Reluctant Rebuilder

I don't know how someone can move on that fast. I know that some people mentally leave a relationship long before they actually break up. If anything, your pain is good. It tells you is that you are able to feel deeply about things. You love deeply and thereforeeee hurt deeply. I feel sorry for those who don't hurt as much when things end. They never will know what it's like to love someone so completely.

I feel you man. I really do. A longtime ago I was engaged to a woman who cheated on me. Called the wedding off four days before the Big Day. She ended up marrying the guy she was cheating with. I just noticed recently, almost ten years after the fact and after a horrible break up and impending divorce, that I'm not bothered by her cheating or her getting married. I've heard through the grape vine that she has kids now too. Somewhere along the path I put the anger and hurt down. I hope it comes quickly for you.

But canadians sound funny

Hey man. Take the lumpy with the smooth, eh?

and make sure he "warms you up" with his finger first.

Just my opinion, but those people are wrong. You can move on, you don't need someone else to make it better. Every time you introduce a dependency like that you expose yourself to more risk. Besides, hooking up with someone new is just a short cut, and it ends up taking you back to square one.

Do you talk to anyone? Like a counselor or someone like that? I've made some really great gains talking to a professional impartial person.

What about working through the ex issues without using someone to help you do it? Its a nasty cycle of heart break to heart break, and you loose a chance to grow by yourself in the process. Keep your guard up and learn to feel comfy in your own skin. I think you will start attracting healthy people when that happens.

Whoah red flags popping up all over the place. From the sounds of it, you have every right to feel bitter. And I think living with someone you are in love with, but he won't give you a chance is a *terrible* idea. What are you going to do when he invites women over? What happens when he gets a girl friend who starts staying over and the three of you are jockeying for the bathroom in the morning? Are you going to put head phones on when they are doing the crazy monkey dance?

I think you should put his fragile feelings aside for a second, think about your own welfare and it will be obvious what to do next. Anyone who is a true friend would understand why you can't live with him in that situation. You are not selfish. It's being respectful of your self and your own preservation.

Chalk this one up to experience. Hooking up with somebody who is fresh out of a relationship can be a bad idea some times. Even people who are out of relationships for a long time can suddenly be lured back by an ex. Just think: you could have spent a long time with a guy who wasn't really ready for a commitment. At least you are free to find someone else. Chin up sweetie, everyone goes through this, and it sucks completely. But it gets better eventually.

So how about something along the lines of "I realized after we hooked up last time that I'm honestly not interested in this anymore. Period. Hate me now, fine, but you'd hate me more if I kept the truth from you and this dragged on for months."

I mean, you can just explain yourself and if he gets it good, if he doesn't get it well at least you said your part honestly. What more could a person do?

I'm not sure there's anything more to do. You said you don't want to hook up with this guy anymore, and that's probably a good thing. In his mind he's thinking that a new level of intimacy has been reached, and is probably going to press for more in the future.

As for dealing with the animal urge inside... maybe a vibrator?

Well if the person is a good dancer,then yes. But a bad dancer, I don't think so.

I did.

Seriously I did.

Dude you should come to Canada. LOTS of chubby white girls here.

Chubby white girl? Did I miss something??

My life sucks because I'm not taking the necessary risks to make it better.

Gotta fat friend? (or one of those chubby white girls you like so much)

 

Get him to wear them around for a day, and voila! Problem solved.

 

Now your life dosen't suck at all.

 

I am wonderful.

 

 

 

WHAT?!?!?! That's crazy! I share undies with NO OTHER MAN, fat or not.

 

What if he leaves streaks? Ick!!

 

 

 

 

 

(but I think you are wonderful none the less. Just a wee bit nutty)

Day 4 for me.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling. Like a battered old war vet I suppose. I know this stuff is supposed to hurt me, but right now I feel indifferent. I saw her at class again, and I didn't freeze or panic. I just carried on like I had my own stuff to do. A mutual friend of ours came by to pick her up after class, and there was an awkward moment where I greeted him, and said good night to everyone there. They followed me out to the street where we were parked, I could hear them talking in hushed tones. What ever.

Putting myself back together seems a bit easier this time, though I'm sure it's opened new wounds tat haven't really registered yet. Just have to put the fires out as they are started.

My friend Duncan explains this sort of pain the same way you do - as a wave. And slowly, slowly the crushing force of these waves will dwindle away until they pass right through you.

I have no advice to give other than to say that you are doing everything right, and like the Frisco DJ says, this isn't going to be easy. But it will eventually pass. And thanks for such an eloquent description of how you are feeling. I can really identify with your pain.

And one thing to keep in mind is when this is over and you look down from the mountain you climbed, you will have new confidence and strength, because you can survive even this.

Best of luck to you.

Come on, she's using a technicality to keep herself from getting married to every guy she falls in love with!?!? Sounds dubious to me.

Definitely up. Pony tail cool, but not necessary. Anything up is good. You can see the ears and the nape of the neck.

Mmmmmmm yummy neck.

How is everyone doing?

Day 3 since the slip. I'm being terrorized by my dreams again, thoughts getting out of control about what could have been. I'm a real head case. Jeeze a few emails and I'm completely off the rails. * * *? Well, if there was any doubt that I should stay away from this chick and sort myself out then it's gone. ](*,)

Was he supposed to call by a certain time? If not relax, give the boy some time.

It didn't work for me.

Day 2 for since my slip. I feel angry and sad. Angry at myself mostly, what a chump.

Also, through repeated contact you can slowly get more familiar.

I used to have a girlfriend who went absolutely nuts when we had sex while she was menstruating. She would climax almost instantly. Nothing bad about it. We always used condoms just in case.