thekid55

I don't forgive her at all. She lied to me and told me that she needed this time to 'find her happiness again'. It was an absolute lie. She just wanted to see if she could get with her ex again who pushed her away. Classic case of wanting what you can't have. I met so many new girls at the bar tonight. It felt so good to feel appreciated by females again. This one girl and I had a long conversation. Basically getting to know each other and seeing what would happen. But honestly, screw her. She texted me on Thanksgiving, literally one night before she went to her ex's house and hooked up with him. What the hell is wrong with her, honestly? This is the same dude that she swore off. When she texted me for my birthday, I'm sure that he stopped responding to her or answering her so she texted me. F that.

This is the end of this journal. I found out my ex is openly telling friends that she is hanging out with her ex again. She apparently is the aggressor. She has given him oral (which I never got, mind you). He doesn't want to get back together with her, but she wants to. She will bring up when they dated (3 years ago mind you) and tell friends that 'he has a lot to prove to her if he wants me back'. He will get mad at her and tell her to stop bringing it up. He has no desire to be with her and she just makes it awkward. I posted on here that she texted me 'Happy Thanksgiving'. Well the night before, she went to his house and apparently hooked up with him. Can't be mad at him. What guy wouldn't turn away easy sex? My tardy birthday wish? Probably because he stopped texting her. The sad part? She openly tells people all of this and they wonder what the heck she's doing. Like people aren't going to tell me. Ha. How dumb can you be? Clearly, she wants him and wnats other guys too, but she doesn't want to let me go. Well, sorry hunny, but the ride is over. So this is the end of this ride. It was fun, but the truth has come out. There's no going back now. I honestly wish her no ill will. If this is what makes her happy, then so be it. The kid was a cheater, liar, and abuser. Classic case of wanting to fix/change someone who won't. She grew up with these type of people. It's what she's used to. I appreciate everyone's advice, support, and love. Just take this as a lesson that unless someone truly wants to be with you, they aren't worth your time. I'm glad I found this out now before any kids came into the picture. Her number is blocked. She is gone on Facebook. That's all, folks. Journal over. I don't need any sympathy. I just want to let it go. I feel a great sense of relief now.

Too busy with all of the beautiful babies huh?

Tonight, one of my best friends was having an end of semester party at his house. Really small party. Like 20 people. I'm tight with all of the guys he lives with and we all hang out a few times per week. I went by late and as soon as I pull up, I see my ex's car. I start to freak out a little, but I say to myself, 'Scr.ew it. My friend invited me. I'm going in'. Well, I go in and he knows the deal. He is dating one of my ex's friends and the girls all went together. He apologized to me saying that he didn't know they were going to come by. I said, no big deal. So I'm just hanging out. Mingling with people. My ex's room mate, who has known me for 4 years, comes up to me and starts talking. Then my ex comes over. Then her other friend. So we just stand around and talk for about 2 minutes and then I say I'm gonna go talk to other people. I played pool with some of the guys. I really didn't look her way at all. She was talking to all of my friend's housemates. Kinda being a little flirty. Not acting like she was all over people, but just, you know, a little over talkative/flirty. I know none of them are interested in her. Probably to make me a little jealous, but I just went about my business. Maybe to see how I would react. I could tell that she kept looking at me when I was playing pool while she and her room mate were talking to this one guy. I felt the pair of eyes on me. But there was definitely tension in the air when her and I were close. I just acted completely unaffected and to be honest, I actually forgot about her while I was there at one point. Her and her friends left before I did. On there way out, her room mate gave me a hug, saying it was good to see me again and my ex just said 'Bye thekid55'. I just said, See-Ya. And that was it. In the past when I've seen her in public, I would be kind of drunk and start texting her. Didn't do that tonight. I played it so cool. I didn't show any interest really. I didn't ask any questions. I didn't approach her. I let her come to me. I kept a smile on my face and kept talking to people for the entire time. I dressed very nicely. I didn't let her see me sweat and I didn't put any pressure on her. She's probably wondering, why isn't he texting me? He always does that after he sees me! Not this time. I feel so good right now and very happy. I feel like I've come a long way and tonight happened for a reason. I didn't think I'd see her there, but I'm sure she was talking to her friends about it on the ride home or whatever. I feel like I can go into this break feeling very, very accomplished. I've come a long, long way and know I can handle seeing her out.

