boltnrun

A customer asked that man if he was feeling better while I was taking my clothes out of the dryer. Proof positive that he was at least sick enough for regular customers to enquire. Of course I have no idea if he had Covid or something else. He wasn't coughing constantly, but enough to be noticeable. When I said something to him he pointed to his mask. Wearing a mask doesn't give you permission to come to work sick! He also seemed to be insulted that I was wiping down a table he had already wiped. He said "I already wiped that table!" Well, he was using the same gross rag to wipe all the tables. Sorry, I will wipe them down myself anyway, Coughy Man. I noticed that other customer also had wipes and was using them to wipe down the area he was using. I need more wipes. In other news, I scored 20 KN95 masks. Down side was I had to drive 35 minutes to go pick them up. No delivery available. The store was almost completely empty which was great, but they had no cashiers working which wasn't great. Me and another customer stood there for about 10 minutes waiting for one of the 5 employees to help us. Then the cashier asked to see my ID and tried to take it out of my hand to look at it. Nope, Lady, you cannot put your grubby paws on my ID! She was sharing the computer with the other 4 employees so I was not going to let her have it. Then when I was putting my phone back in my pocket somehow my debit card fell out of my pocket and onto the floor. Great... It's been a horrible day all the way around. I'm staying home for the next 3 days.

My usual laundromat was super busy so I went to a different one. A male employee who is wiping down the tables has a vicious cough. I told him his cough was making me very nervous, but he's still there. AND the couple who I presume are the owners are just letting him stay there coughing and coughing! I have to do my laundry so I loaded up my clothes as quickly as possible and I'm sitting in my car waiting for them to finish washing. Then I still need to dry them. And people wonder why I'm experiencing anxiety... If I get Covid it will be from that man. Guaranteed.

Outdoor exercise has been recommended as being safer. It's easier to stay in your own space. An enclosed gym doesn't provide as much opportunity to maintain the recommended personal space. Besides, being outdoors is nice! Especially when the weather is good. I only walk, but it really does feel good to be out there.

They want to meet in person. We've been meeting virtually for 2 weeks. I told them I am considered high risk and my doctor has advised me to only go out if I absolutely have to. They accept that. I am willing to go out to do some things but sitting in a crowded bar is not one of them. Bars here are not enforcing social distancing, btw. One bar I used to frequent years ago proudly announced they were reopening, then one week later had to send another announcement that they were reclosing because an employee had Covid. The employee worked while infectious so they were required to notify their customers. Yeah, not going to take that chance.

My team of coworkers is planning a get together at a bar. I can't tell them I'm too afraid to go. I guess I'll have to come up with some excuse. I can't believe they think going to a bar is a great idea when our area is having day after day of record setting number of new Covid cases. They are not afraid, not one bit. They're discussing what cocktails they plan to order. No. Nope. No way. I am not going to risk my life just to drink an Old Fashioned. The statewide order is to only go out if you really need to. Gathering at a bar is not essential. Sheesh.

A B+ in your difficult program is fantastic ! Yes, you are doing very well. I'm glad you are healthy. For some reason I am OK with still being isolated. I guess because with how badly Covid is spreading in my area I would rather stay in and stay safe. I'm enjoying some YouTube videos. For some reason they calm me down.

That's great! I got about 4 hours including a disturbing nightmare. Sigh.

I don't think there's any way to know how I'll respond to the meds. We will have to see, I'm sure. Right now I'm willing to try whatever it takes. How I feel right now can't continue. It's more complex because, as my therapist said, there actually is a legitimate cause for people to be concerned. My fears are not completely irrational. If I was afraid of being abducted by aliens that would be a different story.

My cat is about 14-15. My senior kitty! She is currently snoozing on my bed. It apparently got too hot in the direct sunlight so she moved to the shady part of the bed!

My friend has a cat that color but with white stripes. She named him Nemo. Your kitty is adorable.

