lunatic

I would think that you were looking for a response and this is just another tactic. The strongest message contains no words, it's called action. Turn the tables on him and move on. If he wanted you, he'd be with you.

 

RC

I totally agree with RC on this one!

Personally, I would think you were trying to end things but, you really show how much your hurting in this letter also. I would cut this part out of the letter and send it to him.

The man I was looking to marry was caring, but the man I am seeing is callous and insensitive to my feelings. Like I said before, I want someone who wants to be with me and if that’s not what you want, tell me directly. Stop playing games and telling me that you are trying to figure things out when you are basically having a good time and having me sit patiently by until you think you know what you want. You know that I don’t have and extensive background in relationships and game playing is not my nature. I want us to be together, but if it’s going to take me losing my self esteem to do so, I’d rather not.

As I have said before you sound like your bitter and hurt which could boost his ego. I would just drop the letter without the part I quoted and leave it be. Move on and learn to forgive him (never forget). Someday you will meet someone who will see the qualities you have to offer and will respond in kind.

Be strong and move on.

Good luck!

Hub

I WILL BE STRONG.

 

No longer will i weaken and give in to his demands. I will stand strong, none does it matter how badly i want. I need to be strong for my self esteem, pride.

 

If he goes.. I will hurt, my heart will twist with pain... I will lose the one true love i've ever had....

It will be lonely and hard...

 

BUT! At least i'll smile and know that i didn't stand down like i always did and bow my head..... WATCH myself be manipulated, walked all over once AGAIN, because they THINK they can!

 

ahhh that felt great....

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Make a mental commitment that your not going to give in to him no more and stand strong to that commitment. Remember that you lived your life happily before you fell in love with him and you can be happy again on your own. Trust me there is life after total heartache.

 

Be stubborn and stick to your guns no matter how much you want to cave in. You CAN DO THIS!!!

I would call her on the phone and let her know your not feeling well. I am sure if you have a cold she will hear it in your voice. I would not cancel the date per say but, I would ask for a rain check.

We were together for 3 years, broken up for 3 and now back together for about a month.....I know it is still new, but we have some history....

You two have a long history and she is not NEW in a sense. She is not doing the "right thing" here in this situation. I would really think about your relationship with her and think if this is something you can deal with. A person who runs when the other needs her.

Lose the selfish little girl before she hurts you even more in the future.

Good luck,

Hub

I know her pretty well, and I don't think this is the case....

well then you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with her. I mean if she is not or cannot be there for you on the saddest day of the year. Well then I would have to say she MUST GO!!!!

Kick her selfish butt to the curb and start No Contact ASAP! I mean if she is not able to be here for you on that day then she is not worth your time or affection's.

Lose the selfish loser as you deserve better!

Hub

Well I can only think of one possible reason why she would rather go to a party then be with you. That reason is she may not know how to deal with you or maybe she is someone who does not do well with death. I know a few of my friends that are like this as they would run for the hills rather than go to a funeral or even to a cemetery.

If I were you I would talk to her about how this is affecting you.

P.S. I agree she is a bit selfish.

Hub

He sounds like he is just trying to manipulate you and I have never heard of a "courthouse" saying someone has papers that state he has primary custody without there even being a hearing... which, I'm sure you would remember had that taken place.

 

You do not need to leave. If he takes the daughter away from you that is kidnapping. The courts tend to frown upon kidnapping.. His "story" sounds fallacious. Don't wait to *hear from a lawyer*... go out and stop in the office and say you have an emergency and need legal advice immediately. They will make time for you.

 

Don't discuss *any* of this with him... at all... no mention of your plans and no responses to his. Do not fall for his manipulations.

I totally agree with Ron on this one. You need legal advice right away!

I agree with Antilove also. I think 2 to 3 times a day is a bit on the extreme. I would talk to him about it. I am sure once you talk about the issue and you let him know it hurts you he will understand.

P.S. you should try some more foreplay or even lube. That may take the pain away for you so it will be more enjoyable.

I think comparing male-female roles in the workplace to male-female roles in romantic relationships makes no sense - apples and oranges with all due respect. Wanting equal pay for equal work has nothing to do with whether a couple chooses to have traditional male and female roles in a personal romantic relationship. Nothing hypocritical about it - many rules, laws and just lifestyles differentiate between the working world and the personal relationship world.

I Don't agree with you since you seem to want the man to pay for everything and to do all the heavy lifting. You know that there are women out there who don't mind lifting or contributing into the relationship. I totally see where DN is coming. It is not a fair expectation to EXPECT the man to PAY for EVERYTHING while you put all your cash in the bank. It is 2006 and the role of women are changing too. I would expect my lady to offer to pay the tab every once in a while. Not that I would let her personally but, I would expect her to offer. I don't know about you but, I don't want to have a dependent I want a partner.

Marriage and romantic relationships are almost the same except for one is a legal contract and the other is a mutual agreement of exclusivity. Relationships are a give and take. Being in a relationship where the man pays for everything so the woman can spend a ridiculous amount of money on her nails and clothes/shoes is not fair either.

