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mochilove

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  1. I blocked him on one platform and after he sent me like 6 texts with no response from me he blocked me from all other social media platforms.I'm slightly hurt but I'm glad I was the bigger person and didn't react to his BS. Also a detail I didn't mention in this post that is increasingly becoming disturbing to me is his questions that he kept asking were racially motivated. He kept asking if I was "sleeping with black men" multiple times which I find really weird.... (he is white)
  2. So, my attitude about this is starkly different compared to my last posts. After a couple weeks of deep depression I suddenly started feeling fine and when I think of my ex there were no sharp pangs in my heart. He clearly seemed to move on on social media and was posting thirst traps on social media which triggered me initially but I decided I need to not care. Well, I posted a funny meme on my story that had no real meaning to me about having sex and he responded to it asking if I was sexually involved with certain people. I left him on read 3 TIMES. and after the FOURTH RESPONSE I removed him off snapchat. He proceeded to blow up my phone saying he's hurt but if I don't respond to his question of me sleeping with people he will not be friendly to me. For the first time since he broke up with me I was starting to not want him back. I don't want him back. Reflecting on our 4 years together I did so much for him and he hurt me so badly. I want to thank him for leaving me. it genuinely was scaring me how much I moved on. I started talking to other guys too (not to date just from tinder so who knows) and there's this one guy I met who I have been thinking about way more than my ex which is crazy to me. As I am typing this my ex is blowing me up saying "If you have moved on then I am no longer going to remain celibate". He is single he has no reason to be celibate??? I know he is trying to trigger me and it's working. I really wanted to end on good terms with him, as I respect him a lot. I wish I could post screenshots on here so I could have more specific advice. I don't know what to do. I like him as a person and don't wanna argue but he's the one who dumped me and put me through emotional turmoil and he's running back asking invasive toxic questions.
  3. I don't think he's the kind of person to move on and start sleeping with anyone this early, so im gonna trust what he said for my own peace of mind. But you are correct in saying that I should do NC to move on, not to hope to love again in the future. I think instead of blocking him I am going to delete all my social media so I can have a fresh start as well as not be able to spy on his internet presence.
  4. thank you for not just telling me that he's lying to me haha, I trust that he is honest and that we both need to heal. Maybe one day him and I can date again, but he has made it clear that for now we need to be apart to find ourselves as individuals.
  5. Well, update: Ran into him at the gym today, he said hi to me but his demeanor was very indifferent and cold towards me unlike last week where he was super flirtatious and playful in conversation toward me. He told me we needed to have a talk later, and naturally when I went home I was freaking out realizing that I will now lose him for real. He texted me and the conversation was really good. He told me he can no longer hookup because apparently each time we did he fell in love with me all over again and he needs to stop so he can fully grieve the breakup. He told me he has been missing me a lot but that he needs to do this. I am glad he was honest with me and I wish him the best regardless of how much this hurts. I hope in the future we can love each other again, but for now im going full NC. No hooking up with him anymore.
  6. I know what i'm doing is not smart, but I can't bring myself to stop. For more backstory/context of my situation feel free to look at my previous posts. I have not reached out to him a single time which I am proud of myself for, yet he has reached out a few times to have sex in which I responded and we have seen each other a few times in the span of a month. We communicate very openly about the situation luckily and have set clear boundaries, however I still feel weird. He told me a week ago(last time we met) that he doesn't think he will get over me if we continue hooking up and that he knows its unhealthy for both of us but laughed it off because he doesn't care. to me this was a relief because I feel the same way but I am confused because he also said that he barely has feelings for me. I know he is just using me for sex and I enjoy it too, but last week he asked if I was hungry and offered food and he ended up staying the night with me and we talked and cuddled for hours, and it completely made me feel like we were bf/gf again ahhh. I don't want this to stop because it is the last of him I can have and I miss him. Also he told me every week he will hit me up and its been a week and he hasn't so now im overthinking wondering if he changed his mind about it or something. I don't wanna reach out because I want to maintain not ever reaching out like I have been so far. Last week he actually didn't text me, but he approached me in the gym since we happened to be there at the same time, and he asked if I wanted him over. So maybe he's thinking we will run into each other in person again. idk, I really miss him and I feel like he is handling the breakup/getting over me way easier than I am getting over him. Because genuinely I have been improving myself, but I still feel empty. I am really really hoping there isn't another lockdown because I will be going into my junior year of college this fall and I want to meet more people since almost my entire college experience thus far has been online due to covid, but I still am just not ready to get over him. I think he's the one.
