boltnrun

Jumping on to say, I find it discouraging that some people's criteria for determining if an elderly woman is worth dating is whether or not she "still looks good" or if she looks younger than her true age. To me that is awfully dismissive. Most elderly people look, well, elderly. Does that mean they're unworthy of romantic love? I guess if I make it to my 70s and I don't look like I'm in my 50s I should accept that I'm completely undateable and should resign myself to sitting at home alone watching Lawrence Welk reruns with my ten cats 😜

However, OP, that doesn't seem to be YOUR criteria. You seem to appreciate her joyful spirit and are not attracted to her based on her appearance. So I commend you for that. 

38 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

He never asked you on a date. He wanted sex. Big difference.

I've had younger men approach me similarly. They presume since I'm middle aged and single I'm starved for sex and would leap at the chance to get laid 🙄 Nothing to do with wanting to take me out on a date. 

They probably talked about work stuff because that's what they have in common. I doubt they did it to deliberately exclude you. 

If I went to a get together with coworkers I wouldn't have much else to talk to them about other than work or maybe to ask about their families. I just don't know them well enough to talk about anything else. 

If you didn't enjoy yourself you aren't obligated to go anymore. I went to the Christmas party the first year I worked for a previous company and had such a lousy time I didn't bother going the next year. I didn't feel obligated. 

I locked my laptop at 2:48. Walked to the bathroom, went to the bathroom (#1), washed my hands, walked back and unlocked my laptop and it was...2:48. Now I know for sure I'm being screwed with. 

Imagine your kids continuing to witness the screaming fights and having them be emotionally damaged as a result. Have that be your motivation. You may not be starting the fights and you may be trying to avoid them but they're still happening. I can still remember my parents' fights and they happened over 45 years ago. 

Your kids are innocent. They don't deserve to live in a household where infidelity and screaming fights are happening. 

10 minutes ago, Max33 said:

we both are student in the univesity

Are your parents paying for your schooling? 

Have you arranged to meet in person?  Do you have any means of income to pay for travel expenses?

Are you two legally married, or living together as a family but not married?

If you're not legally married I still highly recommend you see a family law attorney. You can find out what your rights as a father are, what you could expect regarding custody, child support and visitation and any other legal questions you might have. If money is tight you can get advice from a paralegal. I used a paralegal for my divorce and everything turned out fine. But getting legal advice is very important.

Have you arranged to meet in person? If so, when, where and how?

Are you a student or do you have a job? Or both? How about her?

The fighting in front of the kids has got to stop. Immeasurable damage is being done to them.

I can tell you as both a child of divorce and a divorced mother myself, it's much worse on the kids to be subjected to and live in a household where there's discord than in two separate but peaceful households. I was tremendously relieved when my parents finally got divorced because my home life had been so awful. 

My son did fine after the divorce. We made sure to reassure him he was loved and that he spent plenty of time with both parents. He is currently happily married and has a good career and is a law-abiding citizen. He's a good young man. 

Make sure your kids know they are loved. Do not trash talk their mother. Don't introduce them to anyone you're dating unless and until you're fairly certain it's going to be a long term relationship. I also recommend counseling for yourself and for the kids.

Good luck. 

I would report him to the agency. He's likely preying on other clients which is supremely unprofessional. He unfortunately also knows where you live and your contact info, so that's why I think reporting him is a good idea. 

What would be the goal of telling her off? Or of refusing to allow her to come along with you and your new friends? It seems you felt (and still feel) pain, resentment and a sense of abandonment from her so you want her to feel those same things. But let's say you follow through with telling her off and refusing to invite her to come along. What would that accomplish? Do you think you would feel better afterward?

Poop discussion warning.

Finally this morning, about 15 minutes after I got to the office, I was able to go. A nice big emptying of everything that had been stuck. I hope I'll be able to get better and the pain will finally go away. 

