OldSoulPH

It’s really tough and I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ve learned over time and from past relationships that any situation that causes you that much pain and anxiety to the point of affecting your physical health is simply not going to work. I once lost over 50 pounds because of a woman who did nothing but play games with me. As a guy who has suffered from anxiety and depression among other things my entire life, I admire you for your efforts and wish I could be with a woman who cares as much as you do. So many women would look the other way as soon as there is a hint of anything negative - one woman who I was pondering proposing to even dumped me when I lost my job unexpectedly. Everyone has flaws, and life will undoubtedly have challenges along the way. But you don’t deserve to be treated the way he is treating you. One thing I have learned is that someone’s situation is no excuse for treating anyone badly. If he really loves you, he wouldn’t do what he is doing. Read that last sentence over and over. A recent reply to one of my posts in another forum really hit home for me. I used to think every couple has their fair share of ups and downs, probably because of everything I went through growing up. Then someone said in her 33 years of marriage, the downs are few and far between because they work together and respect each other. One should feel safe, comfortable, and loved, not stressed, disrespected, and belittled. You deserve to be happy. Don’t let this guy continue to negatively affect your health. I’m here if you want any advice from a guy’s perspective. I feel your pain and am happy to help if I can.

Thank you

Yes unfortunately

Never been officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist but Jekyll and Hyde is the best way to describe it. More than just mood swings - she can become borderline violent without warning.

Thank you, very well said.

Thank you. There are many reasons for my unhappiness with Kate, unfortunately too many to count. Most of it can be traced back to her multiple personalities. I never know which one I will encounter at any given time, and it can change in an instant without warning. Sometimes she says she doesn’t know what she would do without me then 1 hour later she threatens divorce. It’s something I’ve almost become numb to, but still very unhappy. Even our little one can already pick up on her unhealthy mood swings, I know she could benefit from professional help, which I still hope she will utilize at some point soon.

Kate and I have a 19 month old son, and he is the happiest little boy. Melissa has no children.

I think I know in my gut what I have to do, and it will not be easy.

Very well said, thank you so much.

If only Kate could adopt the reaction style you describe here… I feel the same way. It’s innate for me to control how I react to things. In the case of the other woman Melissa, I have always kept my true feelings inside except for my psychiatrist and my other therapist. Nonetheless, I have historically been an “easy read” so it’s probably very noticeable how happy I become around Melissa. But I never allowed it to escalate into a potential affair. I wish I could say it was just having the hots for Melissa, but because it has persisted for so long, it unfortunately is more complicated in my view. Again, it’s something I have to sort out with a professional.

I have been thinking the same thing. Anything this detrimental to my well-being is not worth it. Still a very difficult decision.

Thank you very much, very well said.

I can see after reading some of these replies that I probably didn’t use the right words to convey the message. Will try again here. How Melissa feels about me is irrelevant to my relationship with Kate. Have I wanted to have a heart to heart talk with Melissa? Of course, but it would not only be very inappropriate but I would also run the risk of losing her as a friend altogether, which has happened to me in the past with others who were not interested. Do I think Melissa has an idea how I feel about her? I would be surprised if she said she had no clue. Do I know for sure how Melissa feels about me? I really don’t, but there is enough for me to think the feelings may be reciprocated, but can’t be explored as I am married. What I should have said instead of understanding female psychology is, if, Melissa has no interest, I wish there was a way to figure that out on my own, as I could then start the healing process without losing her as a friend. One post mentioned that it is very concerning that this has gone on for as long as it has, and I couldn’t agree more. All of this was completely unintentional on my part, and I’m still trying to work it out with my therapist about how it all happened. While some may disagree, this is not about a sexual attraction to Melissa. Is an emotional connection a more accurate description? Probably not. But there is something about her that stands out in my mind. I cannot put it into words. Would a relationship have worked if we were both single? Only God knows. My marriage has a lot of problems, but I made a vow for better or worse. While it’s too much to type, there has been a lot of “worse” over the past few years, issues that have nothing to do with Melissa or any other women. Jekyll and Hyde personality, verbal abuse, the constant feeling that nothing I do will ever be good enough, etc. There is only so much a person can take. Previous counseling attempts were futile, as my wife refuses to accept her faults. I am by no means perfect, but I recognize what I have done wrong and work to correct it. Continuing to work on this with a therapist is probably the best course of action for now. I appreciate everyone’s input.

Thank you

Point well taken, thank you.