Reluctant Rebuilder

Diet will probably make up about 75% of the gains in muscle and losses in body fat you will have if you stick regularly to your work out schedule. You want to space out your calories through the day (so many small meals instead of three big 'uns). Its hard to say what the best routine would be for you, since it will depend on your body type, your experience, etc. But if you stick regularly to a routine you *will* see results. Just don't expect them over night.

Not a fan of huge boobs. Like most guys, proportion is better. I'm more inclined to lean fit women, which generally means smaller breasts.

It's hard to say what all guys will do, as different guys have different rules of engagement. And most guys (well the ones that I know anyways) are shy when it comes to picking up. I don't do the bar scene so much anymore, but when I did I would never approach a girl if I saw she was with a guy. Unfortunately, it's an assumption most guys make that your friend is your boyfriend. If you were with a group of girls, they'd probably approach, but even then it can be intimidating. The risk there is if you get shot down, you have a group of girls snickering and rolling their eyes as you slink away. Even talking to a woman by herself has it's risks. I did some consulting work in South Carolina in 1999 and one night out at a bar, I saw this really nice looking girl sitting at a table by herself. I went over there and starting talking to her, and we really hit it off. She puts her arm around me, we're laughing and talking and the next thing I know this squat tubby red faced guy in a trucker hat is yelling in my face "GET THE F*** AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!" Bars can be hazardous places.

Anyway if you can't make the first move, I think the best thing you can do is appear approachable and make it really easy for the guy you like to pick you up. If you see a guy checking you out and you like the look of him, you can give some obvious signs that you're interested too. A knowing smile, look at him, look down (smile again), look back to see if he's still checking you out, that sort of thing. Send out some "come hither" vibes

If you want to avoid direct contact, you could get him to send it to you by courier. It's not super expensive and you will get your movies sooner than by post.

Whoa whoa stop right there. You keep using pathetic to describe yourself, stop judging yourself so harshly. I bet in your mind there is probably a pretty heated debate about what to do. You've alluded to his mind games, so at least part of you is willing to pull away. Why not mine that though for a while and see what you come up with? I can totally sympathize with holding on, everyone does or has done it. And I think the will power would come a lot easier if you prevent yourself from romanticizing the past and try and see things from a different perspective.

what happens when he meets someone else?!?

Exactly. If you are throwing up just from seeing his picture with his arm around some girl, imagine what it's going to be like when you actually see him with someone new, or you find out he's been casually seeing someone, or you come to the realization that you've been emotionally tied to this guy for years and not grown at all while he's had all the time in the world to heal and move on. I know you think it's easy for me to say this, but why are you willingly putting yourself in a situation where your emotional state gets ruined all the time? What's the worst thing that can happen if you never talk to him again? Survival mode has to kick in sometime, I say follow the logical side of your mind, because that is probably what's best for you in the long term.

New Years is totally overrated. I'm in a similar situation, all my friends are doing quiet evenings with their wives, and I'm on my own too. Check out your city, most have public gatherings where people count down the end of the year. It would be better to be around people than sit at home alone. Chin up, next year will probably have lots of new people entering your life.

Google says that Suzy is right: link removed

My best friend in Vancouver.

(and my mom)

I agree with Crazyaboutdogs, he is using all means possible to keep your heart strings attached, but doing nothing to fix your relationship. And I think that using his little sister is totally unfair.

How are you supposed to carry on a friendly conversation if you don't speak the language? Sounds really unfair to me. If you are being left out of the talking and laughing, then it's him who is doing something wrong.

Oh yeah, and if you get your PhD in psychology, say hello to a ton of cash, especially if you are in clinical.

You can transfer credits between majors, no problem. Plus it will be a requirement that you take credits from other disciplines in order to fill your degree requirements (thus making you a well rounded academic). Usually it breaks down something like having to take a little bit of science, a little bit of humanities, a lot from your major, and there is usually some free do-as-you-will- credits to make up the 90 or 120 credit hours to finish.

At least that was how it was for my degree.

Let me first off say that I think you are an awesome guy for sticking by your mom while she's sick despite all the troubles you two had. And kudos to you for getting your life back on track after all those troubles with your job.