I respectfully disagree with you Batya33.

fair expectation: Accepting your partner the way they are.

unfair expectation: He will change for me if I demand it.

Remember people be yourself and make sure your partner knows to do the same. If we are who we are around them instead of pretending to be something we are not. I think a lot more relationships would work out because we know what we are getting into. Remember people only change when they WANT to!

Holy Frickin crap!!!!

Thats gotta hurt like hell to hear that from someone you love(d). Hun this should re-inforce the reasons why you left him in the first place. With a significant other like that who needs enemies?

If I were you I would stop all contact ASAP! Then I would start working on you to better yourself with things about you that you don't like. Now is the time to take control back of your life and emotions. Do something you always wanted to do, or volunteer somewhere. Just keep busy and stop thinkin about him all the time.

Find other things to keep your mind occupied so you don't have time or the energy to think about the whole mess. He treated you badly and he does not deserve the time of day anymore. To hell with him as he lost the best thing he ever had (you!).

Good luck,

Hub

To me I would always stick around in a relationship because I was afraid to be alone. Now I was not always like this but, after my last long term relationship where is was mentally abused. I have not been the same and if I see any of that crap coming my way again I run for the hills.

At this point in my life I am who I am and if you don't like me then there is the door. I know a poor attitude but, I don't want someone coming into my life telling me what I can and can't do. I have to say that after years of bad relationship to another bad relationship I have learned alot about me.

I think there is not a cut and dry method of why one will stay in a unhappy or unhealthy relationship. I think once the heart gets involved there is no more logical thought about the relationship. I find that I was always trying to fix the problems and keep from rocking the boat. What I was doing was enabling her to control me and to take advantage of me at the same time.

I cannot and will not deal with any drama or other BS. I have no patience for it or even the ability to deal with it anymore. I am too old for that crap now and a bit wiser.

Do you have any family that you and your daughter can stay with? You really need to get both of you out of there. He has no right to keep you there or even to force you to leave your daughter there. I would find a place I can stay at then try to get out of there. If he becomes a problem then you need to get the police involved so you get yourself out of that prison.

You do have choices but, you need to get a place to stay at for the time being as this situation is NOT healthy for you or your daughter.

Good luck with this sticky situation.

Hub

Well you have to make up your mind as to whether or not you like Tom still. I mean you told this guy that you wanted to be friends and then you freak out because you realize you made a mistake. I don't think it would be fair to Tom or Dave if you don't know what you want. Realize that once you start dating Dave or Tom you blow you chances with the other guy.

When guys are friends (real friends) there is a guy code to not date your buddies ex.

Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I stopped by an office the other day to pick up some stuff for school and I saw a really cute guy that worked in there but I am not the really bold type so I didn't try to get his attention. I'm wondering what guys would think if they maybe got a little note or something from a (cute) girl they don't know with a number on it. I was thinking about saying hi when I go again and giving him a note or something. What do you guys think about that?? Would it be nice or not a good idea????

I agree with Friscodj on this one. Go for it I bet the guy will be totally taken by surprise.

Well its really easy. STOP MULLING OVER IT!

That was something she did in her past before she met you so there really is no way you can be upset at HER. Remember that all the events that happened to her in the past lead upto the person she is now.

You CANNOT hold this against her since it was done before you were in the picture.

Don't put any stock into what the little boys had to say. I agree if there was a REAL vagina in their bed they would not even notice the size and shape. I love all vagina as long as they are clean and healthy.

I agree that the only place these little boys have seen a vagina is on the internet on some porn site.

If the family car is damaged by one partner it is usually best to get it mended rather than damage it on the other side to make it even.

OMG DN that is the best quote! As it holds true in many other circumstances too. I am going to use that one in the future. lol

What an awful set of events. She will be in my thoughts and prayers today.

Words cannot express the sadness I feel for her family and friends.

RIP Celticghirl.

I have never been married but, I have been hearing the same anecdote from my friends who have re-married.

"The first marriage is a test/learning experience and the second is for the long haul."

In this post he said that both verbally aim low at each other. They both need to find out why it is they choose to react to each other like that. In my opinion they both push each others buttons he unfortunately took it farther. I would say anger management for both would be something to look into.

I knew I saw that somewhere. Thanks WNP

Well again she did not verbally abuse him. Look, Ailec's advice was they both need anger management. From the OPs post this is not correct. She did not do any verbal abusing and she accidentally clipped him on the balls.

 

The advice does not stack up with the OPs problem as outlined in his original post. He needs anger management, not her.

Yeah I retract my last statment as I realize I missed a key part of the OP thread. Sorry I feel foolish. OP you should go get some angermanagment classes.

Yeah well the verbal abuse is not an accident. That type of fighting can and will spaw violence at times. People have a tendenacy to get very emotional and angry at the same time I know v. I cannot tell you how many times I had fights with ex's that were all name calling and trying to hurt the other. So I can see how this happened and hitting anyone in general is not right.