Reluctant Rebuilder

Glad to hear she was just busy Double-D

Wow I think your boyfriend has some wacky ideas about how the world works.

I was seeing a counselor after my last big breakup. My fiancée had called our wedding off four days before our wedding day. That was back in 1997. Anyway, my counselor helped me work through the grief, and one of the exercises she had me do was put together a list of 100 things I had to do before I died. At the time I was so in shock that the best I could do was come up with about ten ideas. It got me thinking about future goals and ideas on what I should do to help myself get over the breakup.

My current situation calls for just such a list. I wish I had kept the old one around, because it had some good ideas and I've crossed a lot of them off so it would be neat to see how far I came since then.

I thought it would be cool to see if any of you had a similar list or had ideas of what you want to do before you die.

Here's what I could some up with (by no means a complete list):

- learn another language

- work in a foreign country

- teach something useful to someone

- go Skydiving

- go white water rafting

- travel to Amsterdam

- travel to Antarctica

- travel to Australia

- travel to Thailand

- travel to Greenland/Iceland

- travel to Alaska (cruise!!)

- travel to Tibet and Nepal (when the civil war is over)

- travel to Machu Picchu

- travel to Egypt

- learn how to play guitar

- move to a warmer climate

- work for myself

- learn how to paint or sketch

- swim with Dolphins and giant turtles (I know... don't even say it)

- go camping in the mountains for a few weeks

- fall in love again

- learn carpentry

- purchase a condo

- find peace within myself

- run in a full length marathon

- compete in an MMA event

- get really fit and strong

- get my pilot's license

- climb a mountain

- complete a graduate degree

- get my PMP designation

- ?

I wouldn't miss out on all the fun and heart aches, plus the growth from this experience. I'd do it again, but probably with a sense of sadness knowing how it would end.

I think anyone in a relationship has a right to know where they stand with the other person at any given time. That said, lots of people don't want to be directly questioned about things, because she may in fact just be busy. Then again, if she is interested in you and considerate, she would probably tell you "I'm busy but lets connect later". So if I were you, I'd say something like:

"Hey. I don't want to scare you off or anything, but I've noticed that you haven't been responding to my sms. I know you could be busy and that's cool, but if there was a problem I just want you to know that if you want out of this, it's ok, I'm not going to make it difficult for you. Now, I'm not trying to chase you away or accuse you of anything, and I'm still very interested in continuing this thing, but I know that relationships don't always work out. I really want us to be honest about everything, and if that's the way things are going, it's ok. If you're not wanting out of this, hey that's great and I'm sorry if I came off a bit melodramatic here but I hate not knowing where I stand and lately I'm just a little bit unsure."

Or something like that. You can probably do better than me

I really hope it's because she's just busy but you do not want to be in one of those relationships where she's mentally broken up with you weeks before and is just working up the courage to tell you. She's weeks ahead in her recovery, and you're now trying to figure out what went wrong.

You can't seriously think that two thick girls can accurately represent an entire gender's opinion of you. If you don't appeal to the survivor watching, bar hopping, crushing over Justin Tiberlake type of girl what's the problem? You'd be bored to tears if you actually landed a girl like that.

Plenty of smart sexy women out there. I say leave the rest to the Chuck and Hanks of the world.

Yeah, you don't want to be messing around with under eating, especially when you are lifting or doing cardio. Your nutritionist or trainer should be able to give you help with a meal plan that takes in to account your active and sedentary days. You will need more energy on working days and less on sedentary days. I'm on a weight gaining routine, so on my active days, I need about 3000 calories, spaced out over six meals. When you go back to school, prepare snacks that are quick and give you the energy you need. You can make things ahead of time that are easy to bring with, detour bar, an apple, skim milk, sandwhiches etc. I bring a plastic jug and mix skim milk powder and protein shake mix in it. Just add water and presto! 600 calories with protein and carbs and all you need to do is shake it all up. Just remember to wash the jug right away and let it dry out somewhere or else it will start smelling funky.

I accept your challenge. I am sooooo doing this. It's been 125 days, another thirty will be no problem!

girls seem to find me arogant. I like being intelligent, I like the feeling that I understand thing that are beyond most but I don't think that I'm more important than anyone else. Am I arrogant or are they jealous or is this all inside my head??.

Has anyone said "Man, you are one arrogant SOB" or are you assuming that this is the reason they are uncomfortable around you? If so, then isn't it a bit arrogant to assume that they're jealous of your intellect?

(BTW, it's arrogant with two R's my smarty pants ;-) )

Insist that you split the cheque, if he's half conscious he should see that as a clear message that this is not a date. Don't let him pay for your movie either, no matter how much he insists, and drop a few "you're really a great friend" while you guys are talking over dinner.

Problem is, I bet we see a "I'm in love with my classmate and she gave me the friend speak" post from a new member on Saturday morning.

Hope you enjoy the movie with your friend.

hahaha..I know. It hurts like HELL! And the next time or two will also...but not as bad, trust me. I cried and then smacked him....lol. I was so mad at him for talking me into doing it.

Man. Every time I read about a woman's first time I wonder why you ladies go through with it at all (but I'm so very happy that you do). My first time, I had a mind blowing orgasm that left me weak kneed for about twenty minutes. She asked me if I was ok, and I was so spent I could barely mumble a quick "yeah..... dizzy"

Yeah, I say shave it down to the wood. Cheaper, and less maintenance,plus you can grow a cool goatee and look scary. No, scary/cool!!

