rooophy

that's what I have come to think too. And yet what I would give for one last chance to see her. It's really tough sometimes.

I got news on this story of mine. Since then I had decided to go up to Boston to see this girl (the one that said she still loved me but would not break off her engagement). She told me her man found our online conversations on her computer and sh*t hit the fan. He was apparently verbally rough, they nearly broke up but they didn't. She now tells me she realised she was lying to me, that she really loves him and she will spend the rest of her life trying to win his trust back. She says she said these things to me because of the dqnger aspect and the forbidden nature of it all. I have trouble believing that after having her in tears on the phone prior to her getting busted. Yet, the problem remains, she still is ok with me flying up there "as long as i don't make a move or anything like that". I'm not so sure i want to go anymore. Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. At any rate she took the risk to lose me by telling these things so she can save him, and that is a clear message.

Your story is interestingly very similar to mine. If you care to read mine go to link removed I can't tell you what's in her mind. All I know is that people change a lot in their early 20s. She has a lot of things to figure out about life and about herself. What she wants now and what she'll want 6 months down the road can be two entirely different things. In my experience chasing someone too much has never been a good thing. It's excruciating to make yourself let go of someone you love or hold back on the things you want to say. But if they have heard it already then you have to just hold your ground and let her make the next move. It's always tough to tell people what to do (especially when you messed up as big as I did) but best of luck to you. I hope you find a solution to your situation.

Thanks OceanEyes. She did say she never connected with him the way she connected with me (and I for sure never connected with ANYONE like I did with her). But she also describes him as everything a woman could ever wish for, and I believe her, he is probably exceptional and that's why she got engaged to him. Now it's a matter of honor for her to not break her engagement and in a way I would not want her to break it for me. I would want her to break it for herself because she realizes he is not what she wants. Then her and I can have a fresh start, which would be impossible if she left him for me. Breaking an engagement is traumatic and I would probably end up being associated with it forever. Who knows what consequences that can have. I will go see her because I'll die happier if I can see her face and hold her once more. Maybe we can even both get closure from it.

This is an age old problem. I was like that too (and on occasion I am still). There is no secret recipe against shyness. You have to realise that asking a girl out is no big deal. Just jump off the cliff and do it. The best way to get accross your nervousness is to not repeat in your mind what you're gonna say. It's really like jumping off a cliff, the more you stand there waiting for your courage to build up the more you freak out and your legs wobble. In the end you fumble and it's a distater. Catch them off guard, don't make it a long sentence or anything. Just go with something like "let's go out sometime, what's your phone number?". It's as simple as that. It's even better if you can relate the moment and the date you are setting up. Like you've been talking about Italy and you say "You know we should go to dinner sometime, I know this excellent Italian restaurant I know you'll love, what's your phone number?" Jump off that cliff, it's a rush and you'll love it!

Thank you all for the answers. I still need to work up some courage to go see her but I want to do it. So I think I will. I'll try and keep a cool head and not get my hopes up, whatever happens happens and I'm sure I'll eventually see the reason behind it all or at least get closure.

Thanks for the advice and the kind words. I appreciate the support. I think I have already told her everything, how I feel, how her upcomiong marriage makes me feel, everything. I also told her that I wanted us to stay in touch, even though I think it'll hurt me. But I have tried to protect myself against that before and I put myself in a whole lot more hurt. So I'll try something different. I really think her marriage can work despite what I see as problems already. I think she'll make it work and I think he's good to her. Once they are married it'll really be over. She also said, after we talked for hours last night, that even though she was not going to leave him she would like to see me one more time. Just for coffee or something. She says he'll be gone for 10 days in February and that would be an appropriate time if I decided to fly there. I normally wouldn't, it's foolish and can only give me fake hopes. But at the same time, the way I feel now tells me I should see her just once more. Maybe I'll see how she has changed and maybe I can get closure. She is also really insisting that I go and I can't resist her, not anymore. So I think I'll go, and I know it'll hurt me but that's a lesson I need if I want to be sure to never make that mistake again.

Two years ago I met this girl that I had known for a while from the Internet. She was 21 and I was 28. Our online interaction had been rich and inebriating, we were both fond of each other and the online thing had been going on for over a year when we decided to finally meet, so I flew out to Boston and spend 5 days there with her. It was bliss and the most intense 5 days of my life, I had the hardest time to leave her there and return home to Texas. We say each other twice after that, but the scared non-commital 28 year olf bachelor that I was had already started to shut himself down from her. When she sent me an email to shake me and ask that we be an item or nothing I went into numbness and told her I felt nothing for her, and it was best to let it go. I was also dealing with a loss of family at the time which is no explanation but probably just helped me use my emotional defenses to push her away as well as the family death. We have since kept in touch episodically but I was always short with her, she met someone and I felt I could not intrude. I also felt a pinch to the heart and ignored it. The pinch to the heart got worse and worse everytime we talked, and everytime I repressed it harder. Until about a month ago, my heart exploded. I lost apetite for psysical and metaphysical foods. I realised she was it, she was the one I loved and I missed her terribly. Of course in the meantime she has gotten engaged to that man. The man that picked her up then I let her go. I did not know about the engagement till after I told her how I felt, I knew she was commited but I didn't know about the engagement. She tells me she is happy and this is the life she always wanted. We had converstations and they led her to ask me what I trully felt, so I told her how I feel now. I told her there was not a day I don't feel pain and not a night I don't stare blankly into the dark wondering how I could make such a mistake, a mistake that feels like the biggest one of my life. Through our conversations she has come to tell me that she still loived me, and that she missed me terribly. At great length we have told each other our feelings and realised that our love is true, that she too (understandably) had supressed me all this time. She missed me, wants me back, wants US back. But she will not break up her engagement. She loves him too and he was there for her when I rejected her. I can do nothing but understand. Although she tells me she doesn;t have the same connection with him as she has with me, she tells me her life has become so normal that she finds herself drinking a lot. She tells me the fire in her had subdued and now that I told her how I feel it has erupted again and she feels more alive than ever. But she will marry him. The idea is a troture to me that she will go with him. He is the guy she rebounded with and now she will marry him. She tells me I am the one she was meant to be with, not the one she will end up with. I am devastated. I am glad I told her what I feel now but it is too late. She is engaged and she wants to honor that engagement. I can only respect that even though it hurst every bone and every muscle of my being. I guess I do not have any advice to ask for here. I just wanted to share what I cannot share with anyone. I will welcome anything anyone has to say about this. I should mention this did not happen to me out of loneliness as I habe been dating a girl for a few months. no doubt this situation is affecting my current relationship. I want the love of my life back and there is nothing I can do to get her back. F