ladyj

Thank you HOPE75. I will do that because right now I feel like everything they say about him still hurts me, and I don't want to put myself through any more unnecessary pain. While he's outhere with his new gf having fun I'm still trying to pick up the pieces and it makes me even more mad. I can't go through this everytime someone says something about him. I KNOW IM BETTER OFF...I KNOW IM BETTER OFF...I just need to keep repeating that to myself.

I don't know why she did that and it puzzles me. I'm still trying to understand his attitude towards me that alone trying to understand her intentions. All I know is that this is the best thing that could have happen to me. I do not need to be involve with people like that. On the other hand today I had to go to my previous job because my previous manager had some documents for me that needed to be signed. When I walked in everyone was excited to see me and at the same time they were all waiting to ask me questions in regards to my ex (just in case that's where I met him...at my old job). Anyways, I went in and tried to come out as quick as possible but an old co-worker saw me and said that my ex has changed so much since we broke up. He said that his (ex) attitude totally stinks and that he doesn't care about anything anymore. He was telling me that he's lost the respect of a lot of people at work and that the owner of the company is not very happy with him right now due to his attitude. He mentioned to me that his hands were messed up after this past weekend, because he got into a fight in a bar. He then proceeded to tell me that him and his new girlfriend were at a bar and he got into it with another girl and his new gf jumped in and started fighting with the other girl. They all got kicked out of the place and he went on a rage and when he got to the parking lot he punched several cars and broke their windows. No one saw him but his friends tried to calm him down and he said he didn't care what happened to him. My friend thinks he's on a self destructive pattern right now and that I should be thankful I'm not part of that anymore. I could not agree more, but i felt a gut wrenching feeling when he mentioned "him and his new gf" my stomach turned but I acted as if it didn't affect me. They were all asking me how I was doing and I told them that I couldn't be doing a better. I've lost wait (been working out...not for lack of appetite) I've been going to counseling and I started dressing up like I used too long time ago. But honestly all that I know its just a front. I still feel sad, hurt, disappointed and I don't know why. I still care for him and really I'm sad to see that he's acting that way. I know I'm better off without him and his drama, but how do I get rid of this feeling inside. Is it bad to feel happy because people notice that he's changed since he broke up with me? I don't know...but I kind off felt good when my friend said that the gf fought some other chick in a bar. See because I never did that, and there were occasions when I walked out of a confrontation because I didn't see the purpose of it. I guess it kind off made me see the type of person he's with and maybe that's why I feel a bit better. I'm not sure what it is, but it gave me a bit of strenght for today. I just want to move...the only string right now is the title of the Harley that I'm trying to deal with and after that I'm completely free. Please help!...why am I so confuse when all facts indicate to only one direction "I'M BETTER OFF...BE HAPPY"...why am I not so happy....awwwwwwwwww

I actually did do something for myself this weekend. My friends and I went to the LL COOL J concert and it was GREAT. Then today reality hit again when I came into work. His sister had sent me an email letting me know that he had been gone for the weekend. No body knew where he was at and that only makes me think that he was with her. I'm feeling blue, because I remember when he and I would take off on the weekends just anywhere. Now he's doing those things with someone else and I'm hurting inside. I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYMORE...I don't know how much I can keep the strenght I have right now. Little by little I feel it's slipping away and I can't seem to have the energy for anything else. I don't know what to do anymore to make myself feel better.

Hope75...you are absolutely right! I was very tempted to take the bike away from him for the wrong reasons, but I realize that even if I did that it wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't going to bring him back or make everything go away. If anything it would probably have made things worse. I know how much I'm hurting but I also know how much more I want to get over it and move on. If I were to retaliate against him, it would only dragg my process of healing a bit longer. I'm just tired and emotionally drainned. I really don't want to deal with anything anymore. I just want to be and be left alone. I know I can't hide from the rest of the world but I'm tired of feeling hurt. I'm tired of people taking advantage of me...simply tired of just being. One thing I have notice is that I don't think about him as often as I did before. I can actually go about my day without feeling anxiety and feeling as if I need to see him. I HOPE THAT'S A GOOD THING! I hope that's a sign of acceptance and that I'm finally moving on. I'M CONFUSED! I no longer feel as strong as the past weeks, I feel more vulnerable than ever. I'm scared and I don't know why. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?...

