Angel_babygirl

Ok this is hard and complicated. To make a very long story short, I fell in love with my best friend and had a wonderful relationship with her for almost 2 years. I had even thought about leaving my husband for her because I cared so much and thought she loved me. She made me feel like my hubby used to. Well in a nut shell the day before Mothers Day she tells me that she thinks we need to take a break from each other. She said that she isnt happy with herself so how can she make anyone else happy. I was crushed. I cried she cried. She and I still call each other on the phone and talk. We even went to the movies one night. I promised my self nothing would happen. She start to make a move and I told her not to, only because I dont want to be hurt. She tells me the last thing she wants is to her me. She tells me she loves me all the time and just to give her time. So like an idoit I am. Meanwhile I am throwing up, cant eat, cant sleep. This is hurting so much. Then today she asks me to come by her work, which I do. To my horror she has about 4 leach marks on her neck. I ask her what happened. She tells me she got drunk last night and this girl made a move on her. Move? Looks like she attacked her. Anyway I say well I hope you are dating her, trying hard to fight back the tears. She says nothing else happened between us I promise Angel and I am not sure if I want to be with her, besides she says she doesnt even know her name. Is she lying to spare my feelings or is she serious, I dont know. My head starts spinning and I feel like I am going to pass out so I tell her I have to go. She says I love you baby. How can she say she loves me, yet shes.....oh i dont know. SO I go back by later on in the afternoon after my doctors appoointment since I tell her I will. I mean shes the one who called in the first place because she said shes worried about me. She comes over and gives me a big hug, kisses me on the cheek and says " God I love you so much". I just look at her like I dont know what to believe. What do I do? A huge part of me wants to just walk away. I hurt so much. There is more to the story of how this all started. If anyone wants to read the first story its under General Advice called hurting inside. Please anyone help me out here. AM I fooling myself that she does love me or is she playing me? I need some advice please.

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Alright since I shared my problem last, I am dealing with it day by day. However I still find myself crying at everything and anything. I hardly eat anymore and if I do it ends up coming back up anyway. For those of you who have told me to make my daughter my first concern I have. Shes the light of my life and with time I am hoping to move on. I am slowly getting things back on track with the hubby, but sometimes its hard. I do miss my best friend. I mean we are still friends its just hard to deal with it. I am trying to move ahead and get on with life. Shes playing with my emotions. I think she knows that I am still unclear of a lot of things. Except for a few.

I know how you feel. Seems like the smallest thing makes me cry as well. I have been told that maybe I should see a doctor and get on anti-depression medicine, but would it help? I dont know. If you need someone to talk to I am here.

I have a problem that I am hoping someone can help me with. I am married with one beautiful little girl. Heres the problem: My best friend and I do everything together. We are like to peas in a pod. When she broke up with her girlfriend I was the one to pick up the pieces along with her heart. Yes I said girlfriend. My best friend is a lesbian. Not only that she is a 300 pd dike. I dont care. Shes my best friend and I care for her no matter what. Anyway about a year and a half ago we were at a mutal friends party. I was coming out of the bathroom into the hall which at the time was pitch dark. She appeared in front of me and leaned in and kissed me. I was caught off guard. However I didnt resist either. From that moment on my world took off like a whirlwind. We always did things together with my daughter and we did things just the two of us. No one suspected anything but a strong friendship, not a relationship. I started to withdrawl from my family and my life. I was so totally blown away by her that she was all I thought of or wanted. To everyone looking at me I had the perfect marriage, house, car, life. Which was not all true. I was missing something. I had found it in my best friend. Our relationship became serious by all means. She has bought me two diamond rings and even went as far to propose to me. Said she would wait for me, when the time was right. She showered me with cards, love letters, stuff animals, jewerly, love and most of all just accepting me for who I was. I started imaging myself being with her and only her. I even picked fights with my husband hoping it would cause a blow up between us so I would be able to be with her forever. I told her I was scared, scared of how she made me feel, scared of never feeling this way about anyone. She reassured me by telling me she would NEVERleave me. Over the last 3 months I got scared even more, I mean really scared. I started thinking how would I manage with a 2 year old if I left my husband of 4 years for her? I mean I have no doubt that we would somehow manage, wouldn't we? I became withdrawn from her. Not wanting to be touch, held, kissed or anything. I turned away from everyone. Withdrawing. I tried to explain to her that I was scared of our future together but I am working on it. Just to give me time. She said no problem that she loved me and would always be her. The past couple of weeks I started to come around but to my horror she started to with drawl. She said she needed time to get use to the idea of wanting to touch someone, hold some, kiss someone. I felt horrible. What did I do? I hurt her when I didnt mean to. She said give her time. I told her I would. I mean she has always been there for me. Then over this past weekend I get this heartwrenching message left from her on my cell phone telling me she wants everything to do with my daughter, being there as her "aunt" and that my daughter is the thing she looks forward to, but as far as we are concered she doesnt see her self with anyone right now, including me. I felt betrayed, hurt, confused, angery, and very emotional. This is the one that I had my first lesbian experience with. I called her back and told her she wouldnt ever see my daughter again out of anger. She asked me to meet her so we could talk. I shouldnt have done it. She told me she needed time to get her life back in order and on track ( she lost her house a couple of months back and had to move back in with her mom). She said she loved me more than anything but needed a break. I was crying she was crying. She said "I still want us to be best friends, go and do things together like we use to before all of this. If things happened again between us then we will deal with it when it comes, but right now I need time to get things together. I cant make someone else happy if I am not happy with myself. I love you. deeply." She gave me a big hug and kissed my forehead. I wanted to die. It felt as though my heart was ripped out. Then she calls me on Mothers Day and talks to me like we are old friends. I tried to go along with it but deep down I was dying. Then at the end of our converstation she says " I will call you on your cell phone and leave you messages dont worry." I explained to her not to only because I cant turn my feelings off that quick for her. She respond by saying "I still love you we just need to chill for a while." As I said goodbye and started to hang up the last thing she says is "I love you Angel". Why? I am trying to be so strong and work on my home life with the husband. What do I do? I want to be friends again, but I have these feelings for her. I do love her and told her I wouldnt be able to quit saying it that easliy. I told her also that I cant stop my feelings that quick for you like you can for me. She said that she still has feelings for me but needs time to get her life back. I am so confused, please help. I love her and I love my husband. I am being to think I would be better off away from this planet, cause I dont want to hurt anyone or be the one hurting. [/i][/i]