older husband

What is "sick" is people who feel the need to judge others who are happy and content with their partner. If the people are two mature adults than isn't their happiness the only thing that matters? Your reaction to age-gap relationships is not much different than when someone is "grossed" out by a homosexual relationship....it is prejudice. Everyone finds happiness in different ways.

AMEN!!!

How can anyone be against true love.

I disagree in one regard though, many people are accepting of homosexual relationships now. Age gap relationships, by most people are still greatly discouraged. You don't see any ag-gap pride parades. We don't have a whole week devoted to us where we where red shirts to show that we are happy with who we are. We are even more hated some of the most hated relationships on earth. That's a really lonley place to be in.

What to say? Everyone has an opinion. Most of us know that relationships are complex, that over time we change and so does love and that it is hard to keep the spark alive. If you add to the mix a big age gap you are just making it harder to be successful. I married a man 14 years my senior. His age became a problem only 10 year after we got married. I am 44 now and he behaves like a retiree. I am having such a hard time accepting that this is the man I married and that I did not think of the consequences. When I see my friends with husband the same age I realize my mistake. We have the same problems other couples have, but in addition we have this huge age gap. He doesn't want to go out, he's always tired, wants to sleep, no sex, etc. It is normal he feels the way he does, he is 58 after all. the problem is that I am only 44, and a young 44. I would tell my daughter not to marry an older man because eventually the gap becomes too big. Be smart. Think before you make a life commitment you cannot get out of.

You can make your own choice but all i can say is DON'T let people's comments define who you should be with. If you're happy, then BE HAPPY. Any people who say it's "sick" are just losers who are probably jealous you have someone and they are insecure of themselves.

I'm with a guy 37 years older and I couldn't be happier. Guess what? I don't want to party, go out...I want to work and stay in. So does my guy. We mesh. It's sad that he'll go a lot earlier than me, but that's life. We will help each other. No one said that you HAVE to marry someone your own age...age gap couples can be and are very happy together.

Marrying someone much older does have disadvantages--for me "fear of what people say"...you can't avoid it there are those who judges and discriminate--as long as you are not living in sin, why worry.

My husband is 40 years older than me. Early in his life he was hurt in a relationship and it took him sooo000 long to shake off the pain. He looks 20 years younger than his age when I met him---physically fit, attractive, very out-going, has strong positive outlook in life---overall 99% healthy. Now we are 8 years together and its getting better. As long as you are not living in SIN, God will bless your marriage.

And they say "AGE DOESN'T MATTER" BS. Age does matter. 3 to 5 years is not a big deal...but when you approach 10 it does. There is a logic to marrying someone "around" your age group and that is to grow old TOGETHER! Not you will grow older while he or she gets old period. Older men/women marrying significantly younger man or woman are mostly for ego boost for the older person.

It all depends on the individuals in the relationship. People who are similar in age can have very different maturity levels and run into the same problems. I can't stand most guys my own age, as they are all so immature. I'm 20 and so over the partying scene. My boyfriend is almost 11 years older and I definitely click with him. If the two people in the relationship are happy, then it's good. It's all about communication and some compromise.

I don't understand the whole "you're supposed to grow old together" excuse for why people shouldn't marry others who are older or younger. It's such a cop out.

Actually, I do NOT want to grow older with my boyfriend. Lots of bad things happen in old age. I want to help him as he gets older...I do NOT want to be his age and be suffering with the same problems, immobility, etc. This happened to my grandparents. Both were very old and always worrying about the other and it was so hard for anything to get done because both were so old. I don't want it to be that way. I'd like to support and help my boyfriend get older, just as he supports me in starting my own career.

When I am old, he will be gone and that makes me sad, but I think it will be better because I will have helped up to the end, and now I get time to care for myself and I won't be worrying about him anymore.

The thing here is you're not thinking about yourself.

I think a lot of people are concerned about having to grow old by themselves with no one to look after them. Just like you may have to look after your boyfriend, someone will probably have to look after you once you become immobile or ill. There are always nursing homes, but they don't offer the same sort of emotional support that spouses typically do. It's also one of the reasons a lot of people want kids. If their husband/wife dies early, then they have kids to look after them in old age.

I'm not saying what you've said is invalid because I'm potentially going to be facing a lot of the same issues myself (though perhaps not to the same degree). It doesn't mean I'm against large age gap relationships either. I just think you need to see where people are coming from and why they may say the things they do.

