blamed for still living in the same apartment for 6 years when she wants to move closer to her friends/family. (Currently, we live about 30-45 mins away). Moving closer to her friends/families is doable from a rent perspective, but we can't afford a house out there. Plus, living in our same apartment has afforded us a nice lifestyle where we can take fun trips and pretty much do what we want. Getting anchored down by a big mortgage would pretty much kill that. 6. Her new girlfriends (Since I told her I wanted to go to counselling in June, she has spent a ton of time w/ them. I get a bad vibe from them. 7. She flat out told me today that she might see us in two different places going forward. This is a major red flag, imo.
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Hey guys. Popping by for an update. In short, things are, well things. Things aren’t good or bad. It just is. Over the last week, we’ve given each other a lot of space. We haven’t talked much during the day. (We usually frequently text throughout the day.) We’ve both spent a lot of time with friends recently. We still see each other everyday and have dinner together. We always keep things light and she tends to bring up heavier topics. We are planning to go to marriage counseling on Thursday night. We both agreed that counseling should help us identify issues.
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Hey guys. Dropping by for another update. My wife and I had a big fight last night. A few weeks ago, a family event was planned with some family that we rarely see. That event occurred last night. It went well and we had a nice time. However, i had to turn down baseball tickets that i really wanted I’ve been dealing with a lot of issues, physically and emotionally, recently and I’m not the easiest person to deal with. This led to an argument on the way home. She argued that it was clear I didn’t want to be there (I didn’t want to be there). Physically, my adrenals are shot. I’ve put myself under so much pressure over the last few years with my parents’ divorce, my sister is in rehab, etc. I’ve been working out a lot, which feels great, but it’s getting to the point where everything is weighing on me. I need to start feeling good physically and emotionally. My wife has some new friends that are ‘fun friends’, but value-wise, they are much different from people she is normally friends with. I’ve voiced some concerns with this—-and she understands. She’s also hung out with them more frequently. I never tell her what she can/can’t do, but I expressed my concerns last night. We discussed going to counseling. The counselor would help us discuss some of the issues that we’ve gone thru individually. Big picture, I don’t know what’s going to happen. A lot of the family events have changed me big time. I’m not the same person that I used to be. I’m much more guarded and reserved now. I don’t let people get too close. This is a big issue for me that I need to work on. For her, hanging with the new friends is a concern
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Hey guys. Just dropping by. I'm my hardest critic. I'm very critical of every move, every decision, every plan, etc. However, when I take a step back, I release that I've achieved a lot. I've excelled, career-wise, I'm a great friend/husband/son/brother. I'm healthy. Things are great! However, I've always put a lot of pressure on myself to 'entertain' my wife. If you look a few years back, you can read how the relationship fell apart. We got complacent, we got boring, etc. Granted, this was when we were 22 and now, we're closer to 30. That breakup definitely left a mark on me, but we're older and different people now. She not a demanding person what-so-ever, so is always willing to go with the flow. So today, I asked her flat out if she's happy with our life--and she said that she is. I have some very cool things planned for the next few months, but things are slow right now. We spent a lot of time at home, watching our favorite shows together. We see friends/family from time-to-time. I have to do a better job at accepting things for what they are--and stop putting so much pressure on myself to be the top 'entertainer' at all times. It's a character flaw, but she says she's happy, and most importantly, I'm happy, so it's all good.
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Hey guys. Popping by for another update. Overall, things are good. I’m healthy and happy! My wife and I have discussed leaving the Big city for a warmer climate. Moving will improve our quality of life for a few different reasons. 1. We live in a small apartment right now in the Big city. We’ve lived there for almost 6 years and have outgrown it. We also want to get our first pet. 2. We’re getting close to 30 and want to have kids soon. We both need to work, so raising small kids in the Big City isn’t practical. We also don’t want our kids to grow up as city kids. 3. Tax reform. Sounds stupid but living in a high tax city blows for tax purposes. Also, the suburbs are very expensive and the commute to work wouldn’t be fun. 4. Quality of life purposes. Starting a career in the Big City has been good but I’m not going to do Corporate job forever. I don’t like the politics of it all and have written about numerous side projects im working on. 5. Ideally, I’d love to be a teacher, coach and help young people. I want to make sure I’m set financially before I go down this route. I’ve been making aggressive, yet smart investments to help myself. Overall, I think we have to constantly re-invent ourselves. The world changes at a rapid pace, so we have to keep up.