Sweetie I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so much. I know exactly how you feel and let me tell you this "you will be ok". Take one day at a time do not think past today. Focus on something other than him and maintain yourself busy. Make it a process. Everytime you feel like breaking NC post here it help you. GOD KNOW HOW MUCH IT HELPED ME. Look I was in your spot 4 weeks ago, I was panicking and felt like I couldn't move on without him. Posting here was my salvation to a lot of humiliation and hurt. Everytime I felt I needed to talk to him I wrote what I felt and everyone at ENA supported me in a way that it relaxed me. You can read my post so you can see that I started at a very low point and now I feel stronger than ever. I'm finally in a place were I do miss him but I no longer feel the need to speak to him. I am angry that he's with someone else (cheated), but I realize there is nothing I can do to change things. He simply does not want to be with me and I have to respect his decision. I'm angry for the way he treated me after the break up, and I believe I'm doing fine due my anger. I'm not sure what your break up was like or how long it was, but I do know that if you take baby steps you will make it through this one. We are here to support you anytime you need too. Please keep posting and know that you will be ok.

Hope75...thank you for your post. Ok I haven't been posting anything for the past 5 days, but a lot went on during the weekend. I called his sister to ask if she could ask him to hand me over the pink slip to the harley so I can sign it off to him ASAP. He responded by telling her that he doesn't EVER want to deal with me again and that he doesn't want to talk to me about anything. SO, i told her that if he doesn't want to give me the pink slip I will take possession of the bike and he wont have a say in it. I went to the DMV and they told me that legally I can take the bike from him if I can proof that I have paid for at least half of it. Well little does he know that while we were together though he was giving me the money I was the one that sent out the checks to the dealership. SO, I have proof that I made payments even though really it wasn't my money. I text message him asking him directly is he could call me to settle the bike thing and he replied by telling me that there's nothing to settle and that he doesn't want to talk to me again. 1) Why is he acting as if I did something to him and is being totally mean to me? 2) Why do I feel like I still miss him even after all he has put me through? I have been trying to be very strong but I just don't understand his attitude towards me and his reasons for being the ways he's being right now. I know I would never ever want to get back with him, but damm after a four year relationship especially he being the one that broke it off; I would think that at least he would be cordial to me and be able to talk to me. Maybe I'm still longing for a connection with him. I have no idea what it is that's making me miss him so much, but I can't help it...IS THAT LAME? anyways! hopefully everyone is doing better this week.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing. Seriously I do not wish what I went through on anybody since I know how painfull it has been for me. IT SUCKS to her that someones is going through the same thing. I don't know what your decision will be in regards to you baby but know that no matter what it is only up to you and no one else. I know he might want to have a say on it but ultimately is your decision. Fortunately for me he didn't even care since he never bother with it and it made my decision a bit easier to make. Not that I had much choice given that medically it was not going to be an easy pregnancy. I don't know the details on your break up but I just want you to know that I will be here to guide through the motions. I'm not the best person to give advice since I'm still going through it, but I can definitely help you. Everyone on this forum have been amazingly supportive and I have learned so much in the past 3 weeks and I would hope that you can use this forum as a tool to help heal. Please keep posting to let us know what is going on with you. YOU'RE NOT ALONE...REMEMBER THAT!! WOW...that's a powerfull verse. YES you're absolutely right...I do feel as if someone had died. You know what I think too is that I'm finally mourning the loss of my baby. i did want to keep it but I had not been able to let those feelings come out because I was so involve with the drama my ex was putting me through. Now that's gone and I'm left with this void inside and sadness for loosing the baby. I don't know what my future will look like in a day, week, month, year but I'm really trying to survive today. Sometimes I think I'm not going to make it and sometimes I feel I own the world. I feel like I have 24hr PMS.

Thanks you guys for your comments. I have to say that today has been really hard for me. I don't know if getting my things really put a finality to all of this and now it has hit me that I will never see him again. I mean I knew it, but you know there's always that little 1% of you that still doesn't want to let go. I feel really sad right now and I don't know what to do about it. I know now there is no need for any further communication with him and I have no idea why I'm sad about that. I should be happy...right? SO HOW COME I'm feeling so lonely and hurt. Once again I'm asking myself all these questions about what could have gone wrong and why did it end...I want to stop, and I can't. He's on my mind all day long and it's driving me insane. Please tell me this is part of the process and that I will get through it...I can't stop crying and I don't know why. How can be so strong and then feel so weak at the same time? Please help!!

brickchamp: you're an amazing individual and you deserve way better. Last night while picking up my things from ex house, he tried to put me down and made smart remarks. I simply listened and kept my composure. He was annoyed and pissed off, but he thought he was going to get a rise out of me and it didn't happen. You cannot imagine how strong you really are until you're infront of the person. Watch when you see him you will get the strength you need to get threw it all. One step at a time...when the time comes look your best and act as if you are doing fabulous without him.

