thekid55
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Looks like my entire girl drama may start hitting the bricks now. I went out with like 40 people last night for two of my friends' birthdays. None of the girls who I'm hanging out with went. Two of the girls who I have been hanging went to the same bar last night, so I definitely wasn't going there. Towards of the end of the night, 'E' who I have been hanging out with and sleeping with often, kept texting me nonstop. Wanting to see me, had her friends text me, blah blah blah. Kind of like the girl SA was seeing awhile back. Carbon copy. I didn't answer any of her messages because I've hung out with her the last four nights in a row and I just needed some space. I really wanted to go see 'J' last night and that's where I wounded up. I hadn't seen her in awhile and it was good to catch up. Her and I had a heart-to-heart and she told me that she couldn't decide what to do when it came to me and her *cough* boyfriend. I told her that I didn't really have any expectations and I'm not making any demands of her. Seems to put her at ease. Plus, logistically, after we graduate in a month, we'll be 5 hours apart. Kinda tough. Anyway, I slept over J's and E went on a rampage. She left me voicemails, texts, etc. She posted some crazy Twitter post in the morning saying that she was over it or whatever. And I'm like, my God. I've known the girl for a month, hooked up with her for like 2 weeks and she's freaking out about me? I texted her and told her she's gotta cool her jets and I just don't want any drama. We have a month to go here and I just want it to be fun. E apologized to me and stuff for getting mad or whatever. I honestly don't really care. I knew this would eventually happen so I really can't even be mad.
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I was thinking today. When was the last time I was truly happy? Like 100% no care in the world happy. And I have my answer. Last June. I was going to a Yankee game with my Dad and we were meeting up with my ex and best friend in the city. Now, I absolutely love the Yankees. I watch every game, I'm a walking stat book, etc. I'm way more than your average 'super fan'. Whenever I go to a game, I'm truly happy and have no care in the world. Just adding three of my favorite people to that experience made it even better. The Yankees won that game and we all had such a great time. Soon after that game, my ex and I began to fight a lot which ultimately ended our relationship three months later. It's safe to say that I've dealt with a lot of demons since that breakup and haven't been 100% truly happy. I've tried to force a lot of things. I've tried having other girls fill that void in my life (unsuccessful thus far), activities (been awesome), and new friends. However, it just feels like nothing truly makes me happy like she did. Now, I'm no dummy. I've been around here long enough to know that the person she used to be is long gone. I'm not trying to glorify the relationship at all. I just miss having that special, deep connection with someone. She was my best friend. She knew all of my favorite things, flaws, how to get under my skin, etc. Breaking up is tough for anyone, but when you lose one of your best friends too, it's twice as hard. Other girls have been chomping at the bit for me, but my heart isn't in it. Heart for a relationship that is. I'm doing the whole single life thing and I have fun at times, but other times, I wanna be able to have that best friend again. Juggling all of these different girls is definitely great for my ego, but not much helpful for anything else. Juggling is also extremely difficult. Right now, I have eight different girls. I regularly hook up with three of them, met another tonight, and have four more back at home. I'm basically using the abundance mentality to buffer myself from hurt. When will I find my 100% happiness again? I don't know, but I do know taht as long as I partake in activities that make me happy and surround myself with positive people, things will continue to trend upwards. Who knows what'll happen in the future, but I'm just doing my best to make progress each day.
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I'm chillen now. I'm better. Had another two baseball games today. We killed it but I pulled my hammy, again. Had to go showing off in front of the girls and diving head first into third base. So I'm laying here in bed with an ice bag on the hammy. I honestly feel like an old man. This body endured 6 years of football, over 500 baseballs games, and 1,500 miles ran over the last two years. I'm 22, but I feel like I have the body of a 40 year old. I had a ton of people there supporting me which was great. I had a group of seven girls (E's group) and J came with her friend. My parents came as well and brought me some food from home. Always good seeing Mom and Dad. I went over J's after the game and she mentioned E jokingly. I kinda just laughed it off and changed the subject. I went out to dinner with E later and we ended up sleeping together. I just got back from my buddy's house awhile back. Had a party for the UCONN game which was fun. Kind of a low key night. E wants to come back over tonight and so does J. Who knows who will show up, but it's all good. SA-I'm finishing up my last semester. I've done the standard 4 years at college and I can tell making the transition to my professional life is going to be life altering. No more internships to hide behind or whatever, but I'm ready to embrace it. I am still trying to find my 'true identity' if you will. But I'm just rolling with the punches and seeing what'll happen moving forward.