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Hey guys. Popping in for an update. My grandmother passed away last week and we had her funeral yesterday. We weren't close, but my Dad was crushed since he's lost both parents now. I wanted to be there and be strong for him and the rest of the family. Growing up, my parents stayed married for 30 years, but their family were always separated. My Mom did not like my Dad's family, so I didn't have much of a relationship with them. However, I got to see them yesterday and it was a very good visit. I haven't seen some of my family members in 10 years. I'm hoping to build upon (and restore) those relationships. My holiday season hasn't been great. In addition to my grand mom's death, my aunt was very sick and my relationship with my Mom has become strained. We didn't see her during the holidays due to a big fight. That hasn't sit well with me, but she was being unfair. We need to take a break. Career-wise, my employer was acquired, so there's uncertainty over the next year or so. However, as wrote about in my January 2017 entry, I prepared a report and sent it out to NFL teams. This has been a passion project of mine that I hope to turn into a new career. I've e-mailed blasted the report to many different teams--and finally received a response last week. I've been communicating regularly with one team. That team doesn't have any openings right now, but that team has a lot of interest. The director is fascinated by my work and asked to meet at a conference in February. When it's come to jobs, things have always happened quickly for me, but this one hasn't. I'm a little disappointed, but am taking things a day at a time since I want everything to happen quickly. The communication has been positive and my hardwork has paid off so far. I've shared this news with my family--and they are so happy for me. I love their support. Historically, the week between Christmas and New Year's is always a slow week for me. I've made some good progress with my NFL project, networking, reconnecting with family. I've been gambling on football games a little too much, so I need these games to end so I can get back to normal. (I'm a terrible gambler and am very impulsive. Very bad combo. I wrote about this in prior entries and need to nip this!) Family-wise, things could always be better, but I'm thankful that my wife is 100% supportive of me and my goals. She's my rock and I love her.
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Getting back together really does happen!
thekid55 replied to wishingonastar's topic in Getting Back Together
The bolded sentence answers all of your questions.... -
Hi there. I’m stopping by for an update. Overall, things are good. I just turned 29 years old. Pretty crazy that I started this journal when I was 21! A lot of things change over time, so I wanted to list some things that have changed 1. My goals at 21 were so much different than the ones I have now. To be honest, I prefer living by ‘themes’ rather than ‘goals’. My theme is to be happy and live a life of meaning and purpose. That’s a broad theme, but it’s easy to mentally fill in details. When I was 21, I was obsessed with planning every facet of my future life. Things always change, so being resilient and open-minded is key! I figured I’d own a home, started a family by now, etc. instead, I’ve made smart financial decisions. 2. The first girl that brought me to this site (in 2007), is still single and apparently has commitment issues. When we broke up, I made every mistake in the book and wondered what was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me at all! In fact, my stupid actions saved me from having a life with her. (Everything happens for a reason.) 3. Make your partner better. Whether it’s a girlfriend, friend, your wife/fiancé, support her! If things don’t work out, leave her better than you found her. If you stay together, you have your equal. My wife was very innocent and somewhat clueless (in a cute way) when we first met. Overtime, she’s become a killer when it comes to business, Work, etc (like me). She’s still sweet and endearing like when we first met, though. She’s smart, she’s tough, yet she’s very loving. I’ve definitely made her into a better person and I try to do that to everyone I meet. 4. It’s okay not to have it all figured out. My wife and I have lived in the same place for 5 years as renters. Granted, Home prices are insane in our area. We haven’t ‘set roots’ yet because the market prices are crazy and we don’t have an area yet. Thekid55 at 21 would have bugged out. Thekid55 at 29 is at peace and is enjoying the ride! 5. Cherish friends and family. Help those in need. We’ve spoiled friends and family With great Christmas gifts. These are just some late night thoughts. Things change overtime as well as perception. Enjoy your holiday season!
