SerenityIsDeath

I've been going to a therapist for the last two years, and it's gotten me nowhere. I'd really love to solve this, but I just don't see how it's possible. I don't want to lose her over this. I'm afraid she'll get so upset that I'm "lying" and dump me.

Throughout my life, basically up until this point in time, I've never really expressed my feelings to anyone. This all changed about a year ago when I met my girlfriend. I've since told her all I could about my childhood and the feelings I can remember having. The problem is, that since from when I was born to now (20 years, give or take a few months) I haven't told ANYONE how I was feeling. I have always kept to myself about emotions and all of that stuff. Now I find that my girlfriend is pressing me more and more to tell her how I feel about things. Especially lately, since we've been getting into so many fights. I try to explain to her that it's because I don't know how to express my feelings. Well, it's not that I can't express them, I just don't even know what they are. If I feel sad I have 20 years of sadness behind that one emotion, and it clouds it and makes it more intense. The problem is I always forget why I was upset in the first place. This happens with every emotion whether it be happiness, sadness, etc So this makes it nearly impossible to tell what I'm feeling and what caused me to feel that way. So most of the time I have no emotional reaction to certain things. I guess I just want her to understand what happens, but I don't think she can. Then again what I've said to you might not even make sense. I really don't know. All I want is for her to understand that I really don't know how I'm feeling. I'm sick of being yelled at and called a liar. Then she starts to cry and I don't know what to do. I'm just really confused.

Yes, we're both in school. She has 3 years left and I have 4. So it doesn't seem like things will get much easier anytime soon. We get along great when we are together, but like I said that's rare.

At 20 years old I'm in the first relationship of my life right now. It's been almost a year and 3 months since we started going together. She lives a few towns over but goes to college 4 states away. I see her once every three months if I'm lucky. And I don't know if it's the distance or something else, but lately I've felt that we've lost the spark in our relationship that was there to begin with. But when I try to bring this up to my girlfriend she simply denies it and says that it will get better and that it's most likely because of distance. In the past three weeks we have argued more and more. I'm just sick of it. I feel we are going around in circles. I still love her very much, but it just seems like that spark is gone. Everyday that I'm not with her gets harder and harder. Is there a way to work this out? If so, any suggestions?

I don't know, they very well could be messing around, lol.

This may sound like a dumb assumption on my part, but could this mean that she is bi? Or maybe a lesbian?

Lately my girlfriend has talked about how she and her girlfriends thought it would be fun to go skinny dipping with one another. For some reason when she told me this I got very insecure and worried. Is this normal behavior for a girl and her friends? Also, my girlfriend says that she jokingly flashes her friends all of the time. This also made me worried. I mean she doesn't even flash me! Are these things normal? Should I be worried about them? If so what do I do?

I don't mind that she masturbates. But the problem is she'll do it instead of being with me. If we had a good sex life and she also masturbated I wouldn't care, but we don't have a sex life at all.

Why should I be glad she's going something like this? I just don't understand. It kind of freaks me out to be perfectly honest. And I also don't understand why she keeps going back to the dildo and not me. Could I be doing something wrong?

But will her using it effect how she feels? Like I'm guessing she'll be looser. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I guess I'm more worried about being compared to the dildo. I'm certainly not as big, and I don't want her to find me less pleasurable than the dildo. If that makes sense

I'm kind of afraid about my girlfriend using a dildo. We have not had sex yet but I'm worried that her using a dildo will somehow make sex less enjoyable. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if they dildo she was using wasn't so large. I'm by know means that big. We are both virgins so I want our first time to be special, but I'm worried that her using a dildo all the time might make her more loose and find me less "pleasurable". Should I be worried?

I don't care about the status of having a girlfriend. I just care about not letting her go, I love her with all of my heart. I don't want to hurt her. I'm pretty sure this would totally crush her, and I wouldn't know what to do to make it better.

I just don't know if that's an option for me. I couldn't stand the pain of knowing what she is doing. And I understand why this space thing could be benefitial, but she already goes to college in another state. I only see her once everything three months for a week or so. I don't think you can get much more space than that. And if she loves me then why would she want to do something that hurts me to begin with? She should know that it hurts me and accept that I don't want her doing it. In retrospect I don't think it's a big deal. I mean, it's not like I tell her who to be friends with, where to go, etc.