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(100% sober writing this) For some strange reason, I feel like I want to sit and down to talk to my ex. Idk why. I feel like I'm having a bit of an identity crisis here. Yes, I'm still 'thekid55'. The good student. The good friend, athlete, blah blah blah. But I feel like I'm a lot different than I used to be. I dress differently now. I juggle all of these different girls now, which I think is leading to some big time unhappiness. I feel like I'm forcing them into being something that they aren't. One girl is like a perfect girl. She's very easy to talk to, a good cook, we are sexually compatible, but there's just something missing and Idk what it is. I have the other girl, the girl who I have history with who has a boyfriend. We argue a lot, but the attraction between us is outta control. I think that leads to all of our issues. Just from the start, it was a messed up situation and I choose to keep going with it so I reap what I sow. I guess I just need everyone to talk me off the ledge here. I wanted to text her during the middle of the day tomorrow and ask her out to lunch to catch up. Clearly a very bad decision, but she gets me. Not many people get me like she gets me and for some reason, I feel like I can't completely let her go even though I've met other girls who are 10x better than she is. I feel like something is just keeping me hooked. It's like the littlest thing. Her brother still talks to me almost daily and I don't mind that at all. We never talk about her, but I know that I'm a big time positive influence for him. I feel like she'd say no, it is too soon, blah blah blah. I feel like I wouldn't do me any good, either. I honestly think I'm going through a quarter life crisis.
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Appreciate all of the love and support. It took me 52 ENA pages, but I think your boy is back.
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Haven't posted anything in here in awhile. Things are going well. I've been super busy with classes, baseball, friends, etc. Last night, we had a seniors only charatered bus trip to this bar. I went with my big group of friends and saw a lot of other people there. I saw my ex, but honestly, I don't even care anymore. We didn't say anything to each other and it's better that way. Her best friend came up to me again and told me that she was always on 'Team thekidd' during the breakup and tried talking so sense into my ex. She just wouldn't listen (what a surprise). Anyway, I've been hanging out with this girl 'E'. Her and I go to the same school and met on Spring Break. We hooked up on SB and carried our thing back home. The girl really really likes your boy a lot. If you have read SA's journal, you'll see some parallels. Girl is willing to cook for me whenever, she's really cute, and just always down for whatever. She hasn't given it up to me yet so she's definitely earned my respect in that regard. I'm just gonna go with the flow with this one and see what happens. I don't want a girlfriend at this point. When 'J' saw me with E, she got super jealous. We ended up arguing for the third time in the last week about it. Her boyfriend even came to visit her this weekend! Anyway, J sent me these really really long texts basically saying 'F U' 'I hate you' blah blah. I was just like shut the f&*! up. She texted me and apologized to me tonight. We ended up hooking up and she kept saying how much I've changed (In a good way) from when we used to hang out three years ago. I feel like I'm hitting my peak though. I feel so good about myself and with everything. I have so many new friends. I'm must see whenever I go out in bars, clubs, wherever. When I was at the bar last night, I had a crowd of like ten or so girls around me, eating up every word I was saying. I feel like I'm almost completely healed.
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What a night. I'm waiting for E to get back to her apartment. It was J's birthday tonight and what a sloppy mess she was! She had to leave the bar early and I was so great to her. I put her hair up into a pony tail while she was puking. Got her into bed. Changed her outta her night out clothes, etc. I deserve big time points for that. Moment of the night had to be when I saw my ex's best friend. She dates one of my best friends. She said to me "You can do so much better than ex!" I was looking really good too and everything. I just started laughing. She said 'for real'. Ex was nowhere to be found that night.
