smith501

Wow thanks for all the responses. I guess it's more of a new thing for me more than anything, which gives me a level of uneasiness. We have been open since she told me her age, and I hope to keep that line open. I'll see where it takes me, it's nice to hear all of this support, again, thank you all.

Bare with me, I've never done this. Well, I sort of dated someone whom I didn't get her age for the first few dates. Anyway, we hit it off very well, in fact, up until I had asked her age I felt like she was someone I could see myself being with for awhile. We were on our fourth great date in each others arms when I popped the question, and she became extremely nervous. I started guessing ages and well, I was off big time, she looks a lot younger than she is, which is 36. She knew my age but didn't really want to spill hers until I asked or when she felt it was needed, because apparently it wasn't a big deal to her. I don't know what to feel right now. I thus far have enjoyed the single life so I don't feel the urge to tough it out with her or anything, but I do really like her. She is one of the most friendliest woman I have met in my life thus far, extremely pretty, very stable, and we have that natural romance thing between us, so there is a lot there. What we have together is hard to find... Anyway my conflict is that I can't seem to decide if I should follow the greatness or be more realistic and accept that there is a similar match closer to my age somewhere out there? We have a date coming up and for the most part I'm very excited to be with her again, but there is a small part of me that doesn't feel so comfortable about this. Any ideas or opinions would be great, thanks.

Well I did the break up a few weeks ago. A lot of emotions going on and I feel like crap, looking forward to the future. She still wanted to "gauge" things in a few weeks, however I think thats an insecurity thing on her part and I plan on running faster if it gets brought up lol. Again, thanks for the advice, I have faith I will get through this. Kev

Sounds like you wanted it to work out and she dumped you. Then she wanted you as sort of a security blanket. I had a similar experience once with a girl who I had briefly dated, and then she was insistent about being 'friends'. I didn't invest much time into her nor gave much attention to that attempt to 'keep me hangin on her'; then one day some guy takes interest and shes done attempting to or in your case, keeping the leash attached. You need to detach quickly because, if this doesn't work out with this guy shes going back to you, and then it's going to happen all over again. Move on, take some you time, then find yourself a better women. Smith

Wow thanks for the quick responses. You both seem to understand the difficult side of this. Ta ree saw, thats a good idea, very simplistic, and that would definitly skew things for me to leave. RayKay, thanks for the backing on the sex/affection thing, I felt I could use that understanding somewhat without feeling like thats all I want from this relationship. As for marriage or living together we both have career and education goals that are ahead of us so that makes it not something we were in a hurry to do, so we are on the same page there. I will start looking more at any effort she is making, if any of course. I will give it a little more time but I think ending it seems like the way to go. If I'm inclined I might give an update on it here, thanks again for the advice, Kevin

Hi, I have this long term commitment problem, I tend to fear it. Well, I finally found a woman who I have been able to be with for three years now, which is amazing and a milestone for me. The downside, and a first time experience for me, about 4-5 months ago the affection and sex dwindled and came to a near end. She said it was a lack of effort by both of us, so I made what seemed like natural efforts at both but usually got an awkward response. I felt kind of ashamed and very embarrassed so I backed off, typical guy ego; thinking a break in these departments was due. We have a good base we started on, as well as a friendship, and I love her, so a break from certain things seemed okay. The downside was after a few months I found myself coming close to cheating on her, but realized how stupid that would be so I forced some self control and got out of that tough spot. Well, I started back at the attempts at showing affection and sexual interest with my girlfriend about a month ago, and I'm getting the same responses as before. I do respect her lack of desires, as I don't want to force something, however I have signaled frustration and anger with this reaction, after talking about it more led to a different answer every time. Recently she says my insecurities about our relationship makes her think about breaking up, sex isn't what makes a relationship either, and how we cuddle and hug is affection. Breaking up isn’t that big of a deal to me if things can’t be worked out. Should I just leave it all behind and assume we will never be back to where were months ago when we had a great sex life and stronger affection? I love her a lot, and want this to work, but I can’t tell if I’m feeling the fear of commitment thing again and she’s making it worse with her reactions or if this means its just plain time to go. Thanks, Kevin