I can understand that. But I've always been totally against people having kids to "take care of them" when they are older. children are not insurance policies. I see tons of people, both with and without children...with and without spouses and they still end up in the nursing home and alone.

I know what lies ahead for me...nursing home. I'm hoping to save up lots of money so I can get into a good one and stay there. I'm not kidding myself...I'll be all alone. My parents are older, I have no capable siblings, very few friends, and I can't have kids.

But I'd rather be alone and only have to worry about myself...not having a spouse who is old too and also worrying about him.

I always think about my grandmother and when my grandfather died. She said it was really a relief because now she doesn't have to worry about him and help him out...she is old too and shouldn't be assisting or lifting other people.

People will always think it's better to "grow old" with someone and I can see why, but I don't feel that it's the best way sometimes.

Well, if in the future we all are gonna end up in a nursing home, isn't it better to have someone there who shared a life with us instead of being completely alone? I mean I don't think we have to take care of them in a nursing home anyway.

Also, most people don't like to take care of an elderly when they are still young and can enjoy life. You seem like you are ok with it, which is fine. But most people seek energy and youth as they get older and I think that's one reason for why many men and women like to hook up with younger people, it makes them feel youthful again. Now imagine if instead they had to worry about things a much older person would worry about, obviously it would make them feel older and most people don't like such a feeling.

Yeah I guess you're right. I do think most people do end up in nursing homes regardless of family.

Most people are afraid of dying alone and things related to that. my boyfriend isn't afraid of dying alone exactly, but is afraid of what would happen to his doggies because in all likelihood, if he wasn't with me, it would be several weeks or months before someone would find him.

I've been a witness to many deaths and I'm not afraid of it. Personally, I'd like to be alone for it and be conscious as much as I can, but I know I'm in a minority here. I honestly can't see myself living past my 60s (I have some health problems that put me at increased risk for cancers, cancer runs in the family, etc.) but whatever happens, happens. I can't say if I will be lonely, but if I am, then I will have to deal with it then.

I just think it's risky to assume that just because you're with someone your age and/or have kids, that you'll have someone to be with in the end. It doesn't always work out that way...someone could get sick/die first, the kids could live far away, etc.

I've spent most of my time in my teen years with the elderly and taking care of them so it feels right to me to do the same with my S.O (at least in the future that is).. I know most people my age (and even older) wouldn't be as willing but I think it's because we all have different life experiences. Being around elderly people makes many people feel uncomfortable because it reminds us of our own mortality and the many possible ailments that await us in the future.

I don't know, I guess I'm just odd.

it is sick.

A very shallow comment often passed by people who lead very shallow lives. No-one can pass such a judgement on two adults who have done nothing wrong but fall in love.

The people who thinks you are sick... Are they better off than you? Are they clean, don't they have any faults, let them remove warks in the dirty eyes before judging you, for there is not one who is perfect.... Ok

This is an interesting read about age gap marriages.

link removed

The thing here is you're not thinking about yourself.

I think Fudgie is thinking about herself to a degree. She has chosen her path because that is what she wants to do. She loves her boyfriend regardless of the age difference and has made the choice to be with him whatever the future may bring.

Anyway there is a lot of speculation here about the future and nursing homes but I think that is way too far into the future to be focussing too much attention on ... and not everyone ends up in a nursing home anyway. Not only that but anything can happen before that time comes.

After having been married, divorced, and now in a relationship with a much younger man the one thing I have learnt is to expect the unexpected. Life takes many twists and turns and no matter how much we plan on following a certain path the unexpected happens and we find ourselves following a different path. Of course we can't help but look into the future, I do the same myself (as my threads suggest) but, for the most part, I am trying to live for now and not worry too much about the future as not any one of us can predict what the future has in store for us ... but then again I would say that, as being 15 years older than my boyfriend I am the one who is more likely to end up in a nursing home first!

I think it's good to look to the future and have some stuff planned out, but you never know what might happen. I know a number of people have warned me about being with an older man, saying you'll just be taking care of him later on. But I think that can happen with any relationship, so if I dated someone my own age and he got into some accident, I might have had to take care of him too. It's not an excuse for not being with someone because way down the line it might be harder. People can't help who they fall in love with, it just happens...