I feelz good today. Not looking at her Facebook or anything really does help. Basically, you have to treat them like they are 'dead'. It's been 5 days now and I feel better than I ever have. No news. No updates on her. I feel great

Kennyc, you needa have your own thread. You gotta alotta fans in here

I think everyone should read this. ....

It's not too hard when both parties are busy. In between work and class, I don't get home until 8ish during the week. On the weekends, I get out of the damn apartment because that's when you could go nuts.

She literally lives right accross the street from me, but I've gone about 6 weeks now without seeing her. Add in another 5 weeks for winter break that starts in two days when we will both be at home. That will be almost three months...I got this.

Well, I work 40 hrs per week. Play poker. Run. Go to the gym. I run my own website. I write for another large sports website. Work in student government. Go out with my friends. Don't ask me how I have time to be here because I honestly have no idea.

Well, I work 40 hrs per week. Play poker. Run. Go to the gym. I have run my own website. I write for another large sports website. Go out with my friends. Don't ask me how I have time to be here because I honestly have no idea.

I have given her everything except for one thing. I haven't given her the gift of missing me yet. I have asked for her back, done pretty much anything a boyfriend could do. But every time she reappears, I cave in. I just honestly wish I wouldn't hear from her for a long, long time. But I know that's not going to happen because she always caves in and contacts me. She's like a bi-weekly report. I have to submit one every two weeks. She hasta know that she still has me and the door is open. Indifference is really my best option now.

I'm just sick of this whole thing. I'm sick of dreaming about you. Thinking about you. Wanting you. And missing you.

A good Zorba post, about refusing to be friends... Tell her this by simply saying; "I do love/like you a lot, but I can't be your friend at the moment. it wouldn't be fair on both of us as feelings may come up from both sides that would get in the way of any meaningful friendship. I wish you the best your life can bring you and I wouldn't change a thing about us and our good times, only that they ended" Leave it at that and then walk away. In either case or any other case you can think of it's incredibly selfish behaviour on her part. End of. Me I would tell her to go away and not bother you as you don't want contact with her at all for the foreseeable future. Add this if you like; , I have such fond memories of you, but that's all they are now and I would prefer and hope that they not to turn into anger and dislike of a woman that was so important to me once. I would like to preserve the wonderful memory that was the best of us and not the worst of us. Casual contact will do neither of us any good. In years to come we both will look back with fondness on what we had and the lessons we brought to the great loves that are to follow for both of us". That kinda thing right there will throw her off and will bypass the selfish wall and appeal to the grand gesture/emotional side common in the emotional moron and likely make her cop the hell on.

I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish had all of the answers. I just want to know what will happen. I'm working my way through all of this, but literally, I'd do almost anything to have your mutual, loving embrace back. Everything is breaking right for me in my life. I just want you back to be 100% complete. Living in a world without you completely sucks. I miss you.

I need to heal first, but these are just all good posts that I have found during my time here. I'm just compiling it for other.

I think to let go, you have to truly accept it's over. You have to truly accept that they weren't the one for you. They may have been at the time, while it lasted and it's possible they may be again, but now at this moment and for the foreseeable future they're not. That's nothing against them or you. It's just the way it is and fighting it just wasting the days and hours of your life. Now you will need healing time and that's never a waste if you learn from it. It's a good plan to look at those that come and go in your lives as people who teach you something about yourself, if you're willing to learn. Practically? You have to do the old NC, because otherwise you'll just stagnate in the past. The past is a place to learn from not to live in. It's like giving up smoking. You just have to stop. Simple it sounds, simple it is not and they haven't come up with a patch for lost love yet(though in my youth I thought beer worked temporarily ). Don't contact her. If she contacts you, then tell her that she needs to accept you can't be around her and she can't expect your help or support. If she pulls any of the "but we can be friends" it's her being selfish. Do NOT fall for that one. In fact if she does pull that line out of the hat or anything similar it should tell you all you need to know about her. It'll tell you that she is thinking of herself and not you, that her level of emotional awareness is low. That should bolster your NC.

