I need unbiased advice.

I need unbiased advice, as all the advice i have received so far has been very vague and confusing. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months now and even after all this time i still feel like i hardly know him. He finds it extremely difficult to express himself (so he claims), but he doesn't seem to try at all. I used to find it difficult also (a number of years ago) but i found that you simple had to summon up your courage and say it and it became easier with practise.

I'm trying to be sympathetic and supportive, but it's incredibly frustrating and is beginning to drive me insane. I really need to know what he feels about things, in particularly about me. We don't talk a lot, but enjoy each others company. I can maintain a mainly one sided superficial conversation, but if i stop talking silence tends to fall.

The only way i can ever get anything out of him is by asking specific questions which makes me uncomfortable as i feel like i'm interrogating him. He does tend to talk more when drunk, but i don't want him to need to be drunk to talk. he has recently (after much questioning) admitted that he loves me, but i'm not convinced because he rarely says it spontaneously. I don't want to be a nagging girlfriend but it's currently taking so much effort. I'm attracted to him, but his lack of expression is a huge barrier. He also winds me up about seeing other women, which as he never reassures me does make me suspicious. I trust him and i think i could easily love him, if i knew that he felt the same. But the relationship isn't progressing and takes a lot of effort.

I'm debating ending it with him because i think i seriously could find someone more suitable, but i want it to work and i really don't want to hurt him. What should i do? Break up or take another course of action? Any advice would be much appreciated.

I think it depends on how much you want to invest in this relationship. If you think he has the "potential", once the problem(s) is solved, then let your heart leads you to do the right thing. If you think you've spent enough effort into this relationship, and you need someone more serious, then you have to let him know, and break it up.

It is very hard to separate your emotion and be rational at the same time. Get out of town for a weekend, see how you feel when you're alone, then you can think more clearly, as you can re-evaluate this relationship.

If you're not communicating with your bf, and you don't want to sound like nagging, there's not much you can do. People in relationship wants to hear the other people's thought. Try to be as understanding as you can be, but everybody's got a limit. I know it must be very tough to deal with, so try to let the steam out by talking with your gfs.. I hope it helps.

Hi jnk260,

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your question. I am sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time right now. I understand what you are going through, because I live by the rule "Communication leads to a better understanding." I can see in your posting that you understand the word communication and the important meaning of it. I compliment you on that.

I can only see two options here:

1) You go by the flow and accept that your b/f is not able to communicate and express himself. In this situation you try your best to make him communicate with you and in time you hope that in time he will come around and improve. This will take time, frustration and on top of that the result is unclear.

2) You do break it off and end the relationship you share with him. You seem to be a very serious young woman and you are ready for a serious commitment to someone. This is a little hard in the beginning, because you have to break up with your current b/f, but the result is a little more certain, because you will look around for someone that IS communicative and eventually hook up with that guy.

I want you to know, though that guys in general are less communicative than women are. There are exceptions on this rule naturally, but the rule still applies.

I hope that this helped you on your way. As I see it, you will have to choose between the two options that I pointed out. I wish you strength and wishdom to choose what works best for you. Good luck!

~ SwingFox ~

As a Male experiencing the same Problem with my longtime girlfriend I can easily say that he's hiding something from you. Any time you feel like your interrogating someone, you probably are.

Either start ignoring his ass or dump his ass, tell him you can't trust him because he never opens up his true feelings or thoughts and you need someone to share your intellect with. If he doesen't try to express himself after that, let him go. I've learned that the best part of relationships is sharing your innermost thoughts and dreams with an unbiased open minded partner.

Hey there...

It's a bit of a two edged sword what you are experiencing.

From your point of view, you need to make him feel comfortable enough to want to share things with you. On the other hand, he needs to know that it is affecting you, and you really to stress it to him.

Your situation sounds a bit tight, as you are doing all the leg work, yet your bf seems to think things are just gr8 while he remains closed.

Being a guy, if we are having a rough one, we tend to go into our shell, and just cut off the rest of the world (society dictates that men don't "bitch and moan", sorry for my french...). And talking about your feelings is regarded on the same level as crying... which is really pathetic.

But if you really love him, show as much support as you ca to him. Do things for him that will relax him (except making him drunk) and make him see that you care and love him enough to want to listen to him.

Watch his body reaction to things and questions, try to gauge if he really wants to answer you, but is too afraid or embarrased. Why not get him to write down his feelings, or better still exchange letters. That way he can pour out to you but not be seen as weak (that society dictator thing again... )

Sometimes though you can only do so much, and really, from a guys point of view, he needs to wake up, and fast, because you do have a limit.

You sound like a really wonderful person, and you too deserve love in return...

Good luck, and keep us (and me) posted!!!!

Stanny