Dr. Chim Richalds

Well how do I re-spark this interest?

Ok, so theres this girl who I've known for about a month and who I've been seeing for a little over 2 weeks now. Since the first time I've called her over 2 weeks ago, we'd talk on the phone for hours, call each other every day, etc. We have so much in common, and whenever we see each other we're always cuddling and flirting and touching each other and stuff. Now, our relationship isnt official yet, and I can never seem to find the right time to make it official, if that makes sense. Anyway, we went to the mall last Thursday and I bought her some stuff and we had a great time, and planned a movie for the next day. Well, the next day she said she couldnt make the movie because her mom wouldnt let her. Fair enough. Since it was late and I had some friends over, I told her to call me the next morning before she was supposed to go to a concert. The next morning comes and I get no call... so I call her, and she says shes busy getting ready for the concert and has to go. This perplexes me because we always talk for hours on end, even if shes busy doing something. So, its Sunday, and we're chatting on AIM and I ask her whats wrong... and she tells me she has PMS and that shes sorry if shes acting weird. I'm really relieved upon hearing this and tell her its nothing to worry about, and to call me when shes feeling better. Well tuesday just passed and she hasnt called... she just signs on AIM occasionally and we talk there, usually in short convos because she seems uninterested or something. Now, this girl is absolutely gorgeous and gets hit on by other guys constantly, and I guess I'm kind of worried that she met some other guy since we're not officially dating and has lost interest in me. I'm probably overreacting and this is just post-PMS or something, but I dunno, I'm just really worried. Granted shes been over at friends houses and stuff over these past several days, but she could still find the time to call me. I'm calling her tomorrow and I pray she doesnt blow me off again with some lame excuse. So yeah, any guesses on what happened with her? I like this girl so much, and I really dont know how she goes from spending so much time with me and talking to meon the phone for hours to barely talking to me at all.

Oh and guys, I should note... she's flirted with me a lot before, has called me cute, etc. I think she even told one of my friends that she liked me, but she's just not ready right now. And we're pretty good friends. So it's not like we're just friends and she has no feelings for me whatsoever.

good thinking or maybe a xmas gift for this one if this works out

Ok, so no perfume then? Ergh, guess I just wasted $20.

So, the girl that I want to start a relationship with is having a birthday in about 10 days. The only thing is, we have a weird friendship, because she knows I have feelings for her but she's coming off a break up and doesnt want anything to do with relationships right now. Now only that, but a lot of guys have treated her badly in the past and so this makes things worse. However, I want to show her I'm not like other guys and that I'll treat her well. So, I've been working all week on making a custom made mix CD for her b-day, making the booklet, getting all the lyrics, etc. I've probably spent about 4 hours on it total (and thats not counting just thinking up all the ideas for it) and will probably spend about four more. Anyway, I'm going to give her her 3 gifts early, this Friday. The first gift is going to be a simple hug and a wishing of happy birthday. She'll like this and it will get her anticipation up for later. Then later on in the day comes the 2nd gift--a bottle of this Britney Spears perfume stuff that costed about $20. This will show her I'm not afraid to spend money on her. And then finally, at the end of the day I'll give her the CD, with custom made artwork, lyrics, and foreword from me. I think she'll really love this. Here's the foreword: and the as of right now unmastered (not in the final order) tracklist (laugh if you want, this is grade A stuff here) 1 Brand New - Mix Tape 2 Box Car Racer - Letters to God 3 Cartel - Wonderwall (Oasis cover) 4 Mineral - Parking Lot 5 Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without the E (Acoustic) 6 Straylight Run - A Slow Descent 7 Blue October - Hate Me (Acoustic) 8 Thursday - Steps Ascending (Anthony's edit) 9 Elliott Smith - Between the Bars 10 The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You 11 Brand New - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows (Acoustic) 12 Thrice - Stare At the Sun (Acoustic) 13 Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me 14 Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out 15 Brightwood - In Memory I actually edited the Thursday track JUST FOR HER and put in a quote of the frontman of the band at a live show explaining what the song means, because its really pretty and meaningful and always chokes me up a bit because its sad. So I guess I made this topic to ask if this is a good idea or not? Will this show her that I truly care for her and will make her happy if she starts a relationship with me? And I could maybe use help on the foreword to make it better, oh and also I need something good to say at the end of the lyric booklet, so if you guys wanna pitch ideas to me on it that would be great. Thanks.