One from Jeffster... "If you can pull this off, and I'm sure you can, This strategy will totally change the dynamic of your relationship. And it's such A simple concept that I don't know why I didn't think to try this earlier. What am I talking about? Let the ex chase you!!! I mean it. You'll be amazed at how the ex will change overnight from someone who wants practically nothing to do with you to someone who's calling YOU, wanting YOU, asking YOU out, and chasing YOU!!! I'm serious!!! Want to know more? First, a little backroung on myself... (and please, bear with me, I'm NOT anywhere near a profesional writer!). I originally dated my ex for around two years and we had a pretty decent relationship, but it seemed like I was always chasing after her, trying to make her fall in love with me. I'd call her almost everyday, think about her constantly, show up at her house unexpectedly, pressure her for kisses and hugs and affection, always stay too long and try to keep her on the phone as long as possible, do all kinds of nice stuff for her even though she did very little for me and then I'd pout when I didn't get what I wanted. Well, this went on and on, and sometimes she'd surprise me and do something very sweet for me. This would just make me try harder because it proved in my mind that what I was doing was working. Well, after about two years of this, the day finally came when I called her up and she wouldn't answer. After trying and trying, I finally got a hold of her and she simply said it was over. I was totally devestated--and I never even saw it coming. Fast forward six months when I finally found this forum and learned all about the no contact thing... Since she refused all contact with me I was already in N/C, but I decided after reading Super Dave's posts that I was doing the right thing and all I had to do was maintain it. Then, one day, out of the clear blue sky she contacts me! I was floored... So, after waiting what I thought was the right amount of time, I called her back. And we talked and joked and laughed and had a great time. Then I asked her to meet me for coffee and she did. We had a great time. Then I went right back to what I had doing before and started calling her and asking her out and stayin on the phone too long, etc, etc. Well, it didn't take me too long until I started sensing that she was pulling away and I was at risk of losing her all over again. But what was I doing wrong? At first I figured she just wasn't attracted to me enough, and as is turned out, I was right, but I tried to use the wrong solution. I started hitting the gym twice as often, getting expensive haircuts and wearing designer clothes. Nothing. So I tried chasing her even more and being even nicer. Nothing. So then I thought about buying a new car or trying to make her jeolous, but luckily, instead, I happened to read something on one of the forums that changed everything... Let HER chase YOU!!! Sooo... I hunkered down in my house, tied myself to a chair and waited to hear from her. And I waited... And waited.. And waited some more.. And presto!!! After what seemed like an eternity, SHE CALLED!!! I didn't answer it and she left me a message sounding all concerned asking me if everything was okay!! I couldn't believe it!!! Then, after waiting like a half hour, I got myself into a great mood and I called her back and told her everything was great! --Thanks for asking. Then we proceed to have a really fun, flirty conversation and after about fifteen minutes I tell her I have to go. She sounds all bummed out but she understands and lets me go. So far, so good. Then, at 9AM I am awakened by my phone. It's her!!! This time I answer and she's practically begging me to let her come over to my house that evening and cook me dinner. I can't believe it! Is this the same girl? Then I tell her that sounds great, but I can't allow her to come over for three more days. She's dissapointed, but she agrees and we end up having one of our best dates ever. Now, at this point, it's like the whole dynamic of our relationship has changed. I can't hardly get rid of her. I rarely, if ever call her. She asks me out and she's the one who's acting all nice and affectionate. It's sooo awesome!!! So, here's the deal. This is all based on one simple fact of human psychology, everyone wants what they can't have. And everyone values what they have to work for to get. The key to this whole deal is to not try this unless the other person has a certain level of attraction for you. You must spend some time with them at first getting them to like you. Then, and only then, do you wait for them to come to you. If you do not do this, you more than likely will be waiting a very long time to hear from them! The other thing is, this is not a game of playing hard to get. You are not hard to get. You simply have a really great life and you don't want to waste any of your precious free time on idle chit chat. Be the first one to end all interactions! And try to end on a high note when the two of you are having lots of fun. The other thing to keep in mind is that this strategy is very hard to employ at first. You must wait to hear from them for at least 4 or 5 days before you contact them with something short and sweet. And, also, you have to go on faith at first that this will work. Just stay focused on success and you'll do fine."