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Hey Guys. Popping in for another update. This post slants more towards the ''progression of life", so feel free to skip. In short, I feel like I'm falling out of friendship with a lot of my college friends, a lot of whom are also married. Distance definitely plays a factor in it, but I think lifestyle also has something to do with it. I'll explain. This weekend, one of my college friends got married. We've been out of college for 6+ years now, so weddings are good time to see everyone and catch-up. Plus, this is the sixth wedding associated with my college friends, so we have about one per year. Just from talking to everyone, I feel so much different from most college friends now. Overall, I've changed a lot as a person. My parents' divorce has definitely changed me and my outlook on things and my quest for self-improvement is never ending. (I'm reading a ton of books, researching new investment stuff, etc.) A lot of my college friends haven't changed. In fact, most of them moved back to their hometowns after college and got jobs around there. I chose to move to the Big City and start my life there. None of my college friends live in the Big City and are about 3-4 hours away, at least. I was very close with these friends throughout college and for the first few years afterwards. Life changes, though, and people, including me, change when they get married. Two of my friends are so manipulated/controlled by their wives, that they act like completely different people. People changing and distance truly goes affect friendships. Stage of life, too, even though none of us have kids yet. In addition to college friends, a lot of my high school friends are getting married--and I'm not getting invited to these weddings. Similar to the college friends, a lot of the high school friends stayed in their hometowns while I left and went to the Big City. Granted, I'm still close with a few high school friends, but not to the extent as I was when I lived near home. This may be a moot point, but a question about weddings in general---If you invite someone to your wedding and they come, but they don't invite you to their and give no reason, I tend to think of that as bad manners. Agreed Even by sending a text/making a call to the person would be satisfactory. One of the aforementioned college friends pulled this recently, referenced on the previous page. He makes it super awkward at these events by just ignoring us. It's just very sad after we had a very fun, joking relationship previously. Maybe he's just awkward in general or his wife gave him crapp--who knows. Anyway, I think writing this post has been therapeutic for me. I made the decision many years ago to leave my comfort zone and go to the Big City. The Big City has been great for me and given me so many new opportunities. Career-wise, things are so great and I love my wife. The future favors the bold--and I was willing to step out of my safe zone (hometown) in order for something bigger and better.
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Hey guys. Popping in for an update. If you are currently struggling or in pain, you will get through it and come out stronger. I promise. Overall, the move went well and my Mom is in her new house. I wasn't sad at all leaving my childhood house. It's become a burden after my parent's divorce and we all needed to move on. Also, cleaning out the house and moving her was a massive project for me, so I'm glad it's over. Credit to my wife with this whole process. She went with me every day and supported me. Even though she can't carry much, she helped keep my mom composed and kept me smiling. I'm very blessed. Career-wise, things are good. I'm about a year away from turning 30, so I've been reflecting on my 20s. I'll save it for a longer post, but my big takeaway is: when you turn 20, you think you have all the answers, but don't know anything. Life is all about learning and experiences and my 20s were full with them!
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Hey guys. Popping in for a brief update. The half marathon was a success! A lot of money was raised for charity and I finished in roughly 2 hours! Not bad! After 2 years of hard work, my Mom's house is finally cleaned out. She moves to her new, smaller home next weekend. It'll be sad leaving our childhood home behind but my Mom is excited about her new place! Finally, I just got back from a family vacation with my wife's family. Overall, it was okay outside of an argument with her aunt. Onwards!
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Hey Guys. It's been a few months, so I'm dropping by. Overall, things are good. My relationship with my Dad is improving. We saw him and his girlfriend at a show and kept things very high-level and jokey. We don't get 'in the weeds' of the deep stuff anymore, which is better for everyone. My relationship with my Mom is rocky. One day she's happy, the next day, she's angry and upset. She has a problem with my relationship with my dad and girlfriend. Granted, my dad and I text once per week and see the girlfriend 1-2 times per year, but my mom gets upset and says we are choosing sides. It's so frustrating because she's heartbroken, not well physically or mentally and has a hard time getting around. It sucks, so I'm taking a break from her. On a personal level, I'm working a few new skills; training for a half-marathon and working on a few ideas for side businesses. My wife does spinning classes, so I'm training for the marathon on my own. I did 10 mikes today at a 9-minute per mile pace!I'm running with people from work, so it's fun to talk about it at the office. I've always had the entrepreneurial itch, so I'm working on it! New challenges are good!
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Thanks! I left the last message on a cliff hanger. I sent my resume to the team, so I'm to hear back from them. In the mean time, I'm updating my work with new players and sending more emails to different teams. I'm optimistic about the future, so I'm going to keep working on it! One other that my wife and I are thinking about: next phase of life We are in our late 20s and are starting to think about the future. We want to have kids by 30, so we have about 2-3 years to properly plan. We're saving a lot of money every month and live below our means, plus We still live in our first apartment. We've discussed where we want to live (whether in-state or move out of state), but haven't decided yet. I'm not in love with home ownership from a financial perspective, so that's something I always consider. A lot of moving parts, which is fine with me. Life is always changing and involving, so we are enjoying the ride.
