Reluctant Rebuilder

Depending on your education and work experience, it is possible to get a migrant work visa. Myself I've been looking to leave this frigid berg and head off to Australia, but so far it's still just a pipe dream.

Y to the Y is right. I've never been able to reach a happy ending from oral, even though it feels great. Probably has nothing to do with your technique, and everything to do with the guy, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Depends, how much could have changed within him that you can be sure he really wants you back, or is it just the loneliness and desolation in him talking. Because you know that if nothing has really changed you two will repeat this breakup again.

Sorry to hear about the breakup man, that's really harsh. But the good thing is you get to experience someone new. Also, you probably have learned a lot from this, even though it might not seem like it now. When you meet another woman like her, you know that she doesn't have anything you want.

When I was 17 I had a love/sex thing with a woman who was 26. She was the ex g/f of an older guy who lived accross the street from me. It lasted for about nine months, which was at the time the longest relationship I had ever been in. She was working, had her own apartment, knew what she wanted in bed, and had all kinds of confidence that the girls I knew from high school couldn't possibly have.

Don't ever say that dating an older woman is sick or odd. For me, it was awesome.

In my town it seems like a site for casual sex or threesomes, or gals with impotent husbands who wanna watch. Oh, and the boys...

 

Kewl.

Kewl indeed.

so..... can I uh... stay at your place?

Joseph I know how you feel. I'm really sorry for your loss. When my cat died a few years ago, she was 21 years old. I still cry about it, and I miss her so much. Pets in my family are like family members. Your guinea pig is really lucky to have been cared for by a loving person. You need to find safe people to talk to about this, because losing a family member is a horrible thing to experience, and not everybody will understand why you are so upset. And do cry. Let it all out, man. It's not good to hold this stuff inside. Uncried tears turn to poison inside you.

Yes an expensive gift is coming on way too strong. Tell her over dinner, but save the gift for when you really know her.

I was out with a bunch of single friends a few weeks ago, and we were talking about where people go to meet women these days. None of us knew. And I'm sure that just down the street at a different lounge there was a group of women asking where they should go to meet a good group of guys.

Tragic.

Yes, all of the above

One thing that worked for in my last relationship was when she started wearing really sexy lingerie. She was a cotton panties girl before that, and when she came home one afternoon and literally jumped me it breathed a whole new life into our sex life. That and some role playing really made a difference for us, but I suspect you both have to be willing to try that for it to work.

His loving you will not have a direct correlation to how much he wants to have sex with you. Every week there are numerous threads here about people with partners with different sex drives, partners addicted to porn, etc. so his lack of interest probably has nothing to do with his love for you.

But you should talk honestly with how this is making you feel. If you can figure out a way to bring this up where he doesn't feel like you are criticizing or attacking him and still not dilute your concern, that's probably a good place to start (I was never able to figure out how, but hopefully you can) .

Ouch. If this thing with them takes off and she gets invited out to family events, that is going to be hella awkward. Your brother should find someone else. I think that's just plain wrong.

My girlfriend is the most stubborn girl ever. She doesn't give second chances. She loses friends over stupid arguments....and never talks to them again.

 

Meaning...if we breakup....there will be no 2nd round.

It doesn't sound like she gives you a lot of consideration when it comes to your relationship. I recommend you take an honest, long hard look at what you want. You plan on eventually marrying this woman, right? If the idea doesn't excite you, there may be a painful truth you need to face.

That's an amazing post. I think I am you 10 years ago. Every single thing you said in there I did/I am feeling. Seriously....that is almost creepy how much that is my life.

 

She won't see a therapist either....

Oh man. I'm sorry that this is happening, I know how you are feeling right now. Would you be willing to take a break from this? Not necessarily a break up, but just some time off and see how it is. Go out with your friends and have some fun. My prediction is that the longer you stay in this situation, the bigger the grudge will be and the more likely it is you will end up where I did.

With some time off, you could also decide what you really want out of a relationship. Be "selfish" and list all the things that *you* want out of your dream relationship. Then take an honest look at what you have and decide if what you've got is going to make you happy in the long run.