Well, I should've noted that her and her ex are still very close friends even after the break up, and they have been for a long time, but SHE broke it off, so its not like he dumped her and she's out looking for "booty" so to speak. I just found it odd that she told me about how and why they broke up about 2 hours after she did it without me even asking. And the reason she didnt outright tell me she liked me back was because well, she probably had no idea I had feelings for her until that day, and was heavily into the boyfriend at the time, so its not like she would just outright tell me that while she was in a relationship. jesus christ, thanks so much for this post, haha I honestly just stayed neutral, and said stuff like "guys lie... but we're not all like that" and stuff such as that.

Ok, so there's this girl I fell for about 5-6 months ago. She lives really close to me and when I got my license I started to drive her and her sister and another friend home from school and stuff... well during that time she really grew on me, she'd flirt and play with me, I'd make her laugh a lot, and we became friends and I really started to like her and stuff. Unfortunately I'm a shy guy, and I could'nt really tell her how I felt, I guess I was afraid of being rejected because I liked her so much, and because we never really had any face to face alone time. Well near the end of the school year I was in a car accident, and the plan I had to ask her to hang out and go places with me in my car over the summer pretty much backfired because my car was toast... but I talked to her and stuff a lot over the summer, and we got a lot closer I guess. And I vowed as soon as I got my car back, I'd ask her to out to go do something and tell her how I felt. Well long story short, she got back together with her ex boyfriend (who is also a close friend of hers) about half way through summer.. which perplexed me, because he had just lied to her about something pretty big just a few days before hand, and I listened to the whole story when she was depressed about it and stuff. But anyway, I was pretty crushed and became distant for about a week after I found out, and whenever we'd talk she'd try to help but I'd just shun it away. But yeah, after that I snapped out of it and just sort of accepted it... and apologised, said I'd tell her all about it someday soon, and tried to act like a normal friend again. Well, not too long after, her boyfriend had lied to her about something again and she was sad... and once again I listened to her problems and helped her through it... and she said what an awesome guy I was for helping her feel better and what not, and I felt we really sort of bonded there. And a few days later, one of my friends had told her that I liked her but couldnt tell her, and so she brought it up in a conversation one day... she didnt accept or reject anything, but merely said things like "Why didnt you tell me earlier?" and "You can talk to me about stuff like that... its ok", etc. (keep in mind, she still has that lying boyfriend who she's crazy about). Well, we just start talking normally again, and I get my car back right as school starts again, so I'm driving her and her sister to and from school now. She still flirts around and plays with me and stuff in the car, and I make her laugh a lot, even when she's sad. Well, just a few days ago, she starts complaining about her boyfriend in the car on the way home (about how he told something that was supposed to be a secret.. or something Anyway, I just tell her to cheer up, and as usual I make her laugh a lot on the way home and cheer her up the best I can. Well, apparently 3 strikes and you're out, because after I got home I messaged her on aim, and out of the nowhere she tells me she broke up with her boyfriend. I'm thinking... "Hmm, why would she bring this up out of the nowhere? Is she interested?" So well, the next day on the ride home, she's in a great mood and is as flirty as ever towards me, and even goes so far as to lay her head on my shoulder for a few seconds... well, I take this as a sign she's interested, and when i get home, I ask her if she wants to do something monday... and she tells me that she's got a busy weekend and she'd let me know monday. Well, today's monday and I talk to her, and she says her mom wont let her go anywhere since she's been gone all weekend... I simply say "Ok, some other time" and she replies with "HELL YES which means she didnt blow me off on purpose or anything like that. Hmm. Haha... so basically, I just want to know, is she interested in me now or what? I know she likes me as a friend, and I know she finds me attractive because she flirts alot and has complemented me on my looks on several occasions... but I dunno, I just need to know if she likes me enough to start a relationship, and I need to know what should I do from here in order to get her. Damn that was long. Thanks to anyone who replies.