I do like the office better on Fridays. Almost no one in my area comes in. It's much more quiet and the bathroom isn't always occupied by someone else. I think I'll ask my manager if I can switch from Thursdays to Fridays. The original intent was for us to all be in the office on the same days, but even when we are if we have meetings they're still over Teams! So what's the point???

I had a bizarro dream about my former FWB that was factually pretty accurate. In real life he stole from his father's company (where he was being paid TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS a month tax-free) and rightfully was given the boot. In my dream he was trying to run his own version of the company and I went by for some reason. Which I would never do because I think stealing is wrong, particularly from family. Very strange dream!

I agree it was rude of him to not follow through and let you know the pertinent info. But I don't know that it makes him a "player", even if he touched your arm. If you decide to view him so negatively and assign motivations to him with little to no evidence (he's trying to 'hook up' with me!) your interactions with him at work will be exceedingly uncomfortable. 

1 hour ago, LootieTootie said:

I am so sorry you are dealing with this and in another country! I totally think you need to try and take your daughter and just run.

Legally I don't think that's a good idea. Getting accused of kidnapping could result in you losing custody of your child. And being a fugitive isn't a secure way to live. 

What is giving you "player" vibes? Did you observe him flirting with several other coworkers?

I do understand you're disappointed but I don't know if it's necessary to villainize him. Especially since you're coworkers. 

It's a lot easier to avoid our own issues when we're focusing on someone else's. 

When I genuinely love someone I cannot even think of someone else let alone have sex with them and spend entire weekends with them.

You have her on a pedestal, but that's OK because eventually pedestals crumble and you see the real person.

Take care of yourself. 

Does your new university have any LGBTQ clubs or activities?

My son is gay but almost all of his friends are not. He has always had a medium sized but very close friend group who accepts him for who he is. They all graduated college over ten years ago and are still friends. 

I suggest looking into groups or activities that include a diverse group of people. 

I had a friend group that kind of froze me out after the first year of college so I get it. I struggled to find a new group too. I made some new friends but we were not nearly as close as my original friend group. I do understand. 

Also keep in mind, as a consultant it may take some time to build up a client base. Many who own their own businesses don't make a profit for months and sometimes for over a year. If you can afford business expenses without a strong income for a while then you should do fine. But do you have a backup plan in case it doesn't work out?

My cousin is one of the most handsome men I've ever seen. He's also intelligent, successful in his career and he's even nice! And his wife, while certainly not UNattractive, is... overweight and really, kind of plain looking. But she's a riot. She makes him laugh, she's smart and he adores her. He did marry the typically beautiful woman the first time and she cheated on him! I think he is now more attracted to character and personality than just looks. 

As far as "leagues", we never know what the other person finds attractive. When I was just a youngster (17-18) I had a mad crush on one of my managers at work. He was tall, blond, had a great personality and was super good looking. ALL the girls had a crush on him. He was super friendly and engaging with all of them but with me he was borderline mean. He teased me about being skinny (I was 5'2" and weighed about 100 pounds) and he would make me do things like move a beer keg from one side of the stand to the other and laugh at me trying to lift it. I would go home and cry because I thought he hated me. But on my last day there he walked me to my car and hugged me and said he'd been wanting to date me all summer but hadn't had the nerve to ask me out! ME!!! I wasn't particularly pretty and as mentioned I had a very boyish figure but he liked me. Go figure. And apparently he'd teased me to get my attention. Who knew. 

So you never know...the man who seems to be able to have his pick of anyone he wants might want you! And who's to say YOU aren't all that?

Anyway, it's a great opportunity to meet people no matter what. 

I'm ridiculously happy about my new watering can being delivered in about five days. My brother had given me a gardening kit that includes a spray bottle but it was ineffective and only lasted a couple of months before jamming up. I'm currently using a squeeze bottle which is not ideal. BTW, I suck at growing things but I keep trying because I love plants. 

Why not just direct her to the link to the Meetup groups? That way she can attend if she wants but it's not directly joining up with you and your friends.