Had my first therapy session today. Very nice lady. She seemed amazed at all the things I've been through in my childhood and how ill I have been as an adult. I told her, that's why this upsets me so much. I've survived a lot and I'm still here, I don't want this pandemic to be the thing that does me in. I need to find a way to fight through this. Problem is, my fears are not out of nowhere. I didn't just randomly become afraid to go out. And normally part of the treatment would be for me to try going out into crowds but right now that is legit not safe! So treatment will be tricky. She recommends continuing therapy and medication. I told her it was OK with me to try medication if it helps get me out of feeling the way I currently do. Therapy is kind of exhausting...but I need it. Now I have a bunch of homework to do. Hope I can focus!

I actually don't mind the curls. I don't want straight hair. I just get annoyed at how long it takes to wash, condition, apply styling cream and air dry. I was keeping it short but then Covid. I have an appointment for a haircut for July 1st. I will have two inches cut off. It will make things so much easier!

I got into the habit of showering in the late afternoon. That way I can run any errand I need to in the morning and shower after I'm done. It eliminates multiple showers per day. The only exception is if I have to go to the doctor (don't want to go there unshowered ) or yesterday when I met my son for a walk ( didn't want to be stinky lol). I don't care about showering before I go grocery shopping or to the laundromat or the pharmacy. And it's such an ordeal shampooing my hair! I have extremely coarse, curly, unruly hair that takes FOREVER to shampoo, condition, apply styling cream and then let dry. Shampooing after work is a drag because it takes a minimum of two hours to air dry and blow drying takes an hour. I hate my hair!

I find it's much easier to avoid people outdoors. You can just move away from them. I will walk in the street or cross the street if I need to. Enjoy the beach! Hope the weather is nice.

Awww...I have one cat. She is a senior kitty. I say we are the two little old ladies lol. She is a roommate who doesn't pay rent. She doesn't seem to know she's a cat. She sometimes yells at me for her breakfast very early but if I ignore her or tell her to shush she will stop and lay back down. She stays in bed for most of the day. I envy her since I am battling insomnia.

Are you taking your sleep medication? If not, maybe it would be a good idea.

I don't change immediately. I wipe down my groceries and then get undressed and then shower. After my walk yesterday I had to go out again later in tbe day and it seemed ridiculous to shower and shampoo twice, plus I was outside and passed by some people but was not inside a building with a lot of other people. One jogger huffed and puffed right on my arm. I didn't like that but I used a disinfecting wipe on my arm when I got home. Then I took off my pants and changed my shirt. I went to the grocery store later in the day and showered after that. It's exhausting to go through all that but it's what I need to do. Virtual training continues today and per usual I was unable to sleep. I can't even explain why. I wanted to skip or go late but I don't think I can. So tired...

I found out my former husband's brother is as worried or possibly more than I am. He too won't eat takeout and is adhering to "safer at home". I think he won't even go for walks. I get where he's coming from! I am getting less fanatical about some things. I used to melt down if a grocery item rubbed up against my clothing. Now I use my body to secure things I'm carrying, realizing that I can change my clothes and wash up after. I wipe down my purchases in my kitchen instead of outside. So I am getting a tiny bit more relaxed about some things.

I like the family walk idea. My son came over and we went for a walk this morning. I don't ask him to come inside my apartment but he drives over and I meet him downstairs. I am hoping to do another solo walk Friday. I'm actually kind of surprised/impressed you were ok going to the shopping mall. I cannot even fathom attempting it. Hope next Sunday attending mass will bring you serenity and peace.

I went for a walk with my son this morning. It was really nice to see him. We walked the neighborhood and down to the bluff overlooking the ocean. Very nice although it's been very overcast in the mornings. We saw a poor man sleeping in the bluff park. He had no shoes and one of his feet had a huge, painful looking blister on the bottom. I'm sure he either can't walk or it's very painful. I felt so bad for him. I didn't have any cash to leave him. I wish I did so he could find it when he woke up and maybe be able to at least buy some food. Now I want to try to find him a used wheelchair but I don't know how to do that, plus I don't know if he'd even still be there when I find one. When I'm sitting at home feeling sorry for myself for being depressed and anxious and then I see someone like him, someone who has no home and no job and is out on the streets during a pandemic, it makes me feel selfish and somewhat ridiculous for my fears. My life is paradise compared to people like that poor man. All I have been doing is donating to a charity that provides free food for people in need. It's not much but I hope a few more people were able to eat as a result of my small donation. I'm going to look into some charities in my area that help the homeless. I have to do something.