Another Zorba posting: 'The letting yourself go is not the main issue although it contributed. While you lost sight of the ball for a while, that's no excuse for her to pull what she pulled. Life in a relationship has it's ups and downs and a good couple will work through that. I'm sure she's not the woman you got involved with in the first place either. A few extra lines and a few more pounds no doubt. You didn't drop her for an update did you? If you want her back you can still get her back. The excitement of him and the sexual part will only keep her interest for a while. Trust me on that. It may take a while and because she's trying to avoid the obvious problems with him, any nice things on his part will be blown out of proportion by her. Example from my own life: Many moons ago... I was seeing this woman for a while. I was in one of those phases of not really being interested in anything long term. A bit of company with sex on the side kinda thing. She told me she had split from her ex 9 months before meeting me. So far so good. She seemed cool and the sex was hot and heavy(if a little dull). The more we were together the more she was telling me about the ex. She said he had let himself go and didn't give her attention in the bedroom and he was hung like a mosquito. I started to think big red flag here as I really don't need to be hearing this stuff and although I didn't know the bloke, it was a tad disrespectful towards him. Luckily I wasn't getting that attached to her. I really started to get the impression all was not as it seemed. I was right. I bumped into a friend of mine that it turned out knew this woman's ex and it also turned out that they had only split 1 week after she met me first. He apparently had begged her to come back, but to no avail. He finally wished her well and then broke all contact with her. The more he didn't respond to her the more agitated she got around me. Of course I didn't let on I knew anything. When I did tell her some of what I knew, she told me the same as she's telling him. I'm sooo "confused". To be honest when I hear the confused line from women it really does irritate me greatly. I presume the women out there would feel the same when guys do it. P's me off no end. Anyway I digress, I also got emails along the lines of what you've seen there too. I then got her trying to make me fit a mould that her libido had formed in her head. It wasn't taking as I knew what she was like at that stage and I felt that she was trying to turn me into her ex with extra in the bedroom dept. Still he continued to ignore her and I saw less and less of her. To be truthful, I was happier about that. Guess what? She went back to him in the end. The sexual side will interest her even obsess her at first, but it won't last, especially if there's no real future with this guy. Keep up very LC and start to move on. For what it's worth that guy above I actually met 6 months later after she went back to him(through the same mutual friend). He was initially aggressive at first, but he calmed down and we got to talking. Nice fella too. Also for what it's worth I gave him the same advice I'll give you now. Unless she changes her tune radically, walk away, as she'll pull the same stroke with someone else down the line. Jobless guy will find that out sooner rather than later. That guy I talked to did. She jumped ship a year later, then rang me to "meet" 6 months after that. Needless to say I declined. Truth be told the sex wasn't as good as she thought. Your ex could be different, you know her better or at least you think you do, but I would be careful. I would also be careful of painting other women with the same brush. That will happen as part of your healing process, but that will pass. Sure there a lot of confused idiotesses out there, but there are also very good women too. You just have to keep your eyes and heart open'. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The more you do what you're doing the more she's convincing herself there's another woman bouncing on her safety net. She's even self bargaining, "ok he's not with someone, but he may be starting with someone". She's building a fantasy in her own head, not to assuage her guilt that you're involved or she would be acting differently. More to the point she can't believe you're acting this way. She can't believe the one person she could rely on no matter what, won't take her crap anymore. This is rattling her big time. Standard stuff. Some are so obvious it's like reading a childrens book. She's having boundaries set for her. Someone she thought she had control over is now in the driving seat and she likes it. She won't explain it that way to herself, but that's what's happening. Her interest is definitely up. What you decide to do about it is up to you, but you have far more options to hand now, than when you were trying to hard to get her back. Keep it up, for you not for her. If she decided to crawl back let her do it under hr own steam. _________________________________________________________________________________ She's seeing you drift away. More than that she's testing your boundaries. Don't let her. If you give an inch she'll take a mile. If she needs comfort let jobless boy do that for her and let her find out for herself if he's anthing more than a walking talking sex aid. Her comfort, beyond providing for your child, is no longer your job, it's his and since he's not gainfully employed elsewhere, surely he has the time on his hands? You're doing great. Keep it going. __________________________________________________________________________________ In your case I would stay pretty much as you are. Don't bring up the relationship. Don't mention the new guy and don't criticise him. If she criticises you, then unless she's way out of line agree with her. If she says she thinks it's over between you again agree with her and say that with the current situation it is. Don't go over how much you've done for her and the family. Don't keep telling her you love her or worse can't live without her. She knows this and you saying it out loud will look like bargaining. Sound weird and instinctively wrong? It works. You do all of that and she will be thinking about you more as you're no longer fighting her over something she believes. It may make her question those beliefs. Keep That shared history you have will be another advantage. Add a new improved you, the next time you see her and you have more hope than you're looking at now.

