dreamweaver

Yea. It's been a hard week for me. But now I'm feeling better. As you say, the show must go on. And I've decided to fight. Because I have some reasons. I hope this is going to be worth it, as you say.

Ok. What can I say? I am very greatful for your offer Abyss and I'll consider it when I'll have the time to write more. And if you want a helping hand, pm me any time. These days I've been feeling very bad and many bad things have happened. I don't know when all this is going to solve. I try facing my problems, but they all get more and more. Maybe all this has a reason for happening and someday I will get a share of good things in my life. But in fact I don't believe that and I'm very tired, I don't wanna fight anymore. Hope it will get better for all of us.

That's what I wanted to say. I'm surprised that you tell your story to so many people you don't really know. It would be hard for me to do that. I guess people are different.

I agree with dirtbubble. I wouldn't take any meds. And perhaps they don't even help you. I know someone who has tried taking them but didn't notice any change. Maybe if thay help you they are good. But I wouldn't take them.

The thing is I'm not denying my situation. As I said before, I am trying to pretend so that others can't see it. But don't worry, I see it and, with myself, I am not pretending it's not there. It's just that in the last time, I noticed that people around get really sad and don't accept my situation. They actually blame me for their bad state of mind. They tell me they are hurting because of me. I don't want to make people hurt and I don't want to be blamed for their unhappiness. That's why I decided to pretend. In what my state of mind is concerned, I don't feel it is changing. And I'm facing it every day. Fortunately, I still have someone with who I can be onest, someone who doesn't judge me for who I am. I hope she will not leave me like the rest did. I'm sorry for beeing who I am. But I know I can't change.

I usualy see everything that is happening around me. So I notice every little detail about people's actions.

I used to be that way to. I was afraid of people, of what they might think about me. I had trouble even buying something because I had to talk to the person at the store. Not mentioning the fear of speaking in front of a large crowd. The only solution is to face your fears and do all the things that yiu're afraid of. It's really hard at the beginning and you'll probably backup many times, but at the end you'll feel released. I now can do anything I want and not care.

Hello Abyss. I will not try to judge you because you talked about things that I personally felt many times. It has happened to me to feel that everyone around me is trying to please me, but it's just that I never feel happy about anything. I don't feel any need to stay around people and prefer to sit alone in my room. People think I'm some kind of pathetic person who doesn't have any friends. But it's not true. I have many friends, not like others, but still many, and a normal family. It's just that often they acuse me of being sad and alone. I can't help it. It's not my fault. So I decided to pretend that I feel good so that others don't blame me for their unhappiness. At least I don't blame anyone for mine. That's how this world is made. Nobody loves you when you're down and out. I'll keep on pretending that I'm someone else. I don't know what advice I should give to you, because I would use it for myself too. I'm just trying to not care about my situation and be ok with who I am. Others aren't. I'm sorry.

Hello shadow_angel! I'm really impressed by your story and surprised by the fact that you tell it so easily to the people on this forum. I have a very complicated story too, and it's very hard for me to tell it to other people. You say that you have no one to talk to. I can't believe that you have no friend around that woluld care to listen. And maybe he would help you because he knows you and is close. We really care, but we don't know you and Michael, so we can't really help you. We are also far and it is very difficult to understand someone through the internet. I think you should be glad that Michael told you everything, because that means that he cares about you and is a real friend. You would feel very bad if he didn't tell you and you found out from someone else or just after he does it. believe me, I know. You also say that you want to be saved. I'm sure he wants that to. But you not only have to want that, you must also let people rescue you. I had my hard times and I'm sure I'll have them in the future too. The best thing is to search in the others what you can't find in yourself. Try to find out who cares about you and stay around those persons. They are the best to show you why life is worth living. Howewer, I hope this turns out ok. For you and your friend. And don't forget that you are not guilty for his actions. Take care.