So, apparently the pandemic is over! Yay! One friend went to a party at some underground club last night. She posted pics of people grinding on one another, no masks and obviously no social distancing. The single mother I mentioned in my previous post decided to travel and visit restaurants with friends. Another friend got a tattoo. I am going to continue to attempt to protect myself. But I guess no one else is concerned. I feel like I'm sheltering myself while the rest of the world falls apart from sickness.

They lock you in the store?? I can't even imagine. I too need to have an escape route in case I really have to get out of there. There's a great mall not too far from where I now live but I'm not at all ready to try going. Shoot, I still won't order takeout! I've always hated public restrooms. When I was a child I would hold it for hours and hours rather than use one. When I was 12 my mom took us kids on a 10 hour train trip. I did not go once in those 10 hours. The second we got to my cousin's house I made a beeline for her bathroom. I got over that phobia although I don't love public restrooms. The only reason I'm even somewhat OK with them is because that's one place that reputable places keep clean. But forget gas station bathrooms lol! I hope you're feeling better.

I'm glad about the appointment too. I feel like professional help is absolutely necessary for me. My friend told me her husband was just notified that someone at his workplace tested positive for Covid. She hasn't been working but he has, in a manufacturing type environment. She hadn't been worrying because she said the workplace is required by law to be extremely sanitary. But there's no way to keep the actual workers from being exposed outside of work and then coming to work infected. She is very worried and that upsets me because she has been such a good friend to me. She came with me to help me move DURING THIS PANDEMIC, so obviously she is a person who helps others. I really hope her husband was not infected. Another friend who works for the same company I work for works at a location that has had something like 6-8 cases of Covid. I worry about her too because she is a single mother and she's been dropping her one year old child off at daycare while she works and then has to go work at a place where there have been multiple cases. I would be frantic if I were her but she seems to be dealing with everything OK.

When I am anxious and/or having a panic attack I try to search for a root cause. Perhaps you are anxious about your husband returning to work? Or about reopening your business? I can certainly understand both of those things triggering anxiety.

So, I finally got an appointment with a clinical psychologist! One thing about me...anytime I need to or try to do ANYTHING, there are always complications. Nothing is ever simple. I always say, if there are wide double doors at the entrance I will be forced to go in through a louvered bathroom window. So without going into all the details, it took over a week for me to finally be able to get a referral and set up the appointment. We are doing a tele-health appointment next Tuesday. Which is perfect for me because I prefer not to have to go into an office. On Monday I had to see my new regular doctor and I had to go into his office. Of course there were a zillion forms to fill out because his office hasn't entered the 21st century yet so no way to complete the info online. Then I had to sit in a waiting room and when they finally brought me back they didn't take my temp until I'd already been there for 30 minutes. So, obviously they are not worried about letting someone in who might be sick! Anyway...I'm not wanting to repeat that experience so tele-health is perfect. I am looking forward to working on getting better. Now, on another topic...I love my friend dearly, I really do, but he messaged me today telling me about his trip, how he's visiting friends and they're going out and how it was crazy that one store they went to was limiting the number of people in the store to 600 and isn't that crazy! And I'm thinking, not any crazier than traveling two states away and going out with friends and not wearing masks! I said something about him going out and he said, well, he hasn't seen his friends in a long time! Well, neither has anyone else! He seems not at all concerned about traveling or what he might be exposing himself to. It doesn't seem like his spouse went with him but I guess he doesn't think he could possibly be bringing the virus home with him. I had to just stop replying because I just couldn't believe his total lack of concern and I was afraid I'd say something that would end our friendship. I'm thinking about taking a drive tomorrow. I now live very close to where I grew up and there are many lovely drives I could take where I'd have a view of the ocean. There might be some places I could pull over and get out without being near other people. I hope I can bring myself to do that since I haven't been able to go on any more walks since that one time.