UABJC

Well i dont think i have to worry about her contacting me, she never once contacted me during the last month of nc, until two nights ago. She is just very strong about that and says that she does not want to upset me by contacting me. I agree with all you said in your last post, and i think its so true in my case. Niether of us were controlling during the relationship or anything like that, so its not even like she is that much more free to do things. she told me she has no interest in getting in any relationship at the moment. Whenever we did talk she tells me that she knows she loves being with me and i say something like "yeah sure you do" and she gets upset b/c she doesnt know why i dont believe her. I guess you gave me the answer, b/c shes choosing not to be with me. The thing i hate about NC with her is that i know shes the kind of girl who will not give in and contact me no matter what she feels. Shes just so strong about that. I guess its time to accept defeat, its over. NC here on out.

Well, I think you were right, i wrote that post too soon. I was all messed up tonight. i was a month NC before last night and was really doing well, had learned a lot and was not having so many urges to call her. I just softened up when i saw her and realize now that it was a big mistake. I dont think im back to square one but def back a couple of weeks. I talked to her on the phone tonite and explained the entire NC rules to her and she agreed that it is the right thing to do. This will take a lot of will power not to break NC in the next few days. I know false hope is bad, but we are on the same page for the most part--meaning, i told her tonite she should only call if she wanted to work it out and she said, "is that what you want me to do" and i said not necessarily, what i want is to be with you, but i think its more important at this point in our lives to find ourselves and become completely independent and happy on our own. She said thats EXACTLY how she feels. She just wants the latter a little bit more than i do. Sorry for rambling but i needed to vent. I'd love to hear anything anyone has to say. Thanks

I understand what you mean and agree with the false hope thing, thats why i said its going to be a set back for me. However, NC is completely resumed today and so its not me trying to lure her back, that was a one time thing with no intentions of trying to make it happen again. Also, about the underlying issues never being resolved, how do you resolve issues? thru NC, talking about them, completely getting over someone? I believe that NC helps resolve issues be realizing what the issues are, once you do that, you can resolve them or try to. I agree with what you say, just dont think that its impossible for issues to be resolved.

Well, ive had been on NC with my ex for about a month and ran into her at a party last night. We talked for a while at the party, just small talk, then gradually started talking about us and we both just complimented each other on how wonderful we thought the other was. She told me she missed me just as much as i miss her she just tries to be strong and not contact me (shes very strong). We ended up talking for about 2 hours and eventually we went home together, hooked up, and spent the morning together. we had a great time together and she told me that after not seeing each other or really talking for the last 2 months her attraction for me has not gone away at all. She just wants time to find herself. Point being she said hanging out last night made her realize that she still has the same loving feelings for me as she always had. Although it will be a set back for both of us, ive grown a lot in the time we had apart and dont think i will be set that far back, and think last night was a positive thing. We are on very similar wavelengths now, we both want to find ourselves and improve the things we dont like about ourselves. Just another perspective on NC for everyone. I dont advise it in all situations, i think the advice on here must be considered and applyed to your own situation. What does everyone think about this?

Great Post, Im in the process of NC right now, on day 14, however we've been broken up for almost 6 weeks. So during those first four i did some begging, pleading, for her to try us again. Nothing over the top like calling 30 times a day or anything like that, basically just telling her how much i loved her and how much she meant to me, how we could fix our relationship. Did you have anything like this before you started NC? I can already tell that im getting better, but i do have bad days and good days still. Thanks for your post man, its keeping me strong

Hey guys, its been 8 days NC, and ive started to feel anger towards her for quitting on our relationship and not trying to fix it. Is this normal?

I totally agree agree with you Dreamguy, thanks for the advice, especially about when i bump into her, i hadnt thought about it like that. I actually didnt see her yesterday because i wasnt where we always sit, so that probably good. So now we've been broken up since oct 1 and NC since nov 3. Should i be worried about the following or am i over analyzing..... The first time i went NC i didnt tell her, i just didnt contact her for about 4 or 5 days, and on the 5th day she contacted me, i responded with small talk about our bball team, and she kept hanging on, like not letting the conversation end. So i guess i took that the wrong way b/c i contacted her about 4 days after that and it didnt go well, she was standing strong on not being together right now. So after that i told her not to contact me b/c i needed NC to adjust/heal. She is very respectful of my wishes always and says she wants me to be happy and doesnt want things to be weird between us so she told me to take as much time as i need. I feel like that kinda ruined the her missing me part of NC? Is this just over analyzing? I hope that makes sense

Yeah, I have already told her what i want, she knows where i stand, Its been a week of NC, so I guess im on the track, i have a feeling that i will see her today though because our mutual friends always go to football games together. If i see her at a game is that breaking NC? If i see her do to talk to her or wait for her to talk to me?

SuperDave, Could you please read my story and give any advice, i think i know what the answer is but i need your reassurance. Thanks man.

I feel like she is losing interest too, but I've got to give a little background and see if you guys think it means anything. After being broken up for about three weeks, during that time we still talked, mainly me telling her i wanted her back which i think pushed her away. So after that I went NC for about 4 or 5 days, then bumped into her on campus and she says that she hasnt been feeling well and she really needed me over the past few days, so i took that as a good sign, but later she told me that even though she does miss me, she still needs this time to be single and find herself again. So that set me back and i told her not to say things like that because it confuses me and she apologized and said she would try her best not to say things like that again. So, we've been on NC for the past 6 days and i havent heard anything from her. Is this her being considerate or is she losing interest?

So, heres my story: My girlfriend and I dated for 1.5 years from sophomore year until about a month ago our senior year, we are both in college at the same school, and have the same groups of friends. The relationship was wonderful, but for about the last month we dated we fought way too much but it was mainly when we would go out and were drunk. There was never any cheating, lying, or anything like that in our relationship, we just didnt communicate well to each other, like not talking about something that is bothering us and i think it would come out when we were drunk and thats why we started fighting over that last month. So after one night of going out, kinda the last straw, and her getting upset, the next morning we mutually decided we needed to step back and take a break from each other. So after we decided to take the break, we sent each other a few emails trying to figure out why we were fighting so much and we both agreed that it was mainly from not ever communicating with each other, it was really the first time we ever identified the problem so i felt really good about our chances to fix things. So its been about five weeks since we broke up, and gradually each week, she has decided that she needs time on her own to be herself again, and the last time i talked to which was one week ago, she basically said that she doesnt think the circumstances are right for us to date(meaning we dont get along in a college atmosphere i guess, whenever we would leave town together, to get away from college, it was so wonderful, not even thinking about arguing with each other). In my head I want to date her again and try to fix what was wrong and thats the way she felt at first, but now it just seems like she just wants to be single. I can completely understand where shes coming from, its our senior year in college and we should both enjoy the freedom before graduation. But i just have these feelings of resentment towards her for not trying to work it out, sometimes, not all the time. I go back and forth about whether five weeks apart would even change what was wrong with our relationship. Can anyone, relate, reflect, or just give some reassurance about my situation, I would really appreciate any thoughts. Thanks