Sounds like he's trying to make you jealous by ignoring you.

I posted a similar thread on here a few months ago, but I really need help again. If you read all of this, God bless you. Ok, so I met this girl about... Ill say 5 months ago. Over the course of the first 3-4 months, she'd always flirt, we'd always talk, "touch" etc. She was very open with her like towards me... she'd call me pretty, say she loved me, say she wanted to kiss me, etc. in a joking sort of tone, ya know? And I'd do the same things back but in a joking tone too. But basically I'm saying, I know theres' an attraction there... I'd always catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, sometimes our eyes would just meet and we'd smile at each other for no reason, she'd say how much I look like Ashton Kutcher, she'd try to look cute/seductive/hot when she knew I was looking... we gave a picture of ourselves to each other as requested by her... we'd make each other laugh all the time... she'd blow kisses at me and make me do it back ...she asked for my number like the third day after we met, blah blah blah. Anyway, I like her so so much... I don't want to say love, but at the same time I do, because I have never had feelings this strongly for anyone... I cannot stop thinking about her, I think she's perfect, and there is nothing I would change about her. Every time I go to sleep (literally, every time) I dream about her. Other girls don't even catch my eye anymore. So why I havent I asked her out yet in the course of this long time you ask? Simple: she's already in a relationship with someone (who is not in school and has graduated, so he's not in the picture). And over the course of this time, she shows no signs of wanting to end that relationship with this guy... HOWEVER she doesnt really directly mention him to me either. It's kind of odd. So, thinking that she was going to break up with him to get with me since she was doing all this flirting, I had a friend mention to her I had feelings for her about a month after I met her (I wouldve told her myself but I figured it would be kind of weird seeing as she's in a relationship). She didnt really respond to it, but she kept doing the same old, same old and continued flirting and what not... at one point when we were hanging out at school, she grabbed and held my hand for a good 5 minutes without letting go, and at another point she joked around about us getting together. She was just contantly presenting stronger hints in my mind... but, alas she was in a relationship already and I overheard her talking about her boyfriend all the time... and never in a negative way. At this point, about 3 months in, I was getting depressed//angry/confused and not to mention impatient... I mean, if she wouldve gave me some hints that her relationship was rocky I would've asked her out in a heartbeat. If I knew how women's minds worked, I would've asked her out already too... unfortunately I dont. Well, about a month ago she acted really weird, almost depressed. We wouldnt really talk to each other, but just say "hi" and "bye" and stuff, and it was in an odd way. My guess is that she was contemplating her current relationship, or was acting sad because she was waiting for me to make a move or to pay more attention to her. I dunno. Maybe she was in the exact same mindset as me on this, waiting for a sign. Who knows. Anyway, I posted this on another forum about a month ago and the advice I got from my message board bretheren was to "ignore" her, starve her for attention, flirt with other girls around her and make her jealous, but still talk to her a bit. I did this, flirted with other girls in front of her, didnt pay her much attention, etc... and it failed miserably... and it made us both feel like garbage. This was at the end of our semesters, which was about 3-4 weeks ago and with new classes I dont' see her regularly anymore... just in the halls of school and stuff. We'll glance at each other and that's all. And it kills me... because I know, and can see in her eyes (just like I could from the beginning), that there's a spark, and something special there (as cheesy as it sounds). I have never felt such emotional pain because of thius. And I'm going to be honest with you, I cry over it a lot. You're probably thinking to yourself "youre a wuss, get over it" but honestly, go through the exact same thing, with my exact same emotions, and then say that. It's impossible because I'm just not like other people. So, I asked for advice recently on yet another forum and got it. I wrote her a letter which simply said "You should call me sometime. I miss talking to you." and had her brother give it to her. This was last Wednesday, and she has'nt called me yet. Though i should note that I caught her eye last Thursday long enough to say hi, and she smiled and said hi back. But other than that we just continue to glance at each other in the hallways. Sigh. So, guys, if youre still reading, what means of action should I take to get her at least talking to me again? I'll do anything, with any means necessary. I basically only really come in contact with her brother (we're acquaintences), and thats my only real form of communication with her at this point. I don't have her phone number but she has mine* (she's never called me...see the asterik paragraph below) ...so yeah. And don't say "durr get over her" because I do not want to do that, and I cannot do that. I've never been in a relationship because of my own mistakes and emotions, and this is the first person I can truly say I don't want to blow my chances with. I at least want her as a friend, because she is such an awesome person. And basically, if you know how women's minds' work, please tell me why she's pretty much "though" with me now when she showed me so much attention and seemed to like me so much in the past. *On another note, the first few weeks we knew each other, she said she was gonna come over to my house and hang out several times, or she was going to call me, but she never would and would always make an excuse as to why she didnt... most of the time it was something like "I fell asleep" or that she forgot or something. She'd apologise, though, so I let it slide. But yeah, what was she doing here? This has perplexed me for the longest time. Thanks.