Post by Zorba about GIGS. Now the next time you're dealing with her and she brings this coldness of yours up again(and she will, guaranteed), say to her calmly that yes the focus is on you and your daughter and you need space to move on, but you would be willing to talk with her further if and only if she's willing to work on your relationship anew. If not you feel as the present situation should continue. Do not jump the gun and tell her to dump the new guy just yet. Big mistake. That won't work. It'll put her under pressure and she'll get all "confused" again. If she agrees to talking about a future together, he'll get his marching orders very soon after that and it'll be all her idea. That way it'll stick. Then he may well be around here a week later with the thread title; "Why did this married woman leave me... Sod sob.. If anyone thinks this is playing games, it's not. Boundaries, self improvement, standing up for yourself and fighting for a relationship that had a lot of good elements are not games. I know one couple where the woman did this kind of thing and 6 years later they're both glad she did.

Kenny, you are doing excellent my friend. You have really gotten your act together! From the work on the ship, to the abs (you have six more than I do), to just a great, positive attitude. Keep wearing that uniform out in public and watch the ladies start to claw you my friend. Everyday is step further from the pain of the past.

This is good too... When you're the one to call off a relationship, there's always a sense of relief when you finally get up the guts to do it. but one of two things happens: Either the guy takes his lumps and goes away, which leaves you to wonder how he's doing and recast the story of your breakup - the version in which he's a hell of a guy whom you'll really miss and look back on your time together fondly. When you run into him again months later, you'll be strangely attracted to him. Then there's the guy who won't accept the bad news. he plays hot potato with the breakup, constantly throwing it back in your hands and refusing to go away. he's the one your friends will forever hate and refer to as "The Crazy Ex-Boyfriend." When you run into him again, years after the restraining order, there's no attraction - just the memory of his bad behavior.

Read this little nugget on Majord's 'The Perfect Plan' thread on Page 21... "Well first and foremost, don't read too much into what your ex says...unless he is asking for you back. Remember (and you'll hear this alot on the forum) that Actions speak louder than words. Just ask scruff - he refused to allow himself to be swayed by his ex's words until they became actions. If he had have been 'roped in' by what is his ex was *saying*, instead of focussing on what she was *doing*, then he would not have had the strength to get her back. I asked my ex if she saw us getting back together and she said "I'll have to say no at the moment". Now, I could choose to focus on one of 2 parts of her statement: Either I listen to the I listen to the: "...at the moment". I chose to hear "No". Why? Because her saying "at the moment" was *her* insecurity speaking, and also because she probably genuinely doesn't know how she will feel in the future (hell, who does?). Your ex boyfriend is saying things to keep you hopeful, but all that does is stop you from moving on - it allows him to do what he wants whilst knowing that he has you waiting for him in the bleachers in case he changes his mind. Your ex is saying that he wouldn't exclude the possiblility of getting back together with you. Hey, I can't exclude the possibility that I will marry Jennifer Aniston....it doesn't mean that it's going to happen. Then again, Jen's on the rebound...so I'm backing myself in Bottom line - he doesn't want to be with you. That is what you have to take on board and stop yourself from focussing on anything else that he says that prevents you from moving forward. You have to focus on moving on, keeping your emotions under control while communicating with your ex - and don't look back while your ex is asking you to...he should have to grab you by the shoulder and turn you around.

You gotta love the movie Swingers. Anytime I feel down, I always watch that. Makes me feel 100x better.