bsp_kjm

i have this feeling... this need that I need to tell her that she hasnt been honest to me and most importantly, herself. i want to keep NC, but this is eating me away

i just feel soooo bitter now. we shared soooooo much in these last 3 years and i just feel like she's given that all up

i was gonna type out a huge post explaining my entire relationship, but im too tired and stressed to do it now. Backstory, my g/f (ex now I guess) and I are 21. Yes, young I know. We met at 17 and became a couple at 18. Relationship was great, lil rocky at times, but it was so awesome! Sex was plentiful and memorable. we shared everything together, we were each a part of our families, everything was fine. we just had attended two parties this last 2 weeks and had a blast together. than on her bday, she told me she was going clubbin with two of her coworkers, one of them being a lesbian, who she has only known for a couple months. my ex is a huge super catholic and homophobe so i didnt care that she hung out with a gay girl. well i told her to be safe and that i was worried bout her, since she had never gone clubbin and there are a lot of weird people out there that could do something to her. she went off on me out of nowhere, saying i dont trust her and im questioning her intellect. then she slammed the phone on me and wouldnt pick up her calls for an entire day. i finally got a hold of her and she told me how she got wasted, blacked out, and couldnt remember what she did. she told me she just woke up in her room the next morning and that was that. she also told me she could never forgive me for not trusting her that night and thats the reason she got drunk and doesnt remember what she did. she also said that she feels im coming in between her friends and she wants space. almost 3 years together and she feels im coming between these girls shes only known a couple months? for the past 5 days, she has been so cold to me. she said she was busy with community service friday night, so she couldnt talk to me. i saw her yesterday because it was her bday and she wanted me to be there at her home with her family to celebrate it. the whole time, she seemed to be putting on an act. one moment, she would be all over me, then the next minute, she wouldnt even want me to look at her. i finally laid it all out on the plate in her room. i asked why she was being the way she was, she told me she was trying to find herself and that i was getting in the way of her career and education. she has always put education first, so i understood. i asked her why she didnt tell me this before i got accepted to the school she is attending so i could be with her. she couldnt give me an answer. she was always honest in our relationship, so i never second guessed her. i totally believed that maybe i was getting in the way of her education. so we agreed to take a break. we'd still be together, still be faithful to eachother, but we just wouldnt have any contact so she could work herself out. this morning, for some reason, and i know its morally wrong, but i hacked into her email. in it, i found love letters between her and the lesbian coworker. i also found pictures of them in scantily clad clothing, all up on eachother, with other almost nude girls, all of them drinking, laying together in bed, etc. she was telling this lesbian girl that she loved her and missed her and had a great time at the party. and the pictures had dates and times on them, which just happened to be the date and time she told me she was doing community service. my mind is blown. this catholic girl, a homophobe, who believed that gays should die and rot in hell, is a homosexual. and it just blows me away because i always have been very acceptable of homosexuals and their rights, and she would always tell me how homosexuals shouldnt have any rights and should die. i dunno, but im glad i found this all out, because anger feels a lot better than sorrow. and im glad i found this out before i moved up to where she's at. im gonna do what ive always wanted to do and **** what she thinks. thanks for reading. comments appreciated