sifa

Hi all...had posted my story a while back, my bf broke up with me after about a year together, told me things like he was feeling too much pressure, didnt feel himself with me anymore...it was hard to understand because he was the one who started talking of settling down and all that very early on in the relationship...it s a long story but to me it felt like he was panicking...he d been saying so many good things about the relationship just weeks before...we talked, i told him there was no pressure but at the end of the day i didn t want him to be unhappy...there was no fighting or shouting, we both agreed if things were meant to be, we d get back together at some point... well it s been 4 months since then, and we ve met on a number of occasions because we work in the same field...i had asked him to go out for a drink alone and talk early on but he told me he needed time and i didnt bring it up again...but his behaviour has been strange and far from consistent. Sometimes he s affectionate, especially when we re alone, other times he acts like i m not there, barely says hello, seems to avoid talking to me...very often he breaks off a conversation saying he has to go...he also seems different in other ways, saw him a few weeks ago after a few weeks not seeing him and he was so different, very negative, so unlike him...then i called him up to say happy birthday recently and he was lovely, was really happy i hadn t forgotten him and had phoned...then saw him again last week and he was cold with me again...his behaviour with me changes even in the same hour sometimes...things he s said to friends also confuse me, like saying he really wants to settle down but cant find the right person, when he was telling me that he doesn t want to settle down, that his happiest times were when he was single.... some mutual friends tell me he s changed even with them and that he s not the guy he used to be...but i find that hard to accept, because there are little moments with him where i see the guy he used to be, i see the affection is still there...i ve tried to keep contact to a minimum apart from when we have to meet professionally, i only called him up for his birthday...but i still feel as confused as ever...he was the one who told me that he had been good friends with his ex and we could still have that, and go out for a drink once in a while....so why can t he even face having a conversation with me sometimes? My friends tell me to forget about him, that i shouldn t be treated this way but it s not that simple...i do still love him, and i still believe in my heart that his decision was based mainly on fear...i ve said all i could possibly say to him and he knows just how much i care...i know there s nothing more i can do, and i ve tried to keep busy, do new things....but he s still there in my thoughts all the time, i still worry about him, i still love him and i still haven t given up hope...so what are your views on my situation? how do you not give up hope without going mad?

Really beautiful...says all i m feeling just now...all the pain is still there, still love him and still hope deep inside one day, somehow things will change...have resolved on the way to go now though...we both need time alone to sort out our issues...then maybe we can start working on something again, maybe just a friendship, i hope for more...either way, i hope and trust that then the unanswered questions, the unspoken words can be said...

I agree wow, great letter, send it...i did write a letter to my ex too after we broke up and i m not sorry i did...it s hard to say certain things during the breaking up incident, too emotional....and i wanted to tell him that even if this is the end of the road, you will always be special to me and there are no hard feelings in my heart where you are concerned...i told him i won t stop caring or loving u anytime soon but i want u to be happy, maybe in time something will happen between us again, maybe u will find that happiness with someone else, but still there will always be a place in my heart for u, even if i can only have u as a friend...i think your ex is very lucky to receive a letter like that

My fear about no contact, is that even if the relationship doesnt work out, I would still like a close friendship with this guy...have never felt so open and at ease with anyone...and i know friends have a hard time earning his trust, so i don t want him to think i don t care at all if i cut off contact completely, because i don t know if he ll be willing to treat me as a close friend then...that s why i m confused about the birthday...