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J isn't the one who brought me to the site nor the one who I recently broke up with. We had a fling for a few months a few years back. Now, last night. We had a situation on our hands. I took J out for a pre-birthday dinner because I always want everyone to feel pretty special on their b-days. Especially my girls. Always gotta make them happy. She was so happy with dinner and went out with her friends. Afterwards, I invited Spring Break girl 'E' over to watch a movie. One thing led to another and well, yeah. I told her that we have two months left and we should just have fun. She whole-heartily agreed. Today is J's birthday and she was really upset with me when I didn't text her Happy Birthday around midnight (was in the process of hooking up with E when the clock hit 12). When E left around 1, I called J back and I went over and I slept with her. J immediately started questioning when I got there which wasn't cool with me. Left this morning and now I'm here. Right now, I'm juggling three different girls here and it's tough. I'm having more fun than I could possibly imagine and the girls do not know about each other.
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Everything's easier to get into than get out of.
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Then let the smacking begin. Here's what I've learned though. Having options kills desire. When you don't have desire, you can't get hurt. You can't get attached. And I don't think that's a bad thing at all. I'm not looking for a relationship right now and I'm just having fun. I know that I can have whoever of these girls whenever I want really. It's like juggling and I haven't dropped the ball.
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Haha. Well, that older ex (J) and I still hang out/talk all the time now. Her and I had a thing a few years back. She's the girl with the boyfriend that I've referenced in here a few times. When her and I first hooked up again, she basically was seducing me on the dance floor. One thing led to another and we've been hanging out for the last few months. It's going to end when we graduate and that's totally cool with me. I hung out with L tonight. The internet blonde hottie. She's a shot of life. This was only our second time hanging out, but I really like hanging with her. Went to grab dinner and watched Wedding Crashers and some b-ball at my place. Real good kisser. Real nice body. She's vibing me a lot. She gives me my space too. Only issue is distance. She lives about an hour away from me now and I'm moving back home after graduation, which is another two hours away on top. We'll see what happens. J wasn't too happy that I didn't answer her texts for like five hours. She basically freaked out because she wanted to hang out and I didn't answer her. She definitely has feelings for me, but she fronts all the time! While I was hanging out with L, another girl, G, came knocking on my door. She wanted me to come down the hall and hang out with a bunch of these chicks I met on Spring Break. I told her that I was busy, but I'd swing my later. I went by later and hung out with E, who I hooked up with on SB and a few other friends. They wanted a tour of my apartment so I gave them one. E texted me a few minutes later, thanking me for showing her my apartment and how she wants to have a movie night soon and try out my bed. Boy, I'm just getting myself into trouble! Finally, this one other girl who is the hottest of them all S, was really upset that I didn't come over initially when G came knocking. She was tweeting me on Twitter non-stop. Feels like I'm playing alphabet soup here.
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Was working with a friend on a group project tonight. He brought up the ex. He said to me, 'Did you see her status on Facebook' I said to him. Well, she blocked me like months ago, but for laughs, let's hear it. 'Need a date to my sorority's formal. Men of the world, Inquire within! Now after I got done laughing, I just said 'Wow'. How desperate can you be? She had a few people comment on it, including one of her guy friends who said.. 'You just got done telling me about your 'pimping' skills. What gives?' SHe said 'I have no skills' Now, I found this even funnier. Here I am, watching my life improve ten fold since the breakup. I can't even handle juggling all of the girls that I'm involved with. I had all seven of these girls texting me tonight and I was like, damn I can't even handle this. Told my friend 'I don't wanna be a playa no more'. Haha.
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Always seems to happen that way. Stuff happens when you least expect it to. Heard that jam at the bar last night. Haha. Do you.
