CrazyWife

Thank you for replying. Yes researched it and it seems fine. It was mine and my husband's idea to move after nearly 3 years of hell. I am anxious about moving and of course there is the added stress of moving itself!

So I'm moving away from two neighbours from hell. Went in by the flat we are moving into today and saw a guy who let's say looks dodgy outside the next building smoking a cigarette. He reminded slightly of the NFH. Am I the *** for being judgemental like this or is this just moving nerves? I have had neighbours before who some may say look like 'undesirables' but got along with them the most. I'm just scared that we will go through the same again. I know living in a city you can't escape drug users, drug dealing, noise etc but just can't go through this all again. Maybe I just need to be more positive. It is a nice area and the housing association (other flats are mainly private) said it is generally quiet with no known issues. Is this just nerves?

Funny how you mention naps as I was thinking I hadn't had one in a while and tried to make room for them but was too filled with overthinking. Might be my aim for Saturday!

Thank you ❤️ I will keep that in mind as i too need to work on my physical health which in turn helps mental resiliance.

I personally don't see the issue with you watching porn or looking at these girl's pictures. You didn't interact etc but we all have different views and boundaries on such things. Your girlfriend didn't seem too bothered but it sounds like she doesn't want to know since she said she wants to be ignorant to it. I would just keep stuff like that on the down low.

Yes, beforehand if i was put up against nasty people or challenging situations, I drank to deal with it. Now i'm here, trying to deal with it head on. I have signed up to be a volunteer and a board member for a charity i feel passionate about. I really want to build on my confidence hence why I have put so much work into it and working on my anxiety levels too. I am getting there but I have tough times. But surely with tough times comes strength.

Thank you. Yes, I have done some meditation and yoga but maybe need to look into it. I have messaged my previous therapist so hopefully I can get some useful tools too.

Thank you. Yes your right, we need to navigate our way when working with people like this. But I need to not let them have so much control over my emotions. I let people suck the life out of me but at the same time I tend to give them the straw.

Thank you so much for this lovely response ❤️

Thank you. I have worked with a professional therapist before and will consider it again.

Thank you. I will look into this.

Well, I am not as bad as what I used to be in regards to this and are making marked improvements. But this mainly happens at work (sometimes outside work too especially with certain family members) but I let people's remarks or comments affect my self esteem and self worth. If they disagree with me or rude to me then it's my fault and i'm wrong / worthless. I know that no one makes me feel this way but me however I can't allow myself to accept that I have that power and not them. It's like I give people power over my emotions and self worth. I am working on my confidence at work which is difficult but a work in progress! I am voicing opinions more etc but stumble at times when met with difficult people but as I said but still let negative self talk win. I worry about making a fool of myself and not knowing what to say bit maybe sometimes with difficult people that silence can win too? Choose your battles etc...? Anyone have any good exercises, books etc...to help me with this last part in getting my self esteem finally? I care too much what others think of me. It's tough working on yourself. But almost two years sober which is a struggle too but again worth it. Maybe got to realise me self esteem is worth fighting for too and stop seeking validation outside.

Unfortunately, a lot of Andrew Tate wannabes out there but there are plenty of guys who don't hold such narrow minded and backward views.

I think it is the mind spins I need to primarily focus on right now.

Yes definitely. I certainly wasn't yelling and maybe shouldn't have used the term 'snapped' lol. He is a notorious jerk and i'm sure was just trying to get a reaction.

Yes very true but I certainly was not talking over this colleague or yelling but I could have just walked away as it was getting me nowhere. Sometimes the most mature thing is to walk away.

Thank you for your reply. Yes, I agree with what you are saying and the arguing just got me nowhere anyway. To be honest, I work in an environment where it is intense and maybe I was mirroring how some communicate in there. I do need to find my voice and I always have prided myself on being professional. The last thing I want is a reputation of being a hot head and not approachable. Maybe that's what is affecting me the most, that I didn't handle it properly.

I agree with the other comments saying you are both not suited. As a woman who watches porn and who has a husband who watches porn, I wouldn't expect him to stop watching it and I certainly wouldn't have someone trying to police me on the matter. Probably hence why me and him are compatible as it doesn't bother either of us. Please don't think any of this has anything to do with you. It's not you at all. You will find the right person for you but you won't if you are with the wrong one so for your sake, move on.

People can be so ignorant and thoughtless. I can be terrible with pronouncing or remembering names but always correct myself when I say them wrong. I would keep insisting on being called by my name if that is your preference. For the worst offenders, maybe suggest you call them by a different name?

Firstly, sorry for your loss with your grandparent. Hope you are getting the support you need. Secondly, imo your boyfriend isn't much of a boyfriend. He sounds more like a freeloader who gets angry with you for asking him to pull his weight. He chose to smoke weed while watching you struggle supporting him. You will end up in a lot of debt if this continues this way. Please seek debt advice, with or without him there. He threatens to leave you if you bring up the topic of money. You are his partner not his mother. He needs to realise that this is an adult relationship and that you need to work together to sort of these finances. In regards to the weed, as someone who is married with a previous alcohol addiction I can advise you that as long as he smokes weed and spends all your money on it then it will always come first. When I drank, my husband came third in our marriage as the bottle took priority. The only way to give priority to my husband was to stop drinking. He threatens to break up with you as a form of controlling behaviour as he is quite happy with the set up. Would he be happy if the situation was reversed?

I have been working on confidence and assertiveness at work. I work in a healthcare / nursing setting. I have always lacked confidence and had self esteem issues (plus imposter syndrome) but with help from my management team, I have been building my confidence with decision making, voicing my opinions, taking the lead, dealing with aggressive situations with service users and it has been noticed by others. But these two colleagues, one in particular, have returned from long sick leave and this one in particular was trying to make me and a couple of other colleagues feel inadequate about a task, so much so one of them was found crying later on as she was fed up of it. This was the second time he had made me feel inadaquate (two seperate days). Well, me and this pigheaded a**hole got in an argument as he was starting up again and this time I actually said stuff back and stood my ground with him. I was then met with being told I wasn't understanding his point and was talking over him which I certainly was not. I just ended the conversation / argument there and then. He then ignored me the rest of the shift which was fine by me lol. My friend and husband told me that I should be proud of the fact that I stood up for myself as I would normally avoid conflict but I feel I should have done that when he first started and that i was coward not doing it straight away but something in me just snapped and I had had enough of it. I have been going over this in my head for a couple of days and getting upset as I am now filled with self doubt about my decision making and my abilities again. For the past couple of months I have been getting told by colleagues that there has been major differences in me (all good). This colleague obviously doesn't like me sharing opinions. I don't know why I care so much what others think and put my self worth in their hands. The other colleague I was talking about has always been so condescending and would rather bark orders than move off her seat. Likes to think she is superior. I always feel uncomfortable around her and just can't be myself aroumd her. I do have anxiety / depression so just wonder if it is linked or am I just going to learn how to deal with setbacks? I feel I am more upset about this than I should be. I am looking to moving on from there but don't want chased out especially since my manager has given me more responsibility work wise. Any advice / words of encouragement appreciated.

Yes I am going to stay away from her father resting and just write the letter. I want to respect her wishes and she certainly doesn't have to explain her reasons either. I will definitely send flowers with a nice card, maybe to be delivered the day after the funeral? I think that's when it really hits you.

Thank you. I know what you mean about being left. To begin with i was inuadated with support but now people get back to their lives and I am left with the grief.

I just feel like I am being selfish 😥

Yeah, there are other ways to show support to my friend without going to the actual service. Maybe i could look at something we can do after and maybe offer to put in a charitable donation to a charity he liked 🤷‍♀️