Box Driver, this exact thing happened to me ten years ago. When my fiancee told me that her sex drive was dead and I better get used to it, I did everything I could to get her to have sex with me. The more I demanded/guilted her into doing it, the more she resisted. The more she resisted the more I demanded. I tried talking with her, but she would never want to talk about it. So I had a resentment toward her building and building in me until we drifted apart. The engagement was called off and we went our separate ways. I don't know what the right thing to do there would have been. I tried talking and that didn't work. I asked her to see a counsellor but she refused. I looked ahead at my life with this woman and saw years and years of sexual frustration waiting for me. Looking back, it was really painful to have that relationship end, but I think it would have been more painful stuck in a relationship with someone who didn't have the same sexual drive that I did. I can't tell you what to do, but I can say that I don't know of a way to get someone to face a problem if they don't believe one is there. Maybe the two of you can go together to see a therapist?

Never really thought about it. I haven't seen many other Canadians here, and it's unlikely that those that do post here are in the same city I'm in.

Might be kinda funny actually in the right company.

you know what you should do, next time a girl does this ask for their boyfriends name and see whether they are caught off guard or not. i heard its one way to see whether she actually has one then again ive never tried it so wat do i know

No I disagree. Just tell her that you think he's a really lucky guy to have her and move on.

Thanks for this, you wrote a great post. The ending of my marriage had everything to do with my ex and I taking each other for granted for a very long time. Like you, next time I won't be making that mistake.

I suggest you find a neutral 3rd party. Do you have common friends? Pack his stuff up in a box and have him/her deliver it. No need to risk a painful relapse or even an awkward moment while you make the exchange when someone who won;t be bothered by it can do it for you.

That's what I did anyway.

I learned that the affair was a symptom of a bigger problem.

Just because you're fighting doesn't mean you love each other any less. Couples fight all the time. I'd be worried if you didn't fight at all.

Out of sight, out of mind. Get rid of your chips, ice cream, chocolate bars, cola, and all the rest of that stuff and replace it with some real food. It's only going to get worse if you eat like that and don't exercise. If you don't feel full when you eat a real meal, load up on more fiber and vegetables. These will give you a full feeling and you won't be filling your body up with garbage. Also, you can try eating smaller portions at meal time but have snacks in between, like some fruit or a small sandwhich.

What it comes down to is portioning out your caloric needs through the day, so that you don't eat everything in one or two sittings. Sort of like keeping a fire running by tossing a few extra pieces of wood on it throughout the night, instead of using three whole logs and letting them burn out and starting a new fire with three more logs.

I would have dated more. I always felt like there was a big rush to find the perfect woman and rush to the altar. After an engagement called off four days before the wedding and too many serious relationships, including a marriage that recently ended in a separation (soon to be a divorce), looking back I wish I had spent more time casual dating.

It doesn't sound like you trust him much, or that he's done much to earn your trust. I don't know enough about your situation to really say this, but from what I read it sounds like he could be playing you.

He has told them that he is "excited about moving on"!! Excited?! * * *?!?! I was the one who decided to finally end things and know that I am doing the right thing, but excited?! Um, not really!! How can any normal person be **excited** about getting divorced??

 

Statements he makes to his coworkers are not necessarily true of how he is actually feeling inside. I'm not rushing to his defense, because I don't know the guy and I don't really know what is going on with him, but I know that many people, myself included, will say things to friends and co workers to save face. He's probably telling himself that stuff and doing his best to believe it. His cold detachment towards the divorce is probably a survival thing kicking in. Really painful experiences can cause people to detach themselves. He's doing himself a disservice if that is true. You allowing yourself to feel and grieve will have a much deeper growth in your recovery. It's like he is putting problems in a box to deal with later, while you are bravely facing them head on now. He isn't going to grow or mature much from this if he doesn't confront the mess he's found himself in. Emotionally, you will be in a much better position in the coming months. On the surface you appear to be the one breaking down and flailing, while he calmly navigates his way through this divorce, but it's more like he's doing everything he can to avoid the real issues, including lying to himself about how easy this divorce is and running away from dealing with his emotions. So, don't feel bad because you are upset and it appears that he isn't. When the dust settles and you have become stronger from surviving all this, I think you will look at the man and feel some pity for him, because he probably won't be any further in his recovery than he is right now, and will probably be making the same mistakes over and over again.