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Just got in from the bar. I was the DD tonight so I felt pretty good helping the rest of my friends out. Anyway, I got to watch the entire bar scene through sober eyes tonight and I realize that I'm starting to get over it. Prior to my breakup, I never really experienced the bar scene regularly. However, I've been going to the bar and drinking heavily a few times per week over the last six months. I see how pathetic some girls are in the bar. I see how weird and gross the guys are. I don't want to sound like an a$$ but I just feel like I'm better than all of that. I know it's college and I went wild roughly a week ago, but I think tonight opened my eyes to a lot of things. I have two months now before things start to get real. I'm going to enjoy myself and not have any regrets, but I'm not going to do anything stupid, either. I had random girls grabbing me in the bar. Pinching my butt. All of that stupid flirty BS, but I just wasn't into that tonight. I had so many girls come up to me and talk to me. I just wasn't trying at all and it was almost too easy. After a few friends told me how great I looked, how good I was doing, etc. I brought up my ex. I asked them what they thought of my relationship with her. All of my friends said that I could/have already done better than her. Not one person has told me post-breakup that we should get back together and work on things. Not one. That's telling. As much as I want to 'fix' this situation, I realize now that it happened for a reason. I have so many new friends now and I never have any awkward situations in social atmospheres anymore. My ex wanted me around her 100% time and I never got to branch out. I didn't have any of this six months ago and now it feels like I have it all. People invite me to parties all the time, buy me drinks, introduce me to other hot girls, etc. I don't want a girlfriend or anything right now at all. I joked around with the secretary in my office the other day, saying that I don't plan on falling in love in the next five years. Watch it happen in a month. Ha.
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I just found it funny that when I saw her at this bar the other night, she had her head buried in her phone. No guys were talking to her and she wasn't talking to anyone. While I on the other hand, was having fun, talking to different girls, being social, etc.
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Talked to Mom today. Told her a little bit about what happened last night. She made an excellent point that I think some of us forget. Her point: Children We all want our partner to be the love of our lives, the person we want to see the most, etc. But ultimately, most people aim to reproduce so their genetics can be passed down to the next generation. However, we gotta realize that when the DNA starts mixing, you gotta be mixing with the right person. I look at my ex and see all of the issues that she has. Could I really reproduce with someone like that? Think about your future kids. Just something to keep in mind.
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So, just rolling in this morning from last night. I have to get to my job on campus in a bit, but I figured I'd post here. Last night, I went out and enjoyed the St. Patty's festivities with my friends. We went to this bar and had a great time. Place was packed and I saw my ex at one point, sitting a table with her girlfriend and just texting away nonstop. She wasn't socializing with anyone. She just had her head buried into her phone for the entire time. Couldn't tell you nor really care who she was texting because all of her friends were there outside of this one girl. I saw her later in the night and she still had her head buried in the phone. I was like, for all of the times you got on me about not being social and you are walking around with your head in the phone? I had fun with all of my friends though. 'J' (girl with the bf) came by later with her friends and we all hung out. (if you are just reading this now, J and I have three years of history) I got really drunk and she ended up driving me and a few friends back to my friend's house. My car was at his house and she drove my car back to her house and I crashed there. Her and I had a 'heart-to-heart' about just everything because I don't feel like she's being real with me. I don't expect a relationship or anything out of her, but I just want her to stop with this facade all the time. That really got her into talking about how she's not happy with herself, how her Mom ruined her image of herself, she doesn't know what would make her happy. All deep stuff. She ended up crying too and me being the caretaker that I am, helped her out. Tried to tell her the good things she has going on while listening. I had this other girl who I hooked up with on Spring Break texting me non-stop wanting to hang out. I told J that I chose to hang out with her over this other SB girl for a reason and she should just stop with the BS. Kinda used that girl to make a point, anyway. As crazy as this sounds, we ended up having sex maybe five minutes after this conversation about emotions were obviously running high. We both passed out and woke up a little while back. Overall, it was just a crazy night. In between all of the drinking, the socializing, the ex, J, and the other SB girl. My life seems to get more and more complicated by the day, but I don't owe any girl anything. The ex is going to be the miserable, pathetic person that she has always been. J is never going to be happy with herself. And the SB chick, well, that's something entirely different but not a priority to me right now. In short, my girl breakdown looks like this right now and it's way too complicated. 1. J 2. Spring Break girl 3. Blondie from online 4. Brunette from online 5. Blondie from back home (who's concert I missed this week to hang out with Girl 3; she was crushed) 6. Softballing brunette 7. Brunette from high school who wants to marry me 8. Ex (even though she's outta the picture)
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I went to this event on campus last night. There was maybe 200 people in the place. I felt like a celebrity in there. So many people wanted to talk to me, take pictures, hang out, whatever. I got invited to a few St. Patty's parties today too. The kicker? I didn't know 90% of these people while I still dated my ex. After we broke up, I started reconnecting with old friends, meeting new ones, and just having fun again. I got the job I was going for, got into better physical shape, and I've attracted a lot of new girls in the process. I haven't found any 'keepers' yet, but I'm doing what I gotta do. The blondie from Tuesday? She texted me last night and we've been texting a lot since then. We both had fun on the date and I'd see her again. I have a midterm tonight and then the festivities will begin again.