Hi all...have a few questions on how to make the no contact thing work...my ex broke up with me around 2 and a half months ago after a bit over a year together, he told me he was feeling too much pressure, wasn t happy, wasn t feeling like himself in the relationship...i was devastated, still am in many ways...but said fine, u know what my feelings are but there s no point in u being unhappy with me...we agreed we would remain friends, there was no shouting and fighting...and leave it to time... well since then we ve met a few times in work situations and his behaviour has been mixed, sometimes really nice, sometimes cold...even what i hear of his behaviour from friends is different, more moody and nervous...i still love him and i do want him back...i m trying to still be a friend, trying to offer what support i can as a friend for some career things that i know were very important to him... the thing is...we went about 2 weeks not seeing each other after we broke up and then we ve never met alone, just moments alone...i asked him once if he d like to go out for a drink and he said he couldn t but we d do it another time, but he doesnt seem keen so i dont want to push it, promised would give him all the time and space he wants...well anyway, we ve met on and off since then, more so in the last few weeks...which to be honest has me more devastated than ever, seem to be back to square one, keep over analysing everything, and am just down and exhausted most of the time...well after this week we ve got no more work engagements together in the near future...and i dont know what to do now... I am confused, details would be too long but to me the problem seems to be one of panic, fear of commitment, plus a kind of mid life crisis, not seeming to know what he wants...the single life or a committed relationship...his behaviour to me seems like a mix of that, and not wanting to give me false hopes in the meantime...i still believe that somewhere deep in his heart he still has feelings...up to 2 weeks before, i am convinced he was still happy, from things he told me and thnigs he told friends...what scares me is that he has a way of convincing his head that his heart is wrong...heard he s told friends he s convinced he ll never meet anyone right, would love to settle down but will never happen because of that...it s so confusing... Do i do no contact now? will that seem like cutting him off even as a friend? want him to know he still has a friend, has a problem with trust and i want him to realise that he can trust me, even just as a friend...plus he has a birthday coming up soon, would really like to get him a gift, no strings attached, just from a friend...isn t that what friends do? plus gift i have in mind is something i know he d love, maybe would remind him in a way that i am in touch with what goes on in his heart... meantime am trying to take advice everyone keeps posting of taking care of yourself, very hard because you re always thinking at the back of your mind and it does break u down...but i m trying, all this happened at a bad time, problems at work as well...but i m doing all i can, trying to keep busy, planning getaway abroad for a few days...and really find solace in this forum, helps to know there are people who understand the feeling of being torn apart inside... would appreciate your advice...

Wish could feel more encouraged by your message...saw my ex yesterday in a group situation, was cold at first, hardly talked to me, then after a while came over and talked normally, relaxed...was feeling better today...then talked to a mutual friend today, told me she d tried talking to him about us and he got annoyed, said things just didn t work out, there was nothing to talk about...he said he wanted to get married and have kids but felt he d never meet anyone right... Am so down just now...i still don t know what to think, do i believe the things he says, do i go with the things i feel? do i ask him to talk? i m scared that will feel like pressure...my feelings tell me he s trying to convince himself that this wasn t working out, but i still believe deep down it s fear...but what do i do??? PLEASE give me some opinions, feel so bad

Dear all, pls give me your views on my situation...my boyfriend broke up with me around 2 and a half months ago...he told me he just wasn t happy anymore, was feeling too much pressure and that he didn t like the feeling that things automatically were getting serious...Hurt like hell but I said fine, I don t want u with me unhappy, made me miserable too like that...the thing is since then, things seem far from resolved to me. First of all, he was the one who first started talking about settling down and maybe getting married...in fact one of the few big arguments we had was because he felt I wasn t committed enough...so I don t understand why suddenly it was a problem with too much pressure...a few weeks before we broke up he had asked me for a few days break, after which he called me and we talked, and I made it clear to him I was in no particular hurry to settle down... Then there s his behaviour since we broke up that has me really confused. Some of the times we ve met he seemed really pleased to see me, sent me message once after and told me that it had been really nice to see me...other times it s just a look...don t think it s my imagination that i still get the feeling he cares for me...other times he seems to distance himself, especially when there are other people around...sometimes doesn t reply if i send him a message... It s not just with me that he s different, mutual friends have told me the same, he s more nervous, more moody than he ever was...he seems disinterested in things he used to be passionate about... the tension started in last few months of our relationship, started getting more and more caught up in work and seemed to forget how to relax, anything that wasn t work started to seem like a waste of time...i don t understand though, at one point he told me he was doing so much work almost as a way of escaping the relationship because he was unhappy...but if that was the case why isnt he happy now? It would be so much easier to move on if i knew he was happy but knowing he s not is driving me mad...he s not actnig like himself...one friend told me he told her she has a commitment problem even though she s getting married soon...told me he just started talking about all his relationships without her even asking...his behaviour is so contradictory, for instance he seems to be spending very little time with his friends, whom he used to miss...and more with some of the friends he got to know well through me... it s so strange...to me it feels like he still cares but he doesn t want to admit it, he s panicked and scared of trusting...he doesnt trust anyone easily not even friends...after we broke up i told him i would like to meet up alone and talk, and he said he did too but he needed time...after a few weeks i asked him once if he wanted to go for a drink,he said he couldnt then but we d go another time...havent told him again, last thing i want him to feel is pressure...but i feel like i m going mad just waiting...i can t accept that things are over like this because things just dont make sense...and i cant not care and forget about him because i still love him and deep down i believe he still has feelings for me and it s fear that s holding him back...up to 2 weeks before we broke up, he was still telling me and friends how happy he was and i know he meant it...told me he d been feeling lost but i was the constnat thing in his life...but to me he still seems lost, his friends tell me the same...so do i just wait for him to find himself? and how do i stay sane in the meantime!!