  7. He deleted all of our pictures on social media which really triggered me. He wants the world to know I was never a part of his life. He made it clear that he doesn't plan on talking to other women/romantically getting involved with other people because he wants to work on himself(big reason he dumped me) but I'm afraid he is just saying that to avoid me being jealous. All I do all day is think about him and how much I love him. I'm dumb because in the process of him moving after he dumped me he was sleeping on my couch and we had sex 3 times in the past week of him leaving. I have major depression, C-PTSD, and generalized anxiety disorder along with suicidal tendencies and this situation has been amplifying everything. I know he is the love of my life. A true soulmate that I want to spend the rest of my life with. We talked about a future often and I believe we are great life partners, we even had a great relationship living together. but he was able to leave so easily. He isn't even fully moved out yet and has been putting it off by hanging with friends and posting memes all over the internet as if he doesn't have a care in the world. His clothes, items, even his pc computer setup is all still here. After he leaves, I am preparing myself to go NC for the betterment of my individual growth as well as higher chances of him coming back, but I am so scared he won't want me back ever. what makes this especially hard is that I have no true friends. He was my closest person and best friend. (he has his own male best friend) I have a few friends I love and trust, but I don't really click with them and they don't really interest me like him. He is also friends with my girl ex-best friend (something we fought about a lot) I can make a separate post about that situation later maybe ... We agreed that in early January we will check back in with each other, as at that time I will be in a statistics program and he agreed to tutor me(he us a math major and I suck at math) and at that time he will decide how he feels about me and our relationship. He has made it clear he is not opposed to reconciliation, but he says its equally likely that we won't be together either. His reasoning is that he "won't know how he feels in future" which makes sense but I hate the uncertainty. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I fail NC, even though I really want to not contact him for it to work. We dated for 4 years, and they were so amazing and beautiful despite some toxicity. (toxicity that I feel can 100% be solved and changed with some maturity) I feel like he is going to replace me so easily and I am scared. He has sociopathic traits but he is not a full sociopath, but I am scared this is why its seemingly easy for him to move on. Why is he doing so fine and im not? Will the breakup hit him and will he actually contact me/want me back? I know I can't predict the future, but I just want him to feel like we are soulmates and come back to me, even if it takes years. Its hard to predict because he has made it clear that he does love me as a person and is open to dating again in future, but he is equally open to never even wanting a friendship with me, he needs to "figure it out" with time. Does anyone have any advice/thoughts, even tips for me to work on my self growth to become better as an individual?
  8. I am very emotional about this but still feel the need to post. Been dating my bf for 4 years, when I was 16 and he was 18. I am now 20 and he is 22 and we live together. We have for a couple years now had a pretty toxic relationship with me being insecure and jealous and invasive and him really needing alone time and feeling like I didn't trust him even though he lied quite a few times. He told me 5 days ago that he fell out of love and is ending the relationship once he finds his own place(the apartment we are at now is my lease) Having him here sleeping in bed with me knowing he doesn't love me is the most painful and humiliating thing I have ever felt. I want to have sex, kiss, and be affectionate like usual but he wants none of it due to the situation at hand. I can't stop crying and I feel guilty because he has been comforting me. He has been my best friend for 4 years and I don't know how I am going to live without him in my life. We discussed breaking up in September when my lease ends but its happening now because he just couldn't take it anymore. We both subconsciously knew this was coming because we both need to develop as humans. I am very scared he will find someone new and never want to come back to me. I think this would be way less painful if we didn't live together because now I have to watch him slowly move out his belongings and what not. Everything reminds me of him. My favorite anime, cooking, activities, we even go to the same gym (we are both into weightlifting) and can't stop thinking about him. I am already mourning his absence and he hasn't even moved out yet. The thought of him seeing/entertaining other women when single makes my blood boil and I feel so immature for thinking that. I truly believe this man is the love of my life and he told me he feels the same but that he feels the need to be alone to focus on himself for possibly 10 years because he says this relationship takes up too much of his time and energy. I really respect him as a person and respect his decision but I can't help but be completely heartbroken because I am deeply in love with him despite him no longer loving me(romantically). My plan is once he moves out I am going to try my hardest to do no contact and give him space as best I can for idk maybe 4 months?? And then see what happens from there. There is a lot more backstory I can give but I thought as my first post this is what I should say and ask for others opinions/advice. He is supposedly moving out this Sunday.
  9. reminds me a lot of what I am going through except I am the girl in my situation. I think you seem unsure of what you want but still like her. Focus on yourself and your studies first and take time to think about if you can be committed to just her like you used to be.
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