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Hi All. Popping in for an update. All is well on my end. Corporate Job is going well, marriage is great! Enjoying some football! I've started exploring some different career paths for myself. I believe that we should always be re-inventing ourselves, so I'm always reading new books, generating ideas, etc. One of my dreams is to join an NFL team and work in player personnel. Over the last few years, I've done some work on player evaluation, wrote a report and sent it to some teams for review. To date, I've sent out maybe 20 emails and I received one response, asking for my resume.
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Hey Guys. Popping in for an update. All is well for me. A few months ago, I took issue with a friend that chose not to invite us to his wedding. We invited him to our weddding and he came. This is a friend who I've known for about 10 years and lived with for 2 years. I never received a call or note from him either saying why we weren't invited when other friends were, so I was bothered by it. Normally, it shows good manners to do so, but I chose not to ask him about it. This particular friend is also good friends with 'E', the girl I broke up with to get back together with my wife. E was at his wedding with her fiancé, so I believe she had something to do with why we weren't invited. Maybe E never got over me, who knows, but it stinks that my friend didn't invite us. Which brings me to my next point---E is getting married soon. I saw her wedding page and I'm definitely happy for her. Overall, I think it's normal to wonder when these types of things happen. I'm not saying that I wish it was me who was marrying her. Rather, I think back to when my wife and I got back together. E's feelings were hurt and i definitely felt bad, but I had to do what was right for myself at the time. E was a sweet girl that deserved someone nice and I hope her future husband treats her well. If you are reading this journal for the first time, an update like this one brings things full circle. I hurt E, E moved on (hopefully) and is now getting married. Seeing me and my wife may have set her back, so it was probably good for her that we weren't at that wedding. Goes to show that things happen for a reason. Feel free to weigh in. -thekid
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Hey guys. Popping in for an update. Overall, my marriage and new job is going great! I'm learning new things everyday and couldn't be happier with it. I saw my Dad for Father's Day and things went well. We watched basketball together and had snacks. Felt like old times. My relationship with him is slowly starting to rebuild, so I'm happy about that. My relationship with my Mom has been very rocky, which sucks. We aren't on the same page whatsoever and I've been burying my head into other distractions, namely gambling. I notoriously bury my feelings into activities so I don't have to address them directly. (Not healthy)... The only concern that I have right now is a slight gambling problem. I'm using math and analytics to make picks in horse racing, but things aren't going my way. I've been doing this for about two months, but I don't like the feeling of losing and have promised myself that I will stop. Overall, I'm down about $50 after I had a few big wins the beginning of May. My wife hasn't said anything to me about it and I've been honest with her that I've been playing low stakes all along. She doesn't have an issue with it but it's something that I need to stop for myself. The Internet has made it way too easy to gamble/bet, which stinks, but I need to have more willpower. I want to get ahead of this gambling issue before it snowballs into something bigger. I've only bet one race in the last two days, but I'm confident that I can get through today without gambling. I've eliminated all of the gambling stuff from my iPhone, so im taking steps in the right directions. I held strong today until very late at night when I made my 'last bet' on a stakes race (and lost). I felt so angry at myself for doing that that it ruined the rest of my night. I don't show the anger or disappointment but inside, I'm upset with myself. As we've all seen throughout this journal, I have an addictive personality, which can be good sometimes, but is mostly bad. Overall I've addressed this issue and will make it my duty not gamble tomorrow. One day at a time...
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Hey Guys. Hope all is well. I'm popping in for an update! It's been about 7 months since my last post, but things are going well here. My marriage keeps getting better and I love my wife more and more each day. We are starting to think about kids and buying a home. We still need to save more money in order to get the house, but we have a plan! I started a new job in March at a pretty well known company. I took a promotion, so I'm very happy!! (Wife and I had a big celebratory dinner!) I worked at my old job, which was my first full time job, for about 5 years. During those 5 years, I logged a ton of hours and got a lot of great experience. The environment and people were toxic, but from a technical standpoint, I learned what I needed to. I also learned what a dysfunctional environment looks like. Whether it's a job or relationship, you can't tell if something (or someone) is toxic if you are enduring the day-to-day rigors; you can only see it once you step away from it. My new job is great; the people are so nice and culture is 1000x better. The work-life balance is also much better! I'm a little young relative to my peers at the new job (hence 'thekidd' screen name) but I'm an old soul so i fit in. The new job also has some nice perks, so I'm enjoying myself! Goes to show that hard working pays off when the right opportunity presents itself!! In terms of my Dad, I saw him and his girlfriend around Christmas time. We went out to dinner---and it wasn't memorable at all. My parents' divorce has been finalized so we are trying to help my Mom sell our childhood home. She wants to move into a smaller place, so we've been cleaning up the attic, house, basement in preparation of selling it. My mom has been very emotional during the process, so I've done my best to be there for her. Some of my friends have helped me during this process, so I'm grateful. Overall, things are good on my end. Keep Working hard to improve yourself and good things will happen!
