Clementine orange

Yeah, you'd better straighten this whole thing out with Personnelle. This poor woman!!!! Perhaps an apology to her would be a good thing too - if she is still talking to you.

If you can come up with a logical explanation (or like quasi-logical) then that would be a good idea. Just say that you are still messed up over the divorce, you are under tons of pressure and you had a momentary lapse of reason.

This is not fair to people who actually _were_ sexually harassed.

You should do this sooner rather than later. Things could get ugly. Why aren't they asking for more evidence? Can you really get someone suspended for harassment right out of the blue like that? I would have thought "they" would require more evidence etc.

How risque were these notes? I assume you had to show someone these notes.

Unrequited love - it sucks doesn't it? You need some space here and put the focus back on yourself and your schooling. It's survival man.

It's gonna suck for a while (it already is) but day by day, little by little, it will get better. Welcome to life. We've all been here before!

You have to ask yourself: what do _you_ want. Do you think you can be friends with her? Do you (if given the opportunity) want to rekindle things. You've been NC for 2 months now - I'm guessing you got pretty used to her not being around and are healing nicely. You have to figure out how far down the road you are.

I don't know the circumstances of the break up but at the very least you should respond, I think, politely and tell her what you are up to. Just be cool and calm about it. Wish her a Merry Xmas etc and say you hope she is well (and her family and whatever if appropriate) I wouldn't respond to the "lets get together sometime" until she point blank asks you to - Then decide.

Keep it simple and cool. And continue what you were doing during NC. This (her wondering what you are up to) is pretty inevitable in my experience.

I'm sorry to hear this - it must be rough. From what you've written it sounds like you've done whatever you can. If she won't go to councelling then ....

Oh course you could go and see what they have to say however if it was me then I think I would have problems with that arrangement.

It might be tough on the kids but wouldn't it be tougher living with two adults who don't love each other? Kids are resillient and adaptable. They also will have their minds shaped (about relationships and women etc) by the example they see around them (ie: you two) not totally mind you but it is an effect.

I just bring home the money and let her do whatever she wants.

Can she stand on her own two feet if you two went separate ways? Or is she staying simply because she needs your money and stability?

Personally that would burn into me and cause a resentment.

You also need to ask yourself "can _you_ live in a loveless, sexless marriage" maybe she can but can you? What if you meet someone? You do have a right to try to find happiness.

What country are you in? That would make a difference,

I've heard really good things about mediators (Canada)

The problem starts in a culture where too many people have the belief that a woman's worth is based primarily on or solely on her physical appearance.

Ha!!!! trying being a guy - society believes our worth is based on how big our bank accounts are and how much power we have. Also how good you are at sports and if you can beat the daylights out of someone else at the bar

oh yes and the car we drive.

Being a guy is no picnic either.

ps: Hardly any women is ever as fat as she thinks she is!!!!

All what the above posters said plus PATIENCE!

Bottom line - do not work for free. The company does not give you money for not working so do not give your time for free.

There might be the occasional night but as a rule of thumb - never!!!

I'm not sure what kind of company forces employees to work overtime without overtime pay but I'm betting it's one of those companies where the owner is filthy rich.

It's your life - how do you want to live it?

Sorry I didn't actually answer your question. Here's a trick - come into work 10 or 15 minutes early everyday. Be there before the boss if you can. It looks really really good.

But I'm serious about the leaving on time. If you like working so much - get your own business - then your overtime will mean something!

It's standard Buddhist philosophy. Fascinating stuff really - I mean the idea of the present being "everything". Personally I've never met an angry, anxious or uptight buddhist so that's got to say something.

If you like that, see what they have to say about suffering (it's inevitable but it's OK).

Make sure you don't have a head fulla zits under the hair either. In high school the bald look was very popular and I'd say about half of the boys shaved it off. Kinda scary when their heads looked like a zit commercial.

 

I remember that look. It didn't work on about 90% of males. The fade I think they called it or else just completely shaved. Not attractive on most people. I think it was inspired by Michael Jordon (who did look good with it).

What I write next is not meant to be mean in anyway.

 

I can understand the high divorce rate better.....2nd/3rd date the prospect of intimacy starts to rear its head? Really, that early? That would explain in general a lot of mismatched couples and eventual break-ups/divorces. Would they really be together if they took some 'quality' time in getting to know one another in a non-intimate fashion? Just curious....