Hope75...thank you for your comments. i tried to stay calm and controlled. I knew going into it that he would act like that. I almost expected it, but it turned on him. Now I can move on and do my own things. I can start the rest of my healing process and take care of myself without wondering about him. I have no reason to contact him, thereforeeee it should make it a bit easier for me to stay away. I WILL MISS a lot of the things that we use to do together but I'm just going to have to find other activities and create new memories with others. This process takes time and I know I need to be patient and hopefully one day I can look back and be ok with everything and not be so bitter anymore. ONE DAY I HOPE I CAN SAY "I FORGIVE YOU AND WISH YOU ALL THE BEST"...for right now, I only wish he finds what he's looking for and that he's happy doing so.

OK...I finally got my things. I called my friend (the cop) and he agreed to meet me there. You should have seen his face when we both showed up...he he he. Well, I walked in grabbed everything and while I was doing that he was saying everything and anything. He was slashing out at me and talking down to me as if I was the one putting him through all of these. His brother and sister were there and they were in shocked to hear how rude, mean and just how much of a jerk he was being. They thought I was going to start a frighting match with him, instead they got the opposite. I was calm, serene and I was just listening to everything. I looked up to see his sister and she was just staring at me like "aren't you going to say something". I figured he wanted to get a rise out of me and break me so I could look bad in front of everyone present. YEAH...well it did not happen and I think that is what pissed him off even more. I simply don't get it...WHY if he was the one that broke up with me and put me through hell for the past 3 weeks, WHY does he want to act like the victim? I mean now he's just going out of his way to hurt me. I did not want to give him the satisfation to see me fall (cry, break down, beg...no no no) I do not know where the strenght came from, but damm I felt good once I left his house. I said goodbye to his sister and his brother walked up to me and apologize. I asked for what, and he said "because now I see something totally different than what my brother has been telling us" all he told me at the end was "he just lost the best thing in his life"...I looked at him and said YEAH HE DID, BUT I DIDN'T. I know for a fact my best thing is just around the corner. GUYS I feel great and though I know I'm still going to feel sad, hurt, melancolic and all those awfull emotions...I'm ok with it. I know I am going to be strong and better for it. DO NOT GET ME WRONG...I still need to vent and get a lot of emotions out but I know now I will not fall into depression, because I will not allow it. I can't give him that power over my life anymore. THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR THE AMAZING SUPPORT....God bless you all!!

