no idea if im in the right place here. looking for some insights or advice maybe

Hello everyone. I decided I would become a member of this group to see if i can maybe get some outside perspective on my life and situations of possibly being the family scapegoat, and just a scapegoat in general. ive been researching and watching lots of you tube videos on the topic of scapegoating and narcissistic abuse , as well as emotional and psychological abuse and dysfunctional families. i really dont feel like i have anyone i can talk to and trust with pretty much anything that i have bouncing around in my noggin. most people seem to misunderstand me or dont have enough of an understanding of these subjects to give me any kind of insight or advice, and it seems that whenever i bring any topic along these lines up it some how gets me into trouble, in a sense.

most of the information ive come across fits far too well in respect to being a scapegoat, and also a black sheep i think. and then there seems to be a whole load of other things going on. im kinda loosing my cool in a lot of ways and feel like im on the friggin edge at this point. i have no idea who i really am any more and not sure if i ever did. im unbelievably stressed out and conflicted. figuring its cognitive dissonance. e gotten myself into quite a few predicaments, which really wouldnt be so relevant to what i may be seeking here. so im trying to stream line this to really fit a more specific set of points or topics. im probably being redundant. yeah scapegoating, hah, dude, i just dont know any more. l the information fits. but i only have myself and a wall to talk to, and i guess Gods there too.

how am i supposed to tell if im really the family scapegoat? am i just psyching myself out? Im pretty sure i am atleast partially the scapegoat, but i feel like im missing something. like, i know im not perfect either. its like my family and friends for a long time have been talking behind my back. i feel lead on. like people arent straight forward with me. i feel patronized, and belittled. like people keep taking low blows at my psyche in subversive and subtle ways. like i always get asked sideways questions from certain people so they can see how i feel or what i think instead of just asking me directly. I feel at fault for a lot of it, mostly because i handle confrontation horribly, i feel i am being assertive but apparently im being angry. and sometimes i am being angry. it seems that people keep information from that could benefit me in a number of ways. although i suppose its not really there responsibility to tell me or something like that.

also, all of this and more seems to bleed over into my work life and friendships as well, ts not just some subtle interaction occurring on a familial level. and im worried im blowing things out of proportion, that its not as bad as im worried it is. there have also been great and wonderful times with all these different people and situations, but i feel that there is a disparity. and its usually only certain people. i feel spun out and scrambled.

im hoping this makes some sort of sense. i feel like its kinda jumbled and jumpy.

and hoping that im posting this in the correct forum and all that. sorry if im not.

yeah, i just dont quite know at the moment. anyways, any advice or insight would be appreciated, so thanks in advance. hope this makes some sort of sense, not sure what to ask or where to begin. its overwhelming.

peace

Do you live at home? How do your parents get along? Do you have siblings? Do you go to school or work? Is there a trusted adult outside of the family you could talk to?

yeah i live at home. my parents get along fine, ive got siblings, but only one of them is living here. im not like super young or anything. just things have been kinda screwey after college. hell even before that. im basically the screw up of the family. i made a lot of mistakes and all that. basically i feel that my family and friends have this warped perspective of me, and at one time in my life could have been fairly applicable to me, but things really arent like how they think i am , or who i am. yeah ive learned not to trust anyone man. and not really any trusted adults or whoever outside the family , maybe, but i question that. I shouldnt even be at home, im too old for that, but unfortunately thats not the position im in.

from what i feel, i probably have ptsd, after some messed up stuff went down, and after college havent really gotten out much, or worked a regular job. ive been attempting to start my own business which is pretty difficult with all the other stuff, and been working on the side doing construction every now and again when im able and capable to do so. like, rightfully im kinda far out, or eccentric i would call it. but everything i do or say is taken in the opposite direction of what i mean. so idk man. basically im just terrible at communicating or something. i feel played tho, because everyones always saying one thing and doing another. baiting me for information and never being straight forward, which truly isnt for me to decide, but it drives me nuts man. i assume we are all on the same page and then i get sideswiped by the realization that no one understood a single thing i said and some incriminate myself to being some crazy selfish insane person. heck, i guess to a degree i am quite insane.

mostly i probably just need to vent, but i dont want to seem like im complaining, or seeking pity or something, that does me no good. im trying to find for myself applicable solutions and methods, and i have learned some, but am still learning to properly apply them, but being spread so thin, makes having that degree of awareness next to impossible, or at least it feels that way. i feel like im just being ridiculous man. caught in a loop

Can you get a place with some roommates? Why not focus on making as much money with work and part time jobs so you can get on your own a bit more.

Can you give us any examples? Because right now, you're all over the place. You could be an abuse victim, which would explain a lot. But you could also have PTSD, or you could be depressed, paranoid, schizophrenic or anxious, or any other thing. You should probably talk to a therapist, but as Wiseman2 said, how about just moving out from your parents and living by yourself or with roommates? That will put you in charge of your own life for the first time and it will mature you up. So you should do whatever you need to to get away from the sources of your psychological problems as soon as possible.