Prospect is the operative word here. I can tell you that women usually start to wonder what is your problem if you haven't made a pass at them by the third date.

High divorce rate has more to do with the availablilty, acceptance and ease of divorce it than your suggestion. That, and the fact that women don't have to have a man in their life to survive (like it was in the 50s)

I'm guessing it's probably pretty frustrating to be in jail and maybe some of that is coming out now.

Some guys are really good at the first date, it's the 2nd and the 3rd etc when they start to bog down since it's decision time and/or they used up all their charm on date number 1

Think about it, first dates are easy - one probably isn't going to go home with the person (home as in sleep with them I mean) and the adreniline is rushing, but second, third - as soon as the prospect of intimacy starts to rear its head then it's nervous time!

Good luck, this might not be over just yet and don't forget, there's lotsa fish in the sea anyway

It sounds like you did exactly right. These things are going to happen. I don't think you should consider this a breech of your NC program.

It would have been very unfair if you hadn't passed the message along to her, so you did right.

If you're going to go bald or super short then you'd better have a good looking face. No acne/acne scars or whatever. I've done long and I've done short. Short is alot easier to deal with but when I had long hair, the girls seems to like it more. Some did anyway.

At my age (late 30s) many men are bald or balding involuntarily so I kind of like to flaunt the fact that I got a full head of nice curly hair.

in the end it all depends on what kind of face you got.

Argh, I hate that "hot and cold" thing that women do. Totally destructive and manipulative. I also think that over analysis of this particular situation is not good good idea at this point.

You're in one of those hellish no-win situations. I'd wash my hands and focus on getting my life together if I were you and let the ex's chips fall where they may.

I would NOT be happy to find that I had to work with an ex who I still had feelings for (or any ex for that matter). Just when you think the world is a huge place, it turns out to be small.

Masochist? But then again, consider the alternatives. Pay attention that it doesn't prevent you from finding someone with whom your love is recipicated.

If I'm ever in doubt as to what to do then I use the following strategy:

Just act normal

In others words treat her like any other old friend you haven't seen in a while. Friendly, cordial but cool. Don't act up, don't ignore her (but don't talk too much to her either), don't put on a show. Just be normal. If you have a date, then bring one, if not then don't. You'll get through this and when you look back and you'll think "yep, I just acted normal - calm, cool and collected". You can get through it provided you don't think too much about it.

ps: watch the alcohol.

Oh it helps lol. When I started messing around with girls, I was just an ehhh kisser but with many different times and people (with feedback) I learned so much that I know I'm real good at it now. Same with other things leading up to intercourse. Mre feedback, the more I learned. It doesn't match the "connection" as in a special relationship but sometimes you won't get truthful feedback when the heart is so involved.

hookers don't kiss, neither do they give a damn if you are any good or not. They want your money and they want you out of there.

A sex therapist on the other hand....

Oh in answer to the question, visiting a hooker will not make you better at sex. I would hazard a guess that it will make you worse actually and I'm not even talking about STDs at this point.

 

I know I would not date someone who had paid for sex, no matter what his reasons.

Every man has paid for sex...maybe not with a pro, but believe me, we've paid. Before, after or during....or all three

(please pardon my cynicism today)

I agree with the Victorian lady above me (gee that sounds weird). It's not just relationships you will be missing out on - it's everyday life.

A therapist can sort these things out. There's no shame in it. i bet most of the peeps on enotalone have gone to a therapist or at least thought about it.

I was wondering what other people thought, male/female...male

If you are a married man or women, is it okay to go to strip clubs? not married but I believe it's OK so long as it is a once in a while type of thing.

and, would anyone ever marry a stripper? no way!!!!!! I wouldn't want other guys looking at my wife, i don't think that too many men would. I wouldn't mind dating a stripper for a little while - they might be interesting but marriage no way.

Would you allow your spouse to start stripping after you were already married. um, no.....i mean she can do what she wants but hey, I'd be walking!!!!

Would you let them if you yourself liked to frequent strip clubs I don't really frequent (though i have gone) but because I know what goes on there then I wouldn't want a spouse stripping. It's pretty undigified.

It's because you put them on a pedestal. They are just regular people like anybody else.

You need to do some visualization exercises. And lose the negative attitude about it. You can't talk to girls because you say and believe that you can't.

Start saying and beliving that you CAN.