Doyle: I'm going through the same thing right now. My ex made our break up really nasty. I don't know if you have been keeping up with my posting but I'll give a brief run down so you know you're not alone. As you know he broke up over the phone, never called about the pregnancy, I heard him having sex with someone else, when I saw him for the first time he said "that's what you get for coming over when you're not suppose too" (yeah that was a bit harsh), on top of that he told his sister that if I wanted my things back that I needed to give him my ring back (yeah he went there). So as you see he could have been a man and break up with me; let me go peacefully and give me my stuff back. I would have walked away respecting him. YOU WANT ANGER...oh yeah I'M VERY ANGRY, and that's what has been giving me the strenght to move on and let him go. My friends were shocked that I had been very calm about everything and that I still have not gone crazy on him after all that I've gone through in the past 3 weeks. The only explanation I have for that is that I have class and dignity. He doesn't know either and thereforeeee he wont give me the respect after a 4 yr relationship. On top of it all he's also telling people that I'm being a B...ch and the only reason I'm asking for my stuff back is to piss him off. MY GOSH...I'm asking for stuff that I bought him or that we bought together, I'm simply asking for my own personal belongings and he's acting as if I was the one hurting him. Finally last night I picked up everything and I had a cop on my side watching the whole thing. His sister and brother were there and they saw him being rude and mean and all of the above to me. They were asking him why he was so angry at me when I didn't even open my mouth at all. I walked in picked up everything and then walked out. He just kept running his mouth and he didn't get a reaction out of me (I think that's what really pissed him off...I'M ACTUALLY PROUD HOW I HANDLE THAT) anyways, my point is that the anger he provoked in me by his actions after the break up is the best thing he could have done for me. He thought he was going to get a rise out of me instead he got the oppossite. Now I know for a fact I AM THE ONE THAT IS DONE WITH HIM. I feel I regain control of the situation and I'm feeling great. Don't get me wrong I'm still sad and miss him (I no longer think is him that I miss though...). I think is the companionship and being part of someone else's life. He devastated me in every possible way, but I realize that he will never change or cares to change his ways. I know now this is the best thing that could have happen to me and though the past weeks have been painfull, draining and physically affecting me. I know I am going to come out of it a better person and much stronger than ever. He on the other hand will never have INNER PEACE and true happiness. He is not willing to change something about himself and thereforeeee he will fall into a pattern with different girls...AND FOR THAT I'M THANKFULL THAT I'M OUT. So you see Doyle, your ex will try to get a rise out of you because she still wants the attention. Believe me I'm a girl and all girls like any type of attention. It's up to you to make sure you don't allow her to hurt you anymore. Don't let anything she says bother you, if you work with her friends show them you're moving on and you're happy. They will relate the message and she's only going to feel like a fool for creating more drama. I know this because I've done that myself on some occasions. Do not fall into her game; which I wonder why they do that. They break up with us, hurt us and then they want to play the victims. I don't get it. IT IS NOT WORTH EVEN CARING ABOUT THAT ANYMORE. Do what I have been doing for the past two weeks. Plan your week in advance and stick to all of your plans. Believe me it has been working for me. I know I broke NC and it made me feel terrible but you know what I don't care anymore. Now it's all about me and me only. I don't know if that attitude is the right one, but that's the only that has been guiding out of this. Do not let her have control over your life anymore, you take control of the situation and let her know you are moving on. SHE WILL ONLY FEEL LIKE A FOOL...trust me I know. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU!

Joyce: thank you. he would be very scared if I involve any sort high authority. he has not shown me any knowledge or maturity for that matter and I think that's where I have the advantage. He thought I was very naive and I would never know what to do about anything. he thinks he's vers street-smart but he has no idea the amount of support i'm getting from every angle. I mean seriously, cops, lawyers, counselors, friends, family , co-workers etc etc etc. he thinks I'm alone in this and that he left me with nothing. oh he's definitely keeping up with the payments. i had already set up automatic payments for him and changed the password on his accounts. financially i'm ok and safe because everything is in my name too but none of the loans are in my name. just the titles of all the personal items are jointly owned. Thank you for all you support and I'm praying that he will give me my things peacefully. Otherwise, he's going to have to wait for the consequences.

NEED2BME: thank you for your prayer. I do feel strong and at the same time a bit scared. I don't like confrontation and I'm sure he's going to make it very difficult for me. My causin is going to be with me and for that I'm thankful.

NEED2BME: For some reason I'm feeling very strong right now and since he's not giving me the respect I deserve I feel like there's nothing else I can loose by showing up myself. I am taking my causin with me and he's pretty big and will never allow for anything to happen to me. Maybe I'm acting immature, but really I'm tired of allowing him to make all the decisions. I'm tired of being the one to sit and wait around for him to ALLOW ME to get my stuff. NOOO I'm to angry and tired of him. He's exsauted any chances and burned bridges and any possibilities for me to even see him as an aquantance. He might not care, but I simply don't want him to keep any of my stuff. I'm not trying to be stubborn believe me, but I'M REALLY TIRED of him treating me as if I did something wrong. I want to show him that I don't care anymore about what goes on with him. Mentally, I don't know if that's going to be a good thing for me to stand in front of him STRONG and capable of defending myself. I have a friend that is a cop and he will be on standby for me. He assured me that if necessary he will be driving near his house just so he can get there quick enough in case I need him. Seriously I have no idea how far my ex will take things but I know I have the support of a lot of people and they will all be waiting for me to give them a call. I know it sounds lame and it probably seems that something bad is going to happen. Now that my ex has shown how low he is willing go, I would not doubt that he would create drama just ruffle my feathers. Please pray for me, for GOD to give me the strenght and knowledge to do the right thing when the time comes.