Eventually, one of them will get caught and that relationship will end. The other person will realize that the relationship was just a functional thing, and not want to have anything to do with the person who got caught. Happens all the time, and there isn't much you can do about it unfortunately.

gasp at anyone claiming someone without kids is selfish! What in the world? That is just nuts.

Where I live everyone gets married in their early twenties, buys a house, buys a new car, has two kids and saves all their money for retirement. If you are in your thirties, reasonably attractive, single, live in an apartment or a condo, and spend your money on making your life interesting, it is assumed that you are either gay or some kind of freak.

This place sucks.

Oh and paisley80, forgot to say, what those people unknowingly put you through is garbage. IMO, you would be completely in the right to let loose with a fury of biblical proportions on anyone who suggests that you have to go through that again. I think that if you do that once or twice, the word will spread, and they'll leave you alone.

I get that same smugness you are talking about when I tell any of my friends-become-daddies that I'm not interested in having kids. "Oh, I was once like you. You'll change you mind.", as if to say that they've reached some new level of enlightenment because they became parents. And then I get other turds telling me "you don't want kids?!?!? That's so selfish!". Like it's my purpose to populate the earth with my offspring.

Makes me wanna pop 'em one.

My biggest fear would be getting too drunk and taking advantage of myself. Then waking up the next morning feeling all dirty and ashamed.

LOL man you crack me up

Why don't you become the man you want to be? That's probably a lot closer to the ideal women speak of rather than copying the actions of some testosterone fantasy just because you think people will think that's really you. Eventually it's gonna fall apart and the real you will be exposed. So why not work on becoming comfortable with yourself instead of trying to please everyone else?

Aw, this sure gives me hope RR. Thanks a lot.

 

It is really paralyzing feeling like you have to ace everything at the first attempt. Is pretty stupid actually... I don´t know where I got this idea that I have to keep some kind of perfect score... And beat myself up hard with every mistake I make...

 

Some perfection complex uh, dang. Rookie mistake I hope.

I wouldn't say stupid, you're just being unfair to yourself when you hold that belief. Its a lot less stressful to do the best you can and leave it at that. Eventually you will get tired of beating yourself up, realize that everyone has things that work out for them, and things that don't, laugh at yourself a bit and wonder why you were so hard on yourself all along.

Yeah, I'd date myself!! LOL. I'd even call myself the next day to say "thanks".

 

 

See, I don't think this is always true. Perspective dictates, to a degree, personality and consequently, no two conversations would be identical either given the same location at different times or same time but different locations. So, the fact that you were looking at yourself, speaking, from a different perspective/location would mean that you could potentially really surprise yourself with what each of you has to say. Know what I mean??

 

 

Orlander

This would have been a great way to describe relativity in my physics classes in University.

So, it got better for you? That´s great

 

But may I ask younger when? You look young...

Thanks, I'm 33, will be 34 in February.

Me, I´m feeling old and effed up at age 23... I seriously hope this gets better... I still don´t get to that point. My failures are only making me more paranoid and doubt about my capacities instead of giving me strenght...

I felt old and effed up at 23 too. In my late teens and most of my twenties, I was aware of how much harm there was in the world waiting for me and I felt paralyzed to do anything. I had a failed engagement, was afraid to go back to school, hated my job but I didn't want to leave it because what else would I do? All of this stuff banging around in my head. I wasted a lot of time not getting up after falling down, but that's ok, it's the best I could do at the time. Fear of failure plagues everyone, I mean *everyone*. But you get confidence from looking at the things that you made it through: even if it wasn't perfect, you survived it. And you probably learned a lot and know what not to do now. See how strong you are? You don't have to ace everything the first time, that's totally impossible and completely unfair to yourself to believe that (even if you consciously are aware of it, but still feel angst when it doesn't happen).

Funny: I was talking about growing up and becoming an adult with a friend over dinner tonight. You get to a point where you just don't care anymore about trivial things like keeping up an appearance, etc. You stop being afraid of falling down. If you have to change careers, leave a relationship, end a friendship, it's ok. Everything is going to be ok. Living through trauma makes you stronger, because you know what you can survive, and the fear of "am I gonna make it?" is gone. Myself I was a lot more scared of the world when I was younger, because I had no idea how strong I really was until I was tested.

If could find a woman like me, I'd be in seventh heaven. She'd be perfect for me. Especially those long legs. And how many 6'2" women do you know with a 30" waist and 9% body fat? Seriously I'd be a knockout!

All my fast burn attractions ended up being bitter disappointments. I end up filling in the blanks about her with what ever I want and fall fast for an image. The real person is never as good as the image in my mind. What's a few months to wait and see if this thing clicks?

I've been working out a lot lately to keep my mind off the break up. However, to keep me going, I have this fantasy that I need to look good 'cause I'm going to be on America's Next Top Model, and then my ex is gonna see me on TV and be super sorry that he dumped me. Haha. Does anyone else have any ridiculous fantasies to keep them going?

Ok, this is really lame, but when I was a teenager and broke up I used to fantasize that I was turned into a vampire, and I would use my vampire charm to drive my ex nuts with desire and then use the charm again to turn all her friends against her. Yeah I know what you are thinking, but I was just a kid.

Now all I fantasize about is winning a lottery hahah.

Cordelia is right, these bad feelings will all pass soon. You will sit down and ask yourself, "why am I feeling bad about this?" come up with no good explanation, and realize that you feel ok after all.

I think you will eventually find someone who you like and will trust them, but if you are feeling like relationships are a waste of time, take some time off from dating and grow a bit.