Your advice is good and all, but I just can't do that. I cannot tell her that I don't care if she does it. I can't take that pain anymore. And she can have fun many many other ways. I just don't see why it's necessary. I also wonder why she suddenly changed. She used to always tell me that she hated that her friends drank and she wish they would change. Now she herself is drinking. I just don't understand. And to be honest, if she ever did drink again I'd have to let her go. That may sound mean, but I don't want to get hurt again. I've honestly have had alcohol cause me too many problems in the past. I don't need those problems in the future.

But if all these things are true, what am I supposed to tell her? I don't think she'll be very happy if I tell her I don't want sexual contact and don't get pleasure from her. Hell, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even have a girlfriend anymore.

I've been having alot of problems with my girlfriend lately on a number of topics. The main one that always seems to come up is alcohol. I'm a very much against the consumption of alcohol and drugs and have never wanted to associated with those things. My hatred of alcohol is because of my Grandmother and Father both being abusive alcoholics. I learned from a very young age the consequences of what happens when people have too much. I further hated alcohol when I found out that I had been diagnosed with a genetic liver disease. I'm now going to suffer the rest of my life for something my father did. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. My girlfriend of a year always felt the same way that I did, up till a couple of months ago. She would always mention how she wanted to drink and blah blah blah. And I was always against it. I would say things like "I'd never date someone that drank" etc. I also threatened to end the relationship if I ever found out that she did it. Well, she kept bugging me and bugging me, and finally I gave in. I said it would be okay with me if she drank. I said this for a number of reasons mainly to get her to stop talking about it, but also because I thought that maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal after all. It turns out I was wrong. She went out and drank two days after my go-ahead, then she told me about it. I can honestly say I've never felt worse in my life. I couldn't talk to her for a week, and I had the most horrible stomach pains you can imagine. I also couldn't get the thoughts of her drinking out of my head and it made me severly depressed and made school and work much harder. I never blamed her for what she did though, obviously I was the one that thought it would be okay. I just simply told her that I never wanted her to do that again. And now, she's mostly always angry at me. Saying that I control the things she does. I just don't understand why she feels this way. I just don't want her drinking, it's not the end of the world. It also doesn't help since we go to different colleges and I see her about once every three months. If anyone can help me I'd appreciate it.

Does anyone else have any suggestions? I could really use your help.

I masturbate regularly, but it's more of something I do when I'm bored. It rarely ever feels good. As far as I can recall the school I went to never said that sex was a bad thing, but they did say it was a sin to do it before marriage. No, my parents have never talked about sex with me. In fact, I've never had any formal sexual education. I learned nothing from my parents and I've never had sexual education in school. I've learned most of the things I know through hearing it in movies, friends, etc. And also, it's not just the physical action of sex. I can't stand to hear people talk about it in the slightest. It just makes me feel very uncomfortable. And yes, I do want these things to change, but I'm not sure how or why. I guess I'd just like to know why I feel this way. It depresses me alot, as you can imagine.

To answer some of your questions, no I don't find men attractive. In fact the thought disgusts me. I'm not homophobic, but it's just not my thing. Yes, I was brought up in a religious environment. Not very strict, but I did go to a Catholic school for 9 years. And don't get my wrong, I find my girlfriend very attractive, just not in a sexual way.Now that you mention it, I really don't have sexual feelings for any woman. I might see a girl that is cute, but the last thing I think about it sexual things. I've never seen a porno or Playboy, so I can't comment on that part. And yes, basically I don't find sexual experiences very satisfying. I'd much rather be happy by other means, watching movies with her, talking, etc. I hope this helps.

I'm a first time poster on this board. I read through a couple of the other posts and suggestions and thought that maybe this would help me answer, or better understand, what I'm going through right now. My girlfriend and I have been going together for over a year now. We have yet to have sex, mostly because I am uncomfortable with the idea. Anyway, we still engage in oral and manual stimulation. The problem is, actually there are several, is that this doesn't do anything for me. Oral and manual stimulation simply do not feel good to me. And on top of that whenever we are done I feel very dirty and regret ever having done anything. I think the worst part of it all seems to be that I'm not even turned on by my girlfriend. I'm the kind of person that wishes sex wasn't that big of a deal, I could certainly live without it. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. P.S. I'm a 20 year old male, this is my first girlfriend.