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Hey guys. Back for a quick update! I'm very busy with things at work, but being busy is always better than the alternative! A few late night thoughts: A few months ago, I wrote about my issues with my parents. Needless to say, it's been a rocky road. My wife, sister and I met my dad's girlfriend last month and needless to say, it went horribly. My dad chose to introduce her at our second home, which is currently for sale. His girlfriend used all of my mom's cooking supplies and it was very awkward for us to see her 'assume' my mom's role. His girlfriend is very opinionated about a lot of things and was flat out rude to us during portions of the visit. Towards the end of the meeting, she asked us what we thought of her. We were brutally honest and told her that we didn't like her due to some of comments and her values are just a lot different than what our values are. My Dad has been sticking up for his girlfriend even though we've told him that we don't like her and think she's bad for him. I'm going to have dinner with him tomorrow, but am not expecting it to go well. As a side note, remember the girl I broke up when I got back together with my wife? Well, I found out that she got engaged recently. I'm happy for her and it goes to show that people do end up moving on and finding better relationships for themselves. I'll always think she's a special person and I don't have anything bad to say about her. In fact, I'm happy for her!
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Hey all. Popping in for a late night update. Overall, things are kinda crazy right now. My parents are still going through their divorce, so I'm trying to balance both relationships. Plus, my Dad has been very open and honest with me about having a girlfriend. Sometimes, my Mom will flat out ask me if he has a girlfriend and that puts me in a tough spot. I normally say 'I don't know' since it's not my place to tell her what he is/isn't doing. Plus, he told my Mom that he isn't willing to share any facts about his personal life. I haven't met his girlfriend yet and don't feel comfortable doing so until the divorce is finalized. He wants me to meet his girlfriend, but I've been pretty clear about how I feel. My Dad acknowledges that he's putting me in a tough spot, but there's nothing I can do about it. I was trying to arrange plans on a holiday weekend with my Dad, but since his girlfriend will be around, we had to postpone them. I feel like he's picking her over me, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. I want him to be happy! Long day, though. Time for bed!
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Thanks! To answer your question about 'getting back together', I believe two people get back together (and stay together) when both people spend time 'working on themselves'. I know that sounds cliche, but in reality, there's a reason why the 'first relationship' failed. Think about that, write it down, reason with yourself. For my relationship, we were both 22 at the time and were about a year from graduating college. We were both stressing over graduation and 'what would happen next'. That took a toll on our relationship and led to the breakup; she ended up going to counseling to work on some of her other issues. Her dad left at a young age and she's had a hard time accepting it, so she needed time to deal with those emotions plus the emotions associated with a life change, like graduating college. Counseling helped her big time and made her a better person. She had to address these issues on her own; there's nothing I could have done to help her. I also needed some time to grow up. I didn't accept the breakup at first, but looking back on it, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I was able to work on myself, talk to some smart people and make even more friends on ENA (thank you!), reconnect with old friends, and have new experiences. All of those things made me a better, stronger man. I'm forever grateful that our breakup happened. When we 'got back together', it was a joint decision. I needed to see that she had changed and vice versa. The first relationship failed, so I didn't want to go down that path again with the same person. Over time, I noticed the changes (she was much more mature), but still took it slow. We ultimately got engaged and married, but needed a lot of time to see if the relationship would work. Plus, after college ended, we lived 2 hours apart so we did a lot of commuting each weekend to see each other (on top of going to work). For anyone that's currently going through a tough break-up, just realize that you aren't alone! You're going to make mistakes, but there's a great support system here. Worry about things you can control. You can (and will) grow into a stronger person. I believe that all humans are shaped by their experiences and you can use a breakup to become a stronger person.
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My dad didn't want to miss watching his kids (my sister and I) grow up, which is definitely commendable and I loved having my Dad involved in my life. Not everyone can attest to that. My sister is going to live with my Mom for a little while, so that takes some pressure off. I should be more open minded about some of his personal choices, but I'm having a hard time--for now. As humans, we dislike change, so I guess I need time to accept it.