Well, I can't keep waiting anymore. I feel I have to tell her, my gut is telling me to. I think she's been wanting me to do this for a long time now anyway... just by the way she acts... i know there's more than just a simple attraction there. But yeah, I just cant keep this to myself any longer. What may I ask would be a good way to proceed with telling her? I want to sort of be subtle with it... maybe lead or build up to it in a way.

Well I followed your advice in a way, and didnt go out of my way to talk to her today... I caught her constantly glancing at me out of the corner of my eye (in fact I always catch her doing this), and we eventually met each others eyes and just smiled, and then talked a bit, but not as much as usual. So do I keep the 'understaying my welcome' bit up, or what?

I suppose this is in the right forum. Ok, so I met this girl about a 3, maybe 4 month ago. Over the course of this time, she's always flirting, we're always talking, "touching," etc. She's even told me I'm hot so I know there's an attaction there. Anyway, I like her so much, so much that I've fallen like a brick for her and am constantly thinking about her (and this is so rare too, because I don't find many girls that i can connect with). There's only one problem... she's already in a relationship with someone. And she shows no signs of wanting to end that relationship with this other guy, however she doesnt really directly mention him to me either. I had a friend mention to her I had feelings for her about a month after I met her (I wouldve told her myself but I figured it would be kind of weird seeing as she's in a relationship). She didnt really respond to it, but she keeps doing the same old, same old and continues flirting and what not... at one point when we were haning out at school, she grabbed and held my hand for a good 5 minutes without letting go, and at another point she joked around about us getting together. All of these things she does are like, serious flirting and "I want to be with you" stuff... but she's in a relationship already and I overhear her talking about her boyfriend all the time... a few days ago I overheard her talking about adopting a child with him (though I think this was a joke or sarcasm, but still) ...I just dont know what to do here. And its gotten to the point where Im having some depression spells because I feel I can never be with her it seems. But I just feel like this is supposed to work out and we'll be together... I feel inside that there's something serious there, but the only problem is I dont know how women's minds work, nor do I how to approach this. I'm at a total loss and at this point I'm starting to act depressed around her, which i fear if I keep doing, will drive her away soon. So I'm basically asking you guys, what should I do? Is she serious with this flirting or not? Is she making sure I hear the boyfriend comments to make me jealous? Should I sit her down and tell her how I feel? I honestly have no clue. Any help is greatly, greatly appreciated.