Basically, me and my girlfriend went through, and are coming out of a rough patch in our relationship. During the rough patch, due to all the stress I ended up watching porn quite a few times in order to get a “release”
Sometimes I would use PH. However, a lot of the time I would look at OnlyFans leaks. Scrolling through TikTok, I would come across a lot of girls who do OnlyFans. I’d check their profiles, which normally has links to their OnlyFans pages. A quick google of their username normally came up with websites, and forums with people posting some of the content from these people. I would make throwaway accounts on these forums just to see the links to content. But I never EVER posted or commented asking for links.
I did once came across someone who had a free trial to their OnlyFans which I quickly subbed to, but just as quickly closed it down. I didn’t enter any card details. I already had an old account from before me and my girlfriend were together, that I used to sub to free trials. I quickly logged in with this, then closed it down afterwards.
I never messaged, or paid any money to any OnlyFans models or E Girls. I simply came across their profiles, and looked for existing free content on the internet. I don’t have any connection or feelings to any of these content creators. A lot were from different countries. I simply needed a release to get into a different mindset and help with the stress.
I think I just like amateur content?
This lasted a couple of months. And then I started to watch normal PH videos after that.
I’m currently in therapy and learned that I’m always finding something to make me anxious and sabotage my relationships. I always think of things that I might’ve done wrong in the relationship and get an extreme guilty feeling in my chest, and I have to own up and be honest with my girlfriend for it to go away.
I felt sick to my stomach and anxious over watching this porn. My girlfriend could tell something was wrong, so last night I had to tell her. I just told her I feel guilty because I had to watch porn to get a release from the stress. I didn’t go into details of watching OnlyFans leaks and searching for specific models content.
She said she doesn’t care, but that she would rather be ignorant to it. However, I can tell she is hurt.
I still feel guilty that I never told her about the content I searched for. Does it still count as watching normal porn? Have I gone too far, and should she know in case I’ve crossed her boundaries?
I’m not going to continue watching it in the future. I’ve stopped.
I just feel awful.
TLDR: I looked for and watched free OnlyFans content/leaks when going through a rough patch with my girlfriend. She knows I watched porn but I feel guilty because I didn’t specifically tell her what I looked for.
