blackdiamond

(disclaimer-been broken up for 2 weeks..longest we have gone w/o talking since we've know each other (btw-he broke up with me) Boy meets girl (2+years ago) boy and girl become best friends boy is married and girl is single (after a year of friendship) boy admits to girl that his marriage (of 18 years)is awful and wants a divorce girl has a brief (two week) affair with boy, but ends it due to guilty conscience boy decides to divorce his wife when girl starts dating others. He separates and boy/girl are dating. There. Brief synopsis to give perspective. This relationship has been hell...........and heaven. He was so funny and comfortable to be with. Sex was GREAT! We had a blast just grocery shopping. I miss his companionship. But the f*cking arguments were generally about nothing. ](*,) 9 out of 10 times he would leave and break up with me-seemingly more out of spite and vindictiveness rather than honestly wanting out of the relationship. He actually left me on a family vacation in Florida (my kids and extended family/his kids) because I choose to walk away instead of letting the kids hear us argue. He actually left and made a scene in front of my dad/kids/sister/her kids and his kids! He called apologizing a week or so later. It seemed sincere and I crumbled. I'm an idiot. That was last June. He proposed and I accepted, but he seemed to let his anger get in the way (after Florida he looked into anger management and discussed with my dad that he had a problem with this). I worried that if this is the nicest he'll ever be to me........I mean, what would he be like in 5 years with a ring on my finger? Anyway, two weeks ago he had another of his tirades at his house while his kids were there. I felt it would be best if I left as I knew how (and knowing him) this night was going to play out. I waited until his kids went upstairs and told him that I should leave as I was getting depressed and the night was going nowhere but negative. 5 minutes after I left, he called and said he never wanted to see or hear from me again. And I've respected that. I've never started a thread, but need to do this. I saw a brave soul who is finding it cathartic to journalize his break up/NC. I thought it was a great idea-especially how a relationship can be so * * * *ty, and feel elation (maybe relief is a better term) immediately after the break up, yet feel like crap and so close to breaking NC a few weeks later. God, it's like giving up cigarettes.

My ex was like that....used his 'break up' (weekly I might add) to make me conform to his expectations. This last time it didn't work-whereas it had for over a year. It was time for me to make him eat crow. I'm not a fricken yo-yo! And if I'm understanding correctly, she is doing to you in the same manner-Using this ultimatum as a way to manipulate?? She expects you to come crawling back? Oh tell!! What's going on??

I hear what you're saying.........but the only way this will work is if they are using their 'break up' as a way to manipulate you or a means to control you. In other words, only if your ex is into this pull and push game, and not breaking up because they just don't give a sh#t anymore. If they are over you they really don't care as long as you're leaving them alone. But, actually, (besides the dating scheme)...your theory isn't really off the mark. But a word of caution on making up a date......not a good idea. Don't lower yourself to lying to win someone over.

I agree with you-NC sucks. I have many things to say to him...especially because he broke up with me for things he'd done over and over to me (not cheating, but leaving during an argument). But he breaks up with me every week. But, like another poster has stated, they don't have the capacity at this point to even care what we are upset about-more than likely it will fall on deaf ears. AND contacting them gives them power, because in essense initiating contact is excusing them for how they treated us. No f#cking way I'm gonna give him that power. Try not to give this guy the impression that you need him more than he needs you. Otherwise, your situation with him will never change. Or, worse yet, you'll lose your self respect.