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Seems like whenever I get super drunk, I automatically start thinking about my ex. I miss her a ton and realize what my lfie has become without her. I love my 'new' life. I have so many new friends, new situations, etc. I love it a lot. But I know that she can't fit into this new lifestyle that I have. She rolls with a different crew now. I realize that I have a lot of friends in that crew that she rolls in, but it's just so different now. When I was out at this bar tonight, a lot of my new friends had no idea that I had been at this college for four years. My ex and I basically kept to ourselves and I really didn't meet a lot of new people, so that was an eye-opening experience for me. I have fun with this new group of friends and all, but I realize that I wouldn't have met them if I was still with her. I miss N and love her so damn much, but at the same time, I realize that this happened for a reason. The reason was for me to meet at least 50 new friends and to become a more rounded person. I am that person now, but damn, I wish I had her back in my life. Been about two months NC for us now. There's only two months until graduation and I've been going nuts..
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It's all about time. Things get better in time. It's the best healer. I've been in NC with my ex for almost two months now and I feel great. I still miss her as a person, but time has helped me heal. And no, I'm not doing ibanking.
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Yeah, I mean, we met online. I met her in person for the first time ever tonight. She was basically what I expected. Same type of person that I communicated with online/texting. I don't blame her though for bringing the sister. If I was a girl, I'd do the same thing. Not every dude is sane.
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Well, I got back from the date a little while ago. She lives about an hour or so away, so we agreed to meet a bar in the middle. I met her online and I've been talking to her for a few weeks. As soon as I sit down at the bar, she texts me saying 'Don't freak out, but I'm bringing my sister with me because she's meeting up with someone too'. So I think to myself, great. They come in, she looks really good, and the sister looks like a troll. I automatically buy myself another drink because I realize that I havta do a two-for-one tonight because her sister's date stood her up. The bar we went to was having team trivia night so I thought that would be fun. We played as a group and I had a good time. She 'L' is extremely talkative, witty, cute, etc. We ended up staying at the bar for three hours or so just talking. Lost track of time. The sister was at our table the whole time so I couldn't run my normal stuff. I included the sister in the convos as much as possible because she was mad that she was stood up. I had both of them laughing the entire time. At the end of the night, I walked both of them to their car, arm and arm with L, and I gave her a hug and went in for the kiss and got the old cheek kiss. Maybe it was because the sister was standing right there or whatever, but I was kinda mad. Not sure if I'd go with the chick against because she lives kinda far from me and I'm not going to be in this area after graduation. She's definitely cool though, hot, and I had fun at the bar. Didn't text her or get a text after the date, either. Which is fine. No sweat. I could tell she had fun and was into me, but the sister really threw a monkey wrench into things.
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Going out on my first real 'date' tomorrow night. Girl is hot and we've been talking for a few weeks now. She's super witty, a sports fan, and blonde. All three plus in my book.
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Going through this benefit package for work right now. Mom came by to take a look. She said, 'Man *Ex* really screwed up. You are set up nicely'. Truer words have never been spoken