Vaginismus

Looking for some advice from both girls /guy’s perspective on this...thank you!

So I’ve recently gone to the doctor and as I suspected I have something called vaginismus (muscles tense making sex painful and sometimes impossible). I had already pretty much self diagnosed this a while ago but was two afraid to go see a doctor. But then my first relationship of 2.5 years ended mainly because of this. It had taken us a year to have sex and then was always still painful after. But last half a year was really stressful for me and I couldn’t find the time to work on it. That’s when my ex told me he had enough already and told me I should have “fixed myself” by then. Those words hurt a lot I really was willing to try but the nagging and stress from school had really made me not want to do it as much. Anyway I’m starting dating again now and I don’t know what I should do or say to guys cause it’s going to come up eventually?

Your doctor can offer treatment advice for this. It may include therapy for learning about it and what techniques you could try. Don't proceed to penetration if it's painful. Make sure you are not dating a jerk like this last guy and you are psychologically comfortable in a relationship as well as ready for sex. Make sure there is a lot of oral and manual foreplay and you are comfortable, relaxed and sufficiently aroused.

Well, the question is whether your doctor suggested treatments for your condition. If you have vaginismus, it is usually from stress or anxiety and you can do Kegel exercises to improve your condition. Some women get relief in as quickly as a week, (although your mileage may vary). Web-MD has some suggestions here:

https://www.webmd.com/women/guide/vaginismus-causes-symptoms-treatments

Did your doctor suggest treatments? What are you doing for it? You have to do something for it because chances are it's not going to take care of itself.

My company has been doing a years' long study of vulvodynia patients, and this is a much more difficult condition where pain is involved. Vaginismus is suppose to be only feelings of anxiety. Vulvodynia is actual pain and in extreme cases, very little can be done about it.

Your ex boyfriend was a jerk in not understanding and there is plenty of other sexual stuff a couple can do to build intimacy.

In any event, if you have vaginismus, you need to see if you can alleviate some of the symptoms through Kegel exercises and using your fingers. You can also try taking muscle relaxers like ativan or a mild tranquilizer like xanax to relax. Or just have some wine or smoke some pot before sex. If you're on The Pill, you might try another birth control method since it can lower your libido. See if you find something that relaxes you. The treatment for vulvodynia is the same, by the way, just not as successful.

This exact question/condition was just asked on a doctors' Sirius radio program the other day, answered by an OB/Gyn. The caller said that her doctor provided little help, so the doctor on the radio suggested she continue seeing doctors until she finds one who is more helpful.

Basically, she said that all the lube in the world won't help this condition, as it's a condition of hormones, age, etc., and lube won't help. What is helpful is to ascertain birth control pills (are you on them, are they the right ones, etc.), and other things you can do, such as dilators, estrogen and/or testosterone creams, etc. This doctor spent quite a lot of time answering this question, and gave a ton of examples of different brands/types of creams and methods. Basically, she said that you have to be vigilant in finding a doctor who will work on this with you, rather than one who shooes you out of the office because it's deemed, to them, an "unimportant" issue.

I went through a different female issue a few years ago and was misdiagnosed by 4 of the "best" OB/Gyn's in my city. I even have ultrasounds which are marked completely incorrectly by all 4! It wasn't until I found my 5th doctor, who is actually a Urogynecologist, that I received a proper diagnosis/treatment. He took one look at my ultrasound and knew it was wrong. Long story short, he had me fixed up in a matter of weeks. That was 3 years ago, and it's been perfect ever since.

I even brought in my records from my last doctor who said that because I'm a woman in my 50's, I shouldn't be asking/concerned about sexual intimacy. Written in very impersonal language, i.e. "patient in her 50's asks about sexual intimacy, have discussed that this is unimportant concern at her age". Something stupid like that. The 5th doctor, who by the way was the only male doctor of the bunch, was awesome, understood specifically what I was asking about, and.....fixed it for me.

My point is, don't just trust your doctor. Keep shopping until you find one who is helpful.

I recommend seeing a pelvic floor PT and an acupuncturist seasoned in women's issues. I'm an acupuncturist and I know cases of vaginismus that have been successfully resolved by Chinese medicine. I'm also aware that there are self-care abdominal massages that can be done. Don't give up even if one doctor isn't familiar with how to treat you because there are therapies that can help you. Also, it's worth examining any traumas that you may have for the psycho-emotional aspect of the issue--I always recommend EFT (easy to learn, can find it on YouTube) for any unresolved emotions or stress that may be affecting the area. Additionally, there are graduated sets of medical dilators that can be used for this purpose, as well.