Ok, you shouldn't get yourself into a position where there is a complete imbalance of power, such as holding on to a shred of hope that you might someday possibly hopefully potentially get back together if things work out somehow maybe. In this case you are determined that this is what you want, but she isn't. It sounds to me like she wants to be out there dating right now, but in the future she *might* be open to dating you again. Because of this imbalance I think it would be impossible for you to be friends with her. You are going to get crushed every time she has plans with someone else. And it's a lot to risk gambling that this new guy will screw up, what if he doesn't? Best to remove yourself from the situation and not know. And that friendship wouldn't last very long if you are being constantly frustrated and hurt because you know she is just dangling out of your reach. It's a lot of pain you can really do without.

You seem to have a knack for doing the right things to turn a bad situation around, so put your long term interests first. Take some time off, heal and put yourself back in the dating pool when you are ready. I've been through three serious relationships where I thought I would never meet a woman as great as the one that just split with me, only to be surprised when I come accross someone equally special.

Way to go! I've had four months of NC, and it's really hard some days so I understand what you are going through. When I'm alone and not doing anything to keep busy, I have mock arguments in my mind with my ex. If we ever run in to each other, and she lays in to me, I'm ready!!

oh why cant I leave this situation alone ?

I just emailed him that he is welcome to ask me out on a proper date otherwise I cant see him.

That i have high standards and have never compromised my dating principles.

And that Im not some loose chick who will go hang out at a strange guy's house.

 

Will this inflame him ? Was this really dumb of me or a good way to get rid of him ?

 

Did I read this right? You sent him an email inviting him to ask you out but you say you want to get rid of him? Asking him to ask you out isn't much of a deterrent, is it? Or are you wanting him to ask you out but none of the creepy tie-you-up-in-the-basement stuff? Methinks he would put on a nice fella mask until he got you back to his place. Then out pops the gimp mask and ball gag, and filthy rag soaked with ether. Getting rid of him will involve you putting your foot down and telling him that you will not see him.

 

Or did I completely read that wrong?

Plus most people go in to these relationships planning on staying together only to find that the person they are with either isn't the person they thought they loved or simply they aren't doing it for them anymore. It's not like you know ahead of time that the woman you are dating is a overly needy princess.

i feel like a loser having only me experience this fate.

Ummmm... *you* feel like a loser??? Why is that? So he broke up with you, fine. Nothing to feel ashamed o there. So you pleaded for him, not uncommon and definitely no shame there. Then his mom had to step in? I don't want to sound insensitive but... BWAHAHAHAHA. His name wouldn't happen to be Grendel would it?

Ok, sorry. You shouldn't feel like a loser. Him on the other hand...

Maybe if you told him what a threat this was to your relationship, he would sit down and have a talk with you. Sex is a big part of a relationship, and if this becomes a deal breaker you would be right to let him know sooner rather than later.

And I agree with Mag PI, what you described sounds like a dream relationship. I wish my ex had put 1/2 as much effort into making me feel happy as you make your man.

To me it sounds like she is playing you. She hasn't let go of the old flames, and from what I read, *you* are the one who is going to get burnt on this.

It happens to me all the time. In November I took a vacation in China, and I was seeing and hearing things even there that kept reminding me of my ex. Are the dreams getting to you?

Is that it?

 

Try and experience years and years of poverty around, with minimum wages droping to 5 USD a day, with taxes that make it feel like minus 5 USD, and better forget about even owning an apartment cuz you can barely make it to pay for food, and all the kids jumping on the cars to clean your windshield and all the street dogs and their corpses on the pavement that is not easy to safely make turns into intersections without running over them, and you´re always affraid of walking down the street cuz you don´t wanna get busted by some punks, and is pure torture getting up in the morning cuz you know you´re gonna spend all day at work to be paid 17 USD and lose 25 USD if you stay in your bed.

Wow.

I do believe I have been "served".

Everyone says they love the cold until they experience years and years of four month long winters with temperatures dropping to minus thirty degrees, with a wind chill that makes it feel like minus forty five, and the sand on the streets to keep the cars from slamming in to each other gets caught in your shoes so you end up tracking that junk in and you can't keep your apartment clean no matter how many times you sweep, and the snow banks so high you can't see around them to safely make turns into intersections and the mornings where the room is so damn cold, but the bed is so warm you can never make it to work on time because its pure torture getting up in the morning plus you're always afraid of running accross the street to catch the bus because you don't want to slip and bust your on the frozen ground and have all the teenagers at the bus stop on their way to school laugh at you.

* sigh * I guess it's not all that bad. Aside from that, the cold is great ;-)

BTW, I've always admired your signature.

You are living in my pipe dream and hating it? Awesome.

I'm not really knocking Canada. I just want to go somewhere warm for a change, and start fresh.

That's pretty smooth FDJ, not too familiar and still inviting.