Meeting my ex almost 2 years later...

I’ve been posting on this forum just regarding the same long distance ex. See previous posts for full story,

Broke up due to long distance almost 2 years ago. During this time both of us have dated other people. He messaged me a few times last year but I ignored half of it because it was nothing substantial. Now we are both single. Anyways I’m living my life blah blah out of nowhere he informs me that he just landed in my city and asks to see me so I agree to a time convenient for me.

During his last day here, he picks me up, we get dinner and dessert. He asks if I still want to get married, if I’m dating anyone, and when I’m graduating. He says he wants to get married too. Overall we had a great time catching up. BUT he doesn’t hint anything about wanting to get back together or any reference to our future. A lot of nostalgia, flirting, and reminiscing on his part but that’s about it. He admits to looking for dates in his city. I don’t mention or bring up our future either because I want to see what his intentions are first. We’ve been texting since then just updates about everyday life. I am free to move to anywhere in a few months and he knows this so distance will not be a problem soon. I’m more confused than ever. What should I do, if anything at all....

You'd be willing to move for someone you've seen once in the past two years, someone who didn't even say he wanted to explore dating you again?

I hope you are not planning to offer to move to him. You two are not in a relationship, so that offer would be seen as premature at best.

As for his "intentions"? If he hasn't mentioned dating you again, I would imagine his intentions are to be on a friendly basis. And I don't see what he's doing that's "confusing". It's not like he mentioned getting back together but hasn't done anything about it, or has he?

You'd be willing to move for someone you've seen once in the past two years, someone who didn't even say he wanted to explore dating you again?

 

I hope you are not planning to offer to move to him. You two are not in a relationship, so that offer would be seen as premature at best.

 

As for his "intentions"? If he hasn't mentioned dating you again, I would imagine his intentions are to be on a friendly basis. And I don't see what he's doing that's "confusing". It's not like he mentioned getting back together but hasn't done anything about it, or has he?

Oh of course not, no way in hell would I move to a different state for any man that’s not my husband or least engaged to. Confusing to me because why would he ask these personal questions about my romantic life and then not follow them up with anything. He hasn’t mentioned anything about getting back together so I’m thinking of ignoring him again because I don’t want friends. But I’m wondering if I should talk to him before cutting him out. I’m also grasping onto the hope that we might work because when we broke up he said we can work towards marriage after two years when I graduate. Now that the time is approaching I’m like hellooooo....remember what you said?

If you talk to him before cutting him out, what would you say? Would you remind him that he said he would marry you?

If you talk to him before cutting him out, what would you say? Would you remind him that he said he would marry you?

Hmm good question, actually, I don't need to ask or remind him of anything. He's had 2 years to decide if he wants me. One chance to talk to me is all he gets. I usually give all my exes one chance to meet up and demonstrate change, once that window closes I'm gone for good. Thanks for your help!

Oh of course not, no way in hell would I move to a different state for any man that’s not my husband or least engaged to. Confusing to me because why would he ask these personal questions about my romantic life and then not follow them up with anything. He hasn’t mentioned anything about getting back together so I’m thinking of ignoring him again because I don’t want friends. But I’m wondering if I should talk to him before cutting him out. I’m also grasping onto the hope that we might work because when we broke up he said we can work towards marriage after two years when I graduate. Now that the time is approaching I’m like hellooooo....remember what you said?

He said that about working towards marriage at a different time when you two were still together. Time as passed and it's a different situation now even if you're graduated. Also you'd have to get to know each other again and date properly.

What was the nature of his visit there? Does he have family or work-related business there? It sounds like he was looking for a hookup or just got dumped and backtracking through the black-book to see who's available for quick fling. Everything he is saying is merely string along talk. Don't wait in the wings for anyone. Go back to no contact, he is "dating in his city" and not making any plans with you. Nor is he asking you to move to where he is.

-out of nowhere he informs me that he just landed in my city and asks to see me so I agree to a time convenient for me.

 

-He admits to looking for dates in his city.

-We’ve been texting since then just updates about everyday life.

-I am free to move to anywhere in a few months and he knows this so distance will not be a problem soon.

He said that about working towards marriage at a different time when you two were still together. Time as passed and it's a different situation now even if you're graduated. Also you'd have to get to know each other again and date properly.

He didn't suggest that we talk on the phone or even meet up anywhere to get to know more about each other so...I think it's old news at this point.

What was the nature of his visit there? Does he have family or work-related business there? It sounds like he was looking for a hookup or just got dumped and backtracking through the black-book to see who's available for quick fling. Everything he is saying is merely string along talk. Don't wait in the wings for anyone. Go back to no contact, he is "dating in his city" and not making any plans with you. Nor is he asking you to move to where he is.

He came here to visit a friend for a couple days, he was definitely attracted to me but we didn't hook up or even kiss. Yeah I haven't been waiting and i'm not going to.

Also you'd have to get to know each other again and date properly.

Basically this^^

I doubt anyone would come back after 2 years and say "Let's get married" on the first meet up.....

Perhaps just take it a bit slower and see what comes over the next 2-3 weeks....

Carus*