my friend just tried to kill herself

just now. i'm staying at her place in a whole other city, in a whole other province for the weekend and she lives with her boyfriend and her two cats. i'm allergic to cats and when she went to put them away in her room her boyfriend was disturbed and he got upset with her. then she got upset because he was upset with her, and before i knew it a little tiff became an all-out yelling match between he and her, and i didn't see anything because i was in the living room managing her cats and trying desperately to think of a way out of this in case he got violent with her (he's pretty big and much much much older than her you see), when all of a sudden i heard more yelling and i went into the kitchen and there was blood on the floor. i went into their room and saw that she had a cut on her wrist. i got really upset with her and started yelling while patching her up, a mistake i know i calmed down straight away, but it turned out he got his hand punctured while trying to get the knife from her and now they've gone to the hospital without me. i would have only slowed them down. so now i'm waiting for them. she and i have talked about him a lot, and as much as i want to say "dump him" i don't. instead i point out all the facts that make this relationship so not worth it, and she doesn't seem to listen to me, nor does she make any decisions on her own, much less act on them. i want her to be happy, but i don't want to interfere but i certainly don't want this mess of a relationship to continue.

Hello,

This is indeed a very delicate situation you have yourself stuck in, you want to help her friend and want her to be happy away from her boyfriend while she seems to find happiness with him. Now had there been no such dangerous acts I would have adviced you to leave her alone, but now I'd say just try to talk to her as a friend as much as you can while not hurting her or directly pointing the finger at her or the boyfriend. Just be there for her, and give her advice. Now I was in a somewhat similiar situation, and I tried talking to both of them as much as possible, but I admit it is hard if they do not want to listen, or if she is determined and doesn't want to leave him.

Best Of luck. and most importantly don't get yourself involved too much as to hurt yourself emotionally, just be as neutral as possible while trying to help.

cheers,

ask her how she's feeling about her situation, and her boyfriend...don't just tell her how you feel about it. even if in a subtle way. maybe she's afraid that her life is a big jenga tower....you pull one block out, the whole thing might fall down. maybe her boyfriend is just another block in the tower, and the tower is already becoming wobbly and unstable, and if the block that is her boyfriend is taken away...crash. it's an overwhelming pile of the building blocks of her life. i'm not saying that this is what will happen, i'm saying that maybe this is what she's afraid of, even if subconsciously. good luck.

yeah, she doesn't seem to want to listen. she's home from the hospital now. she doesn't seem to want to even talk about it. i'm so mad at her. how could she do that, and while i'm here? and for some guy???? i'm trying very hard not to put how i'm feeling onto her, but i'm so pissed off.

Getting mad at her isn't going to help, and in fact it will make it much worse. She will likely either get defensive with you, or withdraw from you completely. Neither of those are a good thing when she's suicidal.

I know you are upset with your friend, but you'll need to put your own personal feelings aside right now if you want to try and help her. You can't judge her or tell her to do things just because you say so. You need to show her that you love her and that you are there for her. Show her that you want her to live because she means something to you. Let her know that her life matters to someone.

If you just go after her about the relationship she will very likely tune you out. Just encourage her to talk about things with you. Be a good listener. She needs to feel comfortable telling you whats really going on. Maybe you can even convince her to get some professional help to sort things out.

Don't lose faith in your friend. She needs you now more than ever.

of course i try to be patient with her, and i have certainly had my share of patience with her, and i have always let her know that she is very important to me. there is never a conversation between us that lets me let her know that she will always have my support. it's just that she doesn't seem to listen to me no matter what i say. and she certainly does her share of the talking, and i do a lot of listening. we seem to be going around in circles a lot. maybe the best thing to so would be to leave her alone and let her do her own thing. i'm tired of giving her advice when she doesn't do anything with it. and the whole thing with her slitting her wrist right then and there really upset me. maybe i ought to take some time to get over it. actually i don't really know quite what to do about that. it's all up in the air right now, and the atmosphere is really awkward, for me, herself and her boyfriend. it hasn't really been dealt with, what happened last night and all.

i agree, she really needs you right now. i know it seems like a personal assault on you and its upsetting, but for now, the best thing that you can do for her is to be her friend. she's not thinking clearly right now and she needs your love and care. please read this site, it gives information on how to really help someone who is suicidal. take care and dont' give up!

link removed