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Thread: Breaking up is really, really hard to do...

  1. #1
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    Breaking up is really, really hard to do...

    Well, the subject line says it all. This site has been of great help- reading a variety of people's thoughts on a topic like this.

    I was in a long distance relationship with an el paso gal for a year and a half. Problem is that I'm in Austin, TX, a 600 mile traverse. Neither one of us could move to be with the other for reasons I'd rather not list right now. I'd say about a year into the relationship, I began to find things about her I did not feel met up to my expectations, and more than likely the reverse held true for her as well. I know we both had differences, but the love we shared was so true that it didn't seem to matter.

    Recently, these differences cropped up more often, small fights kinda ensued, which never happened with us before. I would fly out there and she would fly out to see me-- we did this once a month for about 4-5 days at a time. We used to have really fabulous times being together. It felt as though we were completely at one with each other. But over the last 3-4 months, something significantly changed. We both have begun to grow more distant, the phone calls came & went less frequently, the letters and e-mail messages were less often... generally just less of everything. She began to become jealous and angry with me going out for an evening, and I had these same feelings of insecurity about her outings too.

    I had talked about ending our relationship a couple of times since last October. She was mortified, saddened, yadda yadda, so we talked through it. We tried to work it out, but it just wasn't happening. Finally about a week ago today, we brought the whole thing to a head. We called it off saying it was just too hard for the both of us and that the spark we once had is now gone. She said she really wanted us to be friends even though it's over. I told her I didn't know what to say about that. I mean, I would hate to lose whom I considered to be my very best friend in the whole wide world. She was quite upset during our last conversation. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it some, to help heal our broken hearts. She said she just couldn't talk to me right then. I never called her back since and she hasn't either. So here's where I am today on this lonely evening.

    I know I've bored you enough just getting this far. My heart remains broken, and I am acting quite pathetic. I didn't eat or sleep for 4 days straight immediately afterward. I'm just extremely depressed. It's been so long since I've felt the intense sting of a lost love. I'm trying to pick myself up again- to again become the strong, confident man I once was. My support base feels gone, as we were good friends who talked about everything we felt. I feel as though I've lost my world-- it's time for a new beginning. I do not blame her or myself for what has happened, but the pain of it all is unrelentless. It hurts so much right now. I miss her, I still love her, but I know in my heart it was never meant to be. Damn, love hurts like hell. Maybe some good words could help a lost soul find his way again. Can you help a fellow in distress out and let me know that I will find this special feeling with another. One who better understands me, one will love me even more than the last, one who will truly be meant for me.

    Peace & Love,
    jdratx

  2. #2
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    There is no doubt in my mind that you will find the one who is meant for you. She will be everything you could ever imagine. As your title says, breaking up is extremely difficult. It takes much time and pain before the wound begins to heal. But it will. It is good that you both realized that things were not meant to be rather than try to believe that everything was okay and you could just "deal with it". You would be in far more pain had you not seen the signs of a poor relationship. This will take a lot of time for you to accept and move on. But just remember that with each day, that wound does heal a bit more. Be patient my friend, and good things will come your way.

  3. #3
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    More comforting words...

    I am with Mermayd on this. Good things will come to those who wait! Time will heal all wounds eventually. Although you might not see the light right now, in a few weeks things will look totally different for you.

    In addition to what Mermayd said, it might be a good idea to stop being in contact with this woman, even though you might want to look for friendship. You could always do this later on, but right now in my opinion contacting her might stand a recover from this broken heart in the way.

    I hope that this helped you and wish you good luck in this healing process.

    ~ SwingFox ~

  4. #4
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    Thanks so much....

    I appreciate your kind replies. You're both very right in that time will eventually heal it all. I know I just need to give it some time and let these feelings fade, but at present, it sure is quite difficult. Sometimes I feel as though I just want to give up, curl up into a ball, and die. Then I feel even more pathetic for having these feelings, for allowing my love for a woman to be able to cause me such anguish. It's scary to think that this will probably happen several more times before I find the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.

    I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I should have expected the resultant pain. I only worry that I will hide my heart away and shield it from everyone I now meet. I guess time will fix that as well. It's just so hard right now.

    Anyway, I'm going to try to stay positive about all of this. Thank you very much for your warm postings.

    Take care.

    Much Love,
    Daniel

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